Epilogue: Applejack
Big Mac stumbled into the Apple Family farmhouse. His mane and tail were thoroughly disheveled, and he walked a bit funny. He couldn’t feel his hind legs, and the rest of his muscles felt like they were full of hot coals. He had worked... hard today. He carried a glass jar filled to the brim with bits, a lantern, and several pieces of mail. He set everything down on the coffee table and flopped onto the couch. His eyelids felt heavy, his limbs like lead. He looked at the stairs, which would lead to his room and his bed. The short flight looked like a mountain climb; he could just sleep here.
“Where in tarnation have you been?”
Big Mac nearly fell onto the floor. Scrambling to sit upright, he looked across the table to see Applejack flick on a lamp. She sat in Granny Smith’s rocking chair with a flat brow and mouth. “And why do ya smell like sweat and cinnamon?” Applejack questioned him, while one brow rose. “Apple Bloom told me what she did after school. Care to explain yerself ‘afore Ah go tell Granny Smith? ‘Afore Ah KICK YER FLANK OUTTA THIS HOUSE?!” Her anger was like lightning from a dark sky.
“E-e-eyup,” Big Mac looked like a foal with his hoof in the cookie jar.
“You think Ah can’t git the bits ta pay the bank mahself?” she growled.
Big Mac swallowed and was about to say ‘Eeeyup,’ but he thought back to his day. Now, what is it that AJ wants? He looked at his sister’s face and saw the storm brewing another lightning bolt, so he answered after only a short pause. “Yer not lazy, AJ.”
“That’s right! Ah’m not lazy! And don’t you ferget it! So why do you think it’s okay ta SELL YERSELF! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST HAVE A ROLL IN THE HAY AND BE DONE WITH IT?” Her voice grew loud, and Big Mac wondered how it didn’t wake Applebloom and Granny Smith.
“Nnnope,” he said as he shook his head. He gave Applejack a crooked smile.
“HOW’D YA LIKE IT IF’N AH TRIED MA HOOF AT THE NEW FAMILY BUSINESS, HUH?”
Big Mac’s eyes went wide, and the color drained from his face. “N-nnope!” he blurted out while shaking his head. Big Mac took a deep breath and sighed, “Ain’t no such thing as a roll in the hay.”
“That’s RIGHT!” Applejack looked like she had lost her balance, even seated. “W-wait… what?”
Big Mac looked at his sister right in the eye. “Ya can’t just have a roll in the hay and think everything is okay. Ya can’t just do… that… without getting yer heart all tangled up.”
Applejack sank in the chair before her storm continued to rage. “Do you know what Ah’ve done ta git the bits in time?” she asked with a set of folded forelegs.
“Nnnope.”
“Ah’ve tried selling apples every day, sunup ‘till sundown for the past week. Ah’ve sold pies at prices that’d make Granny Smith weep. Ah’ve worked and worked and worked ‘til mah flank was sore an’ mah hooves were numb from applebuckin’. Ah fixed the old wagon wheel without buyin’ wood; Ah went out with a hatchet and got it mahself. DO YA HEAR ME?!” The storm was losing power, but he could see wetness in her eyes.
“Eeeyup.”
“Ah’ve done ma very best. An’ you just go an’... an’...” She closed her eyes, and tears squeezed out.
“S’okay, AJ. Ah ain’t done nothin’ Ah wouldn’t tell Granny Smith about.” He still held that crooked smile. An itch in his mane caused him to rub the spot. He found a fresh wheat stalk lodged there. He put it in his mouth out of habit.
Applejack just looked at him with her mouth agape. “Y-ya didn’t? Ya didn’t have a dozen mares goin’ in the barn?”
Big Mac tilted his head at her. “Eeeyup, an’ nnnope.” Applejack blinked at him and one brow rose again. Big Mac chuckled. “Lots o’ mares stopped by the barn. They didn’t need a roll in the hay; they needed somethin’ else.”
“Like what?” Applejack asked.
“Jus’ an ear ta listen to ‘em,” Big Mac said with a shrug.
“What? That’s…” She paused, then a lightbulb went off. “R-really? Nothin’ happened?”
