• Member Since 25th Sep, 2011
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FanOfMostEverything


Be good, little colts and fillies. Be good, or KrampusMostEverything may come visiting...


E

Rainbow Dash is usually a very take-charge kind of person, but even she can recognize when a problem won't be solved by going really fast, beating the crap out of something, or being the best at literally every sport. She's humble like that.

In this case, the problem is stationary, crapless, and unresponsive to even the most obscure athletic gear. That means it's time to call in the experts.

(Note: The following story isn't set at Camp Everfree, but this is the best picture I could get of these three without anyone else in frame.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 60 )
Neece #1 · May 25th · · ·

I didn't know what to expect, and I wasn't disappointed :pinkiehappy:

Fenton #2 · May 25th · · ·

Everyone kept looking at the Rainbooms' table... expectantly.

You got me here, comedy gold.

Great story!

"Because now I miss my old digestive system."

Aww... :applecry:

Dash snorted. Everyone made sure she was awake.

:pinkiehappy:

...

Harmony Element Planes... That seems bad... What with Elementals of Harmony... If Harmony Elementals start leaking through...

Something strange is happening at Rainbow Dash's apartment. No, not her parents. They're always like that.

Ooh, aren't you trendy.

In this case, the problem is [...] crapless

That is my new favourite turn of phrase!

Rarity either scoffed or briefly beatboxed

:rainbowderp:
Haven't heard enough pony audio to confirm. Must fix that.

The floor was almost as thickly covered, though mostly with laundry at various stages of cleanliness and, in the lower strata, sentience.

I don't think you're quite best turner-of-phrase, but you're certainly very close. Top three.

"Put less charitably," said the other, "it's clear where you and your equine analogue got the insanity necessary for you to do the impossible on a regular basis."

Someone call Nurse Redheart about that burn...

8/10, would read repeatedly.

8188151 So long as no one tries becoming God, we're good.

Well, it's not Oversaturated, but it is FoME! Time to dig in!

This fic has convinced me that there is nothing neurologically broken in Dash's parents. They happen to be best friends conspiring together to strengthen their relationship by agreeing to mutual obsession with their daughter, like a normal couple planning ahead and agreeing to get a pet dog or cat to act as a focal point when tempers run high.

To be honest, lavishing a child with the kind of affections and attentions reserved for a pet is actually an IMPROVEMENT for Rainbow Dash, because of how naturally physical RD is and because how emotionally shallow her otherwise ordinary and fully functional parents are.

I know plenty of people who wished their parents had been able to show them the same kind of unconditional affection their parents had for the family pet.

... seems legit.

Hey, about the cover art... if you can remind me in, like, a month, I'll be able to help with that. I'm a little... handicapped at th moment.
yeah ok I broke my arm in a really stupid way

At first listen through on my kindle, the ending felt incomplete. Went back and read it again be sure and saw the image at the end. Suddenly, it all makes sense. Good stuff.

So can Scootaloo reach the that plane, or is her fan filly points not that high? And due to the emotional nature of it, it seems to be red mana all the way down.

I see you expanded on your musing from the last Friendship is Card Games.

That looks suspiciously like that one thing in Geisttrappers

Who you gonna call?

In this case, the problem is stationary, crapless, and unresponsive to even the most obscure athletic gear.

Constipation?

Chapter title: What Lurks Within

Sounds like constipation.

Incoming hundreds of likes

LOL!

"Pony problem how? Mysterious magical butt tattoo?

Actually plausible!

Your wings lasting for more than four hours?

Pinkie's been watching too many TV commercials!!

Did you run so fast you changed history and now our comics are getting a poorly thought-out reboot?"

:facehoof: Oh, Pinkie... :rainbowlaugh:

Sunset cleared her throat. "What makes you think this is related to Equestria, Rainbow?"

"Just come to my place. I'll explain everything there." After a moment, Dash added, "But, uh, maybe just you two? It's kind of embarrassing."

"Lately, I feel compelled to dress in style..."

Rarity either scoffed or briefly beatboxed; it was always hard to tell with her. "Oh, really, Rainbow Dash, I hardly think there's anything you have to be ashamed of with us."

