//------------------------------// // Luna Vs. The Great Devourer // Story: Tales from the Scootaverse // by Richardson //------------------------------// *Most interesting Pony in the World Voice* I don't always recommend theme music, but when I do, I recommend the best. --------------------------------------------------------- Today was going to be a good day. She could feel it! She had gotten that Pinkie Sense combination once more, and whoever it was had to be a new customer that she could introduce to sugary scrumdiddlyumptiousness! And, since she was somehow related to Sunbeam, that mean she'd order just as much! But, her new pony sense hadn't gone off, which meant that the new pony wasn't new. But that couldn't be, as Scootaloo didn't have an older sister that she had ever met, and Sunbeam was all extra-extra old somehow from working for Celestia so the new pony couldn't be HER sister and why was her brain hopping circles in her head?!? The patrons of Sugarcube Corner watched on warily as Pinkie randomly screamed in frustration and clutched the cotton candy thicket that just happened to be her mane. Sure, Pinkie was random, but she had never freaked out quite like THAT before. All the same, everypony chuckled with nervous laughs of relief as Pinkie bounced back to her normal happiness; humming and bobbing her head to the beat of some invisible song. "Nothing I can do about it! Ooh-oh! Wait! Licorice trifold hat? Check! Bite taken out of hat? Mmmm, check! Baguette swords? Check. Really, really cool mustache?" Pinkie dipped beneath the counter, putting on the elaborate bead-draped mustache-goatee she had hidden below the counter. "Yarrr!" The patrons needed no further prompting to begin pushing their tables to the walls as the implications sank in. Pinkie was having extra fun, and that was always a mess. Gasps of surprise filtered into the sweets store from outside, caused by some unseen source. Ponies scattered from the front steps of the store. Clearly a mare, the blue-furred pony's features were mostly hidden by her volumous coverings. Her widely brimmed hat soaked in the light like Pinkie could suck down cookies, a dark blue pegasus feather trapped within the band above its brim. Her cape ruffled in an unseen breeze; black as the night with an illusion of stars drifting about on its surface as it trailed down to pool around her hooves. Pinkie gulped nervously, feeling the slightest hint of the idea that her latest customer might be too much for her to sweeten up. The mysterious mare began to stalk across the public floor to the counter; the patrons shivering back against the walls to escape her unearthly and unrelenting presence. Pinkie snorted, and stood up taller as she resolved to herself to make the mare a regular patron. Nopony put a frown on Pinkie Pie's face! Put that smile on, Pinkie! It was time to make her smile-smile-smile! "Hi! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! I'm Pinkie Pie! Say, can I spy your name-o? I mean, I can't personalize and forever record your order without it!" The mysterious mare turned to face Pinkie, ceasing her languid and uninterested browsing of the party pony's stock with a disturbing air of somepony who should not be interrupted. Her gaze was an old gaze, an uninterested gaze, the cold gaze of somepony who had already measured her up in a moment and just as quickly dismissed her out of hoof. "Moonstone. And I will take everything on this list. And a muffin." Pinkie gingerly took the list from the stranger's magical aura, afraid of what it might hold. The incantation for a curse to turn her into Boring Pie? Ingredient shopping for Pony Pot Pie!? Diet Plan!?!? Oh sweet Celestia, it WAS a diet eating plan! Pinkie dropped the list like a mare on fire, jumping back a foot and rearing up away from it in shock. Any activity in the Corner came to a screeching halt at the sight of Pinkie so utterly terrified by a horror beyond even her comprehension. The party pony of Ponyville pointed her hoof at Moonstone accusingly as she spoke in a harsh bark of infuriated horror. "YOU! You're the one who's trying to turn that happy mom into a bitter nut health nut!" Moonstone ignored Pinkie's warble of fear and loathing as she shopped, and didn't even notice as the bird chorus alighted on their stand in the room as well. The Appleloosian harmonica pony tapped his hoof a few times and began to play a jaunty sea tune from Hoofington to lighten the mood, his bird