Big Mac applied the lessons he learned this day. “Don’tcha worry none, AJ. Ah ain’t got mah heart in a knot. Ah didn’t do nothin’ ta make ya be ashamed of yer brother. And…” He was going out on a limb here, but he felt right. “Ah’m okay. Ah ain’t done nothin’ wrong. Ah’m sorry ta worry ya. An’ Ah won’t ever do it again, Ah promise.”
He nearly toppled over with the couch when Applejack tackled him. “Don’t… don’t ever scare me like that again! Ah thought… well, you know what Ah thought,” she said as she hugged him tight, much tighter than he would have prefered; he could hardly breathe. Applejack drew in a ragged breath and let it out. He could feel the storm pass. “You always were a good listener, Big Mac.”
“Eeeyup.”
Applejack looked at him askance. “So… listenin’ got us the bits?”
Big Mac thought for a moment, then nodded. “Eeeyup.”
She relaxed and let go of him. “O-okay, it’s late. Let’s jus’ git some shut-eye.”
She stood and took one stride to the stairs before she looked over her shoulder to see her brother hadn’t moved. He coughed quietly and said, “Uh, I can’t feel mah hind legs. Can ya give me a hoof?”
She snuck under his shoulder and helped him hobble upstairs. Halfway up, she stopped. “Wait a minute— why are yer legs numb?” The brow had popped up again.
Big Mac felt his cheeks flush. “Say AJ, what… uh… What do ya think o’ Cheerilee?”
There was a long, pregnant pause before she shouted, “WHAT?!” After a moment of stunned silence, her grin spread across her face like she had just found an extra zap apple.
Big Mac’s eyes found the floor, while his cheeks and ears burned. “Eeeyup.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Vivid Syntax · 1.7k words · 87 4 · 1.7k views
- SusieBeeca · 4.1k words · 359 4 · 4.7k views
- Maddiepink5 · 2.3k words · 138 4 · 3.7k views
- ADRNEL · 16k words · 53 12 · 1.5k views
- TheSundewOrder · 5.8k words · 35 2 · 1.2k views
- Killbles · 7k words · 140 4 · 3.5k views
- ROBCakeran53 · 2.5k words · 253 8 · 4.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.169 seconds
Total duration
1,040 users online
80,771 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Here.
Right here is where I lost it.
Just found this, and it was very enjoyable. Great job of having Mac go most of the fic without talking. I'm actually not a fan of that, but you made it work with great effect. Nicely done.
A very enjoyable story. Thank you so much. I've had some very enjoyable laughs.
This was entertaining.
I really enjoyed the way you wrapped this all up! I was worried about how you'd pull off the thing with Cheerilee. I guess deep down, she had to have known that the Big Mac she knew could not possibly have done terrible things with fillies, and that they wouldn't have run eagerly to the barn to play with him if he were, but I appreciated it that it wasn't an easy fix.
Good story.
I think I'll read it again uninterrupted this time.
Hope to see more like it.
You should do more Big Mac X Cheerilee fics.
Can't even feel his hind legs? Daaaayymn Cheerilee, you're a beast.
In other words, great story. Lot of chapters with different customers which all had their own unique, funny situation.
Finnaly finished my work. Still stuck in a hotel with crappy internet. But the ponies make it worthwhile!
I'm pleased everyone enjoyed this story. I've been working hard on the next one; I hope you all enjoy that one too.
Now then, delicious comments...
4581659
Not talking? He said plenty! Plenty o' eeeyup and nnnope.
That counts as talking... right?
4568683
If you read it veeerrry carefully, you'll see that he gets 356 bits by the end. And he spends six bits on one dozen roses.
4581620
I hope that's the "I lost my emotional control and felt overwhelmed by feels," and not the "I lost interest in the story." Either way, I hope you enjoyed it.
4553637
You and me are right there, on the cusp of 30 yrs old with kids.
Heavy shit isn't it?
I can only hope my kids... like ponies!
Big Mac is best prostitute-slash-therapist.
4583240 actually, it was "I lost it" as in, "I completely lost control of all bodily functions, began laughing uncontrollably, and now have a nice new fancy jacket with lots and lots of buckles".
The Princess of Eyebrows strikes again!
(BTW, you accidentally made AJ's name past tense in that second quote...
)
4670625
a mistake! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
*burns mistake from story with napalm*
So AJ's eyebrows... have a mind of their own. Seriously, those things can get pretty snarky in the show.
