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An entry to Admiral Biscuit's not-a-contest for ponies with day jobs on Earth.

Now with an audio reading from StraightToThePointStudios! Big thanks!

Edit:
Wow! Hit number one in the feature box while still number one in the new column! (Achievement unlocked?) Thanks for the comments and the votes, everyone, I love you!

Flurry Heart's Crystaling didn't quite go as planned. After vanishing in a powerful magical surge, she became the most high-profile missing pony case in Equestrian history. Twilight leads the search to find her, before it's too late.

Unbeknownst to her, Flurry has already been found, by an unfortunate human who happened to be hiking near the place she appeared. Flurry Heart's magic is irresistibly powerful, and soon changes all around her to suit her whims. Soon Flurry's rescuer is fighting to reverse the magic, before the authorities notice and separate him from the only possible source of help.

Cover by Zutcha, editing by the Eevees in the hood Two Bit and Sparktail.

Updates most Tuesdays.

Note: This story was written as a commission for the generous patron of the arts Crescent Pulsar. If you'd like one of your own, feel free to PM me.

Following his tumultuous defeat, King Sombra is flung across space and time to exit out a human's malfunctioning toaster. For weeks, Sombra monologues his revenge to destroy those that hurt him. But seven months later, when a route back to Equestria is found, does he not seem all that interested in returning.

Edited by spigo.

Prequel: The Roommate From Tartarus
Side Sequel: (Not My) Home Sweet Home

Update: labelled as complete. The last three chapters will remain as bonus chapters.

Scootaloo has a secret. One that she's been hiding her whole life, and after the royal wedding has no choice but to share.

Apple Bloom has a secret. One that she's been hiding for six months, and is still terrified of.

Sweetie Belle has a secret. One that she's been hiding for... well, she doesn't know how long, and is looking for answers to.

So what happens when three not-ponies find out their friends aren't ponies either?

Well, one thing's for certain: they're going to have to come up with a new name for their club. Hopefully one better than the title.

Cover by Crimsion Ink

First few chapters edited by metallusionsismagic, AppleTank, and the last few chapters edited by Crocoshark, Bahamuttone

Featured May 30, 2015!

Clover the Clever never asked for his life to get so complicated.  It was bad enough tricking a drunk Imperatrix Celestia, war goddess of the Three Tribes, out of her accidental coup against Queen Platinum.  But now the most dangerous pony in Equestria has returned to trade her claim on the sun for a chance to woo him.

On top of that, his erstwhile mentor Star Swirl the Bearded has saddled him with a mysterious magical necklace and a uniquely bleak and pointless prophecy: If he's brave enough, and if he's clever enough, he just might survive Celestia for long enough to break her heart.

Now with an audio reading by ScarlettBlade!

Recommended by PresentPerfect! "horizon gave me the story I needed rather than the one I wanted ... along the way we get some very strong lessons about love, and meditations on the value of a lifetime and what one pony can achieve on their own."

Featured on Equestria Daily!

First place, "Out of Time" Writeoff! (11/2015) At long last, expanded to novella size! The world-spanning, centuries-spanning romance as it was always meant to be told!

PRAISE FOR THE WRITEOFF VERSION:
"One of my favorite depictions of Celestia in a long time." –billymorph
"To the top of the ballot with it." –AugieDog
"There’s going to be a lot of tears shed when this one hits publish." –Georg
"You need to read Time Enough For Love. I literally swore out loud when my computer crashed when I was halfway through, and then I immediately whipped out my smartphone to finish it. And now I'm reading it again in a desperate attempt to figure out how it does its job so damn well." –Bachiavellian
"I can get behind some historical revisionism for such a brilliant story. The writing is second-to-none … I laughed, I cried, and I felt other things too." –Trick Question

Cover art by Nadnerb.

Like many fillies without a cutie mark, Trixie finds herself feeling aimless and unsure of herself. Naturally, she dreams of something big and hopes it has to do with magic. But the lessons at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns are difficult and some of her fellow students are relentless in their bullying.

