//------------------------------// // Chapter 21: A Not so Useful Engine // Story: The SweetieMash Chronicles // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The SweetieMash Chronicles Chapter 21: A Not so Useful Engine “Choo choo!” Button Mash exclaimed as he excitedly rolled his toy train back and forth in the center of a Ponyville path. “Chugachugachugachuga…” He quickly pulled back on the train with a forehoof then sent it forward with all his might. “CHOO!” The train traveled some distance down the path… ‘PHWOOOSH!’ … then burst into flames. Button’s ears dropped and his eyelids retreated upwards as his pupils retreated inwards. He stared at the, now for some reason, flaming toy train for a moment, blinked then gave it a perplexed and worried glance. “I... u-uh... um... A-alright,” he uttered as if resigning himself to this world where toy trains sometimes just catch fire. Did I… Did I push it too hard? “Hey.” Button’s ears perked up as he thought he heard something, like a soft beckoning whisper off in the nearby bushes. “Comehere.” Button trotted over to the bushes, noticing a bright glint as he did. He parted some branches from the bush, revealing a golden item hidden amongst the leaves. Button peered at the item with a quizzical expression. “Did… did somepony drop their fancy gravy boat?” The whispering voice suddenly took a harsher tone. “I’tsalamp,stupid!” Button jumped back slightly at the irritated tone, but continued to keep his eyes glued to the item in front of him. “Touchthelamp… Touchthelamptouchthelamp…” Button edged ever closer to the golden item and reached his hoof out. “I feel like maybe I should touch that…” His hoof slowly edged closer and closer to the item that seemed to beckon him to make contact with it. “It'sso...interesting. Touchthelamp. It'ssointeresting. TouchthelampTouchthelamp.” Button’s hoof finally made contact with the metal lamp with a soft ‘tink’. “…” Nothing happened. “Is it… Is it broken?” “Rubthelamp! Geez,It’slikeyoudon’tknowanything!” Button reached forward and scooped the lamp into his forelegs. He rubbed the side of it rapidly. ‘POOF! SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!’ “Ahh!” Button cried out in alarm and dropped the lamp as a shimmering brown mist shot out of the end of the lamp. The mist swirled upward high above Button, sparkling as sparks shot out in all directions. The mist began to take form, sprouting arms and a head as the rest condensed into a well-toned torso. One of the arms turned yellow as the end of it changed into an eagle’s talon, the other beige as the end transformed into a lion’s paw. The head changed from an ill-defined oblong shape to something closer to an upside-down brown bowling pin as a muzzle formed.  Lastly, a pair of pony ears sported from the sides as a goat horn and an antler shot out from the top. Below large fuzzy white eyebrows, eyelids opened yellow eyes with red pupils which seemed to regard the young colt sinisterly. A fang shout of the ‘mist creatures’ mouth. A mouth which suddenly opened wide into a mad grin as a tuft of white fur shot out from the creature's chin, accompanied by more white fur that appeared to crawl up the being’s face, stopping its journey just under the ears and forming sideburns. Button swallowed. “… Mommy…?” he said in a hushed, scared tone as if simply saying the word would summon his protective mother. “Con-grad-you-lations!” Discord bellowed. “After passing our rigorous selection process of being the closest pony who also happened to find and rub the lamp, you’re the latest contestant on ‘The Wish is Right!’” “Uh…” The hair that formed Discord’s sideburns suddenly crawled upwards again. This time to the top of his head, becoming white hair behind Discord’s horn and antler. A long, thin black rod suddenly shot up from Discord’s eagle’s claw up towards his mouth. The rod sprouted a black foam top becoming a microphone which Discord began to speak into. “Well my young contestant! Everything and anything you’ve ever wanted can be yours if you can answer three simple questions.” “Er… okay?” Button answered. Discord’s receding hair and beard suddenly exploded out in all directions becoming long and scraggly. “What is your name?” “Ma… My name is Button Mash!” “What is your favorite color?” “… Blue?” “Congratulations! You’ve won!”  