4671240
Yes, they can.
It's one of the reasons why I love AJ. Granted, she's not my favorite of the Mane 6 (that spot belongs to a certain OCD lavender alicorn), but she's up there.
Great tale, I liked it a lot. Everypony was pretty much in character, qnd their interactions had the right pace - there's nothing rushed or delayed.
Thanks for sharing it!
Roll roll roll in the hay, Mel Brooks "Young Frinkenstine" That's Franken STEEEN
They see him rollin', they hatin'! (etc)
Anyways, great fic! I give it a thumbs up.
This was a great read! Really loved it. A great balance of humor and actually heart warming moments.
this was pretty good.
That was perfect.
That was beautiful.
That was amazing.
That was the best dang story I've read all week.
Takes my likes!
Take my stars!
Take my bits if it means you'll keep writing!
You've got yourself a new reader!
You sir are a gentleman and a scholar. Nothing much to say other than that was funny and a good read. I liked the way the mares were portrayed....except Mrs.cake that one felt kinda forced, and was resolved rather quickly. Other than that I was entertained imensly. Thank you for posting this.
I must admit, the premise made this story sound like it could have easily became a clopfic. However, you surprised me with a tastefully done romantic comedy. Good drama, good laughs, exploration of characters, keeping the spirit of the familiar characters accurate to the show, and I can believe that this could really happen in the Equestrian universe. It's good fanfics like these that make me want to try more.
Mrs. Cake's rage and temporary-kinda sexism, and the Cheerilee stuff, felt weird to me, and overall once things got more expository toward the end it seemed somewhat heavyhanded, but this was a good, fun read. I really should try reading more comedies. lol
Have a fave.
Because nobody else has done it yet.
Done.
Capped the entire story in one sitting.
Fuck, am I happy that I did.
Now was this story undeniably awesome in every way, shape and form?
Eeyup
4726193
She isn't an addict, but she's stressed out. So stressed out she needs that stuff to stay "level." Being a leader is stressful, especially when you don't have godlike powers over the local star to demonstrate your rights as a leader. Mayor Mare has to keep her title through gumption and hard work. Who knows what the results of that stress will be? oh wait...
needs sequel
This, amused me.
Great ending to a great story.
Wanted to leave after chapter one, 'cause I thought I knew where it was going, but didn't. You know how to get people hooked to stories.
DAAAANG Cheerilee!
, then you buck his jewels
First you BUCK HIS JEWELS
I can't help but think that the story you wrote here was ill-fit for a concept like this. The lack of a comedy tag certainly reflects the tone you went with. I wouldn't say it was mis-tagged. But if it's not a comedy, then that implies that I'm meant to take this seriously. And if I judge it that way, then it fares a lot worse.
Big Mac prostituting himself only for all his clients to have a contrived reason to not have sex with him is a comedic premise, but you play it straight here. Sure, it has comic moments, but comedy isn't the genre. If this whole premise isn't played for laughs, then all that's left is the contrivance. If I'm not laughing, I have less reason to suspend my disbelief. I'm instead forced to ask questions when illogical things happen.
Why were all these mares near enough to Sweet Apple Acres to read his sign in the first place? What made him think he'd even get customers setting up there? How come all the clients appeared immediately after the last client left with no overlap? Were Aloe and Lotus really both willing to have sex in front of their own sister? Why was Mac so quick to resort to this when he was in a developing relationship with Cheerilee? If he was worried about his reputation at the end because of the sign, why do this in the first place? How massive of a coincidence is it that none of the clients he got actually just wanted sex like he advertised? Since he didn't really inform the rest of his family what he was planning, could Applebloom and her friends have potentially walked in on him actually having sex with random mares? Isn't that irresponsible of him?
These are all things that I would probably ignore in a comedy, or at least think less about, but instead they're the main things on my mind. Big Mac going into prostitution could've been played straight as an emotional story about him losing his dignity to do what he has to for the farm, or something like that (not the sort of story I'd read, but to each his own), but this element of the clients needing other things really does not work in a serious context. The misunderstanding with Cheerilee over what he did with the Crusaders especially felt like it should have been a joke in some parade of wackiness, but instead it's Mac seriously being accused of pedophilia, in which case I've got to ask why he didn't immediately try to clarify the situation.
