• Published 6th Jan 2014
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The SweetieMash Chronicles - Justice3442



The Cutie Mark Crusaders decide they need to expand their numbers, but things quickly go awry when their first target begins sobbing on the spot. Sweetie Belle soon finds herself roped into hanging out with the young colt.

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Chapter 23:  Casanova Button Mash

The SweetieMash Chronicles

Chapter 23: Casanova Button Mash

-ooooooo-

Rarity turned towards Button Mash as Sweetie Belle trotted over to Discord. She gave Button a very serious look. “Button, I’m not sure what that fiend is playing at, but you best be careful around him.”

Button nodded obediently. “Don’t worry, Miss Rarity. I’ll be careful. I’m sure we can avoid anything else that explodes.”

Rarity winced slightly. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” She leaned closer to Button and began to whisper, “You don’t see it, do you? He’s a villain.”

Button turned and looked Discord up and down as Sweetie Belle talked to him. He turned back to Rarity. “He seems fine to me. He’s just trying to help.”

Rarity sighed and shook her head. “You’re a very sweet boy, Button. But do be careful. Your mother would never let me hear the end of it if something happened to you.” She tilted her head downwards being sure to look Button in the eyes. “Just remember that Discord is dangerous.”

“It’s okay, Miss Rarity!” Button replied cheerfully. “I think I’ve gotten used to dangerous situations!”

“Hey, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom called out as she crested a nearby hill. “We got Twilight to lend us a book on making gyrocopters! Scoots and I figured we can either get our cutie marks at building ‘em, or flying ‘em!”

Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom. “Alright! I’ll be there in a bit!”

“Hey!” Scootaloo chimed in, also cresting the hill. “Be sure to meet us at ‘Suddenly Childless’ peak!”

Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “Yes, I can imagine. Speaking of which, it seems my plans for the day have just changed. I suppose I’ll be closing the shop early to keep an eye on my sister.”

“Oh, that sounds nice!” Button replied.

“Hrrmmm… Not an adjective I would use to describe it in this case.” Rarity glanced once more at Discord. “Why are you spending time with that uncouth creature anyhow?”

Button’s eyes opened widely and he began to fidget in place nervously. “Uh… Well… You see…

Rarity pursed her lips and gave Button a concerned look. “Button, dear? Whatever is the matter?”

Button glanced over at Sweetie Belle and swallowed. “I can’t say… It’sa… it’sa secret…”

Rarity was unable to hide the surprise on her face. “A secret between you and Discord?!

“…Yeah…”

Rarity frowned. “He didn’t promise you something in return for retrieving an item that exists in a magical cave that can only be entered by one pure of heart, did he?”

Uh… No. He’s helping me. He hasn’t asked for anything from me.”

Rarity looked up and gave Discord another suspicious look.

Discord turned, catching Rarity’s look. He smiled innocently and waved as Sweetie Belle bounded up to Button.

Hmmmm…” Rarity hummed out, her tone matching her expression. “Alright, well just tread lightly.”

“Heya!” Sweetie Belle greeted. “Watcha two talking about?”

Rarity turned towards Sweetie Belle. “I was just warning young Button Mash not to trust that Discord fellow.”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “That’s good advice.”

Button Mash smiled at Sweetie Belle. “What were you and Discord talking about?”

Sweetie Belle flashed Button a worried look. “Er… Just wanted to make sure he doesn’t hurt you or anything.”

“Who, him?” Button asked pointing to Discord.

Discord floated horizontally as he strummed a golden harp wearing white robes and a glowing halo.

Rarity and Sweetie Belle replied in unison. “Yes, him!”

“Come on!” Scootaloo called out. “That peak isn’t going to wait forever.”

“It sorta will,” Apple Bloom countered. “It’s just a peak, it’s not going anywhere.”

“Well, I don’t want to wait forever!” Scootaloo countered. “Hopefully I’ll actually get to fly, for once.”

“That’s…” Apple Bloom trailed off for a moment. “That’s a pretty good reason to want ta get going, actually.”

“Just a second!” Sweetie Belle called out. She turned towards Button Mash. “I gotta go. See you later?”

“Of course!” Button said.

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle threw their forelegs around each other and shared an embrace.

“Adorable, aren’t they?”

