skohp-uhs-thee-zhuh
noun
1. The extrasensory phenomenon of 'feeling' someone or something staring at you.
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- Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
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PresentPerfect
Fanfiction masochist. :B She/they https://ko-fi.com/presentperfect
PresentPerfect
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... Meh. As someone who has Autism, high functioning that it is, I've never felt this way. I'm with Twilight on this one. Maybe not to her level of Twilinanas, but still.
The ending was just so lame that I don't even count it as part of the story. Yeah, the Horror tag is there. But frankly, that ending was so lame and boring, that the tag doesn't work. So everything past this.
I don't count as part of the story. Just the author rambling about something.
Hold up, I'm confused—did Twilight die at the end? If so, damn, that's quite a downer. Came right outta left field, too.
(Or did it? This psych-horror stuff always throws me for a loop...)
Ramblings aside, I enjoyed this quite a bit. I think I preferred the slice-of-life elements over the horror stuff, but I'm pretty sure that's just down to personal taste. Either way, kudos!
:)
I'm torn. Both the commenters before me say that the ending came out of nowhere. I disagree, but I wonder if part of it does.
To elaborate: there are several instances throughout the story where the narration definitely resembles the perspective of an outside observer; it's not in anybody's head, so sometimes it's only pretty sure, not definite, about what feelings are behind the characters' actions. In that sense, I think the end reveal of, yeah, it is actually an unseen observer, is set up fairly nicely.
But this observer is something that's worried about being caught, or so it says. And I have to wonder how well that perspective meshes with the narration, which felt quite detached and clinical to me. Which doesn't seem consistent with the observer worrying about being caught. So I'd say the observer's presence is set up, but not its intent, and I feel like it's more the latter that's meant to be horrific? I'm not sure how much of that is the story's fault. I'm sure some people find the idea of an invisible observer intrinsically unnerving, but I don't think I'm one of them.
So, this is the opposite of a "slow-build" horror story... maybe "hockey stick" horror? The choice of switching tenses and (seemingly) the POV the first person at the end is effective in a certain way, and pretty jarring. Not a big fan of horror at all, but I enjoyed this.
10462706
I can’t speak for Morion, but looking back, I think I was speaking more in terms of tone than I was foreshadowing. You've got a fic about Twilight "twilighting" about something, her friends calming her down, all pretty typical slice-of-life stuff...
...and then, out of the blue, she gets murdered(?) by a random monster. THE END!
I liked the story overall, but I can't say that stylistic choice really meshed with me, y'know what I mean?
Twilight Sparkle continued cheerfully making her checklist. Checklists calmed her. They allowed her to impose order on a hopelessly chaotic world. For every time she had won a great victory over the likes of Discord or Tirek, she had won a thousand little victories in the form of a check mark on a piece of parchment.
But such victories would not help her now. Already doom crept up upon her on silent webbed feet, and no number of carefully planned methodical steps could save her from it.
Only the three of us remained- the princess, myself, and my knife, which I held at the ready. I approached from the rear, where her front-facing eyes could not spot me, yet where her hind legs waited to unleash tremendous pain at the least indication of any threat. It was both the safest and most dangerous path to what I sought- specifically, the gap between the fourth and fifth ribs.
And yet the danger no longer deterred me, for now I knew Twilight Sparkle's mental blinkers kept me safe. All I needed was stealth, and in this the scratching of pen, the rustle of parchment, and the turning gears of a genius's brain were my allies. They kept her oblivious to me- ironic, as I would shortly make that oblivion permanent and total.
I gave a moment's thought to slashing her tendons, then decided against it. I had but one true target, and striking anywhere else would cost me the one guaranteed strike. And now I stood, close enough that a single determined rush and swing of my neck would-
"There you are, you naughty thing!"
What? No! Release me, you interfering harridan!
Twilight Sparkle startled at the sudden sound, turning to face the intruders. "Fluttershy? What are you doing here?"
"I'm just retrieving Billingsgate here," Fluttershy said, holding a thrashing duck in her forelimbs. The knife gripped in the duck's bill swished back and forth wildly but harmlessly, unable to reach anything at its angle. "He got into a batch of toxic berries. I need to get him back to the sanctuary before somepony gets hurt."
"Oh. You know, I never heard him come in?" Twilight asked. "Or you, come to mention it."
"That's all right," Fluttershy said. "I saw you were working on a checklist. You tend to... um... 'zone out'... when you do that."