Playing the whole thing as a romance with Mac and Cheerilee was also a major mistep, and I think this would've been one regardless of what the rest of the story's genre was. Whether he actually had sex with anyone else or not, Mac was still willing to at the start of this. That was the plan, right? If Cheerilee really meant so little to him that he'd do that without talking to her, I'm left really thinking that they shouldn't be in a relationship. Nevermind the misunderstanding with the Crusaders. What if he'd actually obliged Aloe and Lotus, and Cheerilee had instead walked in on him banging the two of them? That would have put a pretty decisive stop to any kind of relationship they might have had. The fact that things didn't go down like that was really a matter of luck.
And in terms of technical complaints, look at this paragraph:
We underwent a sudden perspective shift here, getting inside Cheerilee's head when until now we've been limited to Mac's thoughts. This is a literary mistake that I only learned about recently. It's called third-person omnipotent, and you shouldn't do it.
I don't mean to be a curmudgeon, but I think this story has some serious flaws. Under other circumstances they might have been more forgiveable, but as it is right now, I can't ignore all the unpleasant implications and logical inconsistencies. Sorry for being that guy, but I didn't like it.
4800139
You're more than welcome to your opinion, or being that guy, as you put it. I welcome constructive criticism.
The story was this close || to having a comedy tag. It certainly came up in discussions when I wrote it, but we decided to keep it a drama instead of a comedy so as not to confuse readers. And yes, many things require a certain timing to be "okay." This is a case where you need to have a suspension of disbelief for both the drama and comedy elements. I'm sorry if the story didn't meet that criteria for you; if you can't suspend disbelief, it doesn't "work."
I thought the reasons the characters were doing what they were doing had explicit explanations. Again, suspension of disbelief. If you don't think losing your home is a good enough reason for Big Mac's actions, the story doesn't "work."
You're also correct about a perspective shift in that scene. I am not a great writer, and I should have written that scene without switching characters in the limited third person perspective (if it was omnipotent, we would be able to see ALL character's perspectives. You can use third person omnipotent, but it's a faux pas to switch perspectives; I assume that's what you meant.). It would have been longer with slower pacing, but I think you're right, the trade off would be worth it.
However, there is one question you listed, that I did a double take on:
That, my friend, is the rub. The entire point of the story, in fact. There is no such thing as a roll in the hay. It isn't a coincidence, because you can't have emotionless sex. Even people who think they're just having "a roll in the hay" are in fact doing serious psychological damage to themselves.
Alright, I'm getting off my soapbox now.
4804237
For what it's worth, I am a clear minority here, as I often am as of late. I couldn't suspend my disbelief. Others clearly could. I would still recommend making an effort to cover these logical inconsistencies in future, however. Even when I do suspend my disbelief for stories, and even for comedies that I don't take too seriously, there are some things that can take me out of it again. The romance thing, for example, I think would have broken it for me even if I had already suspended my disbelief. The possibility of Applebloom walking in too.
Above everything else, it's just not good writing to rely solely on suspension of disbelief to carry a story. You do need to have a solid foundation.
4797220 lol....is that experience talking?
Entertaining little story you have here. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
4925326
Why thank you, good sir!
4940702
You are quite welcome. Enjoy the ribbon
Had me cracking up from left to right! The Crusaders were just beyond awesome.
I didn't really know what to expect when I started reading this. In retrospect I wish I'd picked it up sooner
. My favorite… client was undoubtably Rose. I'm glad she showed up one more time 
You've wrote something that looks like a clopfic—but isn't. Very clever.
Have an upvote.
Perfectly characterized Applejack. Need I say more?
5265706 What about chapless asses?
Great story, very well done. ^^
I saw this story featured on Equestria Daily several months back.
I was finally able to read the whole story when I was on the flight to North Carolina to go to my brother's wedding back in September.
This was a pretty good story. It kept me interested all the way to the end.
That's was quite a pleasant ending to a fic that likes to have mares scream their heads off at Big Mac. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you...
I have to say, I was hoping that Mac would get through the story without actually, ah... having a roll in the hay, so to speak. Oh well. Enjoyable story otherwise.
Not many authors can write something both funny and touching at the same time. Well done.