10 Degrees Centigrade for 15 minutes.
In the Canterlot Palace, there are many places that are sealed off from the rest of Equestria. The Royal Balcony of the Sun and Moon, the treasury, the armory, the Royal pantry, and of course, the room where the Elements of Harmony are secured to name a few. Celestia liked to think her room was one of them, a place where she could be alone with no worries. Aside from the cleaning staff, Celestia liked to think her room was closed off to the world.
Right now, she was wishing it was open to the public so that somepony would save her.
“Comfy, sister?” Luna asked as she propped a couple of pillows behind Celestia.
“Well...okay I guess.” Celestia coughed out, squirming on her large canopy bed. “It is just my joints and muscles that are killing me, especially my neck and shoulders.”
“Hmm, that is a problem. ‘Tis nearly impossible to rest with aching joints,” Luna replied as she scratched her chin. “Huzzah! I have just the thing!” she cried out as she turned around, skipping to Celestia’s bathroom.
“Luna, what are you doing?” Celestia called out as she craned her neck.
“No need to worry sister, I will make everything better. Just take it easy,” Luna called out of the bathroom.
“Now Luna, just don’t destroy my bathroom please.”
“Really sister?” Luna replied as she stuck her head out while rolling her eyes. “You really think I am going to destroy your bathroom?”
“Well,” Celestia sighed as she squirmed on her bed some more. “Just do not make a mess, I do not want to clean it up.”
Luna poked her head out of the bathroom, rolling her eyes. “You do realize you are a Princess? We do have a cleaning staff whose specific job is to clean up our messes. It states that right in their contracts.”
Celestia scrunched up her face. “Just don’t make a mess. I don’t like making other ponies' jobs harder.”
Luna stared at Celestia, rolling her eyes. “Okay sister...” she replied. Luna went back into the bathroom. Her eyes locked onto Celestia’s large bathtub, her eye twitching ever so slightly.
“You know sister,” Luna muttered under her breath as she scanned the grand bathtub. “You would not need such a massive bathtub if your posterior wasn't as large as it is. Seriously, what did you eat while I was away?”
Sighing loudly, Luna reached down with her hoof, pushing the plunger down on the bathtub’s drain. Afterwards, she reached up and turned the faucet, watching the water pour down. “Maybe we should keep you on your diet,” Luna snickered.
“Luna, what are you doing?” Celestia inquired from the other room.
Luna groaned, her ears flopping. “Sister! Stop worrying and relax, will you?” Luna said sternly.
Luna turned her head back towards to bathtub. She turned off the faucet once the water level reached halfway. Closing her eyes, she focused her magic, horn glowing with with a soft blue light. She slowly opened her eyes, the water before her freezing, turning into one large block of ice.
“Now,” Luna said as she raised her forehoof. “Time to increase its surface area.”
CRASH!
“Much better,” Luna said to herself as she looked upon the pile of ice chunks in front of her.
“LUNA!” Celestia yelled from her bed. “What was that?! I told you not to break anything!”
“Damnit sister!” Luna shrieked back. “I did not break anything! Now stop whining and let me try to help you so you can get better or, so help me, I will tie your muzzle shut!”
“How dare you speak to your elder sister in such a manner!” Celestia yelled back before she broke into another round of coughs.
“SILENCE!” Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice as she poked her head outside the bathroom once again, pointing a hoof towards Celestia. “See! Thy talking is making thee even more sick! So if thou wants to heal, stop talking! Your precious lavatory is fine, so stop getting your tail into a knot!”
“B-but—” Celestia replied weakly, raising her blankets to her muzzle.
“Shh!”
“But!”
“SSHHH!” Luna hissed loudly. She squinted her eyes at Celestia, staring daggers at her. She lifted her hoof, pointing towards her eyes, then slowly pointed to her sister. Luna held her hoof there for a moment, before she slowly retracted back into the bathroom.
“Since that is taken care of,” she mumbled to herself as she turned the water back on. “Time to get this right.
“Now, if the the specific heat capacity of ice is 2.11 joules per gram kelvin and that of water, which is coming out at room temperature, is 4.18 joules per gram kelvin, then I will need...” Luna paused as she watched the water fill the tub, creating a slurry. She flexed her hoof over the knob, staring at the tub intensely.
“Exactly this much water!” she exclaimed as she turned off the water. Her horn glowed, and a popping sound appeared next to her as she summoned her thermometer.
