I’d always been the type who tried to look on the bright side of things. I lived on my own. I had a steady job. I—had—a pet pony I could always sell for fur or meat if he got too bothersome to keep. If a problem came up, I was the kind of guy that wanted it gone with as little hassle as possible. No one made coffee in the break room? Easy. I’ll make some. The printer’s out of toner? Simple. There’s some underneath the fax machine. Sombra won’t stop eating the cushions on my side of the couch? Got it. Tell him he’s a dick and hit him with the newspaper.
Otherworldly monster appearing out of thin air and taking an earth-rumbling step towards the train I’m currently traveling on? Let’s see what Mr. Bright Side has in store for this particular occasion.
“There’s, uh…” I began, trying to find enough air to complete my sentence. “There’s always a chance it might not be coming this way. Or for the train, you know.”
Luna wouldn’t take her eyes from the being. She slowed her breathing.
Steady lightning bolts crashed in the dirt near the train tracks, allowing both of us brief glimpses of the creature. Four stories tall, it appeared paper-white compared to the pitch black sky. It was bipedal in form, almost humanoid—except for the complete lack of features on its oval-shaped head. It was hard to tell from the distance and the rain, but its skin never seemed to stop moving, like the ripples of a pond after someone’s thrown a pebble in it.
When it took a second step in the train’s direction, I choked on my spit. Mr. Bright Side had been wrong this time. Since this was alt-Equestria and not the real Equestria or even Earth—and since nothing was even remotely fair in this place—I shouldn’t have even bothered trying to spin the situation. No matter what, things would just keep on sucking for me here.
Luna charged her horn. “Find the conductor, quickly. Tell him we must hasten our journey.”
Watching the creature’s third step, I noticed the absence of joints in both its arms and legs. All four limbs stood out straight like some cheap doll made of wood. It moved steadily, but awkwardly, too. Outrunning it could prove possible.
“You really think—” I asked, before being teleported away.
I popped into the train car near the front and scrambled around another twenty ponies or so, dripping rainwater on each of them. A rumble from far away shook the floor, and the lanterns on the walls tapped against the glass. Only a few ponies took notice.
I slid open the door to the conductor’s cabin and found a dark room with a single chair next to a large burning coal pit. The conductor’s shadow was splayed against the opposite wall. Forgoing introductions, I pulled his chair back to face me.
“Hello, Steve. What’s happening?” Discord asked.
I brought both hands up to grab at my hair. “What did you do with the conductor!?”
He raised a brow. “I am the conductor, Steve.” He flicked off a piece of nothing from his uniform. “What did you think this costume was about? I told you I liked trains.” He pressed a button on the controls, sounding the whistle. Another rumble followed, louder than before.
I ran both hands through my hair. “Great. That’s just great. Just so we’re on the same page here, there’s some giant monster-thing following us right now. Can you speed this train up?”
Discord leaned back in his seat. “Hmm. I guess I could.” He scratched his chin with a claw. “All I’d need to do is pull this do-hickey here…” He slowed his speech down. “Add… some… more… coal… to…”
I could tell where this was going. As long as I was annoyed, Discord would have his fun. Too bad by that point in time I could hardly care about anything besides getting my unfortunate self out of Equestria.
Slap!
I backhanded him across the face as hard as I could, leaving a red mark on his cheek and my hand severely pained. As he looked at me, Discord dropped his claw from his chin, his usual sly smirk replaced by an open-mouthed gasp.
“You… hit me, Steve,” he said softly.
I guess this is the part where I die, isn’t it? Teleported to the sun or the bottom of a lake with the snap of his fingers. Maybe something worse. My insides replaced with animal balloons, so that every time I cry out for help, all anyone hears is the rubbing of balloons.
I took a breath and waited for the end.
Discord sneered again. “Steve likes it rough, doesn’t he? Oh, we are on our way to being good friends!” He snapped his fingers and the train lurched forward, making me stumble back. The steady chugs from the engine went into double time; the heat from the coal pit filling the small space at once. “There. Satisfied?”
