They take… really long bubble baths.

An indirect sequel to “My Little Staring Contest: Alicorns can stare for a very long time.”

(READ ALL OF THIS) You have been given the Human's Guide to Life if Equestria. By some odd series of events you have come to this wonderful land of talking ponies. But a lot of you can't just jump into it without a little knowledge of your new home. Also you haven't been given this book, more like you have been forced to read every last word by Princess Celestia herself. But this is not a normal guide, no. This is a story, a story about you! In this we will cover, love and mating, your new self, settlement and careers, and many more things. So don't panic, because OMG THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

(Please I hold nothing against humanity, or HiE stories, I love each and every one of them. In fact I'm giving them each a big shoutout for inspiring me. This is my second fanfic, and I just did it for the pure enjoyment of writing. It is roughly based off the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I will update occasionally and I will finish it.)

(Rated Teen for: Some sexual references, crude humor, and mild goofiness, and a teeny tiny bit of swearing. And fourth wall breaking. )

And this also a Guide, not a Manual.

It's been four years since Shadowblaze was executed. Peace prospered, everypony was happy, and Ponyville gained a new librarian. But peace ends...Especially at the Gala.

Princess Celestia woke up late and on the wrong side of the bed. When you're responsible for raising the sun each morning, sleeping in is never an option. Her majesty's day continues on the wrong hoof with argumentative advisers and a misbehaving draconequus until she snaps and decides she needs an escape.

Princess Celestia finds that escape in a mysterious trap door that sits in the castle basement. A door that should not exist and defies all logical explanation. When Celestia enters the hatch, she finds herself not somewhere else, but some-who else...

Once upon a time, on the not-so-magical planet Earth, there was a US Marine who signed up to defend his country. He was assigned to a fire team, the fire team assigned to a squad and the squad assigned to a platoon. Together they defended the area surrounding a Forward Operating Base in Afghanistan from insurgents. If only it were that simple.

When lone Marine is transported to Equestria he finds a post-apocalyptic wasteland. With no orders, no resupply and seemingly no hope of return, he sets out to find what brought him here, and why.

Strong Language Warning: He swears like a Marine.
Disclaimer: I'm not a Marine

What do readers have to say about this story?

"[T]his has to be the dumbest sounding plot I've ever heard of. But my god do you take that and fuck it in its ass ... Its just so real and witty and genuine that the whole premise actually works!" ComprehensiveBrony

"Yes, it's human-in-Equestria, but it's good. ... the action scenes had me sitting on the edge of my seat" Tebee

Cover by me, background stock by DarkDragon774

How does Celestia deal with a new Alicorn dropping into town every week? Well obviously a procedure must be developed to take care of the issue appropriately. (one shot)

Caution: Contains Parody (and nuts). If you are insulted by the contents of this package, we guarantee double your bits back or a set of Lions tickets. Actual mileage may vary. Contents may settle during shipping. Contains no shipping. Also contains no clop, or other things that small children or college students should be prevented from reading. In the event of a laughter event lasting more than four hours, consult a comedian. No animals were harmed in the creation of this parody. (other than spiders, and nopony cares about them anyway). Et Cetera. Pro Patria Mori. Carpe Carp.

Confession: I've been working on a multi-chapter monster called Memiri Star for a week or so, and the pressure of avoiding all the standard tropes just built up until I had to write it down. There are no spoilers or links to any of my other writing in here. Feel free to "top" me on this one

[Featured on EqD and FiM Fiction] It is that time again, the dreaded flu season. Not even Princess Celestia, the ruler of the sun and day, is safe from it. When Celestia contracts the flu, what pony could possibly nurse Celestia back to health? Why none other than her dear, loving sister of course! Enter Nurse Luna!

Between crazed guards, a palace staff desperate to please their rulers, and a crazed unicorn running around, no pony is safe from this madness.

This is 100% Approved by Twilight's Library.

Sidestory of the Scootaverse

Ever wonder what goes on when the focus of a story isn't on it's main characters?

Ever wonder what a family does for fun when you're not watching them struggling on against life? Wondered what silly dreams and ideas come from their heads? When Scootaloo, Luna, and Celestia aren't out and about trying to find their true places in a world that would have them stand upon a pedestal, they do their best to spend time with their family. All of their family, from the Elements of Harmony, to Cadance and Shining Armor doing their best to drive each other crazy. They scheme, they plot, and they have fun in the time that they can spare for each other.

The stories here are one-shots, slices of life from within the Scootaverse, points in time that don't fit into the narrative of Scootamom, or it's sequels, but still took place. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Celestia Vs. The Great Devourer: It can't possibly be that hard to walk into Sugarcube Corner to order some normal bread and trot out without a bucketload of cupcakes, right? Pinkie and Celestia seem to think so.
Chapter 2: Luna would disagree with Pinkie's treatment of Celestia. But first, she must do battle... with the Pinkie Sense! Can she escape becoming a full moon?

(Now with Fanart!)

Scootaloo's rather embarrassed by her Mom. Not because she isn't cool, arguably she's both the hottest and the coolest mom in Ponyville. It's not about the fact that her mom serves on the royal court either, though that doesn't help. Maybe it's got more to do with the fact that the reason her mom is almost never seen after sunrise or before sunset, or because before the Mare in the Moon returned to Equestria, she knew her name.

Or, you know, that her mother is a chocoholic, an embarrassing know it all that's actually lived it all, owes personal favors to Princess Luna, and has the unfortunate job description of 'ruler of the land and day'. Sure, having Celestia as your mom is cool and all, but at the same time nopony can know who she really is. Nopony gets to 'know' her, and every moment is guarded against snooping visitors. And yet, there's still hope for a better day to come. Even when all your mom's enemies and rivals finally come home to roost and ruin your day. It can't be all bad, right?

Now with a Trope Page: Scootamom on TVTropes

And Fanart:
[img]http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/266/8/9/scootamom_by_familywing-d5fnnov.jpg[/img]

"Is anypony out there? Please, my name is Trixie! I need help! I think... I saw a cockatrice. I can't move, I can't see. Please, somepony, anypony.... Help me."

Laid low by circumstances beyond control, trapped in a cruel and unrelenting prison of flesh made stone, can anypony hold out hope to see the day once more? When their life rests in the hooves of one whom they tried to humiliate and belittle, can they trust in them and make it right? When they can only see through the eyes of another pony, when only one other can hear them, can they stay sane? When the only chance for their freedom is a fool's hope made incarnate, the impossible made improbable, can they beat the odds? Trixie is going to find out.

Pride can lay one low. Stubbornness can leave somepony friendless. Anger and Sorrow can turn others away. And yet, they can give strength. And Hope, in the darkest hours.

If you're afraid of Dark tones, or find them distasteful, or can get stabbed easily in the feels, I suggest reading on only with caution. This is not a happy tale.