"Anything, no. Anyone..." Dash trailed off, her cheeks rosy.

...oh dear. :rainbowderp:

Twilight stared at the two-person mass of pink hair.

...goddamn you. Now I'm picturing what happened to Phineas and Ferb at the end of "Canderemy" happening to Pinkie and Fluttershy:

vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/phineasandferb/images/a/a9/Ferbneas_and_Isabella.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110402205709

The floor was almost as thickly covered, though mostly with laundry at various stages of cleanliness and, in the lower strata, sentience.

Ruled over by SPORTS-BRA THE EVER-WICKING!!

"Well, a few days ago, one of my most awesome shirts just vanished." Dash poked the hangers that held identical copies of the shirt she wore.

(...)

Twilight closed her eyes and sniffed. "There's definitely some sort of lingering aroma. Sweetness and something I can't place."

"I can," said Dash. "That's my dad's aftershave."

Sunset took a deep breath. Her eyes widened. "And hay. Equestrian hay."

:facehoof: I know where this is going now and this is a long way to go for THAT joke. :rainbowwild:

Dash snorted. Everyone made sure she was awake. "Yeah, no. When pony-me's dad is raiding my closet, that's not love anymore. That's just creepy."

Super creepy. Coulda been worse, though. Coulda been her underwear...

I...I...I got nothing. I have no idea what to even...

8188372 I'm thinking Boros or Mardu. Either way, it's a more pure obsession, though there is the ambition to be like her so....

Ehh, I think this should have T rating. I mean, there's the C word in the description.

Like counter currently at 77 and 0 :raritystarry:

Posh #21 · May 25th · · ·

You are the silliest person.

The silliest person.

That was astounding, FoME.

8188141
After the first four magical catastrophes, you start keeping popcorn handy.

8188151 8188181
Fortunately, these are elementals that are supposed to exist. No risk of cosmic decay with them around, nor of certain purple prodigies ascending to a sick parody of godhood.

8188179
See here for a fine example of beatscoffing.

Also, glad to hear I medal in phrase turning. :pinkiehappy:

8188297
Thanks, I'll bear that in mind. Here's hoping for a swift recovery.

8188372 8188804
"Adoring fan" doesn't have quite the same sympathetic link as "loving parent." There's also the matter of time and numbers involved; Bow and Windy have been doing this for a lot longer. That said, given time, we may yet make a loyalty elementalist of that girl. Either of them. Possibly both working together. (Hmm. Possible sequel idea...)

And yeah, the Plane of Loyalty definitely leans towards red and a bit of white, as influenced by its greatest elemental lords (or, more accurately, ladies.)

8188381
I've been sitting on this idea since Treehouse aired the episode. My muse demanded it come out the week after it officially aired.

8188773

:facehoof: Oh, Pinkie... :rainbowlaugh:

To be fair, super-speedsters do have a bad habit of doing that.

"Lately, I feel compelled to dress in style..."

:raritystarry:
"Also, Rarity keeps making that face."

Now I'm picturing what happened to Phineas and Ferb at the end of "Canderemy" happening to Pinkie and Fluttershy:

Not at all what I was going for. I didn't even know Phineas and Ferb had a crossover with Steven Universe! :raritywink:

Ruled over by SPORTS-BRA THE EVER-WICKING!!

Bah. Everyone knows Sports-Bra is just a figurehead for the Compression Shorts Consortium.

8188779
Then I've done my job. :twilightsmile:

8188891
Considering your own work, that's saying a lot. Thank you!

That . . . was just plain weird. :pinkiegasp:

Speaking of ideas this,

"The last time I saw my parents, I literally told them that I wished my mentor had given birth to me.

got me thinking. And that my friend is the mark of a good story. It makes you think.

Rarity either scoffed or briefly beatboxed; it was always hard to tell with her.

Hold on.

*Typing Intensifies*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5pYBK0TYss

Your wings lasting for more than four hours?

You dirty son of a gun! :rainbowlaugh:

Anyway, this was a really funny story. Well done, brother (or... sister). :twilightsmile:

By the way, 8188835, crap isn't a swear word... unless you're really sensitive.