friends joining in on a chorus. A baguette rose into the air, gripped in the magician's telekinetic grip. "Add this to my order as well." "Oh no you don't! You're going to order something sweet as well, the Pinkie Sense says so!" Pinkie pulled a sugar-glazed and strawberry-streaked baguette from the case, brandishing it like a sword and swinging it wildly for a moment. She settled down, pointing its tip in the direction of Moonstone's mouth as the harmonica stallion picked up the pace. "Do you even know how to use that thing?" Moonstone remained steadfastly unimpressed and unmoved by the threat of baked goods, holding her own baguette in a ready position. Pinkie swung her weapon once more, testing how it functioned. "Sure. Sweet end goes in your mouth!" Moonstone facehoofed. She beheld her greatest and deadliest nemesis, the completely untrained idiot. No matter, she was so good that it didn't matter. She flashed her sword, a wild stab intent on knocking her foe down so she could drop her bits directly into the register and go. Pinkie would be feeling crumbly for months, but that was the price of challenging the Mighty and Magnificent Moonstone. But the impossible happened. Pinkie's baked blade was almost instantly in the path of her own, stopping it cold as Pinkie braced with all of the hooves. Moonstone could only frown as the mare didn't even budge, and struck again with colossal fury and a flourish. Hooves squeaked across the floor in a wooden groan from the impact and Pinkie found herself scooted backwards from the force of the blow. Once more Moonstone clashed her blade with Pinkie's own, scowling at the infernal speed the mare reacted with. "So, clearly you are skilled. Who trained you, all jokes aside?" Moonstone swiped again, her scowl etching deeper into her face as the party mare somehow knew exactly when to tuck her stomach in to avoid the blow. "Nopony! I just use my Pinkie Sense!" Pinkie struck out on the offensive suddenly after her declaration. A trio of earth-pony fueled hammer blows pushed the interloper back from their sheer strength before Pinkie followed up with a jab towards Moonstone with the sugar-coated end. It was all Moonstone could do to duck beneath the mouth-seeking stab and bat it away with her own freshly baked weapon. Moonstone scowled at her partner's tenacity, remembering that glorious time of old when she had been in shape. It had to be her conditioning, Pinkie couldn't be that good. "Well, whatever the case, I must admit it is certainly good at the basics." Moonstone's eyes glanced around, noting the two service flaps in the counter, equally distant from the register. "But how's your hoofwork?" Moonstone sidestepped theatrically, letting her showmare tendencies come carefully and fully to the fore as she played with her opponent. "So, if I was to step here..." One, two, three; Clash-clash-CLASH! "Good, good. Now again!" One, two, three; Clash-clash-CLASH! CLASH! Moonstone bowed in respect to the mare who had opposed her. Now where was her coin purse, ah! Even as she prepared to pay, Pinkie looked around in confusion as she realized that the tricky mare had somehow magically swapped their- HEY! Moonstone bowed once more, to the crowd who had begun to applaud the first victory over Pinkie Pie they had ever seen. "Now then, I shall pay and take my leave." Moonstone reached for the pedal to open the bit drawer, smugly taking her time in her victory. It probably saved her hoof, too, with the way that the baguette appeared just in the way of the pedal. The oddly embedded baked good quivered with the force of the throw that had implanted it into the wood, twanging slightly still. The showmare glared at Pinkie Pie, who cheekily smiled back. Turning back to the embedded baguette, she tugged at it with all her might. She put enough telekinetic force into it to move the moon! She even tried to nibble at it, discovering it to have somehow hardened to the strength of steel. But nothing broke it free enough to let her deposit her bits for healthy baked goods without the drawer key. "Oh, such a marvelous trick. But now, you have no weapon." Moonstone flourished her baked blade towards Pinkie, seething internally at the absurd difficulty in ordering a few Prench loafs. "Wait, wait, WAIT!" Pinkie pulled two oven mitts from under the counter and slipped them onto her forehooves. Moonstone paused in her advance on her pink headache, wondering what in Tartarus she was up to. Moonstone's