//------------------------------// // Chapter 24:  Button Mash the Hero // Story: The SweetieMash Chronicles // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The SweetieMash Chronicles Chapter 24: Button Mash the Hero Discord adjusted a pair of spectacles and then tightened a red tie that joined a white shirt and black suit as part of an ensemble. He looked across a rectangular table that was easily three times as long as Discord was tall. The table was flanked by several empty office chairs with the exception of one chair at the very end which was occupied by Button Mash. The room around Discord, Button, and the table was completely brightly lit with stark white walls. “So, is everypony present?” Button looked down the two empty rows of seats. “Uh—” “Good! Good!” Discord said. “Now let’s talk about how our last little project went, shall we team?” “Mr. Discord Genie, sir?” Button asked. “I’m the only other pony—” Discord pulled out a pair of spray-paint cans, shook them, and began spraying them over a white board.  “Let’s start with what we, as a team, should be proud of.” “Well, I thought—” Discord turned towards Button and raised eagle talon and spray can up to his muzzle. He shushed Button while simultaneously spraying silver paint all over his mouth to accentuate the shushing sound. “Just be quiet for a moment and witness me.” “Uh… Alright…” Nodding, Discord turned back to the whiteboard, grabbed his muzzle, and twisted it off. He produced a fresh muzzle and screwed it into place on his face. He continued spraying, quickly creating a mural-sized picture of him and Button wearing their black mariachi outfits with Discord holding a guitar. Discord reached into his suit and pulled out a long, thin metal device that resembled a TV antenna and whacked it against the picture. “I think we all can agree that the outfits were on point as well as the guitar playing.” To Button’s surprise, a second Discord sitting next to him wearing a black mariachi outfit and holding a notably unsmashed guitar nodded and clapped lightly. Discord continued, “Other than that, I think it’s obvious that the project as a whole failed at its underlying goal.” Button piped up, “Well actually—”  “So, why was this project a failure? Was our goal too lofty? Was our deadline unreasonable?” Button nodded his head up and down. “No!” Discord said forcefully. Button frowned. Discord turned back to the picture. “I think the problem is here!” he said as he circled his depiction of Button with red spray paint. Button recoiled slightly as he looked up and noticed he was suddenly surrounded by a globby red ring. “Now, there’s no ‘I’ and team, but there is a ‘u’ in failure, and I think we all know who’s to blame for this debacle!” “But… but…” Button stopped and thought for a moment. “Maybe if I had time to—” Discord shook his head. “Time is money in this business.” “Uh… What business?” Discord pointed his antenna at Button. “You’re not the one who has to sit in front of the shareholders and explain to them why we didn’t meet our deadlines!” “But… but… I am a shareholder! I’m pretty much the only shareholder.” Discord nodded. “Exactly! You can’t talk to the shareholders because It’s impossible for somepony to be in two places at once.” Mariachi Discord turned to look at Button. “He’s right, you know.” Discord continued, “So, the company—” “Wait, what’s our company’s name?” Button asked. Discord stroked his beard for a moment. “Disco-Mash Co.” Button scrunched his lips slightly. “What about Button-cord Inc.?” “How about we put it to a vote?” Button looked back and forth across the conference room. All the empty chairs were now occupied by Discords wearing everything from a full space suit to a clown outfit. Discord continued. “All in favor of ‘Disco-Mash Co.’?” Almost all the Discords in the room raised their lion paw. “Aye.” “All opposed?” Button sighed and raised a hoof. A singled Discord sitting next to Button and dressed as a firepony also raised his lion paw. “Neigh.” “The ‘aye’s have it!” Button frowned heavily as his shoulders slumped forward. Firepony Discord patted him on the back. “Can’t win them all, eh ol’ chap?” “I knooooow….” Button bemoaned. “But I really wanted this one.” “Don’t worry,” Firepony Discord replied. “You’ll get them next time.” Button smiled. “Thanks firepony Mr. Discord Genie, sir.” “Anytime.” “Can we focus please?” the Discord at the front of the room asked. Firepony Discord raised his hands defensively. “Just having a little follow-up with a fellow employee.” Business Discord leveled his metal pointer accusingly at firepony Discord. “Well, stop it! I’m tired of your interruptions! Every meeting we have to sit and wait for your idle chit-chat to conclude!” Firepony Discord narrowed his eyes. “Well, maybe if you gave the rest of us a chance to give our feedback, I wouldn’t need to find time this meeting to discuss things with the team!” “You don’t need to discuss anything!” Business Discord exclaimed. “You all just need to listen to me!” Button watched as a round of angry murmuring