Rarity jumped slightly and turned. Discord had quietly slithered right behind her, still wearing his robe and halo. She glared at him with a questioning look. “Just what are you up to this time?”

“Moi?” Discord said motioning to himself. “Oh, nothing you need to worry yourself over, my dear.”

Rarity frowned heavily. “Any pony with half a brain should be worried about what you’re doing.”

Discord put on a faux hurt look. “Oh Rarity, you wound me. I merely seek to assist our mutual young colt friend in one of his pursuits.”

“How fantastically vague of you.”

Discord suddenly looked slightly put off. “I think it’s something we both can agree needs a push in the right direction,” he said as he nodded towards Button Mash and Sweetie Belle.

Rarity turned towards the two foals.

“You let go!”

“Hehehe, no you first!”

Rarity watched as both Button and Sweetie Belle were both locked in a tight embrace, seemingly arguing over who should be the first to let go. She turned back to Discord, surprise having writing a multi-page essay on the topic of being shocked complete with sources across her face. “You’re… you’re serious?”

With a shimmer, Discord’s harp suddenly turned into a golden bow with a heart-shaped arrow knocked and readied. “If that’s how these two friends act around each other, I dare say I’m doing all of Ponyville a favor!”

The arrow suddenly went flying with a ‘Thwhip!’

“MEEEERRRORROWOWOOOOOOW!”

“Opal!” Rarity cried out in alarm.

“She’ll be fine,” Discord said as his bow, robes, and halo suddenly turned into a glowing green glop that collected under him. “The arrows don’t actually hurt or have any ill effects.”

Meeerooow, Reeeooow, mererrroooow!”

Rarity’s cheeks turned puffy and red as she glared at Discord. “My cat is now serenading my mail box!”

Discord pointed an accusatory lion claw. “Who are you to stand in the way of true love?”

“You let go!”

“No, you let go!”

Rarity sighed heavily as a vexed look claimed her features.

“BOTH OF YOU LET GO!” Scootaloo shouted. “I swear, your goodbyes are taking longer and longer! You two should just get on with it already!”

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle went silent.

“Get on with ‘what’?” Button asked.

“Alright, ‘Suddenly Childless’ peak, was it?” Rarity interrupted as an azure glow enveloped Button Mash and Sweetie Belle, pulling them apart. “I think I should supervise you three.” She said as she walked up towards Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle smiled wide and began to follow Rarity. “You’re coming with us? That’s great!”

Scootaloo sighed as she watched Rarity and Sweetie Belle trot towards them. “Rarity’s coming… greeeeaaaat… The only thing we’re going to get our cutie marks in is ‘playing it safe’ and ‘being bored’.”

“Oh, hush,” Apple Bloom said. “Look how happy Sweetie Belle is.”

Ugh… sure. But now it’s gonna take forever to make gyrocopters, ‘cause Rarity is gonna make us do all this pointless stuff like ‘read the instructions’ and ‘use all the parts’.”

Rarity talked to Sweetie Belle as they made their way to the other fillies. “Now, I don’t think I’m comfortable with you three going up to ‘Suddenly Childless’ peak.”

“It’s just a name!” Sweetie Belle protested.

“Quite,” Rarity replied. “A name somepony came up with after they were ‘suddenly childless’.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “Well, it’s not like it’s the peak’s real name.”

“Indeed. Its real name is Kilgrave Peak. I suppose ‘Murder Corpse’ peak was a little too on the nose.”

Button Mash and Discord watched as Rarity and Sweetie Belle trotted away.

Well…” Discord cooed out with a devilish grin. “Shall we move on to our next plan?”

Button looked up at Discord. “You know… I’m wondering if I’m overthinking this.”

Discord shook his head. “Impossible, there is no such thing as ‘overthinking’. Just various degrees of underthinking. Why, if you’re going through life opening pickle jars without the use of a rubber chicken, life preserver, and flame-thrower, you’re simply not doing it right.”

“Well… Okay—”

“Don’t say the ‘b’ word.”

“—But—”

Discord sighed. “You said it.”

“For some reason I’m starting to think maybe Sweetie Belle really likes me too.”

Discord groaned.

“I just can’t quite put my hoof on why,” Button said thoughtfully as he stared off into space.

Discord leaned down and placed his lion arm around Button’s shoulders. “Oh my dear, sweet, naïve Button Mash. You can’t just tell a pretty young thing like Sweetie Belle that you’re in love with her.”