“Now, since this is not a closed system, it will not be exactly ten degrees Centigrade, but I should be close.” Luna said to herself, placing the end of the thermometer in the ice water.
“Ten point two degrees. That is a marginal error of two percent. Oh Luna, you’re so clever!” Luna exclaimed as she gave a little jump.
“Alright sister!” Luna announced cheerfully. “You can come in now.”
She smiled as she heard muffled hoofsteps.
“Okay, what did you do to my bathroom, Luna?” Celestia asked weakly as she entered the bathroom.
Luna turned her head, looking at the ceiling, then down to the floor, and at each and every room. “By the looks of it, nothing. Seems you got your tail in a knot for no reason.”
Celestia scrunched her face, glaring at Luna. “Fine,” she finally said as her ears flopped. “I was wrong, so what did you do?”
“Here,” Luna said as she directed her hoof towards the bathtub.
Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking down at the slurry that occupied her bathtub. “What is this?”
“Ice water, dear sister.”
“So why is it in my bathtub?”
“‘Tis for you.”
“What would I do with a tub full of ice water?”
“Take a bath in it of course.”
“What?!” Celestia shouted. “Why would I ever take a bath that’s full of ice water?”
“What?” Luna said as her eyes widened. “Why not? You said you had joint and muscle aches, as well as a fever. This will help relieve both symptoms. Don’t you want to feel better?”
“I am not taking a bath with freezing water!” Celestia said sternly as she stomped her hoof.
“It is not freezing, it is ten point two degrees Centigrade above freezing, actually.”
“You know what I mean, Luna!”
“Just try it, will you? You will not know if you do not try it.” Luna begged with pleading eyes.
Celestia tried to turn her head away from her sister, but was unable to as Luna’s eyes got wider and wider. “Fine...” Celestia sighed.
“Huzzah!” Luna cheered. “It is not too bad.”
Celestia turned her head towards the bath, watching a few ripples here and there. Tentatively, she slowly dipped the tip of her hoof in. Celestia’s wings instantly flared out as she yanked her hoof out.
“Ahh!” Celestia cried out. “No, no, no, no! I am not going in there, it is way too cold!”
“But sister it will help you! It is not that bad, I assure you,” Luna pleaded.
“No!” Celestia said stubbornly as she took a step back. “I will not go in there!”
There was a flash of blue and a loud pop. As Celestia recovered and opened her eyes, her sister was gone.
“We were afraid thou would say that...” Luna replied behind Celestia. Luna blocked the doorway, her wings flared out. “We have already made thy bath and we shall not let it go to waste.”
Celestia spun around to face her sister and glared at her. “I am not going in there, Luna.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I am not, and you cannot make me!” Celestia shouted as she stomped her hoof, her wings flaring out.
“Really sister?” Luna sighed as she took a step towards Celestia. “We are going to go through this again?” Luna’s horn glowed, enveloping her magic around Celestia and lifting her off the ground.
Celestia’s eyes widened as she felt her body again lifted off the ground. She flailed her wings and hooves in the air, trying to break from her sister’s grasp.
“Sister!” Celestia cried out nervously, her eyes darting around. She let out a cry as she felt herself turned upside down in the air.
“Yes, my dear sister Celestia?” Luna said sweetly as she levitated her sister over the bathtub.
Celestia struggled more, unaware of where she was in the air. “Luna! As your elder sister I demand that you put me down at this instant!”
“Oh dear,” Luna replied, grimacing as she patted her sister’s side. “That is a poor choice of words.”
Celestia quickly turned her head down, her eyes widening while her pupils shrunk. “No, no, no! Sister, you know I what I meant—Aaahhh!”
SPLASH!
Celestia broke the surface of the water, gasping loudly as the air was forced from her lungs. She flailed her hooves as they grasped the sides of the tub, trying to push herself out.
“Sister!” Luna cried out as she gently held Celestia down, making sure Celestia’s head was out of the water. “Calm down, take deep breaths, breathe.”
Celestia gulped, trying to slow her heart down and breathe, her teeth clattering against each other. Her body shivered violently. “L-Luna it is so cold, it h-hurts!” Celestia panted out.
“Celestia,” Luna said gently, rubbing Celestia’s side. “I know it is cold. I know it hurts. But it will really help not only with your joints and muscles, but with your fever too.”
“H-how do y-you know?” Celestia weakly said as she looked at Luna. Her chest heaved as she tried to calm down.