surfaced from amongst the Discords at the conference table. “You know what I think?!” a Discord dressed in a white labcoat exclaimed as he got to his feet. Business Discord shook his head. “No one cares what you think, racecar driver Discord.” A Discord holding a black futuristic gun with a long barrel and decked out in futuristic white armor that covered him from head to toe complete with a helmet with black eye sockets and a built in gasmask attachment stood up. “I care what he thinks!” Business Discord glared at this new interloper. “Shut up, sanitation Discord! Don’t you have a toilet to unclog?” “Wait,” Button said, “why is a sanitation worker holding a weapon and dressed like a Stormtro—” “That was uncalled for!” A Discord dressed in long gray robes called out as he stood up and slammed a wooden staff on the ground. Business Discord frowned heavily. “Et tu, Wizard-cord?” His frown suddenly hardened into an angry glare. “You all want to do this now? Fine! The truth is I think this team and this company has way too many layabout do-nothings, and maybe it’s time we started trimming the fat!” “Is that a threat?” Firepony Discord asked, meeting Business Discord’s angry glare. Business Discord smirked. “Call it an opportunity to pursue new career goals.” “NO!” Firepony cried. “You can’t fire me!” Business Discord smiled wickedly. “I think you’ll find that I can.” Firepony Discord shook his head, pulled out a rectangular red canister, and unscrewed a the cap to it. He began pouring a translucent liquid all over his head. “You can’t fire me, because I’m going to fire me.” Button’s eyes shot open wide. “No! Firepony Mr. Discord Genie, sir! You have so much to live for!” Firepony Discord pulled out a small, golden rectangular lighter. Opened the top, dragged and flicked a lion claw over the top.  He immediately caught fire. “NOOOOOOOO!” Button cried. “It’s alright, Button,” firepony Discord said as his firesuit began to melt. “Just remember to always practice proper fire safety.” Button nodded tearfully. “I will, firepony Mr. Discord Genie, sir! I will!” With that, firepony Discord quickly collapsed into a pile of ashes. For a moment. The room was silent except for Button’s sobbing. Business Discord shook his head. “Always so dramatic that one, I’m glad we’re finally rid of him!” A Discord dressed as a nun gasped as the other Discords all turned with disbelieving looks on their faces. A Discord dressed in colorful purple robes and an ornate crown stood up. “Somediscord was just burnt to ashes in front of you and you’re expressing how happy you are that he’s gone?!” “Why, Disco-king—” The Discord dressed as a king raised his eagle talon to stop business Discord. “I’m King Discord.” He pointed to a Discord wearing a white outfit that had its collar popped and it’s first two buttons undone. “He’s Disco-king.” “Alright, King Discord,” Discord said, practically choking on the word ‘king’, “if you must know, firepony Discord was dragging this entire team down! We’re all better off without him.” A Discord dressed in a boat-anchor outfit stood up. “The only one here who’s dragging this team down is you!” he said as he pointed an accusatory eagle claw at business Discord. The other Discords all murmured in agreement. “Oh yeah?!” business Discord cried. “Well tough! I started this company.” Button Mash cleared his throat. “WE started this company! The rest of you are all expendable! There I said it!” A Discord wearing a black, skin tight suit, night vision goggles, and holding a grappling hook gun stood up. “Well, if you don’t need us, I guess we should just go!” he announced as he fired the grappling hook upwards and quickly ascended. “What?!” Business Discord cried. “Spy Discord! Come ba—” A Discord dressed completely in black except for a narrow slit for his eyes threw down a gray ball that exploded into smoke. When the smoke was clear, the Discord was gone. “Ninja Discord! Not you—” Discords began to disappear. Each one stepping into cars that suddenly drove into the room, getting on boats that suddenly docked next to the table via massive bodies of water that suddenly appeared,  jumped out of windows that hadn’t existed until just now, and even blasted away on various rocket-propelled devices. Business Discord glared out into the fleeing crowd. “Abraham Discord, You bring your spacechair right back here!” He looked from side to side at the fleeing Discords. “Come on guys! We can still do this!” Soon he and Button were alone inside a ruined conference room. “Business Mr. Discord Genie, sir?” Button said as he raised a forehoof. “Everyone else is gone.” Discord sighed, closed his eyes, and pinched his muzzle right under his eyes with his eagle talon. “Well, I guess it’s just you and me, then.” “Uhhh…” “Right!” Discord cried as he ripped off his business attire, and threw the crumpled mass at the mural he had painted with enough force the entire wall collapsed exposing the shining, Ponyville day outside. “Forget about the costumes, song, or even you screwing up your line.” “But you didn’t give me a chance to rehearse!” Button protested. “YOU HAD ONE LINE!” Discord snapped. