Date Fifty - Tact and Harness (Guest Chapter by Skywriter)
"You know what you need?" said the periwinkle-blue pegasus mare working out on the wing machine next to Cheerilee's treadmill. "You need a little adventure, filly!"
Cheerilee adjusted the sweatband at her brow, which had started to itch terribly, and resumed her trot. "Well, there was that time with the volcano. And that time with the quicksand."
Cloudkicker chuckle-snorted and started in on another set of reps. "Not real adventure," she clarified. "Real fake adventure! A little pretend danger to get the blood pumping."
"What I need is a date that doesn't end in police intervention."
"Aim low, why don'tcha?"
"Cloudkicker," said Cheerilee, "why can't I ever, just once, have a nice, normal evening out with somepony?"
"This will be normal!" Cloudkicker protested. "It'll just be, y'know, sexy normal."
Cheerilee shot her companion an irritated glance. "This isn't going to be like that time you
suggested I try out ponyplay, right?"
~~~
"So," said the little green stallion, "I guess we're ponies, huh?"
"Certainly appears that way," agreed Cheerilee.
The two stared at one another. Elsewhere in the otherwise-featureless room, a clock ticked away.
Cheerilee smiled brightly, her eyes glassy. "I brought Scrabble!" she offered.
~~~
"Oh, mare," said Cloudkicker. "I had no idea. No, you need somepony who'll actually push your limits a little. Hey, didn't you say you were gonna be in Rainbow Falls for that National Equestrian Educators' Association conference in a couple?"
"Yep," agreed Cheerilee, huffing and puffing as the automated treadmill unexpectedly ramped up the difficulty level of her workout. "Nearly every teacher in the land will be attending. Celestia herself is giving the keynote address."
"Okay, great," said Cloudkicker, fumbling in her saddlebag for a pencil. "An old flame of mine is gonna be vacationing there too, right about that time. Her name's Midnight Rendezvous, and she's an expert at tack and harness. She comes on a little strong, and I think it intimidates ponies, but she's a good mare looking for long-term solutions, just like you. You'll be perfect together."
Cheerilee frowned. "Tack and, uh, harness?"
"You know. Bit-and-bridle stuff! It's out of this world, mare. One time she had me out on the longe and I swear I could see the whole universe after a while."
Cheerilee was not at all certain what being "on the longe" meant, but she figured that, at least for the moment, ignorance would have to be bliss. "But… she's nice, right?" she clarified. "We're not talking about a 'professional' here, right? Just another lonely heart, like me?"
"Absolutely, Cheers."
Cheerilee mulled it over as the treadmill continued to hum beneath her hooves.
"Well," she said, "I'll try anything once."
~~~
Rainbow Falls was beautiful at night.
For obvious reasons involving physics, ponies were quite used to seeing rainbows against a background of either gray clouds or blue sky. Rainbows set against the dark vault of Equestria's glittering night were new to Cheerilee. Yes, it was probably not wise to position a town directly beneath the runoff of a decommissioned prismatic reactor, and yes, there were probably long-term health consequences involved, but the pony pedagogue had to admit that the sight was a spectacular one.
Cheerilee tore her eyes away from the cascading cataracts of color and began scanning the rail depot for Cloudkicker's friend. A poorly-placed glass of seltzer and her own nervous sweat on the train ride here had rendered the graphite on the paper next to illegible, but she could clearly make out the words "flower-print luggage," and that would have to be good enough for now.
And then, success! Cheerilee's heart leapt into her throat as she spotted the bag in question from across the crowded rail platform. It sat at the hooves of a small, iron-hard palomino mare dressed in a proper violet business suit, accented with a pinkish turtleneck sweater and a pair of matching earrings. Her sapphire-blue eyes were hard, glinting, and deep-set, with a careworn expression. Stern professionalism flowed out from her like waves of heat rolling in from the desert. She was the very image of a dominating bit-and-bridle mistress. It was Midnight Rendezvous. It had to be.
A bit shyly, Cheerilee approached. "Um," she said. "Excuse me?"
"Hm, yes," said the professional-looking mare, in a disaffected Mid-Trotlantic accent. "You're the pony I'm supposed to meet, I presume?"