“Remember when I first arrived when I was saved? How small I looked?” Luna replied gently.
“Y-yeah.”
“And how I had that massive growth spurt when I grew into my current form?”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” Luna continued, “when that happened it was pretty painful on my limbs. The stress of that growth was intense. When I went to the infirmary, they recommended that I take an ice bath. Yes it is cold, ‘tis not pleasant, but trust me, you will feel much better afterwards. It only lasts for fifteen minutes. Trust me on this, okay?”
“O-Okay Luna, I trust you.”
Luna smiled gently. “Here,” Luna said as she pulled her sister’s hoof out of the water. “It is best to keep your hooves out during it.”
Celestia raised the rest of her hooves, trying to relax.
“Okay Celestia, time is up.” Luna said as she took a few steps away from the tub.
There was an explosion of water as Celestia jumped out of the tub, landing on her hooves. Her mane and tail were stuck to her body. Slowly Celestia kneeled down, curling up and shivering. “S-So cold...”
“Easy there sister,” Luna said as she levitated numerous towels on to Celestia. Using her magic and hooves, she rubbed her sister’s fur dry. “It was not that bad now was it?”
“N-not really,” Celestia replied, shaking more from her sister than the cold. “Just numb right now.”
“Better than being in pain. Do not worry, you will feel better in time,” Luna replied.
“I guess you are right.”
“Here,” Luna said as she got up, lifting a large white robe off a wall hook. “This will help”
“Thanks Luna,” Celestia replied as put on her robe. She tightened it around herself, walking out of the room.
“Oh sister!” Luna cried out as she ran to her sister.
“What’s wrong?” Celestia replied as she turned her head.
“Your wings are a mess!” Luna exclaimed as she held one of Celestia’s wings. “Oh no no no, this simply will not do.”
Celestia looked at her slightly matted wings, her ears slightly dropping. “Oh dear, I guess I’ll preen them later.”
“That simply will not do! Here,” Luna replied as she led Celestia to the center of her room where there a large plush rug. “Lay down sister, I will preen your wings.”
“Really, Luna,” Celestia said as she laid down. “You do not have to go through the trouble.”
“Nonsense,” Luna answered as she gently extended one of Celestia’s wide wings. “It would be my pleasure. Besides, we are sisters, it is what we do.”
“If you insist Luna,” Celestia said as she rested her head on her forehooves.
Gently, Luna began to straighten Celestia’s feathers with her muzzle, yanking any loose feathers off when she found one.
“You know Luna,” Celestia crooned slightly. “I can’t remember the last time we did something like this.”
“It is when we were nothing but small foals, clinging to mother’s hip,” Luna replied as she folded back Celestia’s wing. Luna got up and moved to Celestia’s other side, extending her other wing.
“Ah, now I remember it. You never could preen your wings when you were a filly. You always ran to mother or I, begging to us to preen your wings,” Celestia said with a slight smile.
“I do remember too,” Luna replied with a small blush. “Though what I never told either of you was that I actually did know how to maintain my wings.”
“What?” Celestia said as she turned her head. “Then why did come to us asking for help?”
“Well,” Luna said quietly, her blush intensifying, “I really enjoyed the attention I received from you two. Every time I felt a tad down, I always came to you. Actually, sometimes I would purposely ruffle my own wings just so I could get them preened by you or mother.”
“What?” Celestia gasped as her ears perked. “You knew how to do it all along?”
Luna turned her head and blushed. “I told you, I enjoyed the attention.”
“It seems you still do,” Celestia replied with smile.
She drifted in and out of consciousness as Luna worked on her wing. “I guess you are right,” Luna sighed, smiling. She bent her head down, finishing with Celestia’s second wing.
“Finished,” Luna replied as she lifted a pile of discarded feathers with her magic. “Come sister, time for bed rest.”
Celestia lifted her head groggily, grunting as she lifted herself to her hooves. “Bed does sound nice,” Celestia said softly as she lifted herself up on her bed.
“Do you feel better?” Luna asked as she pulled a thick blanket over her sister.
“I do feel much better. My wings feel wonderful, and my joints are aching nowhere near as bad.” Celestia said as she leaned her head back. “Though my hooves are still very cold.”
“Well!” Luna said cheerfully as she brought her head close, a large grin on her face. “I have just the thing for that.”