No, actually. Not when something so monumental just hit me like a brick.
I snatched up his eagle’s claw. “Snapping! You snap and things happen, right?”
Discord feigned interest. “Sometimes.”
“Then snap us the hell out of here! To the Empire or anywhere away from that thing! You can do that, right? So do that!”
Discord slowly turned his head to stare at his fingers; ones he was flexing up and down and bending in impossible ways. “I could, yes. But what makes you think I would, after everything we’ve been through together?”
I peered into his yellow and red eyes. “Because if you don’t, everyone on this train might die tonight.”
He yawned. “What else you got?”
I squeezed his wrist. “If I survive tonight, and you did nothing to help, I’ll make it my last mission in life to tell Twilight how little you cared. Wouldn’t want to ruin that image you’ve created for yourself, would you?”
“Really? Going with something like that?” He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Blargh. Gag. Are all you humans composed solely of party poop?” He heated his wrist until I was forced to let go. “Fine. Although I can’t just teleport everyone aboard to the Empire—that would go against my basic nature of never shying away from potential chaos—I will help you with your tiny monster problem. All right? Feel better? Wanna hug it out or something?”
I shook my head. “No. Never again.”
Discord hugged me anyways. “Too bad, Steve. Tonight you might be mashed into putty or torn into a thousand little pieces; can’t have you leaving me without a proper goodbye.”
I asked the furry chest against my face. “Were you ever sane?”
“Once. And what a boring day that was.”
***
I again stood atop the train car; the increased speed making balancing a chore. The pasty white behemoth continued its sluggish walk towards us. Both of its completely straight legs fell to either sides of the track. While its speed had not increased, ours had been doubled.
I exhaled a sigh of relief as I watched it disappear farther and farther away, fewer and fewer lightning bolts illumining its completely blank features.
Once it vanished from sight, I turned to Luna at the very end of the train. Discord remained near the other end of the car, tapping his hoof against the roof. Luna didn’t seem all too relieved.
I stood next to her. “That’s it, right? Can’t have any big battle if it can’t even keep up.”
The rain pattered against her face, her hovering mane unaffected by the elements. “I doubt it will be so simple, Steve. None of them has yet been.”
“There’s a first time for everything, Luna.”
She paused for a moment. “Perhaps.”
Discord joined the two of us, his hands shoved into new pockets on his sides. “I’m cold. I want to go back inside. No monster, so no—”
In the expansive dark, the creature roared again. Out of rage or pain, I didn’t know. Next came the brittle snaps of breaking bones, so loud and so sharp it caused my teeth to ache. The monster’s screams echoed into the night, each time followed by more loud pops and cracks. Silence came next, and for a long while the only sound was the heavy rain atop the train. It was then that something began galloping in our direction. Fast. Hard. Heavy.
Luna finally said, “Perhaps not,” before she shot a white spark a dozen meters into the air. With the flick of her head, it erupted like a firework, tiny tendrils of light expanding everywhere.
The extra light let me see the train tracks along with the rest of the rain-soaked cars. It also let me see the monster from before, the changes to its form frightening and grotesque. Like a giant dog, it hurried after the train. Its bipedal nature had been altered, cracking whatever bones that lay inside of it to allow its limbs to take new form. Thick claws dug into the ground, giving it more momentum. Wondering how it’d snarled in the dark before, I watched with horrible fascination as its expressionless face flashed a mouth filled with rows of teeth like broken glass. Once it finished its latest scream, its mouth caved in on itself, its perfect white skin gently rippling in its wake.
Discord leaned on my shoulder. “That’s new. What should we call it? Spot? Rex? Mr. Grumbles? I like Mr. Grumbles. Let’s go with that.” He brought a hand to his mouth. “Hey! Mr. Grumbles! Go away! No one likes you and you’re too big to play here. So get lost and go play somewhere else!”
Mr. Grumbles didn’t take kindly to its new name; its clawed limbs dug deeper into the earth, showering the tracks behind it with mounds of dirt.
