The mare squeezed, tightening her grip on Cheerilee’s leg. “Soft Focus, I’ve seen all of your films. I’m such a huge fan!" Smiling from ear to ear, the mare’s eyes twinkled.
“Um, I hate to disappoint you,” Cheerilee answered, trying to pry the mare’s vice-like grip off of her leg, “but I think you’ve got the wrong mare.”
“Oh, of course,” the mare whispered, dropping Cheerilee an exaggerated wink. “I won’t tell a soul! I just wanted to say that I’ve loved you since She Wears the Saddle Now! It’s my favorite movie of all time.”
“But I’m not—”
The mare pressed her hoof to the side of her nose twice and smiled, winking again. “Right." Walking backwards, she disappeared once again into the bushes that surrounded restaurant’s patio.
Cheerilee turned back to Camshaft, her mouth gaping. “What in Equestria?”
The stallion snorted, a grin spreading across his broad face. “Why, Cheerilee! Why didn’t you mention your other career?" Leaning back in his chair, Cam pressed his hoof to his heart. “And here I thought we were telling each other our deepest secrets. You wound me!”
“Oh, shut up,” Cheerilee replied, tossing a balled-up napkin at the stallion's head. “I told you that weird things happen to me all the time!”
Cam speared a potato, popping it into his mouth. “Yeah, I guess you did. I just didn’t expect—”
“Just one more thing! Could I get your autograph?”
Cheerilee jerked her head back from the pen that was suddenly thrust at her face. “Look, I don’t want to be rude, but—”
“No, no! I get it,” the mare replied, digging into her saddlebag. “You’re eating. I know you like your space. It’s just, you know, this might be my only chance, and I’m such a huge, HUGE fan!" With a cry of triumph, she pulled out a small, leather-bound book and flipped through it rapidly. “See, I even have a page for you all set up! It’s got your picture and everything!”
Cheerilee sighed, pushing her chair away from the table. “Please listen to me. I’m not Soft Focus, okay." She tapped the glamour photo with her hoof. “See, it doesn’t even look like me. My mane isn’t straight, and my coat isn’t brown!”
The mare hopped from hoof to hoof, grinning. “And can I just say that your stylist must be excellent? I almost didn’t recognize you! You really put the ‘neat-o’ in ‘incognito!”
Cheerilee slapped a hoof over her face, growling. “Okay, whatever. If I sign your book will you leave us alone?”
“Absolutely!” the mare breathed. “Intruding is the last thing I want to do.”
Snatching the pen from the mare, Cheerilee scribbled a random looping signature on the photo. “There.”
The mare squealed, running in place. “Oh, thank you! This means so much to me!”
“Great,” Cheerilee said through a clenched jaw. “Now, I’d like to ask that—”
The mare reversed, wiggling back into the bushes. “I’m way ahead of you.”
“Ugh!” Cheerilee said, throwing her hooves up. “Why does it always—hey!”
Across the table, Cam’s shoulders shook as he tried to control his laughter. With a napkin firmly pressed over his lips, he squeezed his eyes closed. Despite his efforts, every so often, a few snort still escaped.
“Oh, I’m glad you find this so amusing!” Cheerilee said. She tried to give him a deep scowl, but she was beginning to catch his giggles.
Rocking back in his chair, Cam waved his hooves in surrender. “Please!” he gasped. “I’m going to explode if you keep making that face!" Wiping his streaming eye with the napkin, Cam slowly began to regain his composure. “Oh, I’m sorry, Cheerilee. I don’t mean to make fun of you, but that look you give her was just priceless. I can’t believe you signed the book!”
Leaning to one side, Cheerilee set her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hoof. “Well, what else was I going to do? I’m telling you, Cam, this happens all the—”
“Could I get a picture with you? I’m such a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE fan of everything you’ve ever done!”
Both ponies turned. Poking out from the bushes, the mare held out a large camera.
Cam stood, throwing his napkin down onto the table. “Okay, that’s enough. You’ve had your fun. Now leave us alone or I’ll call the manager.”
Launching herself from the bushes, the mare threw her leg around Cheerilee’s shoulders and pressed their heads firmly together. Smiling impossibly wide, she depressed the shutter. With blinding brilliance, the flash popped.
Spots swam before Cheerilee’s as she blinked rapidly. “Look, I’ve had about enough of…" Her vision slowly returning, she twisted and turned, looking for the mare.
“I tried to collar her, but she’s fast,” Camshaft said, frowning at the bushes. “Look, I’m going to go talk to somepony about this. Maybe they’ll move us inside.”
Cheerilee massaged her temple with one hoof and stuck a Brussel sprout with her fork. “Well, we’re almost done with dinner, let’s just finish and—”
Fast as lightning, a metal rod topped with a mechanical claw shot out from the foliage and snatched the sprout, then disappeared. “Eeeeeee!” said a muffled voice in the leaves. “Her sprout! Wait until I show the other guys at the film club!”
