Chapter 7.5: Later that Evening...
“Kazi…” grumbled Bear Bone through his hooves.
“Hey, I never said it was going to be easy, just that we’ve dealt with worse. And do you honestly think this thing’s a real threat?” replied Kamikazi.
“No, but I still think this is a sign that we should have gone the long way,” said Bear Bone as he looked at their opponent: a talking tree.
“Mwahahaha! Bow before the mighty LOG!” cried the tree.
“What is it with all the weird trees we run into anyway? I mean, first there was that orange tree with a monkey twice as big as it was, then that one that was next to an oasis but was somehow dying of thirst, then it was the giant tree big enough to hold a wonderbolt show inside,” complained Kamikazi.
“All shall know of my awesome might and cower in fear!” cried the tree.
“I don’t know, Kazi. And really, you can’t stay mad at the one from the oasis. It really wasn’t its fault. Trees don’t exactly have brains, you know,” said Bear Bone.
“Well, that probably explains this guy, at least,” said Kamikazi with a smirk.
“Hey! Stop ignoring the mighty LOG!” cried the tree.
Bear Bone and Kamikazi sighed.
“Right, sorry. So, Mr. Log, what exactly are you planning to do with us?” asked Bear Bone.
“I am the mighty LOG, not Log! For too long you stupid ponies have been slaying my brethren! For this, you shall pay!” cried the tree.
“Uh huh, sure. It not like we grow more of you as well or anything. But tell us, how exactly are we going to pay?” asked Kamikazi with an eye roll.
“I shall raise a mighty army of trees, and we shall march on to conquer your nations for ourselves!” cried the tree.
Bear Bone and Kamikazi shared an awkward look.
“Er… Mr. Log? How exactly do trees march?” asked Bear Bone as politely as he could manage.
“Again, I am LOG! And it is simple! You two pitiful ponies shall craft mighty vessels for us to traverse the lands that are rightfully ours!” cried the tree.
“And how exactly are we supposed to build anything in the middle of the Everfree forest?” asked Kamikazi.
“With wood, of course!” cried the tree.
Bear Bone and Kamikazi facehooved.
“Ok, this thing is now officially in the top ten dumbest creatures we’ve ever run into,” groaned Kamikazi.
“Mr. Log, I for one am all for a (*cough* non-violent *cough*) pro-environmental movement, but doesn’t your plan basically call for more of what you’re trying to stop?” asked Bear Bone.
“How many times must I tell you, I am LOG! And sacrifices must be made in the pursuit of justice!” cried the tree.
Bear Bone shook his head.
“Alright, I tried. It’s clear that there’s no way to reason with this tree, but I’m not sure if we should destroy it or not. We should probably stop it from causing trouble, but this is just really sad,” said Bear Bone said with a sigh.
“It’s saying it’s going to conquer Equestria, destroying it would probably be a mercy kill more than anything, and most importantly of all, it’s annoying me. I’m blowing it up,” announced Kamikazi as she tossed out a fire bomb.
BOOM!
“Ahhhh! Curse you ponies! My brethren shall avenge me!!” cried the tree as it burned.
“Bark no! It’s about time someone shut you up, Log!” called a voice from nearby.
“I... am... LOG!!!!” cried the tree before it burned away to ash.
There were several cheers from nearby trees.
“Thank you, kind travelers for removing that utter waste of soil! Here, take this golden acorn as a reward,” one of them declared.
Bear Bone and Kamikazi looked around in disbelief, then at their newest piece of treasure, and then towards each other.
“Take the acorn, move on, and forget this ever happened?” suggested Bear Bone.
“Nah, I’m definitely putting this one in the adventure log. Why would we want to forget the time we managed to help nature by burning down a tree?” said Kamikazi with a smirk.
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Was Log a reference to Naruto Abridged? Because that's like the one joke I remember is Sasuke vs. The Log.
Haha these two are the best
"I'm trying to think of a joke about trees." Tom barked.
I told you to LEAVE me alone!
So I guess those trees are:
-Orange tree with Congo the Ape on top of it from Mumbo's Mountain
-Trunker from Gobi's Desert
-The giant tree that you climb in Click Clock Wood
Glad to see these two lich ponies appear briefly after the previous chapter.
HA!
Lol
I definitely wouldn't mind a spin-off series with Bear Bones and Kamikazi. I'm still trying to figure out what show they're based off though.
Lol
7783214
Oh! so it was another Banjo-Kazooie reference. Because I thought it was a Golden Sun reference since there's a similar quest after leaving Vale.
I have now been sufficiently amused for this evening.
And now I gotta go replay the game again. Smiling too much from reading this!
I miss Banjo and Kazooie.
Wait, Kazi has a fire bomb with her all this time? Good thing Scootaloo and Applejack did not see it.
7783558 I guess you didn't catch her personality beforehand.
I have never played Banjo Kazooie. Ever. In fact the earliest Nintendo console I owned was a GameCube. I haven't even seen an N64 until a couple of years ago when I played Mario Kart 64 at a responds house in between MGS3 sessions. Now I want to play Metal Gear.
7783179 ... It's Log from Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts- the two liches are like an Equestrian Banjo and Kazooie after all.