Curse you for stealing my golden opportunity, Fluttershy! After I have done away with this pathetic pretender to immortality, you shall be next! I shall strike when you least expect it! Let me go so I may bring you your doom!
"Um, Billingsgate sure does quack a lot," Twilight said. "What's he saying?"
"You really don't want to know," Fluttershy said. "Anyway, he doesn't really mean it. And once he's had his medicine, he'll be dreadfully sorry about the whole thing. Anyway, um, if you'll excuse me..." With a little smile she flapped her wings, raising the three of us, her, myself and the knife, into the air, preparing to depart.
But as I am dragged away to endure imprisonment and ipecac, I tell you this, Twilight Sparkle: you shall never again be free from observation! My eyes shall always be upon you! Never again shall you know a moment's privacy, not a minute's piece of mind! No matter where you go, what you do, I, Billingsgate, shall see it! I see ALL!
Anatidaephobia: The fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
* * * * * * *
I have to agree, the tag-line to your story doesn't quite work, but it did inspire this
I liked this, though obviously my take away is a bit different from the author's notes. I can definitely see that perspective, but with the point being drawn to A.K. Yearling's writing, I considered it more like a commentary on fiction and the author. Obviously in horror things are written to bring ill will, or something close to it, to the characters. All those eyes watching Daring Do in such a calm moment is sort of true, given they're written about to be read. Given it'sthe narrator here, that builds up on it for me.
Anyway, while there wasn't a lot of pervasive dread, I think the ending reframes the first reading enough for me to add a gnawing feeling. I kind of wrote about a similar thing in one of my stories. The idea of something you can't see being around you is a pretty powerful, common sense of paranoia.
Obviously this falls apart a bit from the reading you offer in the author's note, but I can see that opening a more interesting thought about the story while taking things out of a horror lens for a bit.
The best way to bring out the feeling of being watched is to put yourself in the shoes of a person exactly like yourself, reading the exact same thing you are right now, on the exact same device, in the exact same room as you are currently in, with the exact same number of invisible ghosts in the ceiling corners of the room watching you...
Except that you are suddenly aware of them.
10462749
I got the same feeling. It just didn't feel like the ending had any build up that I could see. Or maybe I just missed it. Wouldn't be the first time.
This was a good read! I think the only thing I would consider is the ending. I feel like with Twilight being “the odd one out” in the narrative’s situation, it would’ve made more sense to keep her that way. It’s not possible for a person to experience every emotion in their lifetime. Think about it like this: when people watch horror movies, the majority of people watching have never heard screams in real life that they hear in those movies. The screams are only imagined and are generally perceived as such if one has not experienced one of those screams in real life.
Other than that, the emotions the characters expressed were really engaging and all the descriptions were well made. This was a neat short story to read.
The weirdest turn here isn't the horror bit at the end, but that this is a story about autism. Is the thing that is stalking Twilight a doctor with a who is going to jump out of the shadows and vaccinate her? Do autistic people feel like they're being stared at? Or does the fact that it has been ten years and we're all still here mean we're checking off "self-injury" and "restricted interests" just by existing?
And the ending is in the uncanny valley where if it were just a sentence or two it would be a quick turn, and if it were longer it would be a plot twist, but as it is it does neither.
Not bad
I enjoyed this story very much. Not sure the Horror tag applies to this story. In my opinion, this story builds up to terror and anticipation but no actual horror was experienced.
Comment 6 and Comment 10 were especially enjoyable reading.
This story reminds me of those oddly panned scenes in horror movies like “The Boy” and “Hereditary.”
10462902
The opposite of this. :B
Unfortunately, the shorter ending did not track well with focus groups.
10463162
What do you mean by it is the opposite? Also would love to see more of twilight discovering she has autism.
It is? I have autism, and I'm not sure what this story has to do with autism. Was it because Twilight found that others were feeling or sensing something she couldn'?
My Little Pony: Mass Surveillance is Magic
It's taken me a few minutes to process my thoughts on this story. I agree with @ThePinkedWonder that - if this were not specifically labeled as such - I wouldn't have thought to be about autism, since this all tracks for canon Twilight. But it's easy to make the case that Twilight (as depicted in S1/S2 and to a lesser extent later in the show) is on the spectrum, and indeed many do, myself included.