Luna widened her stance and spread out her wings. Her eyes turned pure white while a wave of silvery fabric dispersed from her horn. Once large enough, she angled her head and the silver material formed a solid wall from the train tracks up.
The creature collided with it headfirst and the barrier bent in the middle—the monster’s featureless face flattened even more. From its head, it shot out a sharp horn that easily pierced through the magic film. From side to side it thrashed its head, tearing the barrier to tatters.
“It can change,” Luna spoke calmly. “It will adapt to whatever we do to it.”
I lowered myself to keep balance. “You’ve seen one of these before?”
“No.”
I couldn’t take my eyes from the beast. “Any chance of a weakness?”
“I do not know.”
Discord strolled to the edge of the train to nudge us aside. In place of his blue and gold conductor’s uniform, he wore a black and red samurai costume, complete with a sheathed katana blade by his side. On his head he wore a triangular rice hat, casting his head in a shadow. All I could see of his face were his two toxic eyes. It was the first time I think I was actually happy to see him.
In one smooth motion, Discord unsheathed his blade. The weapon was so sharp, it sung. “And you thought my wit was sharp!”
I shook my head. “I never did, actually.”
He stuck his tongue out and lifted his blade. Luna and I backed away while Discord sliced at the air in all directions. The creature stumbled in its step, thin red lines visible on all its limbs. When one leg detached from it and fell to the dirt, so did the top half of its head. With several limbs sliced away, it crashed into the tracks chin first, puffing up dirt.
Discord sheathed his sword and took a small bow, breaking into giggles when he stood up again. He snapped his costume away. “Was that so hard? Could neither of you have done that?”
The creature shrieked again. All three of us turned to the noise, knowing full well what was coming next. Again the being broke its bones, howling in pain each time. The next sound I heard was hardened hooves atop metal. Towards the train sprinted a mammoth white horse, a long horn at the very center of its forehead. Each step it took crushed the tracks underneath it. Two sunken sockets now created its eyes, while its broken glass-like sneer curved halfway up its equine-shaped head, huffing out angrily.
In sixty-seconds it had become much faster than before. Also more frightening than anything I could’ve possibly seen coming. It was one of those times I was genuinely happy standing in the rain with wet clothes. Neither Discord nor Luna seemed to notice while I urinated down one of my legs.
The monster charged forward and slammed its horn into the side of the last car, shattering windows and making its riders cry out in alarm. The hit was almost hard enough to derail the whole car, and I was forced to grab Luna’s side to keep from falling off.
She turned to Discord. “Put a shield around the train. Those inside must make it to the Crystal Empire, whatever the cost.”
Discord leaned back and floated in the air. “And what do I get out of—”
“Please, Discord.” She hesitated, before adding, “Right now I need your help.”
Discord stood on the roof again and frowned, crossing his arms together. “Fine. Whatever. Just don’t say I never do anything for you guys.”
Without bothering to look at his own fingers, he brought them up to snap, instantly encasing the whole train in a shimmering white aura.
With the barrier in place, the creature jabbed at the car again, bouncing off the glowing shield and wobbling the car to one side.
Discord balled his hands into fists and fumed. He took two steps off the back of the train, walking on air. “Mr. Grumbles! You are not playing nice! And I’ve had it up to here with—”
The creature opened its curved mouth and roared, spraying Discord with bits of spit. It slashed at him with its horn, but Discord parted himself in the middle to avoid the blow.
Discord visibly shook with anger. “Fine! You’ve left me no choice!”
He cracked his head from side to side, raising his hand as if it contained a holy relic. He snapped his fingers again and nothing changed. Bemused, he glared at his own digits and tried again. His eyes went wide as he looked from his hand to the monster, then he hurriedly walked back atop the train to stand behind Luna and me.
“That’s… odd,” he said, his face a few shades lighter. “I wanted it gone, but it’s still here. That doesn’t happen all that often.”