There was a ‘pop’ behind Luna, and afterwards she levitated a pair of greenish yellow pinstripe socks. “These are my extra pair of socks, I am sure they would help your hooves stay nice and toasty,” Luna exclaimed as she waggled her eyebrows.
“Luna,” Celestia said as she glared at her sister. “Just because you love socks does not mean I do.”
“And I think you are being unfair,” Luna said with a ‘hmph.’ “You said your hooves are cold, and I can’t think of a better and more practical way to warm them up. I think you are just being stubborn.”
“I am not!”
“Then put them on.”
Luna and Celestia glared at each other, bringing their heads closer.
“Fine!” Celestia said as she pulled her head back, grabbing the pair of socks from her sister. She stared at them for a second, before sighing loudly. She stretched out her forehooves slipping a sock on each one.
“So...” Luna replied with a smirk. “How are they?”
Celestia crossed her hooves, turning her head away.
“Well?” Luna cooed in a singsong voice as she brought her head closer.
Celestia scrunched her nose, turning her head away more.
“Sister, you are being stubborn.”
“Fine!” Celestia whined loudly as she flailed her hooves. “They’re extremely comfortable!”
Luna smiled as she flicked her mane in triumph.
“But why this color? It clashes horribly with my coat,” Celestia sighed.
“I told you those are my extra pair. I am not going to use my own personal collection.”
Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Anyway, you stay here and take a nap or something. I will be back in a couple of hours with some lunch, so try to get some sleep. Does that sound good?” Luna asked with a soft smile.
“Yeah, that does sound nice,” Celestia replied softly as she leaned her head back on her pillow.
“All right then, I will be back shortly with some food. Do get some sleep,” Luna said gently.
“Thanks Luna,” Celestia said as she closed her eyes.
Private Hoplite, a white pegasus of the day guard, and Private Lethe, a black night pegasus of the night guard, were described as, for lack of a better term, the two most dysfunctional guards that have ever existed or will exist.
Private Hoplite saw himself as the ideal guard: dedicated, focused, and vigilant. He had dreams of being a higher-ranking guard that could one day court his long time crush and boss, Princess Celestia. Or in Lethe’s terms, he was an uptight sissy. Oh, how Lethe was the bane of Hoplite's existence. He felt the universe and his higher ups have punished him for life by being assigned to Lethe. No matter how hard he tried, he always fell flat. On the other hoof, Private Lethe was a wild girl party animal that had little care for authority. Her dreams were to have fun, dance the night away, eat cake, and have fun with her personal stick in the mud, Hoplite.
Together, these two guards had defended Princess Celestia in every manner imaginable, from would-be attacks to blocking Celestia from entering the Royal Kitchens. Hoplite himself had almost fought the Pink Menace of Ponyville, had nearly stood up to a carb-craving goddess, and had personally wet himself at the Battle of The Hallway to the Kitchens.
Needless to say, Lethe’s track record was a lot better.
“This is so exciting!” Hoplite said as he gave a little hop. “A special assignment from one the princesses herself!”
“Why are you so excited?” Lethe replied as she rolled her eyes.
“Because,” Hoplite said. “We actually get a real job this time. No more ‘guarding’ the kitchens.”
“But I liked guarding the kitchens!” Lethe pouted. “We got free food.”
“No,” Hoplite sighed loudly. “You extorted them for free food.”
“Free, extorted, just semantics,” Lethe replied with a shrug. “Besides, I risked life and limb for those cooks. Technically, it was all spoils of war.”
Hoplite stopped as he slapped his face with a hoof. “Anyway,” he said as he started walking again, “we got a real job this time.”
“Great,” Lethe said as she slouched her shoulders. “Now I actually have to work.”
“This is your job, you know. Can you actually take your job seriously for once?”
“I’d rather have free delicious cake.”
“Really? Is that all you care about? You are a Night Guard for Equestria, have you no pride?”
“You know,” Lethe said as she wrapped a hoof around Hoplite.
“What?” Hoplite sighed.
“You need to lighten up. Have some fun, shake that rump of yours once in awhile. I can take you out to a party if you want,” Lethe replied as she gave a wink.
Hoplite’s eyes widened, a blush growing on his face. “No, no, no,” Hoplite said as he marched forward, breaking free from Lethe’s grasp.
“Sissy,” Lethe sighed as she followed him.
After a short walk, the two guards stopped in front of Princess Celestia’s bedchambers. “So,” Lethe said as she looked around. “What are we supposed to do?”
