The Apple family farm is in trouble. It was once underwater, but Discord fixed that. Now it’s underwater with a horrible, evil, greedy creature: a bank. Big Mac has only one day to get the bits together. After overhearing the flower mares talk about him, he gets an idea. It’s the oldest profession in the world, so how hard could it be?

All he has to do is keep quiet while he conducts business. So long as the customers are happy, and the bits are flowing, it’s all worth it. It’s just his reputation, self-esteem, health, and dignity on the line. It’s just a roll in the hay— it doesn’t mean anything…

Right?

Featured on EQD! (7/16/14)

Edited by: Level Dasher
Cover Art by: Anonymoose

A secret unknown to any hornless pony, unicorn horns are made of candy. Pinkie Pie found out, and now she wants to try every flavor!

Warning: contains awkward moments and far too much non-consensual horn licking. Proceed at the risk of your horn and your dignity.

Available in Chinese, courtesy of Hell Organist.
Available in Russian, courtesy of boatOV.
Audio Reading by CaptainBron3y.
Second Audio Reading by Kanjigirl.
Featured on Equestria Daily.

Based on this story:
Pegasus Wings Are Made Of Ice Cream
The Taste Of Madness
Lyra's Candy Shoppe
Candy Is Made Of Unicorn Horns
How Many Licks?
To Prevent Horn Decay
Unicorn Horns Are Made of Heroin
Over His Dead Body
A Luscious Loophole
Dr. Doofenshirtz's Sweet Revenge
That Thing We Do
#DealWithIt
Unicorn Horns are...
Unicorn Horns Are Loaded With Calories
Charlie The Unicorn's Horn Is Made Of Candy

Spike has finally saved up his allowance, and on a beautiful winter's day he buys his first material possession, a sled!

When a technical difficulty causes him to doubt his purchase Twilight quietly uses her magic to solve the problem. But what awaits the dragon whelp as her magic turns an average sled into the Super Amazing Rocket Sled of Awesome?

Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic and student of Princess Celestia, has braved many dangers and defeated powerful foes. But on a peaceful afternoon, she will face her greatest challenge: eating some lunch.

With thanks to GlueFactory for helping me edit, and Equestria Daily for featuring me!

The girls get together to have a few drinks. Silliness ensues.

Cover image by De-Masque! http://de-masque.deviantart.com/

Anypony will tell you that Princess Celestia is the most amazing pony in Equestria. She's graceful, she's beautiful, and she always knows just what to say. Her decisions are wise and her manners are impeccable. Some might go so far as to say she's completely perfect.

Celestia has a secret, however. As it turns out, she actually is completely perfect. She's utterly infallible in every aspect. And boy, is she sick of it.

Now she's determined to manage to make just one little thing go wrong.

It won't, of course. After all, she's perfect.

---------
Written for the Equestria Daily Pre-reader battle: April 2013- The prompt was "Celestia's terrible secret- Revealed!" Unfortunately it didn't work nearly as well as I'd hoped, but hopefully someone gets a cheap chuckle out of it.

To Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, it is a simple surprise visit to Canterlot. To the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service, it is twenty-four hours of chaos, politics, weaponized dessert, politics, underhooved manipulation of media, politics, and things batrachian and tentacular. Who said bureaucracy isn't exciting?

"How could somepony as amazing as you not have a Special Somepony on Hearts and Hooves Day?"

With that single sentence, a thousand memories came flooding back to Cheerilee. A thousand memories of a thousand terrible dates...

Rainbow Dash is determined to get married. The most successful apple orchard in Equestrian history is going broke. Pinkie Pie is unemployed.

Twilight is finding all this rather suspicious. Is she really the only honest pony in Ponyville? And can she keep it that way?

Celestia and Luna have been sisters for more than a millennium. If only that made things easier!

Will poor housekeeping lead to the destruction of Equestria?

Will Spike ever find true love while wearing cupcake shaped hats?

Will Twilight Sparkle ever learn to play the banjo?

(No banjos were harmed in the making of this fiction. If you want to find out the answers to those last two questions, you'll probably have to go read something else.)

Cover art commissioned from Akasashi (http://akashasi.deviantart.com)

Spanish translation by SPANIARD-KIWI