“… I can’t?”

Discord shook his head back and forth. “No! A girl like that must be wooed properly.”

“Oh, alright. Guess I should practice.”

“Nonsense! All we need is—”

“Woo!”

Uh…

“Woo!”

“What are—?”

“Woo!”

“What are you doing?”

Button looked back at Discord. “I’m practicing my “woo”s.”

“That’s not…” Discord sighed and smacked his talon against his face. “That’s not what that means.”

“Oh, well… What does it mean?”

Discord grinned and leaned forward, placing his mouth next to of of Button’s ears. “Whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper—”

Uh… Mr. Discord Genie, sir? You’re not actually telling me anything. You’re just saying the word ‘whisper’ over and over again.”

“Oh, right,” Discord said as he raised himself to his full height, a grin oozing across his face. “Perhaps I should just show you then.”

-ooooo-

“Girls…” Rarity said with concern as she slowly peaked her head over the cliff edge. She swallowed hard as she stared down the wall of shear stone leading all the way down to hard ground littered with a random assortment of large rocks. “I don’t think this is such a great spot for your test run of these…”

Rarity turned towards what could generously be described as a ‘gyrocopter’. It was essentially a simple wooden frame covered with gobs of sticky glue and rubber bands with a seat that held a pony in place as they peddled to power a large propeller atop the device and another behind it. Scootaloo sat in just such a device, peddling as hard as her little hooves would allow. The propellers warbled and spun in response.

“… contraptions,” Rarity finished.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine!” Sweetie Belle insisted. “I mean… the hang gliders worked… mostly…”

Rarity turned and gave her sister a stern look. “You and I really need to have a heart-to-heart about some of these cutie mark acquiring methods you and your friends indulge in.”

Scootaloo continued to pedal. “Well that sounds like a metric flank-load of fun,” she said sarcastically.

‘SNAP!’

One of the propeller blades suddenly broke and flew off into some nearby bushes.

Apple Bloom sighed. “I’ll get it.”

“Great!” Scootaloo said as she disembarked and rummaged through a pile of arts and crafts items. “I’ll get the glue stick!”

Rarity cringed.

“Ya know…” Apple Bloom said as she parted bush branches in search of the broken propeller piece. “Maybe ya shoulda let me help a bit more in construction.”

“Pffft, no!” Scootaloo said dismissively. “How am I gonna get a cutie mark in gyrocopter construction if you do all the work?”

With a ‘snap!’ the tail section fell off. Scootaloo turned and glared at the tail section. “I’ll get some rubber bands, too.”

“Girls! I must simply must protest!” Rarity said. “This just isn’t safe.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Oh, here we go…”

“Rarity,” Sweetie Belle said in an unhappy tone. “I told them you’d be fun this time.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I’m being a bit of a Sir Buzz Killington, but this device is hardly airworthy and that cliff edge looks like it might give way any moment.”

“It’s held up so far!” Sweetie Belle protested.

Apple Bloom carried over the wooden propeller piece in her mouth, depositing it into Scootaloo’s waiting hooves. “So what were you talking about when you said Button and Sweetie Belle should ‘get on with it’?”

“Huh?” Scootaloo replied as she smeared a glue stick over the broken edge. “Oh, that… I meant they should tell each other how they feel.” Scootaloo’s face seemed to turn slightly green. “It’s kinda sickening to watch them together but pretend to just be friends, you know.”

“Well,” Apple Bloom said as she thought about it. “Ah suppose them getting everything out in the open wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah, at least they wouldn’t be stuck, doing… that thing where they both sort of stare at each other and mumble half-baked sentences at one another until one of them finally has to go.”

“Oh yeah,” Apple Bloom said. “That’s really… strange…”

“‘Awkward’ is what that is,” Scootaloo said. “And frustrating! One of them needs to come right out and—”

The sound of a guitar being strummed suddenly cut off Scootaloo. The ponies present turned to see Button sitting near the edge of the peak wearing a frilly black outfit and holding a rose in his mouth as Discord stood next to him and plucked an acoustic guitar.

“—Uh… Never mind…” Scootaloo said.

“Button?” Sweetie Belle said inquisitively.

