• Published 15th Nov 2013
  • 8,203 Views, 2,787 Comments

Cheerilee's Thousand - xjuggernaughtx

Cheerilee goes on one thousand terrible dates.

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Date Two - Hot Stuff

“You know, I don’t want to seem unappreciative,” Cheerilee said, wiping the pouring sweat from her brow.

“No, no,” Stormbolt said, panting. “It’s understandable, really.”

“It’s just, well, when you said you had something really interesting planned,” Cheerilee continued, shifting from hoof to hoof to allow the burning to subside a bit, “I wasn’t expecting… this, exactly.”

“In retrospect, this maybe wasn’t such a hot idea.” Stormbolt grinned weakly. “Heh-heh. Hot.

Cheerilee’s frown deepened. Stormbolt continued to sweat.

“So what now?” she finally asked.

Stormbolt scanned the area, hoping for inspiration. “Well,” he finally said, “tell me about yourself! Where did you grow up?”

“I don’t think this is the time for that!” Cheerilee said, glaring at the stallion. “I want to know how you plan to get us out of this mess!”

“Hey, you agreed to this!” Stormbolt said, returning the glare.

“No, I agreed that a surprise outdoors-y activity might be fun, and when you mentioned sightseeing, I said that would be wonderful. I never said anything about this!”

“I brought you flowers,” the stallion said weakly.

They’re on fire!” Cheerilee yelled, waving the burning daffodils.

“But you’ve probably never seen anything like this on a date, have you?” Stormbolt said, trying to look anywhere but at the fuming teacher.

“Actually, no,” she returned acidly. “No, I haven’t. And that’s because we’re in a volcano!” She waved her hooves over her head, ducking as pieces of flaming daffodil rained down on her. “What were you thinking?”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that the ledge would give way?” he returned as he kicked a small rock into the burbling pools of lava a few yards away.

Cheerilee gave the stallion a flat stare. “Aren’t you a professional mountain climber?” she said.

“Well, yeah…”

“Don’t you make a living taking ponies on breath-taking tours of Equestria’s various mountains and highlands?”

“Err… yes, I do.”

“Didn’t I point out that porous lava rock was notoriously weak,” Cheerilee yelled, tossing the burnt flower husks into the magma, “and didn’t you tell me to trust you, and that you’d done this a million times?!” Stormbolt winced as the bouquet carbonized and disappeared.

“Well, isn’t this nice and… uh, secluded?” he said, looking hopefully at the mare as she skipped away from a deluge of burning embers that has just exploded from a nearby pool of molten rock. “Nopony around to bother us.”

Stormbolt quailed as Cheerilee shot him a vicious glance while fanning her flank. Despite her best efforts, a few of the embers had managed to land there, and she was beginning to blister. “Oh, it’s going to be very secluded soon, buster, if you don’t get on fixing this mess!” Cheerilee trotted up and grabbed the stallion by the ear, pulling his head down to her level. “I am going to throw you in there after your flowers in a minute if you don’t get us out of here!”

“Well, what am I supposed to about it?!” Stormbolt yelled. “It’s not like I have my equipment with me!”

“Well, if your ad in the personals hadn’t have been a big lie, you could have flown us out!”

“Hey, now that’s unnecessary!” Stormbolt said, prying his ear away from the furious mare. “Look, okay, I was wrong to put that pegasus thing in there, but when your parents name you Stormbolt, well, mares have this certain expectation.”

“You mean kinda like the expectation that a mare might have when she expects to meet a pegasus and she meets an earth pony instead?” Cheerilee said.


“What were you thinking?!” Cheerilee yelled again, throwing up her hooves.

“What? You have something against earth ponies?” Stormbolt said, running his eyes up and down her. “You’re one to talk!”

“Don’t be a moron! I don’t have anything against earth ponies!” Cheerilee exploded, poking a hoof into his chest. “I have something against liars! However, I was willing, out of the goodness of my heart, to give this liar a second chance, and look where it got me!” Cheerilee punctuated her statement with a sweeping hoof, drawing Stormbolt’s attention unnecessarily to the lava and lethal gasses that surrounded them.

“Look, I’m just sensitive about the name, alright?” Stormbolt said, sitting down sullenly before leaping back to his hooves, yelping. Cheerilee’s frosty expression failed to melt as he fanned his smoking backside. “My parents always wanted a pegasus. They use to make me put on these little wings when I was running around in the backyard, and—”

“Yes, very tragic,” Cheerilee growled. “We can find you a nice therapist once you climb out of this caldera and get us some help!

“Okay, okay,” Stormbolt said, checking his tail to make sure it was completely extinguished. “We need to put our heads together and figure out a way out of this mess. So, what's our next step?”

“I believe we're at step one: The lying creep that shouldn’t ask the mare how to get of the mess he made!”

“Look, I’m sorry, alright?!” Stormbolt yelled, whirling on the mare. “I thought this would go better! I figured we’d sit up there on the rim and look at the moon and the glowing lava and, I don’t know… it would be romantic and stuff! I thought that it would make this big impression!”

“Well, you got that part right, buddy,” Cheerilee said, sighing. “Okay, so you’re not perfect, and this date is ruined. Let’s just figure out what to do, and we can go our separate ways without me needing to murder you.”

Stormbolt’s eyebrows knitted together. “So… there’s no chance of a second—”

“No!” Cheerilee shouted. “Just get me out of here!”

“Whew, that’s pretty tough.”

“I’m going to show you tough if you don’t start climbing out of here and find us help!”

Stormbolt sighed heavily and scanned the crater’s steep walls. Nodding, he pulled Cheerilee off to one side.

“Okay, now I’ll just stand on your back—”

“I’m going to kill you!”

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