• Member Since 20th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 18 hours ago

Night--Mist


Son of Princess Luna. A Bat Pony Alicorn who's small for his age.

E

Spitfire has taken time to show Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust around after graduating at Wonderbolt Academy. When she has them try something new she brewed up, something happens none of them saw coming.

Warining: diapers, age regression and cuteness involved along with some comedy. Do not read if your heart is not strong enough to take it. Please read and give me positive comments and constructive criticism as always. Hope you enjoy the story.

A special thanks to ShadowBlades for the image to this story. Another special thanks to Maroonlover for editing my story.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 190 )

A good start but that last sentence block can be broken up.

3346175 I'll see what I can do.

That was funny! :rainbowlaugh: Guess we gotta figure something out to get them back to normal, if that's at all possible!
I like it, it was funny. Keep it up!

A good start. But it sort of feels like a rehash of another one of your stories.
Not saying that's a bad thing. I tend to do the same.

Keep the chapters coming and always remember that you are awesome! With love Asabrasa

What's life without risk well now Rainbow and Lightning have a longer life to live to do risk if the cure isn't found good job keep the chapters coming. :pinkiehappy:

3346337 Will do. Hope to see your next chapter on Foal adventures soon. You always keep me wondering what will happen next.:rainbowderp:

Dont take any offence to this because its not meant to offend. But i cant really...understand your writing style, it feels rushed in my eyes. It feels as though the pacing's off or something, cant quite place it....i just...dunno.

didn't you already make a story about this?.....

3346908 No. You're thinking of Super Stallion.

3346939 not raising rainbow or something like that?....

3346945 Look at his stories and you'll get your answer.

3346985 i see none of the stories we're talking about here , so that clarifies about the author being him , but there is still a story about this same basic thing.....

Comment posted by Darkentrophy deleted Oct 14th, 2013

"How do you two feel now?" Spitfire asked them.
"I don't... feel any different," Rainbow Dash said.
"Do I look any different?" Lightning asked.
"You still look like a wing pony to me," Rainbow Dash joked making them all laugh.

This wouldn't happen to be a Shrek joke would it? Perhaps the second one?

3347417

yeah it is, slightly altered though

3347512 Eeyup.:eeyup: That's what I was going for.:twilightblush:

So cuuttteeee! A little bit of punctuation and grammar I saw in there I think. Wait, so was Soarin with the other Wonderbolts when the foal Rainbow and foal Lightning were shown or no? It is kind of odd that Rainbow and Lightning have both been orphans for a few years.

3349450 No he wasn't with them, and Rainbow and Lightning were pretty much adults before this, so adoption wasn't needed before now.

3349468
I wonder how Soarin will react to Spitfire keeping Rainbow and Lightning as babies for now. I meant to say a few grammar and punctuation errors is what I think I saw. Sorry. It would have made more sense to space the years as to when they became orphans. They already have enough similarities as is.

Good opening to this.

Hope you make more of these chapters.

AND SOON!!!!!

I hope you don't take forever on this one just like Sisters Of Magic

Soarin was quick to diaper them and soon the foal fun began.

Well good, it's a mircale they didn't already have an accident. :twilightoops:

MMMMMMOOORRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gifted diamond dogs.

Nice pun :rainbowhuh: : Why is Lightning there Me : it was the authors idea :raritystarry:I love the diamond dog pun :twilightoops: Wait.... am I a princess in the story?? :yay: : SSSOOO CUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is so cute.

You're fics are always worth it, Night - Mist

As well as this fiction.

make sure you don't forget about Twi and Trixie in "Sisters Of Magic

Cute and to bad they cant fly now, although this chapter was a bit short for me it was pretty great. :twilightsmile:

At least Scootaloo doesn't know about this, I'm not sure if she can suddenly be the big sister.
...
Scootaloo's gonna find out about this isn't she?

Errors in punctuation. I don't think I saw any in grammar though. This chapter was cute, but they kind of didn't act the way I thought they would. I expected trouble and maybe a curse word or two at the competitors. But, at least they thought of what would happen if they started trouble. I would guess Spitfire is on her way to get something foal-related. Not a cure. The addition of Scootaloo would bring some problems maybe, such as not wanting to see her role model as a baby, disliking Lightning Dust for all she has done, and not accepting Spitfire and Soarin as her parents at first if she is adopted.

3384380 Maybe, maybe not. You'll have to wait and see what new twists I put to the story.

3384531 Yes, Spitfire is on her way to get some foal-related stuff and a few other things. Concerning Scootaloo, if you think about it, she doesn't know about Ligthning Dust, and concerning the part about being a big sister, I think she would enjoy it, and find the whole scene to be cute, if she finds out about it. I mean if she wanted to be close to Rainbow for the sole purpose of wanting to fly, I don't think she really would have gotten into that sisterly bond kind of deal in season 3. Plus, she'd probably think, if she gets adopted by Spitfire and Soarin, it would be the coolest thing ever, because how many fillies get to say their parents are the captain of the Wonderbolts and her right hoof pony and husband? You'll have to wait and see what happens in future chapters.

I wish you could make your fic chapters a little faster.

It would be my Christmas wish,

Also, try to make them as long as possible, I want to absorb so much cuteness that I burst.

