• Member Since 12th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Jake The Army Guy

Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES! ~ Abraham Lincoln


Rainbow Dash's life is pretty sweet right now. She's a full-fledged Wonderbolt, she has a hot coltfriend, and all the fame, fortune, and glory that she could dream of. Yes, Dash is living the dream, all thanks to her being the most awesome mare in Equestria.

However, while on a date with said hot coltfriend, Rainbow Dash learns that there are drawbacks to being so awesome.

My part of a shipping trade between myself and The Fantabulous Mr. Lemur. Eternal thanks go to Marshal Twilight, Captain Unstoppable, and Bad_Seed_72, whose help made this possible.

Cover art graciously done by the insanely awesome KarmaDash!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 96 )

Just a fantastic story! Very funny, well written, and just amazing all together! Great job Jake!

They could always hire changelings.

My brain just broke, but in a good way!

I believe I got odd stares from my family when I started laughing out loud in the middle of the night! :rainbowlaugh:

Good job with the story! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

That was cute, Jake...!
I really wouldn't want to write to THAT EGO of hers like that, since she's so insufferable as it is, but you did a great job with it!

Congratulations, m'boy...it's a Dashie!


Hap #5 · May 5th, 2015 · · ·

" 'm not cute," she pouted cutely.


six Germane suplexes


Well. That went someplace I didn't expect.

Glad to see this out, Jake. Awesome story! :ajsmug:

This was actually pretty funny. Good to see you write something, Jake.

Also, great author's note.

Bioshock #9 · May 6th, 2015 · · 22 ·

For me all of the jokes kept breaking up the flow of the story :facehoof: , but for a one shot story I would have to say it was OK.


But, it's... it's a comedy...


I think he's saying it wasn't funny, Jake.


Manehatten's red light district.

That was funny. Great job with this story.

I'm just saying that some of the jokes felt forced, like the Waifu bit.:pinkiecrazy:

Holy shit, Jake actually wrote a thing! I thought you were bullshitting all of us! :rainbowlaugh:

Everypony's gay for Rainbow Dash! But for real, great piece of humor here, man! This bit especially:

“You ganked my waifu!”

Oh my Celestia! Bwahahaha! :rainbowlaugh: The song was a great touch too!

Rainbow Dash in a bar with four other ponies in love with her: Spitfire, Lightning Dust, Big Mac and Rainbow Dash (not necessarily in that order).

10/10 would read again, excelsior! Also the video fits for the author's note. My only complaint is that I'd like to see some hot Rainbow Mac action, but the story enough is wonderful.

“Look, it’s obvious that you both totally have the hots for me.”
“What?! N-no, I don’t!” Dust yelled.
When Spitfire also denied it, Dash rolled her eyes, turned around, and lifted her prismatic tail as high as she could.


Rousing success my friend. I commend you.


“Eeyup.” Mac leaned in towards Dash. “You know, I still got some of that cloud-walkin’ potion that Miss Twilight gave us.” He paused to give a little nibble on her ear. “You wanna head back t’ yer place and, uh...”

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash pressed hard into him. “Yeah... yeah, I do.”


Faved, upvoted, hired a priest of indeterminate faith to bless my computer. That was great.

>insert slowclap gif here

5945188 You win best comment.

Great to read it again, I will now add the fanfic link to ma Deviantart image woo!

I saw that Mac bit his tongue about making a foursome comment. He was on a roll with those snarky lines. The three death glares he would have gotten probably wouldn't have been worth it for him.

Won't lie I rolled my eyes when I clicked this, expecting the worst. Of course was pleasantly surprised. Writing style is good and humor a solid eight. Very good

I was chuckling through the whole story.

Clearly a foursome was the only correct answer here.

Then again group sex is my answer to most shipping n-drangles.

Cute, funny story. Bravo.


Dash turned back around. “Like I said, you both wanna bone me. And that's fine! Besides, who can blame you? I’m awesome! Shaddap!” She whipped her head to face Mac. “Before you even start.”

Mac just held up his front hooves, running one across his sealed lips.

Those two are perfect for each other, lol. :facehoof:

“Ugh, I think I’m gonna shower in my uniform from now on,” Dash said with a shudder.

In that tight Wonderbolts uniform? Might have the opposite effect :rainbowlaugh:

Small note:
> "Oh, grow up. They were having desert, ya perv."
I think you mean "dessert" :raritywink:


Yes, I'll admit that one was kinda forced. I thought of that joke, but couldn't think of anywhere else I'd be able to sue it. :twilightsheepish:

And once again the day is saved, thanks to everyone's best friend, booze.


I really should take out a warranty on my sides xD You've destroyed them! Tsar bombed them! They're still feeling the aftershocks in Kathmandu :V

Well thanks Jake... I have bits of cinnimon bun up my nose from laughing too hard, thanks to you!:rainbowlaugh:

Oh that was funny. (and hot)

"Now are you convinced?!"

Hey, bisexuality is totally a thing. :raritywink:

In any case, most entertaining. The comedy had some pleasing overtones of Mel Brooks and a hint of oak. Thank you for this, Jake. :rainbowkiss:


An orgy for every quadrant!

Author Interviewer

Sure is casuals up in these comments. :V

I need to shower now

It was bad enough I WANT to sue it as well ...

Lol not one for straight dash shipping but I love your sense of humor. John Trotvolta had me rolling on the floor. My fave part was when both lightning dust and spitfire yelled out rainbow dash's name and began making out. I know you do alot of prereading and it's nice to see you taking up the pen once in awhile! Awesome story!

5944843 There, there. It's alright. Some people just get the jokes flying over their heads.

What a romp! Mel Brooks on MLP or LSD?


meanwhile at the Boutique SPIKE! Rarity!


A fantastic start to mt day! Bravo!

this is awesome. and totally 20% cooler than i thought it would be.

You know you've arrived when multiple ponies want to be you and be with other ponies pretending to be you simultaneously.

Great story, Jake.

To be completely accurate, though, that isn't four other ponies, so that statement is false :trixieshiftright:

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