Cheerilee rocked backward in her chair as the stench hit her again. As her eyes watered, she pretended to wipe her mouth. It was just a momentarily relief, but for those few seconds, the smell of the freshly laundered cloth napkin was the sweetest perfume she’d ever experienced.
“So, like I said, when you work with balloons animals, you need lung power!” Punch Line said, knocking his hoof on the table for emphasis. “You have to be able to really blow! Like this!”
Cheerilee closed her eyes, holding her breath as he demonstrated. As her lungs cried for air, she wondered how long it was going to be until dessert arrived and his mouth would be occupied again. Trying to block it out, she still gagged as the noxious cloud enveloped her. Am I tasting it through my ears?! she thought, panic beginning to set in as her air ran out.
“And there’s lots of different balloons, you know!” he continued. “With those really round, big ones, you need do just push out as much air as you can, but with the long, thin ones, you really have to pucker up and—”
“You know, that dinner really left a weird aftertaste in my mouth,” Cheerilee coughed, reaching for her bag. “I think I’ll have a mint.” Rifling through her things, she finally pulled out the tin, pulling out two of the breath fresheners. “Here, you have one, too. I hate eating alone.” she said, winking.
“Oh, no thanks,” Punch Line said, pushing the mint back across the table. “I hate to say it, but I just can’t stand mint. But have you seen this?” Punch Line patted the pockets of his sport blazer, his face twisting up in confusion until he finally pulled out a large pack of chewing gum. “Confection Perfections makes gum now! I can’t get enough!” he said, laughing.
Leaning just close enough to pick the pack up, Cheerilee quickly tilted her head back, pretending to use the nearby light to read the packaging. “Garlic and Onion Blast,” she said, turning the pack over in her hooves. Finally, she looked back to the stallion. “Is this some kind of joke, because I don’t—”
“Not at all!” he exclaimed, curling Cheerilee’s nose hairs. “They just saw a market for savory gum. I chew this stuff all day!” Taking the pack back, he pulled a stick out and began to unwrap it. “You want a piece?”
“NO!” Cheerilee cried, throwing a hoof up. “I mean, desserts is almost here,” she said, lowering her voice as several tables turned to see what the commotion was. “We should probably wait for that, don’t you think?”
Punch Line frowned, then pushed the stick back into the pack. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said, nodding. “It’s just that I love that stuff so much!”
“I can sm—see that,” Cheerilee replied, staring wistfully at the bouquet of fresh flowers at the table next to theirs. “You know, I’ll be right back,” she said, rising from the table. “I just need to visit the restroom.”
Trotting to the back of the restaurant, she pushed the door open and stared into the mirror. What’s wrong with me? she thought. I’m in pretty good shape. Leaning forward, she opened her eyes wide, tilting her head this way and that. No wrinkles. Cute manecut. She sighed and began washing her hooves, pumping the soap dispenser repeatedly. Of course, she thought, wanting to kick the dispenser off of the wall. Of course, it’s unscented.
“Hi, Cheerilee!" Lily said, trotting out of a stall. “I saw you over there when we came in but I didn’t want to interrupt. How’s your date going?”
Cheerilee just sighed, rolling her eyes.
“You, too?” Lily said, grinning ruefully. “What’s yours doing?”
“His breath could kill a moose at a hundred yards!” Cheerilee said, throwing her hooves in the air. “I’ve smelled skunks with more appeal!”
“Is that what the smell is?!” Lily gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof. “We’re by the window, and I thought it must be a dead animal outside.” Lily trotted over, rubbing Cheerilee’s shoulder comfortingly. “Well, it’s not just you,” she said, pursing her lips. “Mine keeps rubbing his hooves against mine under the table and licking his lips a lot. It’s really annoying.”
“Where do they pick this stuff up at?” Cheerilee said, “Where are all the normal stallions?”
“I dunno,” Lily said, stepping back out into the restaurant. “Tell me if you find one.”
Taking a deep breath, Cheerilee stared into the mirror again, steeling herself. Well, I have to go back sometime, she thought, opening the bathroom door.
The odor hit her immediately, and she fought to keep her dinner down. Around her, couples were wrinkling their noses, looking around in confusion, and asking each other what had died. Summoning the full extent of her willpower, Cheerilee slowly walked back to her table, where a slice of pie a la mode waited for her.
Opposite, Punch Line was digging into his dish with undisguised glee. He’d ordered the crème brulee, but it clearly wasn’t what the wait staff had brought, and the stallion was shoveling spoonful after spoonful of what seemed to be steaming hot death into his muzzle at an alarming rate.
Unable to help herself, Cheerilee wrapped her hoof tightly around her nose. “What is that?!” she cried, taking a few involuntary steps away.
“Well, I’m not really one for sweets,” he replied, licking the back of his spoon, “so while you were gone, I thought about it, and I just couldn’t pass up this place’s Curried Durian. I’ve really wanted to try it for a while now!” Punch Line lowered his head over the plate, inhaling deeply and sighing out a toxic cloud of gas. “I just had the waiter cancel the brulee and bring this.” Lifting the plate, he held it out to her. “You should really try some!”
Cheerilee bit her lip as the couple at the next table left a stack of bits and scampered out the nearest exit.
“I’m, ah… pretty full,” she said nasally, her hoof still squeezed tightly around her nose. “Actually, I hate to tell you this, but I’ve just remember that I’ve left the school’s heater on. If I don’t get over there, the mayor’s going to go ballistic.” Cheerilee started backing away from the table. “Thank you for an… evening.”
“What, already?” the stallion said, sounding bit hurt. “Well, can I at least get a kiss goodbye?”
Cheerilee ran as though her life depended on it.