Cheerilee continued to smile, and the ponies surrounding the large dining room table continued smiling back. The smiling had been going on for some time now, and Cheerilee’s cheeks were beginning to ache.
A brown mare sitting three spaces to the left leaned over her plate to get a better look. “So nice to meet you,” she said. It was her third time saying it, and the seventieth time Cheerilee had heard it in the last few minutes. Somehow, the mare’s smile widened. Cheerilee caught sight of teeth that no pony outside of an orthodontist should ever see.
“Yes. We’re all so pleased!” A stallion across the table lifted his glass. “A toast to our new sister!”
“I, uh…” Cheerilee just caught herself before she lifted her glass to join with the rest. “I think you all might—”
Juniper waved a hoof, motion for the murmuring crowd to quiet down. “Now, now. Don’t get ahead of yourselves. It’s time for dinner right now. There will be plenty of time for vows later.” He rolled his eyes at Cheerilee when a disappointed groan rose from the table. “Sorry. They’re all really excited.”
Licking her lips and trying to force a smile again, Cheerilee found it difficult to see the exciting part of any of this. Well, I guess a rapidly escalating sense of unease possibly transitioning into panic is exciting…
The day had started out so promisingly. She’d rolled out of bed feeling especially fresh and invigorated. Her shower had been just the right temperature. She’d gone out to the market and found that Golden Harvest was having a sale on her favorite carrots and leafy greens, and when she’d passed her bits over the counter, the mare had tossed in two more carrots with a saucy wink.
Trotting home with a spring in her step, she’d been delighted to see that the mail had come early for once. It always seemed to arrive just as she’d settled into the comfiest nook of her settee to grade papers. She would try to ignore it, but eventually she’d have to get up and check what was in there before she could concentrate again.
Leafing quickly through the letters, she’d nearly passed it up. Halfway to shuffling it to the back of the stack, she’d paused and returned the envelope to the front. The name on the return address tugged at the edges of her memory. Surely it couldn’t be that Juniper.
Now, surrounded by aggressively cheerful ponies, she sorely wished that it hadn’t been. She fought back a small shriek when several of them edged closer. “Vows? Look, if you think we’re getting married, you’re—”
The table broke out into braying laughter. A pony across the table banged his hoof on the table and wiped a little moisture from his eye. Beside her, a mare giggled while she patted Cheerilee on the back.
Cheerilee had never felt happier to have a reason to frown. “Uh…”
At the head of the table, Juniper’s smile was just a touch less radiant than it had been. It had softened, somehow conveying tolerance, disapproval, and forgiveness all in one neat arc. “Brothers and sisters, The Great Horned One appreciates your enthusiasm, but let us not laugh at our guest when we should be inviting her to laugh with us.”
A periwinkle unicorn mare at the other end of the table leapt to her hooves. “Please laugh with us!” she said, her eyes wide and sparkling.
“Yeah!” A stallion jumped up to join here. “Let’s all get Sister Cheerilee to laugh, and then we’ll laugh, too!”
Cheerilee slowly pushed away from the table as a cacophonous chorus of knock-knock jokes and one-liners assaulted her from all sides, but started when her chair’s back hit the wall behind her. She hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but craning her neck to see past the improvised napkin puppet the stallion opposite her was attempting to get her attention with, she realized that her seat at the table was as far from the door as it could be. Swallowing, she turned to Juniper. “Look, I don’t want to seem narrow-minded, but your letter just said you wanted me to come over for dinner. It didn’t say anything about—”
“I thought it would be nice to get reacquainted after all these years. We really had something back in college, didn’t we?” Juniper tugged the pegasus to his right back into his seat. The over-eager stallion had been attempting to climb onto the table to give Cheerilee a better look at his chicken dance. “Get down, Comet. You’re going to knock over the gravy boat.”
The business end of a blaring party horn whacked into Cheerilee’s nose, and she swatted it away. “Well, if you wanted to get reacquainted, someplace a little more, you know, private would have been better, don’t you think?”
Juniper’s face clouded over for a moment. “I’m not sure I—oh!” The stallion chuckled to himself. “Maybe I should have majored in communications instead of cultural history.”
Cheerilee’s eyes narrowed. Beside her, a stallion leaned in and began a story about a two lost guards and their misadventures with an inebriated monkey, but his gleeful voice was muffled when she caught his face in the sole of her hoof. Without taking her eyes from Juniper, she pushed the stallion away. “And that means what, exactly?”