“I don’t know. The message I got was to bring ourselves to this location and await further orders.”
“From who?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that this message was sent by the Princess.”
“Which one?”
“I—don’t know.”
Lethe slapped her face. “Great, more waiting.”
Hoplite exhaled, then opened his eyes, standing in the traditional guard stance. Lethe, however, just laid there as she pulled out a magazine from her armor. She smacked her lips as she scanned through the pages.
“Seriously?!” Hoplite yelled through his teeth. “You are going to slack off right in front of Princess Celestia’s chambers?!”
“Ugh!” Lethe groaned as she threw her head back. “Fine!” Sighing, Lethe slowly stood on all four hooves, tucking her magazine in her breastplate. She exhaled as she steadied herself, placing herself in the Traditional Royal Canterlot Guard Guarding Position.
Finally, Hoplite thought to himself.
The two guards stood there, staring at the wall in front of them. A few minutes of peaceful silence hung in the air.
Hoplite’s ear flicked as he heard somepony snickering. He looked over and saw Lethe, biting her lip and scrunching her face, trying to suppress her laughter.
“Lethe! Focus!” he hissed.
“Sorry, sorry,” she whispered. “Just remembered something funny is all.” She exhaled, steadying herself and focusing.
Hoplite rolled his eyes before entering his stance.
Thirty seconds passed as Lethe started to laugh again. She held her forehooves to her mouth, her face reddened.
“Lethe!” Hoplite hissed.
“Sorry!” she said through her fits of giggles. “I got the giggles.”
“Focus!”
“Okay, okay,” she said as she took deep breaths. “I think I got it out of my system.”
“Good...”
Another thirty seconds passed until Lethe fell to the ground, clutching her sides and bursting out in laughter. “Hahahaha, that was such a funny picture!” she said through tears of laughter.
Hoplite slapped both his hooves on his face, pulling his face down. “Just let her do her thing. Breathe and count to ten...”
“Okay,” Lethe said weakly as she got up on her hooves. She wiped the tears from her eyes. “For sure, it’s out of my system. Okay, I am ready now.”
There was a small click behind them. “Ah good, you two have arrived,” said a familiar, regal voice.
Instantly, both Hoplite and Lethe turned around, saluting. “Princess Luna—wwwhhhaaa!” Hoplite and Lethe said as their jaws dropped while their eyes widened to dinner plates.
In front of them was her Majesty of the Moon, Princess Luna, wearing a white nurse outfit.
“If it is not my faithful guard, Private Lethe and her good friend Private Hoplite. I am glad you two could make it here. I have a special assignment for you two.”
Hoplite stood there, his mouth agape and his eyes wide with a distant look in them. Lethe shook her head, freeing herself from her daze. “L-Luna, are you wearing a nurse outfit?”
“Why yes I am, my astute guard. I found it fitting for the moment.”
“I’ll follow you to Tartarus and back while you’re wearing that m’lady,” Lethe said with a sparkle in her eyes, her hooves to her mouth.
“Thank you my loyal guard,” Luna replied, smiling.
“So, Luna, what is it that you need lil’ ole us for?” Lethe said. She looked over at Hoplite, who still stood there with a huge blush on his face. She reached out with a hoof, closing his mouth. She frowned when it just fell back down. “Not my fault if he swallows a bug.”
“Sadly, my sister has fallen ill. Now no need to worry though, it is just centennial flu. It only affects alicorns like my sister and I. It is like the normal flu for ponies, but our flu season comes and goes every hundred years.”
“I’m sorry to hear that Luna,” Lethe replied.
“Fret not, my friend. She will make a full recovery.”
“So then, what do you need us for?”
“Ah,” Luna replied as she floated out a scroll from her pocket. She handed it to Lethe, who started reading it. “I plan to take care of my sister in the meantime. Sadly, my sister can act like a filly at times, and overreact to the smallest of things. My sister needs her rest. Given the chance, she will try to work which only prolong her illness.
“So, as long as my sister is sick, she is not fit to rule. That is her own order. I need you two to guard her room. Make sure nopony disturbs her, and make sure she stays in there so she can rest. I don’t need her running around trying to govern with the flu while coughing on everything.”
“Wait, you want us to do what?” Hoplite suddenly said as he shook his head. “You want us to do wh—”. His sentence was cut off as Lethe shoved a hoof his mouth. “Mmmphhh!”