"Yes," said Cheerilee. "My name is—"
"Plenty of time for introductions later, I assure you," said Midnight Rendezvous, ushering her toward the line of waiting carriages. "The cocktail party has already begun, and we have just this instant swept past 'fashionably late' into 'unfashionably late.' We'll talk more in the carriage. Up-up you go!" The older mare lowered her head and practically shoved Cheerilee into one of the carriages with her skull.
Well, thought Cheerilee, settling into the cushioned seat, Cloudkicker did say she came on a bit strong. And though her long-suffering pride was taking a hit from being marehandled in this way, a tiny, twisted spring deep in Cheerilee's gut looked at everything that was going on and, improbably, relaxed. A prickle of warmth and of easing tension spread through the teacher's little pony body. It was nice, wasn't it? Cheerilee was an intellectual, never much of a "ponies pony." Certainly not one to take the lead in social situations. And yet, every day, it was she there in front of the class, steering and guiding an entire schoolhouse full of rambunctious fillies and colts. It was her duty. It was her calling. It was what her cutie mark was telling her.
But... still and all, it was nice to have somepony else have the lead for a while, wasn't it? To surrender—just for a moment—to another mare whose greatest satisfaction was in taking charge? To let somepony else bear the worry upon her back, leaving her light and foalish and carefree again?
This could work, thought Cheerilee. This really could work...
"Here's how this is going to go," said Midnight Rendezvous, settling into her own seat across from Cheerilee as the carriage lurched into motion. "You are going to accompany me to this tedious song-and-dance meet-and-greet with the Princess, whose acquaintance I am forced to briefly make each time we are in the same town lest it be perceived as a snub."
"That's right!" said Cheerilee. "She's in town for the NEEA conference! Rainbow Falls must be holding a reception for her."
"Mm, yes. Naturally, none of my concern. We have other business to attend to, as you well know, and it should go without saying that we should get on with said business as soon as equinely possible."
Cheerilee swallowed a nervous lump, her heart fluttering. She poked bashfully at the floorboards of the carriage with one hoof. "So, ah," she began, "what were you thinking of doing tonight? Afterwards, I mean?"
"An excellent question," said Midnight Rendezvous. "Once we quit this dreadful party, you are going to accompany me to your hotel room, whereupon you are going to show me just how welcoming you can be."
"To... to my hotel? Right away?"
"Of course!" blustered Midnight.
The schoolteacher's throat went dry. "Not... dinner? Or, I don't know, a drink or anything first?"
Midnight's eyes narrowed. "I'll have you know, Ms... whoever you are? (My people didn't give me your name, you see.)"
"Cheerilee," said Cheerilee. Midnight Rendezvous, among her other talents, was clearly a virtuosa of the conversational parenthesis.
"'Cheerilee.' I'll have you know, Miss Cheerilee, that I am a very busy mare, with little time or patience for tomfoalery. The quality of your accommodations is of paramount importance to me." She older mare arched one eyebrow. "One cannot help but wonder if there's some reason you're delaying my assessment of your quartering. Something to hide, eh?"
"Not at all, ma'am," stammered Cheerilee, whose mind now raced at the thought of her quartering being assessed. She wasn't quite sure what that entailed, but it certainly sounded racy. Something like being on the longe, perhaps?
"Good," the mistress sniffed. "There are many items on my to-do list, Miss Cheerilee. Many, many items."
"Yes, I'm sure there are," said Cheerilee. A moment of thought, and then, a bit impishly, she relocated herself across the carriage so that she was sitting beside Midnight Rendezvous. The schoolteacher gave a little smile and lay her head against Midnight's solidly-padded shoulder.
The older mare stiffened, her eyes going wide. Just a little startled, Cheerilee supposed. Just a little awkward. They really were kindred spirits after all.
"We're going to make each other so happy tonight," Cheerilee purred, rubbing her hoof up and down Midnight's thigh.
The older mare stared down at Cheerilee. Her left lower eyelid gave the faintest of flutters.
The carriage clattered on.
~~~
"Another horchata, Inspector General?"
Ms. Lovingcup Harshwhinny, chief inspector and de facto head of the International Equestria Games Committee, emitted a loud groan. "A thousand times yes, Chivalry," she said, nudging her empty glass in his direction. "In fact, best prepare them in a steady stream until I tell you otherwise. Interrupt your labors only to refresh my hoofbath." She splashed her hindhooves in the little tub of steaming water to make her referent absolutely clear. It never hurt to be explicit.
