• Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Jade Ring


I write stories about epic adventures, tender romance, monstrous horrors, boring married couples, weird comedy, unending drama, and passionate boning of both the human and equine varieties.


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Since she was a filly, Twilight Sparkle has sought to solve one of the greatest magical mysteries in Equestria's history.

Now, with the help of her very own student, she might be able to do just that.

But so concerned is she by the thought that she can so something, she never stops to consider whether she should...

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A small bit of horror strongly inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft and Robert Bloch.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

Creepy. I like it. :twilightsmile:

Ooooh, the description says "Lovecraft". Love me some Cthulu.

Reading now. Expect a funny comment somewhere below this one where I wonder why I made this decision.

help her is she was unable

if

Also, you refer to both Ludwig Prance and Ludwing Prance. Pick one.

You are very clearly good at writing horror.

Silly Twilight. Exploring alien and unimaginable realms without adequate protection? That's what grad students are for. :derpytongue2:

Ooh, Lovecraft meets Persona. Or maybe Persona took that extra hour concept from the Mythos, I don't know. Nice and creepy either way.

7266136 Thank you, for the typos and praise equally.

Ahh, good old Lovecraftian horror. Always a fun time!
I also like how Starlight breaks the fourth wall and speaks directly to us, the audience, at the end.

A very well-written story sir! :pinkiecrazy:

56

> it was trying to remember it's purpose!

its*

Also, if you unplug everything electronic, it gets so quiet you hear that high-pitched empty-room hum.

And then the whispers begin.

Well if you think this is scary play SILENT HILL the game that dose the following:pinkiecrazy:
•MAKE
•YOU
•SHIT
•YOUR
•PANTS

I hate it when good writing gets ignored for the sake of a tag.

7269389 A rephrasing of that would make an awesome opening line.

this was a pretty interesting read. been a while since i read something like this.

I really liked this. You did a good job emulating that creeping horror reminiscing of Lovecraft's works.

However, I do feel that the story could have benefitted from having a bit more buildup regarding Twilight's visions while in the Thirteenth Hour. I'm reminded of how Danforth and William Dyer spent quite a while learning about the star-headed creatures that inhabited the ruins of the Antartic mountain ranges before the climax of the story, bringing forth a sense of dread in the reader that keeps building up as they see their understanding of the world crumble in front of them.

For someone as rational and of a scientific mind as Twilight, getting to see their knowledge of reality be challenged by this new information could present some truly chilling moments.

Still, as it stands you did an excellent job. The story still managed to be thoroughly entertaining and creepy.

:pinkiesmile:

7319604 I was going for less of a 'Mountains of Madness' feel and more towards 'Statement of Randolph Carter' feel.

Glad you liked it!

I liked it.

to the fans their is a reading now of it https://youtu.be/qVFu8PisP9g

I'll give you points for effort and care, but the whole thing fell apart for me mainly because I've been reading Lovecraft for decades. So, for me, it was "cute".

But for those of you out there who haven't read decades of Lovecraft, Bloch, Derleth, Smith, and the rest of them, if you liked this, you really should go try the authors who inspired this work. This piece has a lot of the feel of those that came before it. You wont be disappointed.

To the author of this work, please don't take my words as negative criticism. Please do write more.

I've always been fascinated by Lovecraft's nightmarish vision of otherworldly beings of such power and antiquity that they dwarf human reasoning. I would have enjoyed a more vivid description of the world Twilight saw. Perhaps more?

Have a like and an induction into my Dark stories. I can't wait to listen to the reading!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Ending totally made this. Dang.

This was an absolutely FANTASTIC story of otherworldly horror in a way that would fit perfectly alongside Howard Philips Lovecraft and Robert Bloch! :D

Here are my favorite moments:

We pored over the arcane texts in the Forbidden Section for what felt like hours. I read about spells and possibilities that I’d only dreamed of. Did you know there's a hex in there to return youth to the elderly? Another book is just one long math-magical equation that allows one to create life from the lifeless. I recall one book in particular that held sketches that seemed to depict beings whose images made my head hurt if I tried to comprehend them for too long...

I adore when moments of implied worldbuilding occur like it did here. You briefly mention several other things Starlight had found, which allows the reader to wonder about them long after Starlight has already moved on to the next item. In this type of story, where the unknown equals horror, these moments of implication really add a lot of color and create this subconscious baseline of unease that permeates the rest of the story as it builds over time.

The way she told it, she'd been a filly the first time she'd snuck into the Forbidden Section. She'd found De Vermis Mysteriis and had burned an entire night lost in its pages. It was within that she had discovered an idea that had set a blazing inferno in her brain, one that had not been tempered in all the passing years; the Thirteenth Hour.