While pondering how exactly she is meant to discover her special talent, she meets a creature who seems to wield a great and powerful magic and has an answer to every question, especially the odd ones. And especially the ones Trixie never asked.

Nice clothes? Check. Bouquet? Check. Prettiest little nurse girlfriend of all time? Double check!

All that needs to happen now is for this big romantic surprise date plan to go off without a hitch. She'll be swept off her feet by dinner at a fancy restaurant, feel as special as she deserves to, and know that she is loved beyond a shadow of a doubt. It'll truly be a special night.
Well, assuming nothing goes wrong, but why would it?
No, of course not! Everything is definitely going to go perfectly according to plan.

Amazing art by Ezoisum, who you should go check out. Will take down if requested.

We all know how this goes, don't we? Some unlucky schmuck goes to a Halloween party or convention dressed up as someone evil, gets sent to Equestria, and then ends up antagonizing the locals.

Well my story goes a bit differently. My name is Isaac Donohue, and after a night of drunken partying that I STILL can't remember, I wake up in Equestria fifteen hundred years before the events of canon with five seemingly random superpowers:

Angelic Physiology, so I'm frickin gorgeous now. Oxygen Independence, so I don't need to breath. Asexual Reproduction, just call me Mister Mommy why don't you...Bubble Breath, something useless that I rarely use. Power Replication, otherwise known as a game breaker.

So anyways I befriended everyone's favorite draconequus Discord, and we made such beautiful chaos together. Well, it was more of me trying to reform him before he got stoned by the Princesses in an effort to change history for the better. What a waste of time that was, and as a result of this I got petrified as well for being his accomplice. Can you believe that?

Since I'm free, I've decided to settle down and rule a kingdom of my own. I'm sure there are enough tyrants in the world that need to be overthrown despite Sunbutt's best efforts. But if there aren't any, I'm pretty sure I can steal the Crystal Empire from Sombra before Shining Armor and Cadence do.

The only problem is, THE LAW WON'T STOP CHASING ME!

A LoHAV story that I'm writing as I go on.

ANNOUNCEMENT 6/4/2017: I'm sorry, but this story is cancelled. This has been a long time coming. As I've progressed as a writer I look back on this story with increasing amounts of disgust. Still, I know people enjoy it for some reason which is why I'm leaving it up for posterity's sake. Maybe I'll completely rewrite it from the ground up in the future, but that time is not now.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders decide they need to expand their numbers, but things quickly go awry when their first target begins sobbing on the spot. Sweetie Belle soon finds herself roped into hanging out with the young colt.

Can Sweetie Belle see past the young colts weirdness and allow friendship to bloom? Can Button Mash fake enough normal behavior to make at least one friend? Will these two hit it off, or are Button’s only friends destined to be the ones in his video games, forever?

Cover art by users Vallis and Novel-Idea

Set only a week after the banishment of Princess Luna to the moon, the realm of Equestria is in a state of upheaval. Celestia's royal guard attempt to regain control over the vast empire once ruled by dual monarchs, and the young alicorn's actions as a ruler have become a subject of scrutiny after her sister's attempted coup. Two factions have risen in the turmoil: The Knights of the Sun and The Bright Moon.

Far away from the political infighting and sword rattling exists a small mining town on the outskirts of Equestrian territory. Where once the royal guard would have no trouble fending off raids from bandits or other criminals, the panic of the capitol has caused a withdrawal of military forces to more essential cities and trading ports. Completely undefended and without a spell or sword amongst them, this town was soon overrun by a band of bi-pedal canines calling themselves the Diamond Dogs. As brutal as they are lazy, the Diamond Dogs have forced the local population to work until collapse to collect gems from the town mine.

Outraged by his inability to fend off these bandits and thieves, a young unicorn named Bone Marrow tries with all of his might to find his purpose in life - his cutie mark - and hopes that it will be enough to drive off the invaders of his home. He will soon discover that his special talent is far more than he bargained for.

((A Sequel will begin for this story as soon as I finish I Am a Pet Changeling. Stay tuned on Discord! https://discord.gg/nDXd3AB ))