“No worries Princess! You can count on us!” Lethe replied cheerfully.
“Thank you Private. Now I must be off to get my sister lunch. Make sure she gets her rest.”
“Aye-aye Princess!” Lethe replied cheerfully, her hoof still jammed in Hoplite’s muzzle. “Oh Luna, one more thing.”
“Yes?” Luna replied as she turned her head.
“Are you planning on having a little bit of fun with your sister?” Lethe asked with a small grin.
“Just a little,” Luna replied as she raised her hoof slightly. “After all, we are still sisters.”
“Excellent,” Lethe said, a positively evil grin spreading across her lips.
As Lethe watched Luna turn the corner of the hallway, she pulled her hoof free from Hoplite’s muzzle.
Hoplite gasped, panting as he tried to get some air back in his lungs. “What was that for?!” he asked as he glared at Lethe.
“You were lucky I stopped you,” Lethe said as she wiped her hoof on the ground.
“Stopped me from what?!”
“From running your mouth. Are you serious? You were about to question a direct order from Princess Luna herself, who was following protocol written by Princess Celestia! Sheesh, and here I thought you were a guard. Guess all that high and mighty pride you had was all for naught.”
“But, but...” Hoplite stammered as he fell to his haunches, his ears dropping.
“I mean, I even know when to follow an order! And you call yourself a guard.”
“But I—”
“Oh you’re so cute when you’re flustered you know that? Wanting to protect your crush Princess Celestia, right?” Lethe said as she pinched Hoplite’s cheeks.
“Gah! Get off me!” Hoplite said as he flailed his hooves.
“So cute,” Lethe said as she positioned herself on the other side of Celestia’s door. “Now get up lazy, we got a job to do.”
Hoplite sighed in defeat, his shoulders slouching. Slowly he got up, making his way to his position across from Lethe. He tried to lift his head up and get into the Traditional Royal Canterlot Guard Guarding Position, but couldn't. Eventually he just let it hang there.
Five minutes passed before Lethe groaned. “So bored. Hey Hoplite, want to play a game?”
Hoplite glared at her, not moving.
“C’mon it will be fun,” Lethe teased. “Oh I know, lets play some strip poker! Was always wondering what was under that cute lil’ armor of yours.”
Hoplite flared his nostrils, his chest heaving. Testosterone was coursing through his veins. You know what, he thought to himself. She needs to be a taught a lesson. I am the alpha male here, not her! I am going to beat her in her own little game. There is no way she can have a poker face. I can humiliate her and take away her armor. Then she will beg for it back. I can get her in trouble! I will win! I will not let her have her way again!
“Fine!” Hoplite shouted while stomping his hoof. “I will play your little game!”
“Excellent...” Lethe said seductively as she licked her fangs. She reached into her armor and pulled out a deck of cards. “Let’s play...”
Celestia flicked in and out of consciousness. Her stomach growled loudly. “I’m hungry,” Celestia said to herself. “I hope Luna brings something delicious. Cake sounds good.”
Celestia laid there, closing her eyes and trying to go back to sleep. Suddenly, her eyes sprang open. “No, no, no,” she said to herself. She yanked the covers off her bed as she got up. She floated over her robe and tied it on herself.
I am the Princess of the Sun! Celestia thought to herself. I eat what I choose to eat. I have not eaten alfalfa since I was a filly, and I will not start now. I banned it from the palace, and I would have banned it throughout Equestria if it weren’t for farmers who depended on it. Seriously, what sick world makes an alfalfa cutie mark!
“I am not going to let Luna torture me like this. I am a grown mare, darn it! Grown ponies do not eat alfalfa! I have to get out of here,” Celestia said as she made her way to her door.
Hoplite was not having a good time. He sat there, shivering to himself with nothing but his helmet on. His eyes looked over his cards, seeing Lethe with the rest of his armor next to her.
“Mmmm, now I get to see if the drapes match the carpet,” Lethe cooed softly as she licked her lips. She laid there, one hoof holding her cards, the other propping up her head. She still wore all her armor.
Hoplite wilted under Lethe’s serpentine eyes. She stared at him like a tiger over a wounded lamb. His wings fluttered while his face was red. He clutched at his cards in his hooves, massive beads of sweat forming on his brow.
“Your move, pretty boy,” Lethe said with a smirk and a wink.
Hoplite slowly reached for the deck of cards when the door next to him opened.
