• Member Since 17th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Captain Unstoppable

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Sherlock Holmes


Rainbow Dash isn’t a traditional mare. She didn’t care to learn how to bake cookies when she was little, or help her mother cook, and never wanted a doll to play with. She was a tomcolt from the moment she was born, acting more like a colt each day. While other little fillies played with their dolls and talked about secret crushes, she was challenging colts to races and beating them.

So when Big Mac moves in with her, how is she supposed to tell the farm pony who was used to home cooked meals that she didn’t know how to cook?

Thanks to,
jszellmer for the edits! I know you must hate me at times.

KarmaDash for always being there for story bouncing.

SketchinEtch for the cover art!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 65 )


ell, spaghetti isn’t say to make Mac!


Since she had been dating Big Mac.though,

Phantom period.

You have this amazing ability to write the MacDash relationship so perfectly. Please, continue to write it. :eeyup::heart::rainbowkiss:

Gotta love that cover image.

Oh lord, don't try spaghetti, Dash! Even out of a beginner book it is not a recipe for someone that is a complete beginner.

Well, spaghetti isn’t say to make Mac!

Great little short story, and I'm really pleased that we've gotten another MacDash author on the site—and a relatively prolific one at that.

3744113 Phantom period? Sounds scary....
Is it worse than a normal period?

.what the heck is bay leaf?” Rainbow Dash asked herself. Shrugging, she decided she didn’t need it; she didn’t know what it was, so obviously it wasn’t important.

Oh, yes, this can only end well. :facehoof:


Yes, they appear at random, set on destroyin stories. They climb in yo windows, snatch yo ponies up, and try t' rape 'em.

3744295 oh crap! We better hide our kids and hide our wives too! They gonna be raping everybody out here!

MacDash is almost impossible to ace, but it's such a cute ship and you write it so perfectly. Please, I beg of you, make more of this adorableness! :heart:


I log off for a few minutes just in case of flames, and when I come back I find rape! Damn you phantom periods! Damn you!!!

And Jake...you just gave my god complex a even greater ego boost. :pinkiecrazy:

jszellmer for the edits! I know you must hate me at time.

You mean times, right?

Why? HOW?!

Dash don't ever cook for no one!:rainbowlaugh:

Lordy Lordy, what have I just read? PURE AMAZING-ED-NESS! That's what. Amazing-ed-ness... It's a scientific term, obviously

3745194 I am sure the picture is very funny, but I can't open it.

Well, I liked it, but there is definitely some room for improvement in the grammar department.

Haha, poor Dash can't cook, but attempts are always good...and funny:rainbowlaugh:
Great fic. Keep on writing.

3745299 Copy the link and paste it in the url. Trust me, you'll laugh.

:moustache:Ah, cooking failures. Just remember Dashie, before you start, make sure you have everything you should need.
:twilightsheepish:Second, don't doubt the book's power, it knows more than you do.
:pinkiesmile:Third, read the recipe first so you know what to do and what each ingredient does.
:raritywink:Fourth, only take shortcuts if you know what the hell you're doing, and you know it works.
Finally, follow the instructions the best you can and hope to the creators you don't fuck up.:trollestia:

3747139 Did you try to copy and paste the address into the URL? That helped me.

I didn't know Dash was related to Sweetie Belle.

That face...is the face i made...when i messed up the brownies I was bakeing.

Miss read the directions...ended up putting half the water and four times the oil:rainbowderp:

I like how in the cover, Dash is just like, "Well, time to get the fire extinguisher..." :rainbowlaugh:

Is Rainbow's horrible cooking skills canon?

Oooh. So Dashie's inability to cook is one of several fanon abilities?

Poor Dashie! At least Big Mac is nice.

3750134 It's Big Mac. He is a super nice guy...unless you mess with his family or marefriend...then your just kind of dead. :eeyup:

I always thought Rainbow can cook easy meals, like sanwish and salads or at last eat make healty meals. In my head canon she can make japanese meals(makis and oniguiris) but only because she does considere it junk food. cool, but junk food nonetheless.

But It still funny.

Huh, and I thought Twilight was the one who couldn't could. Curse you conflicting fan canons!

3750140 True. I almost pity anyone who wants find that out for themselves... :applejackconfused:

3750140 is this a sequel to slow to realize?


She scanned her fridge a few times, pushing objects such as lettuce, beets, leftover hay fries, and all the unlimited apples she could eat from her coltfriend’s farm.

It's a little redundant towards the end. You should scrap either 'unlimited' or 'all she could eat.'

“Granny and Applejack already have a place set at the dinner table for us, we just need to get their before Bloom eats it all herself,”


Rainbow just <let> out a small squeal at the sudden kiss. Even though the had been together for five months, anytime Mac did some sign of affection, being a sudden kiss or surprising her with a gift of some sort, <he> made her revert to some kind of love struck filly.