Rarity smacked a forehoof against her forehead. “Oh dear…”

“Sweetfie Bwelle—”

Discord’s brow tightened. “Take the rose out of your mouth, you idiot!”

Discord continued to strum his guitar as Button spit out the rose. “Sweetie Belle!” Button said in an enticing voice as he held out a hoof. “I have come for… come for…” He turned towards Discord. “Line?”

Discord threw down his guitar in frustration. With a ‘crunch!’ and a ‘twang!’ the instrument was destroyed as the ground near the edge of the peak began to crack. “YOU!” he shouted.

Rarity looked down at the cliff in alarm.

“Oh, right!” Button said turning back towards Sweetie Belle. “You!”

“… ‘Me’ what?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“No, not ‘me’,” Button Mash said. “‘You’!”

“Okay, ‘you’ what?”

“I’m here!” Button Mash said.

“For ‘you’?”

“Er… No! For ‘me’! I mean—”

Discord stomped his hoof on the ground.

‘Crack…’

Rarity looked at the cliff Discord and Button were standing at in concern.

“This isn’t an Abbott and Costello routine, you two!” Discord cried.

Button and Sweetie Belle exchanged a confused look. “Who’s that?” they asked in unison.

Discord began to shake with frustration.

‘Crack…’

Er… Discord?” Rarity said.

“Not right now!” Discord snapped. He looked down at Button Mash. “Look, just start all over!”

Button nodded. “Okay.” He leaned down and took the rose back into his mouth. “Sweetfie Bwelle—”

Discord grabbed his head and began to stop both his feet down on the ground. “No! No! No!”

Button looked up at Discord in protest. “Wvell vIe wanted twwo pwactice, but ywou swaid not twwo!”

“Practice!” Discord huffed out. “You had one line! Four words! Why would you need to—”

‘Crack!’

“Discord!” Rarity called out in alarm. “The cliff—”

“Is supposed to add to the mood!” Discord interrupted. “But this colt is just so hopeless, that he—“

‘CRACK!’

The cliff suddenly gave way from under Discord and Button Mash, the two suddenly finding themselves lacking a solid base on which to stand on.

“AIE—”

With a green flash, Button suddenly found himself over solid ground again, Sweetie Belle’s forelegs wrapped tightly around him.

Discord, on the other hoof…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-Oh wait, I can fly—”

‘THUD!’

Discord hit the ground with a massive piece of the cliff that came down with him landing on him with a solid ‘CRUNCH!’ He raised his eagle talon, the only appendage not under the large chunk of rock. “Never mind,” he uttered weakly.

Sweetie Belle gave Button a panic stricken look. “Are you okay?!”

Button maneuvered one of his forelegs through Sweetie Belle’s vice-like grip to point at the rose. “Thif iff for ywou!”

Sweetie Belle’s face lit up as a green glow enveloped the rose and she gently removed it from Button’s mouth. “For me?!”

Button smiled. “Yes! For ‘me’! Er… I mean—”

Seriously?!” Discord cried angrily from the ground far below.

“Thank you…” Sweetie Belle said earnestly.

“You’re welcome!” Button said.

“No, I mean, really… thank you!” Sweetie Belle said as she looked emerald eyes with Button’s amber ones.

Uh… Well… thank you for saving me.”

“Of course! I couldn’t let anything happen to the pony I… uh…”

“The pony I… ‘what’, Sweetie Belle?”

Er… the pony… the pony…”

Button nodded. “ ‘The pony’… ‘The pony’…” he parroted.

“Is anypony going to help me?!” Discord called from below. “Or is some awkward scene you’re hoping will actually resolve itself distracting you all from coming to my aid?

Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “Like he can’t just teleport back up here if he wanted…” she muttered under her breath.

Button and Sweetie Belle parted.

“I should probably…” Button began.

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle agreed.

“… Discord,” Button said.

“Of course.”

“So… soon?”

“Right! Soon.”

With a mighty heave powered by frustration, Scootaloo grabbed the remains of the gyrocopter and pushed it as hard as she could. Rarity and Apple Bloom jumped slightly as the gyrocopter slid past them and plummeted off the cliff edge. It fell with a whistling sound before crashing below.

“OW!” Discord shouted. “Who’s up there throwing air jalopies?!”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Done with gyrocopters are we?”

Scootaloo folded her arms across her chest and looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

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