Luna said, “We have never encountered the same creature more than once. It is impossible to predict what the next one will bring.” She looked down and her chin quivered. “Discord, teleport everyone from the last car to the rest of the train; I do not care if they are uncomfortable, just as long as the car underneath us is empty.”
Discord seemed to have a question on his mind, but he kept it to himself. “All right.” He snapped his fingers and the shouts heard through the broken windows below halted at once. “Now what?”
Luna raised her head and glared at the beast. “Now you take Steve and get him off this car. Then you disconnect it from the rest of the train.”
“And you?”
“I destroy this creature.”
I stood beside her. “I don’t think you can, Luna. It’ll just keep changing—repairing itself.”
She continued to glare at it. “Then I will stall it for as long as I can. The power of the moon will aid me in my plight.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
Luna nodded, smiling faintly. “Yes. I know the end when I see it, Steve, and I will embrace it without fear. I think that is all I have wanted all along. A choice in the matter—the knowledge of when my time has come.” She turned and put a hoof on my chest. “You are a very foolish human, Steve, and a well-meaning one. Do not impede Twilight’s plan further. That is all I ask of you.”
I wanted to say more. I wanted to ask just what she planned on doing to that equine monster chasing the train. I also wanted to know how one death was somehow better than another. The ponies stuck in this Equestria seemed to have a single outcome coming to them—they either died here, ripped apart by some creature from another world; or they replicated the event that created this place to begin with, thus merging with their original selves and forgetting all the nightmares that’d been made here. Perhaps the difference was in choosing to meet your end on your own terms, rather than living in fear that every day might be your last.
This was some seriously heavy stuff to consider. I really missed my condo.
Before I could tell her any of this, Discord grabbed my shoulder and snapped his claws, teleporting us to the previous car. Together, we watched the last part of the train pry apart from the others, slowing down as it rode out whatever momentum it had left.
Still standing near its edge, Luna created another shield around herself, as the monster took a swipe at her, recoiling off her magic. A moment later, the car was consumed by the night, the last image I could glimpse being the faint white glow of Luna’s horn. The crescent moon high above filled into a full moon as it lowered to the earth.
Luna flew upward and stopped at the moon’s center, spreading her wings as her mane billowed out. When she careened back to the ground, I heard one final scream from the beast before a large boom echoed across the mountainous lands.
I never saw her again.
***
“You could’ve saved her,” I told Discord only seconds later, my nerves shot and my hands trembling.
The rain and lightning that had announced the beast came to a stop, leaving me soaked and shivering in the wind.
Discord’s grin was nowhere to be found. “I could have, yes, but would she have allowed me to? Even I wasn’t able to stop that thing. If this train outran it for a time, it could’ve always followed the tracks right into the Empire. It was Luna’s call and she picked up the phone willingly. Although, in this case, I am reminded that all ends are very much the same here—the only difference being how we get to that end.”
I sat on the roof of the car, rubbing my arms. “You know I’m still going to try and stop all this, right? I still want to get Sombra out of here alive if I can.”
Discord turned his back on me. “I know you will, and I’m counting on it, actually.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“No. Not really.” He sighed. “I’m more than done with this world, Steve; too much horror and gore and not nearly enough pies in the face, if that makes any sense. But I don’t think I’m done with this world’s version of Twilight. If she succeeds, I lose her. If she stays here, the outcome remains the same. I don’t think I want that. Not yet, anyways.”
My shakes abated. “Meaning?”
“Meaning that after I’m done speaking, I’ll be sending you ahead to the Crystal Empire. I’m sure you’ll see Sombra again—wouldn’t be much of an ending if you didn’t. And all I want you to do once you see him, is ask just what was going through his mind in the last few seconds of his first life. What he must have been thinking of while being torn into a billion little pieces. He might not want to talk about it, but I think it might be important.”
I stood and went to him. “If you know something, then why—”
Snap!
“—won’t you just tell me!?”
With bag in tow, I looked at the gates of the Crystal Empire. Only a single building stood inside—a mammoth tower of blue and purple crystal. With only one last place to go, I started walking.
I really had no idea how this was all going to end.