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Look, that’s not the important part,” Discord said. “It’s not?” “No, the problem is that Sweetie Belle saved you!” Button puffed out his lower lip as his eyes began to fill with water. Discord shot Button an irritated look. “It’s not that she should have let you die, you ninny!” “Oh…” “It’s that you needed saving at all!” “Well, Sweetie Belle saves me all the time!” “You see!” Discord exclaimed as he motioned out to Button with both his eagle talon and lion paw. “That’s your problem!” “… It is?” “YES!” Discord cried. “How is any girl going to fall in love with you if you’re projecting an aura of the helpless victim?” “Uhhh…” Button thought for a moment. “Maybe they’ll learn to love me for who I am?” “NO! That’s rubbish!” Discord cried. “But… My dad, said—” “Do you want Sweetie Belle to fall head over heels in love with you to the point where she shuns her friends, leaves her family, and elopes with you to a faraway place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are oh so fluffy—” “Ermm…” “—where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel?! Well do you?” “… What’s a nickel?” “Ahem!” Button and Discord turned towards the hole in the conference room as an orange earth pony stallion with a curly brown mane, green eyes, and a tan cowboy hat stuck his head in. “Ahhh!” Button cried as he dove off his conference chair and hid behind it. The pony extended a forehoof towards Discord and looked at him expectantly. Discord sighed and reluctantly reached into a pocket which was apparently built into his body. He pulled out a stack of browned slices of toast all held together by gooey cheese. The other pony took it one hoof, eyeballed it, and brought the stack up to his ear. Using his second hoof, he quickly ran it over one edge the stack causing each slice to shift up and rapidly fall back into place with a sound like that of shuffling a deck of cards. Seemingly satisfied, the pony nodded and tipped his hat at Discord before departing. Discord turned back to Button Mash who was still cowering behind a chair. “Well then. We better start to work on that image problem you have!” “Is… is that other pony gone?” Button asked. “See! This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Discord said. “You cower in fear at the first sign of trouble! We need to build you from the ground up in Sweetie Belle’s eyes! Redo your entire image!” Discord flexed bulging muscles as black hair tied up in a ponytail, red tunic with a yellow collar, tan leather gloves, black pants, and tan leather boots appeared on him. “Turn you from sniveling cowards to a perfect, pure paragon! Why, no one will be as slick, or as quick, or have a neck as incredibly thick as you...” Discord paused and peered expectantly at the open hole in the long conference room. “Something wrong?” Button asked. Discord shook his head. “Just making sure I didn’t owe a mouse money with that last statement.” “Uh… Alright… Anyhow, I think Sweetie Belle is okay with m—” “Now then!” Discord exclaimed with a massive smile. “What kind of hero were you thinking? Dashing rogue?” Discord snapped his eagle talon and suddenly he was wearing a bright red vest with golden trim, matching pants and cape, a frilly white shirt, thigh-high brown boots, and a massive, red wide-brimmed hat with a peacock feather sticking out. “Uh… Well, I do like the idea of wearing a ca—” Discord snapped his talon again and with a bright flash he was now wearing black leather coat over a buttoned tan shirt, khakis, a brown fedora. He held a whip in his lion paw. “Adventurer?” “Oh! Well, the hat is pretty co—” Discord snapped the whip and suddenly is was wearing shining full-plate complete with a knight’s helmet. He took off the helmet raised his hoof onto a rock which conveniently just appeared into existence. “Knight in shining armor?” “Wow…” Button uttered. “They all look so good.” Discord snapped his talon. With a bright flash the armor vanished. “Well you have to pick one.” Button nodded. “Okay, I pick—” “No, wait!” Discord exclaimed. “I just had a brilliant idea!” Sitting on a hill in Ponyville and decked out in a leather jacket which was over a bright red vest with gold trim which was over a frilly white shirt which was over a suit of armor which was all under a red cape with gold trim, Button swayed from side to side as he attempted to balance his giant red with gold trim wide-brimmed hat with a peacock feather which was under a large knight’s helmet which was under a tan fedora which was under his propeller beanie. “Perfect!” Discord exclaimed. “Mr. Discord Genie, sir?” Button said. “I can barely move!” “Okay, now you need a genre-specific calamity to face!” Button frowned. “I think I’m all genres!” “Exactly!” Discord exclaimed. Discord’s body began to grow outward and turn green to match his dragon leg. His neck extended and his eyes turned reptilian as his head grew larger and scaly. His wings extended