"Very good, Inspector General," said the bloodless young unicorn, who was in fact in the process of pouring another pitcher of hot water into the hoofbath as he spoke. "There is plenty of tigernut sedge in the larder and I just today restocked the cinnamon. A hard weekend in the field, then?"
"What were those Rainbow Falls dolts thinking?" exclaimed Ms. Harshwhinny, throwing her forehooves wide. "Somehow they got it into their heads that the best way to convince me of their welcoming nature was to send over a call-filly from an escort service or something. All making doe-eyes at me and pawing at me with her hoof all evening."
"Most unpleasant, Inspector General."
"Undoubtedly! It did not help, I suppose, that there was an open bar at the Princess's reception, and this 'Cheerilee' took the opportunity to get somewhat fortified. After about an hour of waiting in the Princess's reception line, I tried desperately to steer the topic back to Rainbow Falls's public transit system. I was hoping that the representative could respond to my grave concerns over her city's ability to handle large numbers of foreign visitors at once, but all she did was make a series of breathless squeaking noises. Eventually she told me that her 'body' was 'ready for' any foreign visitors I would care to subject her to, and that she would even be willing to go 'on the longe.' Do you have any idea what that means?"
"None at all," murmured Chivalry, preparing a hot towel.
"Well. It was at that point I was convinced that the young mare was mentally deficient, so I clearly explained to her that the IEGC took a very dim view toward her shenanigans, whereupon she grew visibly upset, going so far as accusing me of 'stringing her along' after she had 'opened her heart' to me. I believe her exact words were, 'Sweet Celestia, I could kill you!'"
"How very unprofessional."
Ms. Harshwhinny gave a little sniff. "Fortunately or unfortunately, the Princess had just reached our position in the reception line, and the Princess's cortege of unicorn guards translated her little oath as 'I could kill you, Sweet Celestia,' so they set their horns on electrostun and zapped the benighted creature into next Tuesday. I believe she's in jail facing charges of threatened regicide at the moment, and I was on the next train out of town. Yet another city earns the 'Most Unfavorable' rating. I swear to you, I don't think there's another mare out there so abused by bizarre circumstances as I am."
"Likely not, Inspector General."
"Chivalry," said Ms. Harshwhinny, "why can't I ever, just once, have a nice, normal site inspection visit?"
~~~
It was late, and Brass Tacks was worried.
The mousy dapple gray junior clerk from the Rainbow Falls City Council had been given the important responsibility of welcoming a high-ranking delegate from the IEGC for a preliminary site visit. Brass Tacks knew the city's bid to host the Equestria Games hinged on her performance, but she had neglected to account for the increased cart-traffic caused by the Princess's visit. Furthermore, the young mare had failed to obtain an actual description of the delegate in question. All she knew was that the Games Inspector was known to carry flower-print luggage.
Half an hour behind schedule, Brass Tacks eventually jostled her way onto the rail platform, scanning the crowds for her contact. Aha! Success! She spotted the bag in question at the hooves of a statuesque jet-black earth pony mare with her mane in a long braid, her flank emblazoned with the mark of a bullwhip. Bit of an odd talent for a site inspector, thought Brass Tacks, but she is the only pony around matching the description...
The unicorn gave her small gold-rimmed spectacles a quick cleaning with her telekinesis and approached the imposing figure of the Games Inspector. "Er, excuse me," she stammered. "So sorry about my lateness. My name is—"
The black mare lowered her head. The hot breath from her nostrils fogged Brass Tacks's glasses. "I know exactly who you are," she said, in a thick Pfrench accent.
"Well, great!" said Brass Tacks, as the inspector walked a lazy circle around her, a tiny enigmatic smile on her impeccably-clipped muzzle.
"You'll do. You'll do nicely."
"Um, okay!" said Brass Tacks, swallowing hard. "What shall we, ah, get to first?"
"First," said the Games Inspector, "you are going to show me just how welcoming you can be."
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Cheerilee and Ms. Harshwhinny? Just when you thought these crack ships couldn't get anymore random.
Oh goodness; I don't know whether to pity Brass Tacks or not
Oh god! It was games ponies play all over again. Hilarious!