“I guess I was just unclear, that’s all. I wanted you to come over and get reacquainted with the love and peace that Grogar can offer you.”
The din surrounding her died instantly, and the ponies bowed their heads as one. “Grogar, may your strong back support us, and may your beard shine in the darkness!”
Cheerilee’s eyes traveled slowly around the room before stopping on Juniper. “Uh, what do you mean reacquainted? I’ve never met anypony named Grogar, and I’m pretty sure I’d remember a glowing beard.”
“Hey, you can’t—”
“How dare you—“
Juniper shot to his hooves. “Silence! You were all once as she is now! Do you deny it?” All around the room, eyes fell to the floor. “We’re here to bring Cheerilee back into the sacred hooves of Grogar, not to chastise her for being Unawoken.”
Murmurred apologies washed over her as Cheerilee squinted at the door on the far side of the room. It was a fair distance away, beyond a wall of ponies with wide, earnest eyes and hooves that opened and closed repeatedly. Hooves that seemed ready to welcome by force, if necessary. Cheerilee turned to Juniper once again and opened her mouth.
“I know exactly how you feel. It was a shock to me, as well.” His jubilant words came rushing out as he swept his hoof around the room. “To all of us. One day, you’re just living your life, unaware that you are, in truth, sleepwalking. Then the glorious light of Grogar’s shining beard pierces the night’s darkness, and your memory of his love returns! You’ll be so happy now, Cheerilee! Once you’ve donated all of your bits and personal belongings to Grogar’s Assemblage, you can be wed to him as we are!” He rose and placed both forehooves on the table. “And the best part is that you can spread the message directly to the youth! We have an entire foal-oriented, Grogar-approved lesson plan that can hasten the Awakening of so many before they waste countless years walking in darkness!” Juniper’s eyes blazed, and a creeping smile worked its way across his face, seeming to Cheerilee that it twisted and curled in all the wrong ways.
Forcing a wide grin, Cheerilee curled her legs beneath her. “So let me get this straight. All I have to do is give up everything I’ve worked my whole life for and agree to only teach foals what Grogar wants them to hear, and in return I can stay here with all of you?”
“Yes, but not only that,” Juniper said while holding his hooves out to her, “You can be reunited with the universal love of Grogar!” He nodded to the periwinkle pegasus. “Dewdrop here told me that she was on cloud duty with Rainbow Dash, who had told her that you were having some challenges in life. Well, I just couldn’t let an old flame walk on black roads when I had light to share! I know that together we—hey!”
Scooping up a bowl of salad, she tossed it into the face of the stallion across from her, then vaulted over the table. He gave a surprised grunt when she slammed into him with her shoulder. As he fell to the floor, she hit the ground running.
“Get her!” Juniper fumbled with his chair, half-falling as he struggled to get out from around it. “She can’t be allowed to leave until she sees the beard’s guiding light! She’ll need a few weeks in the Grogarium!”
Cheerilee lowered her head and crashed through the door, thanking her lucky stars that the cult had decided to skimp on quality décor. Manic, gibbering cries bizarrely reminiscent of bleating echoed out behind her. She’d just cleared the jamb when several wild-eyed ponies head erupted from the doorway. As the acolytes slammed into each other, their heads collided with hollow thunks. They reached out after her with clutching hooves as they fought to exit first.
Cheerilee stopped for just a moment to catch her breath. Several dozen yards away, the cultists were snarling and trying to push each other out of the way. Her heart was pounding, but she spurred herself back into motion. She had a letter to Princess Celestia to write. Good to know, I guess. I’m desperate, but not that desperate!
Would Grogarism help me with anything or would it be like Heaven's Gate?
6029376 Grogarism is for anyone struggling with underperforming chinbeard growth or computer issues due to lack of RAM.
Well, it could've been worse. Cheerille could've joined up with a certain other cult. One that's obessed with equality at all costs.
It appears that Starlight Glimmer's little utopia isn't the only cult in Equestria. Though I doubt this Grogar fellow would be much better.
Seriously, has any cult, fictional or otherwise, been a good idea? The only one I can think of is the Chaos Messengers, and that's something an old RP buddy of mine made up based on Lovecraftian lore.
...
Yeah, I took part in some really weird RPs during my early days on the internet.
All the smiling faces at the beginning made me think she had ended up dating one of the Equalists. I'll admit, I was slightly disappointed when she wasn't. Still amusing though.