To its credit, a story with a character who happens to be autistic is always better than the cliched "character wakes up, character finds out they're on the spectrum, story concludes with them being on the spectrum", where "on the spectrum" can be find-and-replaced with having numerous other neurodiversities, or with being gay or being trans, etc -- without changing the plot line itself. That sort of "coming out/self-discovery fic" ceases to be interesting after the seventh one you read in a row...
So all in all, upvoting :) Here's to more horse autism~
10463220
Autistic people not knowing when they're being stared at!
I mean, I've never felt it. :B There's a lot more out there than just me, though, if that doesn't track.
I’ve never felt like someone or something was watching me, but sometimes when I’m awake at night for any reason, I feel like there’s someone standing outside my door.
Since the notion that we have some sort of psychic sense that allows us to tell when people are staring at us even when we can't see them at all [1] is, as Twilight says, nonsense, the ending does nothing for me: no magic "stare sense" is going to help Twilight from being snuck up on by Sneaky Monsters. (Of course, since this is about autism, who the hell knows what the monster is supposed to represent. The Dread Demon Social Faux-Pas? )
[1] What we do have is a broader field of peripheral vision than we realize, so if there is someone hiding in that there alcove, we can often tell even if we can't actually see them clearly enough to consciously recognize them. And let's not forget the other senses...
And then monster slipped on smooth crystal floor and broke it's neck. Because in the presence of time-travel capability Twiggles just being killed isn't self-consistent.
10463563
Weird. I have autism and I feel like I 'm being stared at all the time. :(
10463563
Same here I have not been able to tell if someone is staring at me and such. Also autistic.
That ending though. . .
On a different note, I've never actually felt the sensation of being watched - I thought it was just a trope! So is it actually a real thing, then? And no, I'm not standing of a table with my eyes starting wildly and my sides heaving, honest. . .
10464630
Any trope can be reified if read in a horror story before bed~
10464630
Research for this story suggests it's not a real a thing, at least not in the way we generally think of it. :B
10464776
Ah - good to know it's not just me!
Despite Twilight Sparkle having the situational awareness of a turnip (only sometimes limited to whilst studying), she will never be in danger of sneaking antagonists. Because we have seen her in the far future. And, as we all know, Equestria hates time paradoxes.
Oh wait.
Yeah, living counterexample right there. You know, if we count infatuation as love.
I do definitely see where the autism angle lies, but it still feels off for Twilight at this stage in her life. To say nothing of having this conversation now as opposed to any earlier point when she was frustrated by the trope. Plus, as I noted above, Twilight's own experiences contradict some of her assertions... though I can certainly understand her trying not to think too hard about Pinkie Sense given those past experiences.
The ending's fine. A good twist, as far as I'm concerned. It's just that this feels like Season 1 Twilight in Season ≥6 Twilight's body. (Granted, the same could be said for a few episodes, but still.
)
10465459
I tend to forget where things occur in the timeline anymore. :B Twilight is Twilight, what is this 'character growth' you speak of?
Twilight, Spike and Starlight are honestly a perfect trio for writing stories like this though. :) Doesn't matter which of 'em's in the wrong, they fit together surprisingly well. (With the occasional Trixie for surprises.)
How does that make sense?
Wait, what?
Isn't the correct term... Scopophobia?
10602656
That's fear of being stared at. Related, but different.
10464039
Then the Tree of Harmony's Crystal Castle Construct did a backflip, snapped the bad guy's neck, and saved the day!
Like others said, this comes out of nowhere. At least it does if you take it as its been written. For me, it helps to imagine that this isn't actually a malicious observer, but Twilight's paranoia getting the better of her after having been told that not only do Spike and Starlight know the feeling of being watched, but have experienced it at multiple places where Twilight herself has frequented. Like, she's overthinking it and imagining a scenario where she might be in danger and not know it. The fact that the supposedly external POV used Spike and Starlight's names so casually before then using Twilight's full name with the royal title tacked on is one of the things that really makes me think this, plus thinking of it like this actually does more for the horror-esque side of things in my opinion. There doesn't actually have to be something there for it to be scary. The horror can just be the simple fact that Twilight's now aware she can't tell when someone's watching her from her blind spot, and given how her mind works when she's worked up, what could come of that. Would she ever have a restful sleep again after having this kind of revelation brought to her attention? The saying 'ignorance is bliss' exists for a reason.
11012968
That's a pretty neat take on the story! :)
10462759
.