3388401 Sorry, but work eats up a lot of my time, so you have to be patient. Next Chapter will be up by the end of the month, I promise.

3391895

Alright then, I see you're busy with your job

So i guess I'll have to wait then.

Comment posted by Night--Mist deleted Oct 25th, 2013

I'll admit, that was pretty cute.

3415047
Thanks, took me forever to get rhymes that worked for Zecora.

Can't wait to see more of this happy family. :heart:

Beautiful chapter, Nighmist

:yay: definitely worth the wait.

3416020
Sorry it took so long, but it's kind of hard to find a sentences that rhyme when it comes to Zecora that would make sense for the scene.

If I can not rhyme, that is not fine.:twilightblush:

See Spike this is why you shouldn't touch stuff that isn't yours.:eeyup:

Good chapter. Not very descriptive though. Sorry, just had to say. Few errors in punctuation and grammar, which is very nice. Everypony seemed so...calm throughout this chapter. Not very much emotion, like all the events weren't as big as they actually are. Scootalo's role model is a baby now. The one pony she could look up to isn't even able to talk or use the bathroom correctly anymore. Where is the shock from knowing you probably can't ask them for advice anymore? Twilight didn't seem all that worried there wasn't a cure. She should be the first one to worry! An Element of Harmony holder isn't old enough to use theirs anymore. Think about what effect this would have on Equestria. A villian could show up, and start causing a panic. Nopony wold be able to do a damn thing about it. I understand a villian will probably not be in this story, but Twilight is known for worrying about what happens in the future. So, she acted out of character. Scootalo should act a little bit different than she was towards Spitfire and Soarin. Scootalo should believe she isn't worth being adopted because even the very caretaker of the orphanage talks badly of her. An emotional scene with Spitfire and Scootalo talking would have been lovely, with Spitfire telling the filly how great she really is. Have to add, Spitfire did act in the correct way about the orphanage caretaker's abuse to the children who live there. To be honest, I don't see much conflict in this story...at the moment. Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust wouldn't just let all the work to become Wonderbolts be thrown away. They would demand Spitfire find a cure. Everypony just lets whatever problem comes their way not affect them by much. And, the bruises on Scootalo didn't get brought back up again. And, there were two things that annoyed me. Spitfire called Scootalo "kid" after she adopted her. I don't know many mothers who call their children "kid". Spitfire actually knows Scootalo's name, but still called her "kid". The problem with this is that the child wouldn't feel like a part of the family, just somepony you have to take care of. It would basically be like living in another orphanage without all the other orphans. And, Scootalo joked when she called Spitfire her mother. Those two things made the adoption seem fake, as if they were just role playing.

3417667
I see a lot of reasoning in your logic that you would want the story done in a certain manner, but there are two words that gives me the power to have everypony act the way they do in these chapters. Alternate Universe. Some of the characteristics that you see in the show may not show in stories like this at some points. Heck I could decide to make them evil if I want, but that won't happen. I will try and change a few thing though, thank you for your input.:twilightsmile:

3418348
Is it an alternate universe where everypony is calm about almost everything? It hasn't really shown itself to be an alternate universe yet. Sure, a few things are different. But, not enough to decide its another universe. There needs to be more emotion in this story is the point I'm trying to prove here. The ponies just act happy in situations where that would be the last thing they should feel. It is kind of boring watching them all be so okay with what are real problems going on.
Examples:
Your friend turned into a baby=okay. I bet they are cute.

Two ponies will have to go through life again, and wait to complete dreams that almost happened=doesn't matter because you are going to get some new parents when you had already been adults.

I don't see a conflict. You kind of ended what could have been the problem by saying there isn't a cure for their regression. The story would be a lot more interesting if you went into their heads. Make them feel sad, angry, happy, and all the other emotions to make it realistic for the characters. Make them have doubts for their decisions. Make them have arguments with each other.

Interesting scoot adoption as well.

3418652
Hmm, you do have a point to all of that, but too many people have read this already. I don't know how I should correct this without completely throwing readers for a loop.

3422354
I made some corrections I think may have helped in chapter 3. Can you read it real quick and see if it helped.

That orphanage is so cruel. It's a mircale it still exists. :twilightoops:

3424541
You think about it, when given inspection, they act all sweet and make sure the orphans stay in line to make sure they stay open. But eventually, someone will slip up. And now Spitfire's got the goods to take them down.

I say we burn the Orphanage and take the foals out... maybe not in this sequence :twilightsheepish:

Some errors in grammar, but just a few. Gotta give ya some props! More emotion in this chapter. See how it really bumped up your writing! Would have been nice if you went into more detail with Scootalo's nightmare, but that's only what I believe. An excellent moment of mother and daughter shown in this chapter. So, Scootalo wears diapers? Okay. Hopefully, the rest of the Mane six will show off more emotions that deal with their personalities when Rainbow is shown. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie will hug and kiss her for being so adorable! Rarity will want to create dresses for her...with Rainbow yelling "No!" to it all the way. Applejack...I expect her to get angry at Spitfire for not having a cure for the regression when it was her potion that caused it. The other CMC will probably wish to babysit the foals with Scootalo.

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