• Member Since 19th Jul, 2015
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SweetBanana


"A story is not a machine that does what you tell it. A story is a beast with a life of its own" - Alan Wake

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Written for the Quills and Sofa Speedwriting Contest #76: Picture Prompt Contest

Juniper Breeze is a normal unicorn mare. She takes classes at a nearby university and works as a shopkeeper. It's a shame she lives in the most supernatural town in Equestria.

Featured in the clean-box on 10/5/2020!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

I get a huge SCP vibe from this. Wonderful well done.

The cover art drew me in on this one (I don't know if you took the picture, but good work on making a Jubilee and Rochdale station look creepy). I'll give this a read later on.

Oof, I really don't like horror but after all we've talked about this, I had to check it out.

This was really good. Has enough detail for you to really feel for Juniper, and vague enough for you to understand the fear.

Well done.

Her pitiful equine night vision failing to spot anything in the murk…

Horses have excellent night vision in real life. I can’t swear that applies to FiM ponies, but, given the size of their eyes, wouldn’t you think so?

NEED MORE STUFF FROM THIS CREEPY AND CRAZY TOWN! YESTERDAY!!!

Seriously fantastic job, Sweet. You've shown your multilateral talents well.

A simple horror story with good flow, very well done atmosphere, rich vocabulary, and mostly solid grammar and spelling—I noticed just one or two sentence fragments and some inconsistency in comma usage.

One thing that stood out to me and momentarily broke me out of the story was Juniper’s trip to the dumpster. Going there seemed like a really dumb idea and unnecessary risk, especially given that it’s cold outside, and dangerous paranormal activies are not uncommon in the town. She could have waited till the end of the shift when she’d head outside anyway, or, if she really wanted that task done, she might’ve just levitated the trash into the dumpster...

Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.

Chills!!!!! <3 i need more, please <3

This was very atmospheric. I liked how the premise was one that made sense for a world with magic and monsters. The way that this unfolded was very natural in the pacing, and Juniper's terror felt very authentic in how you captured it.

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