“I need to get out—,” Celestia said as she suddenly stopped in her tracks. She looked down, seeing a night pegasus guard mare laying there with a pile of armor next to her. Her eyes moved towards a white pegasus guard stallion who wore nothing but his helmet. He looked up at her, just as a doe would look at a pack of hungry wolves.
Not these two idiots, Celestia thought to herself. Of course Luna would have these two here.
“Heya Princess!” Lethe said cheerfully as she waved a hoof. “What’s up?”
FWOMP!!!
Both Celestia and Lethe stared as Hoplite fell over unconscious. They watched as he gave an occasionally twitch, drool starting to fall out his muzzle.
“He’s fine,” Lethe said nonchalantly as she nudged him with a hoof. “What can we do for you?”
“Oh nothing, I was just going for a little walk.” Celestia said with a forced smile. She moved her hoof forward, trying to take a step.
Instantly Lethe jumped in front of her, raising her hoof. “Sorry Princess, no can do. On orders from Luna to make sure you get your bedrest.”
Celestia eyes darted around. “Oh surely you can let me go for a small stroll, I promise to be back soon, really.”
“Sorry ma’am. You wrote the rule, I am just following it.”
“But it is such a silly old rule, I am just going for a walk,” Celestia chuckled weakly as she raised a hoof to her chest.
“Princess?”
“Yes, my little pony?”
“Are you wearing socks?” Lethe asked as she tilted her head, examining a sock covered hoof.
Celestia’s eyes widened, a blush appearing on her face. “No! You did not see anything!” she blurted out as she jumped back into her room, slamming the door shut.
“Worked easier than I thought,” Lethe said as she shrugged. “Hmm, thought Luna was the only one into socks.” She looked down at the twitching form of Hoplite, giving him a slight kick.
Hoplite twitched in response.
“I am hungry,” Lethe said out loud. “When is it lunch time?” Her eyes scanned Hoplite’s armor. She picked up his breast plate, pulling out his wallet. She opened it and pulled out a couple of bits.
“Well, I did win his armor, so by extension I also won his wallet,” she said to herself. “I can get some cake with this.” She put his wallet back, and took a step back towards her position.
“Actually,” she said as she reached for his wallet again. “A drink wouldn’t hurt either.”
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Well, sorry for the long wait. There was a lot of up and downs on this story. With all that being said, I do hop you enjoy this chapter. I know I had a ton of fun with Lethe and Hoplite. I just love those two so much.
With that being said, Hoplite has always been screwed. Now it is Celestia's turn.
No wait, that icon doesn't work. Why no troll Luna site?
PS. Expect another picture floating around soon. Will post it on blog and later in the chapter again.
Yiiiihaaaaa!!!!! Update!! *starts reading*
Y'know, if that was what they had to deal with, I could see some ponies fighting for the privilege of standing guard with Lethe. Until she cleaned them out.
Honestly, Hoplite, never play with somepony else's cards. Wait,that didn't come out right...
And poor Celestia. It looks as though everyone's going to troll her until she gets better. Then comes the storm.
My face hurts from laughing
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There is an add-on you can run called "grease monkey" (most compatible with Firefox but I've heard it works with other browsers as well) with a user script built for adding those faces for it but I can't seem to get it working right most the time. I'm trying to fiddle with the code now but if anyone knows who made it, I forgot the username and could really use some help. It is not the stuff of an amateur coder who has only half an idea of what he's doing.
I think this is the part of the string that adds the extra emotes. I've only ever seen it actually work once on this site during one of my blog posts I believe. it never seems to show them on stories. The preview button seems to work site wide however so I think it's just having some issues getting the emotes themselves or something in the string being broken. my novice level coding can only take me so far.
... unless the site has a preview button naturally, in which case, it's quite possible the whole damn thing's broken. It's possible the add-on hasn't been updated in a while. maybe knighty should look into trying to incorporate it into the site itself and give some credit at the bottom.
Huh. I started reading this this morning. I like it when the universe does nice things.
Damn, Hoplite! Didn't you learn anything! I am trying to be on your side, man, but you are making it difficult.
Hello Moon nurse!
Thank you for applying concepts of thermodynamic equilibrium and system boundaries in a comedic setting.
Yay, Hoplite and Lethe two of my favorite OCs
Also, [youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X6-UftBHk9A]
Man I missed those two guards.