Oh God. That tumblr reference!
Totally didn't see that coming. Very clever, Skywriter.
Wow, déjà vu. I wonder how often this happens to Harshwhinny.
It's nice to see some of the background ponies give Cheerilee some advice like this. A little hope from good friends goes a long way, after all.
So, are we doing the "Pony List RNG Ships" method now? I think I'm ok with that.
On another note, I've always wondered how cutaway gags would work in fiction, and now that I've seen one it seems to work better in visual media than in prose.
Strongly implied undertones of BDSM... on date number 50...
Methinks I smell a subtle reference.
Also, the pony play. Pffffft hahahahaha
Next Episode: Cheerilee wakes up in a dungeon and after a bizarre interrogation, ends up going on a date with Princess Celestia herself! 8D
You know, Cheerilee is probably so paranoid at this point I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up ruining one of the dates herself.
5275690 She's ruined two, actually: Date fifteen and date forty-nine.
On one date she should have such a good time that she ends up stalking the guy who was normal and making him break up with her
Wow. Sounds like tack and harness is something Cheerilee could get into.
This is good. Really good. This story got everything you could ever wish, and every shipping there is. Now, I'm just waiting for one single chapter!
5275696
well, 49 doesn't really count - I was thinking everything is going fine; it actually is a perfectly nice date. But She gets so paranoid about it going wrong that she cancels it part way through and runs off....only to realize she had just ruined her date.
5275690 it would be the one ship that works, thanks to the power of having the same voice actor!
Ms. Harshwhinney really needs to find herself some new luggage.
A fantastic chapter, no surprise considering Skywriter wrote it.
I'm just surprised that Cheerilee was willing to visit Rainbow Falls at all. You do realize what the primary health hazard at Rainbow Falls is,don't you? All that splashing rainbow runoff falling through the air, splattering low-flying clouds that Pegasi have left their feathers on... I bet 95% of all love poison incidents occur ato Rainbow Falls.
Skywriter wrote about Ms. Lovingcup Harshwhinny. I am so surprised.
You mean a
Rainbow Factory?!
5274849
You'd think she'd commission unique bags to prevent situations like this from occurring.
That she still holds to that after forty nine chapters is impressive.
My god, it's Ms. Harshwhinny.
Hahaha!
Great choice for date fifty, and good job (as to be expected) by Skywriter.
Well, that must have made her later visit to Cheerilee's schoolhouse rather awkward...
5291555
I like to imagine the internal monologue going on in Cheerilee's head at that point, yes.
5281619
Not yo mention the air actually tastes like habanero all the time.
Oh, please let Princess Luna or Princess Celestia come visit Cheerilee in jail.
Celestia: Hello, Cheerilee. I haven't seen you since your three students released Discord.
Cheerilee: They did? I don't remember that.
Celestia: Well, it won't happen for a while yet, so I don't think I should hold that against you. Also, congratulations on your wedding to Big Mac.
Cheerilee: I know that hasn't happened. I mean, he's big and handsome, but it's like talking to a red stone wall.
Celestia: The two of you will warm up to each other, I promise. After all, your first foal will be due at the same time as Twilight's.
Cheerilee: Hold on. Twilight is pregnant? What's going on here?
Meanwhile in the castle
Celestia: Luna, you've been awfully distracted during dinner this evening. Is anything wrong?
Luna: No, just having a little fun in the Dreamscape.
5279615
Now I'm thinking Cheerilee x EQG Cheerilee...
5305239 It is, in fact, Carl and Maury. Since she was in Manehattan, I couldn't resist giving them a cameo.
5392914 It wouldn't matter. Both Twilight and Pony Saul would screw it up, too. Cheerilee never catches a break.
5387123 Thanks!
God dammit Skywriter. You made me snort my drink.
This series took me back to season 3, first time I watched Games Ponies Play. Bravo!
The second half of the mix-up was a tad more predictable, but that didn't keep it from being hilarious Poor, poor, poor innocent ponies
.
One small thing I noticed:
"Hey, didn't you say you were gonna be in Rainbow Falls for that National Equestrian Educators' Association conference in a couple?"
This may just be the way you're having Cloudkicker talk (with Cheerilee filling in the blanks), which is fine, but a couple of what? Days, weeks, ect.
I dropped my phone laughing.