Button blinked a couple times. “But… but that was only two questions.” Most of Discord’s hair suddenly flew off in one big mass, flying off into Ponyville where a distant feminine scream of “Ahhhh! Get it off me! Get it off me!” could be heard. “Wow, you are a sharp one!” Discord said with a crescent grin, his usually tuft of a beard hanging from his chin. “You even caught the secret bonus question! Now let’s hear it! What do you desire, my little pony? Fame? Adoration? A never ending bag of turnips? Hrmmm? Out with it!” “I… what?” Button asked simply. Discord sighed and slumped his shoulders. He dragged his lion’s paw down his long face, stretching it slightly before it snapped back into place. “I’m a genie! Rubbing the lamp means you get three wishes!” Discord said as he held up three of his lion claws. He grinned wickedly. “Now don’t hold back! The sky’s the limit! Wealth! Power! Everything and anything you want is yours for the taking!” Button's eyes went wide as Discord’s grin grew ever wider. No doubt the young colt’s mind was a flurry of wishes, any one of which would upset the boring peace these equally boring ponies fought so hard to maintain. Button opened his mouth, and Discord felt his heart beat faster in his new body. Yes boy, make a wish! Say your wish and watch your world fall into utter chaos! “In that case, can I have a toy train that doesn’t randomly burst into flames when I play with it?” The left side of Discord’s mouth began to twitch as he leveled an annoyed glance at Button. “In hindsight, I suppose I should have seen that coming…” Discord smiled widely. “Look, wouldn’t you rather have your own real train?” In flash a striped conductor’s hat appeared over Discord’s head as did a cord that dangled above him from thin air. “Feeling the heat of the coals and the wind in your face as you speed down the tracks of Equestria with reckless abandon?” Discord pulled the cord causing a large train whistle to appear on the top of his goat horn. ‘CHOO! CHOO!’ Button frowned. “But… I get motions sickness riding on trains!” The conductor’s hat and whistle disappeared in a puff of white smoke. Discord’s brow pulled forward until his forehead resembled the creased mass of a dog with many folds in its skin. In a flash, a clothing iron appeared in his lion paw and he slammed it against his forehead. Steam fired out from the iron as he smoothed out the creases. He lowered the iron and shot Button a look of irritation. “Kid, you’re killing me here! Please come up with something more ambitious than ‘regular toy train’!” “But I don’t want a regular toy train!” Button cried. “I want one that doesn’t burst into flames randomly!” Button glanced upwards and tapped a forehoof against his chin a few times. “Actually, I thought regular toy trains didn’t burst into flames like that, so I guess I do want a regular toy train!” “You can have anything you want! Think bigger!” “Fine! I want an erm…blue… useful toy train… that… uh… that talks!” Discord sighed. “I suppose it’ll have to do…” With a snap of his claws, a baby-blue locomotive appeared with a black chimney sticking up just behind and above its smiling gray face. “Hello! I’m Tanky, the train engine!” the large toy train greeted. “Hi, Tanky!” Button greeted cheerfully. “My name is Button Mash!” “Why you must be my new conductor!” Tanky surmised. “How can I be very useful to you today?” Discord sighed heavily. “I knew I should have given the train an evil death claw, or something…” he muttered to himself. “Well… What can you do?” Button asked Tanky. “Oh my, what I can’t I do? I can do lots of thing! I can load things! I can unload things! I’m very good at carrying things from one point to another… so long as there are train tracks between those two points.” Button frowned and looked about. “Huh… Well… I don’t know of anything I really need moved around…” “That’s just as well,” Tanky said, “I’m afraid I won’t be doing much moving in my current state.” Discord chuckled and stretched his body out to the point where he could easily whisper into Button’s ear. He used his eagle talon to muffle the sound. “He certainly has a one track mind, doesn’t he?” Much to Discord’s chagrin, Button merely looked at Tanky with a thoughtful expression. “Yeah… Hey! I know! I wish there were tracks so—” Discord narrowed his eyes. “Do not just wish for tracks for the stupid talking train to travel on! Can’t you think of something a tad more ambitious than—bleh— ‘toy train’ or more useless wishes wasted on helping the stupid toy train?!” “But Tanky is stuck until we find him some train tracks!” Button cried. “I really think we should help him!” “Oh yes, please!” Tanky exclaimed. With a worried gaze, Tanky glanced to the left and then to the right. “If I