“That’s it,” Camshaft growled, plunging his hoof into the bushes. With a grunt, he lifted the mare out by the scruff of her neck and made his way across the patio as the other patrons turned to watch the struggle. “Time for you to leave.”
“Ow, hey! Let me go!” the mare shouted, kicking and flailing. Wiggling violently, she managed to free herself for a moment before Camshaft caught her leg. “SOFT FOCUS, I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!”
A murmur went up and raced around Cheerilee like wildfire.
“Did she say Soft Focus?”
“Is that Soft Focus over there?!”
“Hey, everypony! Guess who’s eating at Le Paturage?! SOFT FOCUS!”
Cheerilee hopped onto the table, waving her hooves before her. “No! I’m not Soft Focus! I don’t even look like her!”
The silverware chattered across the patio tables as the rhythmic pounding of hundreds of hooves grew ever stronger. Looking out over the hedge, she could see countless eyes, shining with excitement. Hundreds of mouths stretched into hungry grins. Pens and cameras appeared, and foals were held out for kissing. It was all descending on her like a tsunami.
“Just run!” Cam shouted, still struggling to hold down the crazed mare. “We’ll catch up later!”
Leaping from the tabletop, Cheerilee hurdled the hedge and galloped down the road. “I’M NOT SOFT FOCUS!” she bellowed over her shoulder.
Squealing in ecstasy, the crowd swelled.
And pursued.
That's terribly unfortunate for Cheerilee. She deserves pity.
Ha!
Wow, Cheerilee's dates just keep getting more and more hillarious (for us, not for her.).
If your not Soft Focus then what are you doing going around looking like her, huh? Answer me that.
4125003 That's the most terrible price she pays for all of this. The readers have no pity. They love her suffering!
....
4125013 Yeah, if some sort of dimension flux happens and I end up as that Human in Equestria that people love to write about, I'm going to have to run for my very life. That mare is gonna kill me!
4125033 BUT SHE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE…Oh, never mind…
Wow, the universe must really hate Cheerilee in this one. We didn't even get to know Camshaft as a character, for Pete's sake! For all we know, he could've been perfect for her! Curse your fans, Soft Focus! Curse your stupid, stupid fans for mistaking somepony who looks nothing like you for you!
...
Wait, who's Soft Focus?
Smile for the camera, Cheerilee.
4125082 Or perhaps he was a cad and that crazed fan saved our heroine! THE CRAZED FAN IS AN EQUESTRIAN HERO!
4125082 To heck if I know.
Guess that explains why she took as long as she did to act against Diamond Tiara when she turned the Foal Free Press into a tabloid. Poor Cheerilee was having flashbacks of paparazzi stalking.
That also explains how the creepy stalker kid became editor. He had blackmail in the form of a fear induced rage Cheerilee threw after he pointed a camera at her.
4125111 Cheerilee's gonna Sean Penn the next camera she sees.
4125033
Now you listen here! She's not Soft Focus, she's a very naughty mare! Now go away!
4125462 Like that's gonna stop anyone.
She must be Soft Focus! Why else would she protest so much!
Ah hah! XD
Wasn't there a fic that that ahd a line about pony psychology was, for some reason: "There is something running: I must chase it"? I remember it in SOMEthing...
Oh, poor, poor, poor Cheerielee!
Well at least her date seemed a decent sort this time, she can try again with him, maybe in Appaloosa, I'm sure they don't have cinema out there her other career would be a secret.
I almost thought soft focus might have been a star in that 'other' film industry for a second but if that was the case then it gets a little wierd that a crowd would form so fast just at the mention of her name.
Cheerilee needs to talk to Twilight about this. After the events in Twilight Time, she's got experience dealing with a crowd of Fan-Zomponies.
It's funny how incredibly STUPID ponies can be at the WORST of times. IE building a castle in the middle of a death-forest.
4128389 I have no idea what that comment means...
4118391 Sea Breeze is already married and has a kid. Another breezie might be interested in dating Cheerilee. But the size difference could be a problem.
4129209 What are you going on about?
4129223 I'm guessing he wants a sequel or spin off to date 28.
4127357
Given the title of the film, that was my thought too.
Which makes this chapter all the more horrible.
Mistaken identities.
Always fun!
~Skeeter The Lurker
See, I even have a page for you all set up!-in Equestria a page means just that, a page in a book.
Meh. I wasn't feeling it this chapter. It felt like a repetition of the Pet Peeves chapter, and I didn't really grasp the concept of everyone thinking Cheerilee was in "incognito form" to be exhilarating. And the date was hardly interesting.
Also, hopefully no one reads this comment and dislikes it.
It's like the Pony version of Bridget Jones-I love it!