I'm just sad we haven't seen Grunty yet, rhyming or otherwise. Wait, rhyming- Zecora as Grunty... Welp, now I can't unsee that. Then again, maybe they could have just been classmates in Cauldron College.
7783796 Makes sense. The only Banjo Kazooie game I played was the one on Gameboy Advance, if I remember right. I think it was called Gruntilda's Revenge. The one where you had to go back on time.
Or former best friends.
Zecora as Grunty. What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Huh. So I'm not the only one re-playing Banjo-Kazooie right now.
Ahh. That'd explain why I don't recognize it. I've never owned a Microsoft console.
...? I still don't see it. Do these rely on characterization which was added after the move off N64?
Shots fired!
You're damn right, you are.
Okay whew. had me worried for a moment. i thought there was gonna be a bit about AB happy about the days events until a big bad voice from the ether or her reflection tells her it's futile or something......
Obviously this tree has been watching Naruto abridged and got delusional. Mercy kill indeed.
...
Okay...
I'm somehow kind of feeling like this:
Yay, I was right!
7783403 Banjo-Kazooie.
7783209
Why would we ever LEAF you alone?
That 2 last chapters were pretty swank and gave us the lich adventurers. I'm still kindda curious - if Apple Bloom is able to swim in earth due to beeing an Earth Pony Ghoul, then what are the perks of class G to other pony tribes? Unicorns are relatively easy to predict - no downsides to using dark magic or some necromancy adjustment. But what would a pegasus get? Undead pegasi in general eather would feel handicapped [no new feathers growing out] but what could they seriously get?
I wonder what applications will Applebloom get for moving underground. I can already see Diamond Tiara beeing afraid on walking on the floor for it beeing evil or something...
Now that I recognize the references, the last two chapters just got so much funnier. Now if you'll excuse me, I got a console to dig out and a great series to marathon.
And please do that spin-off. You nailed the personalities.
7783575 That was my first thought too...
At this I started laughing so hard, that my anti brony brother asked what I was laughing at. When I read it to him, he cracked up too
7787372
Spitballing here.
Ghouls are associated with Necromantic and Dark magics. So things both related to the Dead, and to negative/evil spelltypes.
You've probably already placed unicorns. Either an attunement change, or an affinity gain.
Earth Ponies get to Earth Dive, which is like a grave. As AB put it, burying herself. A little related to the dead. Spooky for rough sake?
So my guess is pegasi would likely either gain a ghost ability (Flying, intangible) or possibly even poltergeist abilities. (Controlling objects nearby instead of clouds)
The only other possibility I can think of is that ghouled pegasi get something like Earth Dive but similar to cloudwalking/weather control. They get to control the dead in the ground. Bones erupting spookily from everywhere! But that's silly and impractical.
7790809 Hey, that would actually make sence. Ghost abilities, like becoming invisible and going through some objects, like walls would really make sence in that regard.
7783575 What the hay did I just watch?
7791145 Classic Ren and Stimpy. It always was a bit chaotically insane and very adult oriented.
That tree was clearly sapient. And despite what he said, he was clearly no threat to anyone. Killing him was murder.
7791335 Huh. I thought that was it. Mostly because the suggestions at the end of the video were a bunch of Ren and Stimpy.
Oh, bear and bird, how I miss you.
In any case, glad I'm caught up with this story. Fascinating mystery and headcanon aplenty.
Now I'm hoping you'll write a spin-off about these two.
Banjo and Kazooie didn't have as much banter between them. Granted, they didn't talk a whole lot, but still...
I just saw the old man in the cave saying "It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!"...
Never played Banjo Kazooie (I think that's what I read said they were) but this chapter makes me wanna play it. I couldn't stop laughing when the other trees were cheering. And then the way Kamikazi described it was it.
so.. they run into Treant Protector but.... wimpier
Correction it’s treant protector but combined with Wheatley....
If LOG supposedly made every game, and THIS LOG is simply dumb evil, is THAT why Equestria doesn't have video games?
Now that you mention it, there IS a surprising amount of tree related shenanigans in that game...
Evil Ents? Maybe I besmirched his intellect too-
Scratch that, I didn't insult you ENOUGH! For one, you really expect these guys to help you when you are trying to plot their doom? And like Kablooie said, what would they build with?
But... tree... chopping... angry... HUH?! How in world have you not thought this through AT ALL?!
Never agreed with that logic for anything, but at least you aren't QUITE as block-headed as I thought...
YES! Enough with the idiocy!
SEE?!?! Even your OWN kind think you're a moron!
Not often, Kablammo... though I'm suprised it's not more common...
HOLY JIGGY THEYRE BANJO AND KAZOOIE HOW DID I NOT GET IT!?
*Punches past self*
8338266
You should have heard what the nearby trees were singing when my druid burned down that beetle-infested wayward pine.
It's LOG it's LOG it's big it's heavy it's wood! It's LOG it's LOG it's better than bad it's good!
Well, that link with the jingle certainly confirmed it. Ponifications of Banjo and Kazooie confirmed!
Trees are made of wood!
8544374
Ooh! I haven't heard that in forever!