and grew into massive, leathery sails as a mess of purple tentacles suddenly fired out from all over Discord’s body and began writhing and slapping everything in reach. A second and then third neck sprouted out. One neck was skeletal and ended with a bleached white skull of a giant canine with massive fangs and glowing red eyes. The other neck was spiney and pitch black, eventually coming to end with a black banana-shaped head without eyes and massive jaws that opened revealing a second mouth that extended outwards. Button stared up at the massive creature of writing tentacles and terrifying heads that Discord had transformed himself into. “Mi-mi-Mr. Discord Genies, sir? I think I may need to change my arm—” “NOW THEN,” Discord said in a booming, multi-tonal voice that reverberated through the air and seemed to end with the sound of distant, tortured screams. “… Mommy…” Button uttered to himself as everything around him began to take on a faint emerald glow. “ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FIND SWEETIE BELLE, AND…” Discord squinted his dragon eyes as the emerald glow became brighter and bright to the point that Button and everything around him was a shade of green. “OKAY, WHO’S THE WISE-PONY WHO DECIDED TO GREEN SATURATE THE WOR—?” “Watch out, Button!” Sweetie Belle’s voice rang out as the sound of an angry hum and tiny hooves galloping on the ground joined the ever increasing wash of green. Discord’s dragon features took on a worried look as his canine skull let out a whimper and the third, black head grimaced with both set out mouths . “OH POO…” “PHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” A massive blast of green energy suddenly fired into Discord’s giant body, completely engulfing him as it carved deeply into the ground below him. Green sparks of energy flew from the beam as the air was flooded with the heavy scent of ozone. When the blast cleared, Button stood in front of a smoldering lump sitting inside a newly carved ditch. “Uh… Mr. Disco—” “AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI!” With a high pitched screech, Sweetie Belle ran past Button, leapt into the air, and landed on top of the burnt mass. She began kicking and thrashing at anything on the blackened lump that moved. “Sweetie Belle!?” Button exclaimed. “AHHHH!” ‘THUD!’ “OOF!” ‘POW!’ “OWIE!” ‘CRUNCH!’ “OW! HEY! THAT SPINE IS A RENTAL!” “RUN, BUTTON!” Sweetie Belle cried. “I’LL HOLD THIS THING OFF!” “But Sweetie Belle!” Button cried out. “That thing is Mr. Discord Genie!” “RUUUUUUUU… Discord?” Sweetie Belle uttered as she held on tightly to something with her forelegs and shook them back and forth. A look forward revealed that thing was Discord’s horse-like neck and that the act of shaking it was causing his head to bob in all directions like a rag doll. “Whoops…” Sweetie Belle said as she let go of Discord. Discord collapsed to the ground in a ragged, smoking, slithery heap. “Sorry, Discord…” Sweetie Belle said. Discord extended an eagle claw into the air, stood up, announced “WHAT’S BETTER THAN A BENCHFUL OF QUICHE?!” and fell back down to the ground. “Uh… Right…” Sweetie Belle uttered as she turned towards Button. “What the heck was Discord doing as a giant, three headed monster that was scary beyond all reason?” “Er…” Sweetie Belle did a double take as she looked over Button. “And why the heck are you dressed up in that getup?!” “Oh… er… you know… Just trying something new…” “By something do you mean everything?!” Button scrunched his lips up to one side. “Well you see—” Discord suddenly let out a hacking cough that ended with a blackened lung being shot out of his mouth. The lung landed with a plop and grew arms and legs as it produced a gray fedora and a brown suitcase. It then tipped its hat before it grabbed the suitcase and walked off. Sweetie Belle shook her head. “Never mind. I can see what’s going on here.” Button swallowed. “You do?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “Discord is clearly up to his old tricks.” “Oh, right,” Button replied. Discord twitched. “Cybertron and all its moons belong to me!” Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow at Discord then turned back to Button. “You know, you’re always welcome to join my friends and me. You can even bring Discord if you want.” “Uh… What are you three doing?” Button asked. “Tightrope walking.” Button cringed. “With a net of course.” “Huh… That actually sounds somewhat sensible.” “Also, we’re also glass blowing,” Sweetie Belle added. Button paused for a moment and thought this over. “Wait… you’re not… you’re not attempting both at the same time, are you?” “Well, we already tried them separately, so I thought—” “PASS!” Button quickly cried. “Awww. Are you sure?” Sweetie Belle asked in a disappointed tone. Button Mash nodded his head up and down, then swayed to the right as the pile on his head began tilting. “Whoa…” Button shifted his body weight to the left, but the pile of hats on his head tilted a little too far in that direction. “Gha!” Button shifted his weight again and began swaying back and forth as the hat pile leaned one way then the other. “WHA!” ‘CRASH!’ Sweetie Belle cringed as Button fell into a heap of clothes, armor, and hats. “You okay?” “I’wm fiwne!” came the muffled reply from the pile as a single, brown leg stuck straight up out of it. “Yowu jusst gowo dowo yourff cutie mawrk thiwng!” “Uh, alright,” Sweetie Belle said as she began to trot away. She stopped and turned towards the pile Button occupied. “Well, feel free to track us down if you change your mind!” “Iw’ll jusst fowllow theff screams!” “What?” “Nowthing!” “Er, right… See you later, Button!” Sweetie Belle said before continuing on her way. The clothing and armor piles began to shuffle as Button grunted and strained. “Grrr… Arrrggg…” “…” “… Mwr. Disscowrd Genie, siwr?” “What?” Discord replied sharply. “Iw thiwnk I’wm stuwck!” Discord’s eagle talon was suddenly thrust into the pile and just as quickly came up holding Button Mash wearing his signature propeller beanie. Button grinned sheepishly at Discord. “Well, that was embarrassing…” Discord uttered as he brushed away dust and smoldering flesh from himself with his lion paw. “I’m sorry!” Button cried. “But I could barely move in all that stuff and you were unworldly scary!” “Not you!” Discord snapped as he put Button down on all four hooves and motioned to himself. “Me! I meant Sweetie Belle attacking me! Good thing nopony—” Discord was cut off by the sound of snickering above him. Discord sighed heavily and hung his head and shoulders. “Oh poo…” Button looked up to see a light blue mare with a rainbow-colored mane peaking out from the edge of a cloud. She stared down at Discord with bright magenta colored eyes and held a single hoof over her mouth as if she was desperately trying to contain something behind her lips. Her single hoof would quickly prove to be insufficient.“Pfffft, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU JUST GOT TROUNCED BY AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD!” Discord narrowed his eyes and floated up to her. “Ahhhh, Rainbow Dash, just the absolute last pony I was hoping to see.” “OH MY GOSH! SHE KICKED YOUR FLANK IN SECONDS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Hmmm, quite,” Discord replied. “Well, if you could keep this little incident quiet—” “HAHAHAHA! I’M GOING TO TELL LITERALLY EVERYPONY!”  Discord rolled his eyes. With a quick, twisting flourish of his talon Discord was suddenly holding quite a number of golden tickets. “As I was saying, if you can promise to keep this quiet I just so happen to have season tickets to every Wonderbolts event for you and as many ponies as you feel should accompany you.” “HAHAHA—“ Rainbow Dash’s eyes suddenly became black saucers with magenta edges as she stared at the collection of tickets. “Sea-Season Wonderbolt tickets?” Discord nodded and smiled. “How about it? I trust someone as loyal as you will have no trouble keeping this under wraps.” Rainbow Dash took another look at Discord, then towards the tickets, then back to Discord. She bit her lower lip and looked at the tickets again. She lowered her head and sighed. Discord’s smile grew until his lips and teeth extended well past the confines of his muzzle. Rainbow Dash looked up and cupped her hooves around her mouth. “HEY, LITERALLY EVERYPONY! GUESS WHO JUST GOT BEAT UP BY A KID?!” Discord let out an irritated grumble and relaxed his neck, shoulders, and then the rest of his body and molecules until he was a colorful puddle on the ground. A trio of adult ponies followed by four young foals passing through suddenly stopped as Rainbow Dash broadcasted her message to all ponies in earshot. A purple unicorn mare with purple hair and a trio of white-and-light-blue gems for a cutie mark stopped and looked up, as did a brown earth pony stallion with a spiked black mane and hourglass cutie mark. A wall-eyed, gray pegasus mare with a blond mane turned, closed one of her eyes and extended a forehoof to count the two gray pegasi, gray unicorn, and light-purple unicorn fillies all with similarly colored manes to her own to her own. Seemingly satisfied with the number she arrived at, she looked up. “DISCORD!” The group below broke into a chorus of laughter that was soon joined by Rainbow Dash and all other ponies passing. In short order windows were being opened exposing ponies who joined in the uproarious hysteria of the situation. Button frowned heavily as he looked down at the Discord puddle next to him. “Uh… Mr. Discord Genie, sir? Are you—” Discord suddenly shot up to his full height as he glared out at the town of Ponyville with eyes that blazed like fiery stars in a very literal fashion. He clenched and grinded his teeth causing an ear-splitting screech like nails on a chalkboard magnified from a megaphone. “Alright, Ponyville.” Discord raised his eagle talon as his lips parted into a smile that reeked of dark thoughts. “You want a spectacle?” Discord snapped his talon, the resulting sound assaulting eardrums and rattling windows. “I’ll give you a spectacle!”