6029418
6029390 I was actually going to use the Equalists when I thought up this idea, but I didn't want this to be me just using whatever the show had come up with in some way. It seemed a little far-fetched to me that Starlight Glimmer and her Equalists would be in some place that Cheerilee would happen to encounter, so I decided to make a Grogar cult instead.
6029409 I don't think any cult has ever met with widespread success. Cults in general are a bad idea.
6029389
Do not make me break out the pun rocks, good sir.
Cheers was lucky they didn't get her goat.
6029465 When angered, those cultist can dish out a serious bleating, so Cheerilee had better go on the lamb.
6022474 Unfortunately for Cheerilee, she's banned from the Trough. She'll have to wait outside.
Season's Bleatings from The Dark Lord Grogar, Ruler of the Netherworld and Bringer of Good Cheer. Or else.
Lets talk about sects baby
Lets talk about Cthulu and me
Lets talk about all the gooey things that people like me call deities
Has there ever once been a good cult? I wonder. Let's list the modern day APPROVED cults that the world touts as the best thing ever shall we?
No? Ok.
6029439 Well, unless you want to count organized religion.
OW! Why is everyone delivering me assorted office supplies at high velocity?
6030093 I truly doubt it. I'm just writing until I'm sick of doing it. I might pass it along to another author when I'm tired of it, though. Maybe it could be chained to a thousand chapters that way.
And yet Cheerilee so happily drank the cool-aid that was offered to her by the Crusaders.
Grogar worshippers? Oh thank goodness, for a minute I was worried it was the Equalists.
6030855 I know you're not planning any of this, but my headcanon here is that Cheerilee has been captured by changelings. She's dreaming and they keep trying to get her to fall in love so they can feed. It's been surprisingly difficult for them.
The lines about being Unawoken and sleepwalking here really help things, as her subconscious may be trying to tell her something.
6032429 Your headcanon is as likely as anything else, really...
6029409
This is a world of ponies, after all. I'd expect it to be filled with
coltscults.6030712 Because organized religions tend to let their members have lives of their own.
605989 "Yet" being the operative word. Believe me, there are much worse dates ahead.
It's always good to have a line, Cheerilee.
6032680
If they are of lower than average intelligence and met in secret in sacred, wooded groves for nefarious scheming to overthrow the heretical, blasphemous Solar Junta then they could be an occult holt dolt colt cult consult revolt.
6089263
Hands up everyone who initially thought that Cherilee had run into Starlight Glimmer and her Equalists?
6120902 I came up with "Cheerilee almost gets sacrificed by a cult" quite a long time ago as a date idea, but The Cutie Map reminded me of the idea. I decided that I didn't want to use them, though, because it would be problematic to make Cheerilee stumbling into the town logical. I played with the idea that Cheerilee somehow set it all in motion by rejecting Starlight, but in the end, I decided just to go with my own cult. I can still used Starlight down the road if I want to.
6126590 I wanted Balance Sheet to kind of be like a kicked dog. He gets abused, but he still hangs around out of loyalty and because he doesn't really know what else to do with himself. Judging by reader reaction, I should give him is own date at some point. People seem to like the guy.
6146185 He's a cad, sure, but I wanted to make him at least an understandable cad. She really did like terrible.
6412042 Thanks for that. I'm a typo machine.
I do plan on having more with Stormy and Balance. I've even been mulling over a spin-off series with them as they try to run an insurance business in the land's most disaster-prone town. I'm just really busy right now, so I haven't had much time to write. I've get about half a new Cheerilee chapter sitting on my desktop. It taunts me.
Poor Cheerilee. I like how the author reveals gradually what's going on in each little story. It's a lot of fun seeing how a date how a date develops and sounds like it's going well, then it suddenly and unexpectedly (and sometimes hilariously) turns sour. Keep up the good work!
As much as I hate being that guy, caught a few more minor errors.
<i> She would tried to ignore it,</i>
Either you meant "she would try"or "she tried"
<i> The din surrounding her die instantly,</i>
Died.
How athletic is Cheerilee to manage to escape from that wall of ponies that were between her and the door? ... How many ponies deep was it?
6148309
Uhh. You mean "look" not "like"
"ponies head(s)"
6412052
Woah. Ok, self-note: Before saying anything, review everything...
7130349 I think they were all sitting around a table. She tossed the salad for a surprise strike, jumped up on the table and over the one row of ponies sitting opposite of her while they were surprised. Not too terribly athletic. After that, she broke through a cheap interior door (I did that with my face once. It's not terribly hard.) and ran for the hills.