confusion grew as Pinkie pulled the sleeve back on one of the mitts to reveal a watch that hadn't been there before. The ringing of an egg timer buzzed through the corner, halting even the musical accompaniment in confusion. Pinkie vanished into the kitchen fast enough to leave a pink streak of afterimage in Moonstone's vision, as mysterious sounds erupted from the back rooms. Pinkie's voice echoed back from the rear, only enhancing the confusion. "Sorry Missus Cake! Take it out of the Pinkie Fund!" The fluffy pony crashed back into the room with similar haste, brandishing two more baguettes so fresh out of the oven that they still sizzled with heat. Moonstone stared down the closest, seeing the oils on its surface still bubbling with heat as a strange trepidation entered her mind. "Ah, those weapons." The bird chorus and harmonica stallion started up again, challengingly reprising their earlier tune as the duelists’ turned up the pressure on one another. Ponies began chanting the pastry-poking ponies’ names as the duo ducked and weaved around the counter looking for ways to make the other submit. Crumbs flew all around as they fought with utter abandon, any pretense of holding back vanishing. Mrs. Cake leaned her head out of the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about, still coated in sugar dust and cinnamon streaks. A yelp all but leaped from her throat as first Pinkie's baguettes arced through the air above and below her head, following by a jab from Moonstone's own stick of bread passing less than an inch before her eyes. "PINKAMINA PIE! No antics in the store!" The two combatants halted at the motherly irritation, looking at each other sheepishly. Without a word, they lowered themselves back to all fours. Moonstone held all of their 'weapons' in her telekinetic grip, floating them out ahead of their silent march. Outside, and beyond Mrs. Cake's withering glare, they began again. The duo faced off once more, silencing the street with their mere presence. Moonstone struck first, lunging at Pinkie with baguette in aura. The pink powerhouse ducked under the swing, surprising Moonstone as she sailed past the mare. Flank rolled against dirt as Pinkie rolled out of her duck to snatch her own weapons from where they had been sailing through the air to begin once more. The chorus trilled out their tune as loudly as they could as the fight continued across the shop's front lawn. Fluffy pink mane nearly parted beneath a savage down stroke; the Hat of Darkest Darkness found itself nearly swept away upon a sugary swing of bread. The Cape of Night Skies found itself nearly flung off from the violence of Moonstone's speed, and Pinkie's utter tangle of a mane began to straighten out from the forces that Pinkie put herself through in the battle. It was almost like a twisted and crumb-filled ballet as the two danced around the yard; narrowly avoiding their opponent's blade time and time again. Onlookers cheered their favored mare on as they clashed. The pair worked their way into a frenzy of strikes against each other as they found themselves finally standing muzzle to muzzle in a blindingly fast exchange of bl- CRACK! Everypony murmured in disappointment as all three sticks of bread snapped at the same time. Moonstone frowned as she inspected the broken stump of her improvised weapon, taking an experimental nibble to see if it was still edible. She had been looking forward to scoring on Pinkie. A lump of bread smacked her in the head as the crowd cheered. Looking up, to Moonstone's shock and surprise Pinkie held two unbroken baguettes once more. The piece that Pinkie has thrown at her slid down off of the mage's hat to plop into her aura. "In case of baguette sword fighting emergencies." "Right." Moonstone realized she was most likely horribly outmatched. -------------------------------------------- Scootaloo looked up from her homework, watching as Moonstone trudged through the door. The poor mare was stickily splattered with frosting, with a generous helping of crumbs spread around her muzzle. Why, even her belly bulged as if she had eaten a three-course meal for all of Canterlot! The filly held back her chuckles as Moonstone slammed the door shut and locked it. With nothing left to give her away, Luna dropped her disguise and dropped the massive package of pastries to the floor. Scootaloo loudly buzzed her nubs of wings at the dining room table, catching Luna's attention. How did Berry do his