Oh, and 8188773:

Super creepy. Coulda been worse, though. Coulda been her underwear...

OMG! :rainbowlaugh:

Pinkie herself said, "Pony problem how? Mysterious magical butt tattoo? Your wings lasting for more than four hours? Did you run so fast you changed history and now our comics are getting a poorly thought-out reboot?"

The comics are getting a reboot? Also, forgot that there were comics. Weird.

Georg #30 · May 26th · · ·

Well, at least there wasn't an Eye That Floats, Silent and Unblinking In Rainbow Dash's Kitchen.

Sunset's had enough of those for several lifetimes. And so has Flash.

8190068 Wait. Didn't the New 52 just come out?

*does quick research*

Wow, that was 2011. It's 2017. Rebirth was 2016. Also, Marvel kinda has a reboot in 2015. Where did the time go?

wlam #34 · May 26th · · ·

8189746
Creepy floating eyes you can poke with a broom handle. Family is forever. I know which one I would pick.

Mysterious magical butt tattoo? Your wings lasting for more than four hours?

Pinkie! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Did you run so fast you changed history and now our comics are getting a poorly thought-out reboot?"

*Sigh* I'll go fix that hole in the fourth wall. Anybody got any duct tape?

8191035
Got some quick drying concrete, will that help?

Yep, that was random and weird.

I always found Dash's parents to be a bit---erm, okay, very much on the disturbing side. You just proved that point further. And Loyalty Plane? Implying that there's one per Element? Now I must have a sequel :raritystarry:

"gives Sunset Shimmer a BIG hug" :applecry:

BenRG #39 · May 27th · · ·

PRINCESS TWI: "Bow, theft is theft. I have to insist that you let me take this back to the human world or I'll have to press charges on behalf of the other Rainbow Dash. Co-operate and promise that you'll never do this again and I will forget to mention to the Royal Sisters that you've broken the interdict on interdimensional travel that was enacted soon after the disappearance of the Crystal Empire. NO, THE PUPPY-DOG EYES WON'T HELP YOU! Don't you think that I've learned immunity to that after teaching the Crusaders?"

8189318
It made perfect sense to me. This should tell you a lot. :pinkiecrazy:

8189369
Quite so. Glad this one got your brain buzzing.

8189510
:raritystarry: Marvelous. Count on Littleshy to deliver quality pone.

8189746 8190056 8190210
Probably a good thing it didn't find its way into Dash's closet. As the description notes, she'd likely try to punch it. I don't see that ending well for her.

8191867
I'll take that as a compliment.

8192175
No promises on a sequel, but I could definitely see expanding the concept elsewhere.

8192728 Yes, my brain is buzzing. Should I see a doctor about that? :rainbowwild: I regret nothing that set up was just begging for a wise ass remark It's almost like it was intentional or something. But yes, it made me think. :eeyup:

LOL! This was hilarius!

"best abomination ever!"

I love that line!

It seems that the language barrier may have been preventing any discourse between pony Dash's parents and EQG Dah's parents... otherwise they probably could have made some simple "tradesies for dealsies."

Rarity either scoffed or briefly beatboxed; it was always hard to tell with her.

I'm pretty sure this story is about to get another upvote...

(reads story; sees Author's Note at the end)

Oh, this is definitely worthy of an upvote. I didn't make the connection until you pointed it out. Brilliant.

Comment posted by Pimapifi deleted May 28th

Great story. I wanted to comment just to tell you how well your description/title/other metadata worked—I was so ready to just glance at this fic and pass it by, as I do most fics nowadays, but your description got me so interested in what the "problem" was that I just had to read it. And I'm glad I did.

(I wanted to comment so badly, in fact, that I forgot to log out of my alt. Ignore the deleted comment above me!)

I just noticed your avatar has been fooling me for years. Years.

Also, good fic.

It's so stupid that it's almost a crime how much it all makes sense...

The other girls hadn't really been paying attention to the decor, but now that Dash had said something,

You are missing the bolded word, or a word like it.

Grade A stuff, here! Well done!

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