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// Date Forty-Four - Love's Just Not In The Cards 
// Story: Cheerilee's Thousand 
// by xjuggernaughtx 
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Cheerilee jumped when the cocktail waitress tapped her on the shoulder. "What—Oh, thanks," She’d totally forgotten that she’d ordered a drink some forty-five minutes ago. I guess everything here moves slowly. Cheerilee took a sip, and then stuck out her tongue. Ugh. Watery. Frowning at the drink, she tried to find a place on the cluttered poker table to set it down.
 
Beside her, Cloud Dancer hunched over her cards and stared at them intently. Licking her lips, the pegasus pulled one from the middle and moved it to the far right of her hoof. After several seconds of intense concentration, she moved it back.
 
Cheerilee took another reluctant pull from the glass and squinted at the clock through the casino’s smoky haze again. Four hours. My rump is getting sore.
 
“Make your call, already,” a baggy-eyed and stubble-jawed stallion growled from their left. “Some of us ain’t got all day.”
 
A trickle of sweat traced a glistening line down the side of Cloud’s cheek. “Just… just hold on a sec. I’m thinking!”
 
The mare to their right tapped her cards against the table’s green felt repeatedly. “Well, think faster and quit stalling!”
 
Cloud's cheeks puffed out as she blew out an explosive sigh. “Okay, okay! Uh… I’ll see your fifty bits and raise twenty.”
 
The stallion rolled his eyes. “Call. Three queens.”
 
The mare swore and tossed her cards to the table. “Two pair.”
 
Cloud Dancer swallowed hard and put her cards on the table with a trembling hoof. Three of clubs. Five of diamonds. Ten of clubs. Jack of hearts. Ace of spades. “Um… nothing?”
 
“Are you kidding me?” Cheerilee said, sloshing some of her drink as she threw her hooves up. “You’ve been staring at those cards for ten minutes!”
 
Cloud gripped Cheerilee’s shoulder tightly with her hoof, her eyes flicking left and right. “Can you lend me some bits?” she whispered.
 
Cheerilee blinked. “Excuse me?”
 
“Look, it’s just until I hit, okay?” Cloud Dancer’s eyes slid to the hulking security guards on either side of the table. “My luck’s about to turn, but I’m in a little hole right now, so if you could—”
 
“Well, it’s not my fault that you ran through all your money!” Cheerilee said. “Anyway, I’m a teacher. How many extra bits do you think I have to throw around?”
 
Cloud scowled at her. “If you don’t have any bits, then why did you want to gamble?”
 
“Me?” Cheerilee’s hoof flew to her chest. “You’re the one who was dying to come here. I figured we’d just try our luck on a few slot machines, maybe a little blackjack, and then we’d head out for dinner. Instead, I’ve been sitting here with a bunch of lousy drinks watching you steadily lose that pile of chips.”
 
“It was your idea to try poker!”
 
Cheerilee rubbed her aching temple and took a deep breath. “Yes. Yes it was. And you know what? I played two hands and lost fifteen bits. It took less than ten minutes, and I’ve been sitting here waiting on you ever—”
 
“Not that this isn’t fascinating,” the table’s elegantly dressed dealer said, leaning in between them, “but are you ladies in or out?”
 
Cloud motioned for another hand. “In!”
 
“Out,” Cheerilee said, hopping off the stool.
 
The dealer’s hoof shot into the air and two large and grim-faced security stallions trotted up. “No can do,” one of them growled as he wrapped his massive hoof around Cheerilee’s waist and gently set her back onto her stool.
 
Cheerilee’s smacked at the stallion’s hoof ineffectually. “What the—put me down!”
 
“Sorry, ma’am,” the dealer said with a shrug. “It’s casino policy. Nopony leaves the table until all players bets are settled. Your friend here’s run quite a tab.”
 
Cheerilee’s head ratcheted back and forth as she stared at the group incredulously, finally settling on Cloud Dancer. The pegasus looked down, suddenly seeming to take great interest in a small rip in the table’s fabric.
 
Cheerilee’s stomach sank. “Um, Cloud, you do have the bits to cover this, right?”
 
The pegasus picked at the rip.
 
Cheerilee crossed her hooves over her chest and glared at the mare. “If I lend you the bits, can we get out of here?”
 
Cloud Dancer ran her hoof over the rip again and nodded silently.
 
“Okay, how much do you need?”
 
The pegasus pushed her meager pile of chips around, counting. “Five…”
 
Cheerilee reached for her saddlebag.
 
“…Hundred.”
 