Wow. That is a heck of a thing to find when you are a filly. I'd imagine that kind of discovery would permanently change a person. Or pony.

I remember the almost manic glint in her eyes when she passed the book back to me, now opened on the source of her obsessions. The Thirteenth Hour, as Prance wrote, was a concept he had stumbled upon while researching methods to get more time to study during the day. His writings referred to an hour hidden between the stroke of midnight and one, a secret sort-of pocket dimension that only a certain few were able to perceive. One's physical being was left behind, but one's mind became privy to a whole new layer of existence. In the realm of the Thirteenth Hour, time itself ceased to be. Using his newfound access to this hidden world, Prance was able to advance his mastery of the magical arts by leaps and bounds.

I love it when these descriptions talk about how such a horror works, because even then, EVEN knowing the basic process, that is still not enough to scratch the surface of the unknown horror. This whole concept is absolutely enthralling. It's a perfect setup so that Twilight can see something that Starlight will be unable to see.

Suddenly Twilight's reasoning for bringing me along became clear; she wanted me to cast a spell on her that would allow her to speak to me while her essence accessed the Thirteenth Hour. That way, I could record her findings and, if necessary, help her if she was unable to pull herself back.

Yeah from this moment on, I felt I knew the type of horror we would experience. The kind that involved Twilight narrating what she was seeing, which detaches the reader a bit from the nightmare that she sees. That doesn't make the expected any less terrifying. :D

She smiled at first. I'll never forget that content smile as long as I live. "Oh Starlight." She'd whispered. Her voice was tinged with something I could only call rapturous joy. "It's everything I ever dreamed."

This was such a sad serene moment because it is doomed to be short-lived and in false hope.

She described with increasing excitement how the world around her looked just like our own but frozen in time. She narrated to me her long trek through the castle while I did my best to keep up with the notes. She described a staleness in the air, like a museum that has not seen a vistor in quite some time. She traversed the castle and then the courtyard, noticing minute differences between our world and the world of the Thirteenth Hour.

I LOVE this. The fact that you don't skimp on detailing the other realm is wonderful and a welcome addition to the horror of the unknown where the reader is left to come up with most of it in their imagination. No, here, the excursion is scholarly, so of course Twilight would detail everything she sees as a Lovecraftian Doomed Protagonist would.

"I don't believe it! Starlight... it's a mountain range! But there shouldn't be any mountains here! They're... they're huge! The biggest mountains I've ever seen! I can't even see the tops! They just keep going and going, higher than the clouds! Wait... there's a pass ahead. Starlight... whatever's calling me is past these mountains! I have to go further."

And now we have the nameless something calling forth to Twilight. Little by little, you build the tension and you take your time, which is highly respectful and results in an even stronger reveal of nightmarish violence at the end.

"He's here, Starlight! He's here with them! They've been her for eons, plotting and planning and scheming! Do you understand?! They've had nothing but time because time does not exist here! The Colour out of Space! The Goat with a Thousand Young! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthugha Fomalhaut n'gha-ghaa naf'lthagn!"

AH the classic Lovecraftian freakout while the mind breaks and spouts as much forbidden knowledge as it can! This isn't even the horror itself! It's the precursor.

Her head lolled horribly then and her eyes found mine. But they were no longer her eyes. They blazed with hate and wicked intelligence, with the malevolent wisdom of the ages! The mouth that was no longer my friend's fell open and hung limply before the jaw was again retracted. I could see the tongue swirling inside the mouth. It twirled in rapid circles like it was trying to remember it's purpose!

THIS...THIS moment is the one that got me. I took my time imagining this extremely foul image and how this something began to control Twilight's body as the portal between worlds. Utterly nightmarish in its twisting desire to live.

It... spoke to me, that thing in Twilight's body, a single sentence in a cracked, ageless voice. The thing's breath was rank and cold, like the air in a long sealed mausoleum. It smiled then and I saw the legs that had last been used fruitlessly to ward off evil from another world beginning to work back and forth like the mouth of the thing and I acted without thinking. My magic grabbed every candle in that room and increased their blaze a hundred fold. I focused the inferno on the thing in the chair and it screamed as it burned. It screamed and flailed and glared at me with murderous, wanton hate!

Starlight acted quickly and in one of the only ways one often can in a doomed horror scenario: by sacrificing the damned.

They will never hear the words I heard the thing speak in the voice not of the Princess of Friendship, but in the mold-encrusted tones of the sorcerer once known as Ludwing Prance!

The words that will haunt my sleep until my dying day.

"You fool, Twilight Sparkle is dead!"

FANTASTIC STORY! Wonderful ending! Beautifully, horrifically written!

Fav'd and upvoted! Wow, what an experience! :D

Fantastically creepy.

Woah. This is good. Is there a sequel?

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