don’t do anything useful, Sir Tophatt Ham will have me bricked up for always, and always, and always! That’s how he punishes trains that aren’t useful.” “Huh… dark…” Discord surmised. He turned to Button. “But certainly you have something you want more than helping a sentient toy train that has only existed for a minute!” “It’s okay, Sir Button Mash,” Tanky said in a forlorn tone. “I knew this day would come… The diesel engines were always going to make me and all my friends obsolete someday…” “Wow, that’s really sad!” Button said. Discord let out an irritated groan and glared at the train. “Look, just shut up! You’re sucking out all the joy of messing with the fundamental laws of existence!” He once again turned to Button. “You! Think of whatever you want more than anything!” Button put on a thoughtful expression. “Well… There is one thing I could really use help with…” Discord suddenly grinned widely as he lowered his face down towards Button’s in anticipation. “Yes? Dominion over your enemies? Ruler of Equestria? Making the entire city of Ponyville edible?! What is it?!” “Maybe I can help!” Tanky interjected. “I’m a very useful engine… so long as there are train tracks at or nearby wherever I need to be useful.” Discord stood up straight and grit his teeth. “Oh that is it!” With a snap of his eagle talon flames sprung up into life around the talking toy train. “Ahhh! Why?!” Tanky shouted. “Tanky, no!” Button cried. “It’s okay, Button!” Tanky said in a sad tone as if accepting his fate. “I’m powered by highly flammable substances… I always knew I’d go out like this.” “We can get help!” Button cried. “I’m sorry, Button…” Tanky said as the flames seemed to grab hold of Tanky, turning him from blue to black as they danced about him. “This is the end of the track for me… literally since there is no track.” Discord rolled his eyes. “See, carrying on like that is exactly why you got set on fire in the first place!” “Cough… Sir Button Mash, always remember to believe in yourself!” “I will, Tanky!” Button assured tearfully. Tanky continued, “Cough…choke… Good… If you… hackchchc… If you do that, you can do anything… so long as there are train tra—” Discord shot the train a look full of frustration and rage. “Oh, would you just expire already?!” “Tell the diesel trains… hrckchch…  tell them that I always hated them and considered them…coughchchgh…. considered them a lower class of train!” Tanky choked out as the flames consumed him. “And tell Sir Tophatt Ham that I hope… couaaaaaachcher… I hope his coat gets caught in some train’s wheels the fat lard gets dragged several miles before… augghghaaaaugh… finally kicking the bucket!” The flames climbed higher and higher as Tanky’s body began to crumble, soon Tanky was no mo— “Haaaaackchchcckckchc…” … And soon Tanky was— “… AAAAAACHCHCHAAAGRRRRRRAAAAAAA…!” … “…”  …ANDSOONTANKY—! “… GURRRRRGGGGGGLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGHGHGHGH…!” Discord shot the rather loud burning remains of Tanky a look that could explode toy trains, which would turn out to be rather fitting. Suddenly a bright yellow visor with a straight horizontal red lens appeared over Discord’s eyes. He touched the side of the visor, causing red beam of light shot out and into the flames. The already smoldering train was reduced to little more than a burnt crater in the path. Button fell his heart sting deep inside his chest and a fountain of hot tears stream down his cheeks. He threw his head back as the emotions began to overwhelm him. “Hhehhh… hhehhh…WOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAA! MOOOOOOOM!” “Oh, calm down!” Discord cried. “You only knew the dumb toy for two minutes!” Discord’s words immediately put the brakes on Button’s crying. “Oh… right…” he said as he tilted his head back down. Button suddenly looked up at Discord with an indignant expression. “Hey! I wished for a toy train wouldn’t burst into flames!” “You said ‘randomly’ burst into flames!” Discord shot back. He folded his arms across his chest “That was a deliberate and malicious act by me to put the train out of my misery!” “But that’s not fair!” Button cried. Discord sighed. “Look, I’ll give you your wish back, happy?” “Oh!” Button said. “Then can I wish for Tanky to come back to—” “NEVER!” Discord cried. “Look! You must want something else besides a stupid toy train! What was that other thing you were having trouble with? I’m sure that is infinitely more interesting than that despairingly not loco locomotive!” Button’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink and he dug at the hard ground with a hoof. “Well… It’s kinda embarrassing now that I think about it…” “Oh, pish posh!” Discord said with a dismissive wave of his eagle’s talon. “Fluttershy written scores of pages in that diary she thinks no one knows about regarding wanting to be a tree!” Discord pulled a disgusted face. “She basically has chapters detailing watching animals do all the sordid things animals do out in the wild! Now that’s embarrassing!” Discord frowned. Discord leveled a stern look at Button and an equally stern lion claw. “But you didn’t hear that from me!” “Well… okay…” Button said. “See, there’s this girl I like…” Discord’s eyes widened and his ears perked up slightly. “A girl? Why that is rather interesting…” “Yeah, but I don’t know if she likes me back!” Button exclaimed. Discord’s grin returned with a vengeance. “I seeeee…” he purred. “Well, who is the lucky little filly or perhaps even fully grown mare?” He asked as his lips parted wide. “… Sweetie Belle…” Discord’s grin remained as his eyes widened in surprise for just a moment. “Ah! So you have a crush on the adorable little songstress Sweetie Belle, eh?” Button nodded. Discord suddenly slithered through the air, landing next to Button and lowering himself to look the young colt eye to eye. He placed his eagle talon around Buttons neck as a white lab coat suddenly appeared on Discord’s body accompanied by a stethoscope dangled from his neck. “Fear not, my young lovestruck friend! Discord the Love Doctor is here to make all your dreams come true!” “I thought you were a genie?” Button said. Discord gave Button a vexed look. “I’ve lived for a long, long time! I can be more than one thing!” Discord’s dangerous-looking grin was back in an instant as he raised to his full height. Prepare yourself Ponyville, you’re going to see a whirlwind romance the likes of which you’ve never encountered before! And little, innocent Sweetie Belle… You can’t even fathom the chaos that awaits you…” Discord threw back his head as he let loose a maniacal laugh. “MuhahahahahaaHAHAHAHAHAHA—” -o-Meanwhile-o- Sweetie Belle peered carefully at a long scroll in front of her. Holding it with one hoof as she lowered the other one down the scroll. Her hoof stopped and she smiled slightly as she read an item. “Cutie Mark Crusaders match makers?” Sitting nearby Sweetie in the clubhouse, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo briefly considered Sweetie Belle’s suggestion. Apple Bloom spoke up, “Mah brother was pretty mad after the whole love potion thing…” Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah! A few more screw ups like that and Twilight might start thinking twice about just handing us books with powerful potion recipes on them!” Sweetie Belle peered at the scroll again. “Cutie Mark Crusaders lion tamers?” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Mah sister wont let me borrow her whip after we tried being Cutie Mark Crusader archeologist!” Scootaloo chimed in, “Plus the lion still has a restraining order against us!” Sweetie Belle pursed her lips and stared at the list intently. She moved her hoof downwards again. “Cutie Mark Crusaders taco cart operators?” Apple Bloom put on a gloomy expression. “No one liked our apple and baked bean tacos!” Scootaloo nodded. “Also we became the first food establishment in Equestrian history to be shut down because of food poisoning and health code violations made just because of us!” Sweetie Belle looked at the scroll again and sighed. “Cutie Mark Crusaders baby deliverers?” Apple Bloom frowned. “Doesn’t mean delivering babies door to door…” Scootaloo pupils suddenly shrank as she stared off into a point far, far beyond the wall in front of her. “Plus we’re banned from the labor and delivery wing of the hospital… Which is sort of a mixed blessing when you think about it…” -ooo- “—HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—”  “HehehehehahahaHAHA—” Discord glared down at Button who had decided to join him in his laughing session. “No! Stop it!” He commanded as he pointed a lion claw at Button. “You’re ruining my moment here!” Button frowned. “Sorry. I’ll be quiet. You can go again." Discord slumped his shoulders and began to trudge off down the Ponyville street. “Nope, moments past…” He sighed heavily. “Let’s just find Sweetie Belle.” Button’s face lit up and he scampered after Discord. “Oh! I can help! I learned that keeping an ear out for ponies screaming then running the opposite direction they’re running usually works!”