Missed a couple words, and it should be 'they' and 'love-struck'.

“But again, don’t get used to it,” she also stood up and, leaning against one another, <they> started to make their way towards the farm.

Since it's an action tag, the speech should be ended with a period instead of a comma. Added 'they' to the second part of the sentence since it lacked a subject.

Enjoyable read though. Don't let my corrections make you think I didn't have a good time.

Comment posted by Xion_Stellar deleted Jan 8th, 2014


The cover is basically a reference to the Simpsons Season 7 Episode 20: Homer The Smithers

Stems from the early days of the fandom, when there was a competition to write a story about one of the characters cooking really really badly
The winning entry was this: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/08/story-worst-bakers-in-equestria.html
It was an amazing story and forever cemented in the minds of the fandom how truly terrible RD was at cooking.

3754962 I Remember that fic. Well, it won't be long until season 4 is over. *sigh* I wish I became a brony sooner.

Ever eat a big bowl of spaghetty and founda strange leaf or part of a leaf mixed in with the sauce? Its a really hard leaf, and kinda sharp too. That is the Bay leaf, its added to the sauce while its cooking to add flavor, your not sposed to eat it though. :D It is considered super lucky to get the bay leaf on your plate when having a pasta dinner. :moustache:

3750140 - Or if you get the eldest of his sisters preggo, then you'll be mangled before you die.

:rainbowlaugh: That cover art tho! Very comedic :yay:

Brilliant fic. Sweet and simple.

"Get the fire cloud!" Best line ever!

This is not how you write Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash would not give a crap about cooking, and she would proudly declare she ain't got time for that frou-frou stuff. And why can't Big Mac cook? I'm sure he knows how.

Here's a paragraph from your story:

“I’m sorry Mac!” Rainbow blurted out, cutting Mac off as the last moment. “I was trying to be a good marefriend by making you a home cooked meal, but I don’t know how to cook! So I went to Twilight for help and she lent me a book about easy recipes. Well, spaghetti isn’t easy to make Mac! It’s actually really bucking hard! I know you are used to cooked meals, but I don’t know how to cook, I’m a horrible-” This time, it was Rainbow Dash who was cut off when a strong foreleg wrapped around her and pulled her into a tight hug.

And here's a paragraph from another story. The character is Rarity-esque, Rainbow Dash's polar opposite.

“I was trying to cook you dinner, and I made a mess of it,” I said, feeling horribly embarrassed. I hate being embarrassed, so I snapped, “And I decided that that doesn't matter. Because you know what? I work five days a week, and I work my ass off. And I make more money in one night then Ellie and Jill make in a month, and I'm a damned good dancer, and I've won awards for my singing, and I am smarter than either of them! So, if you wanted a woman who can cook you a homemade meal, you really should have been smart enough to pick a different woman!”

Which one sounds more like Rainbow Dash?

When a character that is the character you're writing's polar opposite sounds more in character, you're doing it wrong.

Yikes what's with all the hate? I am a girl myself and don't see the big problem here I mean if you don't learn how to cook you will starve to death when living on your own. So cooking is something you need in life I am sorry feminists but you have to learn to cook if you want to live out on your own. Sorry you are getting so much hate for this dude cooking is a needed skill in life and these people see it as sexist if a girl learns how to cook.

4228135 Lol thanks, but I really don't care for flames. Most of the time I find them funny beyond much else. I am glad you enjoyed the story! I have been called sexiest a few times because of things like this, of little plots I find funny but people seem to blow up about. Such as the over protective brother, I love that gag! But at last, others do not.

Thanks for the love and just remember, hatters gonna hate.

4142541 I hope you will forgive me if I disagree with you on this point. There is a time and a place for Out Of Character moments as long as there is a reason for it. It might not be a logical reason, but if there is a reason, than doing so is not wrong. Remember that reading started out as something OOC for Rainbow and something she said was for eggheads like Twilight Sparkle. Now her love of the Daring Do series is an accepted part of her character. This story is another time when it is appropriate for Rainbow Dash to be acting outside of her normal range of behavior. She wants to impress Macintosh and feels that making him a home cooked meal is the way to do it. Her assumptions about what she needs to do to make Macintosh like her might be incorrect, but there is still a logic to it. No one, either in real life or in good writing, is 'in character' 100% of the time and insisting that an individual be 'in character' regardless of other circumstances can easily cause that person to become a boring, one-dimensional piece of cardboard that never grows or changes. Yes, Rainbow Dash will be in character most of the time, but that doesn't mean that she has to be in character all the time.

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