accent? "Oooh, Ahe warned yae! But nae, what could one innocent pink party pony do?" Luna grumpily turned towards Scootaloo, unheeding of Celestia snapping up the box behind her. "That mare is NOT of this world." Scootaloo chuckled as she turned back to her homework. "You're just mad because she beat you." "She beat us! With a baguette! SWORDFIGHTING!" Luna theatrically swept across the room with a stick of bread held in her magic. With a wild, desperate look in her eye, she rushed over to Scootaloo, breaking it in half as she tried to figure out what Pinkie had done to her. "Look how it crumbles! She wielded bread like it was the finest steel!" Scootaloo looked up to her more melodramatic role model, trying to ignore her mother stuffing her face with a cupcake while on the way to the kitchen. Patting Luna on the shoulder, she consoled the poor mare, hoping she wouldn't pull a full Twilight. "She's Pinkie Pie. Physics... don't exactly work right around her." "So you're claiming she is a spawn of Discord, then!?" Scootaloo facehoofed, grumbling at Luna's incomprehension. And the fact that her hoof was covered in pencil lead. Her hoof, and now her face. Right, moving along. "Pinkie bears the Element of Laughter." "We know." Luna twitched and paced as she tried to make sense of the situation. Scootaloo pushed back from the table, hopping down so she could walk over and jump onto Luna's back. The lunar alicorn nearly bucked her off as she squeaked on the last of her nerves, turning her head back to look Scootaloo in the eyes. "No, Luna. You let Pinkie turn it into a JOKE!" Celestia froze as the logic finally hit her, her cupcake caught in her mouth halfway through a bite as the message got through. Luna fared little better as her hoof paused in shock midair. It couldn't have been that simple all along, could it? Luna snorted, stomping her hoof back down and grinding it into the floor. "Preposterous." "Then how come you always did better when dealing with loyalties and truths? How come Mom usually did her best when performing great acts of mercy or when she extended the hoof of friendship? How come Starswirl always did his best when he gave himself up for painfully amusing ordeals or when he used crazy improvised weapons?" Scootaloo hopped off of Luna's back so she could go pull her history book out to prove her point. "The Elements don't work like that! We would know!" Celestia sat behind the kitchen counter, musing on the corpse of her half-eaten cupcake. It made sense to her, at least. "Luna? Why did the Elements respond to my need for you to be given a great kindness in your banishment? They didn't have to give you ten mortal lives to live out." Scootaloo hopped up into her chair, dropping her books on the table. "Yeah! You made the Elements out of the Rainbow of Light. You might not have designed them to do certain things, but who knows what all they can actually do?" Scootaloo pointed out the annoying truth to Luna; all the while plotting out the Great Muffin Heist in her head. "Okay, we shall give you that. But STILL!! Baguettes! Dueling! We saw nothing wrong with it!" Luna pointed a hoof towards the skies to express her outrage with the matter. "And she STILL beat us!" Scootaloo sighed as she saw that Luna was still in shock. "Yes, Luna. It’s pretty funny for that to happen to you. Do you guys want me to order next week?" Celestia coughed, spitting up crumbs from the treat she had literally inhaled in shock from her daughter's statement. Scootaloo would be Scoota-fed! "You'll be turned into a Scootaroll!" Luna shook her head to make the freaky images leave her alone, the visions cantering all about her thoughts. "Pinkie shall have no mercy on a foal!" "That just means that I need a plan that's blacker than coal." "You? A black oper-" Celestia's dismissive snort cut short as Scootaloo reached into her saddlebags, pulling out a large notebook. A notebook about to explode from all the spare pages that burst from every edge. "Yes. Yes I can." "Oh, Scootaloo. I should have known. You really need to enjoy life, instead of making so many plans." Celestia walked over to Scootaloo's seat, her eyes flickering over the book. "True." Scootaloo tapped her chin in thought, humming as if she was considering her mother's advice. "But, nah! If I did, I would'a never come up with Operation PieRaker!" "What? What is this? A 500 hoof tall flame? Where would you get such a thing? And why are you looking at us like that?"