Cheerilee gasped and dropped her bag. “Five hundred? You need five hundred bits before we can leave?”
 
“How do you think we feel, lady?” the stubble-faced stallion said. “I was supposed to be at work three hours ago!”
 
The mare crossed her legs tightly over her chest. “My family’s probably been sitting at the dinner table all night!”
 
“Oh, come on.” Cheerilee turned to the dealer and threw her hooves wide. “What are you going to do? Keep us here forever?”
 
The dealer shrugged, pointing over his shoulder to several elderly ponies sitting around a badly worn table. “See those guys?”
 
Cheerilee nodded, and her mouth suddenly felt very dry.
 
Separating his stack of cards into two piles, the dealer tapped them into alignment. With practiced ease, he shuffled them together and repeated the process. “They’ve been here for twenty years.”
 
“What kind of sense does that make?” Cheerilee said, a vein on her forehead bulging. “You can’t just keep ponies prisoner.”
 
The dealer nodded to a large sign hanging over the door. “Hey, it’s all there in the rules. Nopony forced you to play here.”
 
Cheerilee squinted at the sign. “It just says ‘Welcome to Lucky Horseshoes Casino.’”
 
“Rules are on the back.”
 
“On the back?” Cheerilee pointed to the sign. “What are you talking about? It’s nailed on!”
 
The dealer took a deep, steadying breath. “And we keep a crowbar right by the door in case anypony wants to look,” he said with exaggerated patience as he pointed to a thin, black box with a glass front. Above the box was a small sign that read ‘In The Event Of Attorneys, Break Glass.’
 
“This is ridiculous,” Cheerilee said through clenched teeth. “Thank you for an… interesting night, Cloud, but—oof!” Cheerilee bounced off the chest of one of the hulking security detail. Cheerilee’s hooves kicked helplessly in the air as he deposited her back atop her chair.
 
The dealer patted Cheerilee’s hoof. “Look, we aren’t unsympathetic. Ponies do come in unprepared sometimes. It happens.” Leaning down, the dealer pulled out a small metal box and rifled through it. After pulling out a piece of paper, a pencil, and an envelope, he set them down in front of the two mares. “You can write to anypony you know and see if they’ll send you some bits. We’ll add the postage to your tab.”
 
The baggy-eyed stallion leaned his cheek against his hoof. “Look, are we gonna play or not?”
 
“Yeah!” Cloud said, perking up. “Deal ’em!”
 
“What do you mean ‘deal ’em?’” Cheerilee said, exasperated. “You don’t any bits left! That’s the whole problem!”
 
Cloud put a hoof to her chin and ran her eyes over Cheerilee. Motioning the dealer over, she pointed to the house’s supply of chips. “How much can I get if I put a slightly used mare up for collateral?”
 
The dealer slowly shook his head while one of the guards placed a restraining hoof against the sputtering teacher’s chest. “Sorry,” he said loudly over Cheerilee’s inarticulate growling, “Lucky Horseshoes is legally obligated to remind our guests that it no longer accepts alternative forms of tender, and that it now completes its court appointed ethics training twice a year.”
 
Cheerilee lunged, trying to grab the perplexed pegasus from around the massive stallion. “Why you…” she finally managed.
 
“Jeez, you’re uptight!” Cloud Dancer said, rolling her eyes. “It’s not like there’s any risk. I’m just about to hit! I can feel it! I just need somepony to front the bits and we can be out of here!”
 
Cheerilee glared at the pegasus. “If you think we’re still going out after this, you’ve lost your mind!”
 
Cloud Dancer pointed to the tiny stack of chips in front of her. “Well, we aren’t going anywhere at all without more bits to ante with!”
 
“Well… I…” Cheerilee stared up at the security stallion. He seemed like a vast, muscular wall. An impenetrable object. With a groan, she let her head fall to the table.
 
“Um…” Cloud said hesitantly beside her. “Can I still bet on a credit line?”
 
With a quick tug, the dealer straightened his tuxedo vest. “Certainly!” he replied with a sunny smile.
 
Cheerilee picked up the pencil with a heavy sigh. Her head was throbbing fiercely now. For a moment, she frowned at the paper and admired its white featurelessness. Boring and predictable. Why can’t my life be like that? Licking the tip of the pencil, she set it to paper and began.
 
Dear Princess Celestia,
 
Your Majesty, it was truly an honor to receive your letter several weeks ago. While it wasn’t necessary, your apology for the weeks that I spent at sea due to your nephew’s behavior was greatly appreciated. I’d had no intention of taking up your valuable time when you offered to make it up to me, but I’ve found myself in a pickle…