After this Celestia is probably going to consider re-writing those antiquated Equestrian sick princess laws
And those two guards are probably gonna get promoted (or at least Lethe is)
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Thanks! In addition, expect another picture, maybe. I will post it on my blog than later incorprated it in the chapter. It will be of Hoplite and Lethe. I really do love these two. Also I don't expect a promotion. Hoplite's bad luck won't let him, and Lethe just dosnt care. She just wants pie and cake. Higher promotions = more work.
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In addition, I had a conversion with one of my editors about it. He claimed the tub would shatter as the ice froze. I argued that it won't, because Celestia tub is made extra tough due to her large arse.
2442889 One question. Who are these Hoplite and Lethe fellows (or madam in Lethe's case)? They seem hilarious but I don't recognize them from anywhere.
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Private Hoplite and Lethe are from Dawnscroll's story, A Slice of Life. I mentioned it in the Author's Notes section.
But yes, these two guards, I love them. He also has other wonderful OC in there too.
2443071 Sounds cool. I'll have to check it out... immediately.
Just as a editor note, you have a lot of times where one of the charector resumes talking where you forgot to put the " mark in.
Other than that, amazing story, can't wait for more.
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really, where?
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1. “Worked easier than I thought,” Lethe said as she shrugged. Hmm, thought Luna was the only one into socks.” She looked down at the twitching form of Hoplite, giving him a slight kick.
2. “Well,” Luna continued when that happened it was pretty painful on my limbs. The stress of that growth was intense. When I went to the infirmary, they recommend that I take an ice bath. Yes it is cold, ‘tis not pleasant, but trust me, you will feel much better afterwards. It only last for fifteen minutes. Trust me on this, okay?”
I am fairly certain i missed some other places, but here are two examples.
A couple of missed punctuation marks, and a possible change.
GreaT!!
So Dawnscroll edited this chapter, did he? Effective way of keeping his OCs in check, I guess.
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Yep
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Though proud to say I pictured them pretty well :D
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Haven't gone back to re-read bits of Slice of Life for a while, but I think you're doing them justice.
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Thanks!
I went back to make sure I nailed them. Oh how I love those two.
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I just realized...
Now you can personally bug Dawnscroll to keep working on getting more chapters of Slice of Life out!
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Oh but I can't...There is stuff some I need from him.
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Aw.
BTW, can you ask him if Lethe's name is a short E or a long E? It's kinda bugging me.
This is absurd. Lethe is a lot worse of a Lunar Guard than you ponies say. I'd know, working with her on several occasions, that I would prefer to not talk about.
He's kind of angry about the last time she worked with him. See, they were playing strip poker, and when he lost all of his armor, he got an e-
YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!
Okay, okay, sheesh.
Errors, you say? Mmmm...not anymore. Everything should be fixed up for ya pal, just need to copypasta. Apologies again.
Funny chapter. I almost died from the Monty Python reference. Pure gold. Hoplite and Lethe are funny too, and I know what story they're from, but I can't prevent myself from thinking of them as Comet and Angel from 'The Golden Armor.' Oh well. Same idea. Tomato tamato.
I like to call them the Elements of Harmony... *BA-DUM PSSSSSS!*
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Technically, in the real world, water expands when it freezes, so there is a very good likelihood that the tub would indeed break. HOWEVER, the water was frozen magically as opposed to through normal thermodynamic means, so it would quite possibly be a trivial matter for Luna to simply mold it as it froze or some other BS magic explanation to prevent the break. Dammit magic, stahp breaking mah science!
And you even used the right numbers for specific heat capacities! I'm so happy. Engineering brohoof /)
However, you probably should've used Centigrade in the units since that's their scale, but I digress...
2443769 I, personally, pronounce it as "Lee-th". Technically, she's named after the river in greek mythology so... no idea how they did it.
Another bit of good news is that the chapters are pretty much written up and finished. I just need my editor to look at them and try to fix their horrible train wreckiness. ^_^;
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As I said before, Celestia tub is heavy grade extra tough material to compensate for her massive ass.
And it is easy to transfer from centigrade to kelvin :D
2444012 Hurr hurr you don't say.
Actually I can't remember if they're interchangeable in this case. I'm fairly sure I've used 4.18 J/g*C before though.
Lol, making fun of Celestia like that. Thou should be ashamed.
Lethe is best night guard.
Hey author, now that you have power, for the love of God and everything that you hold dear give that poor bastard Hoplite the upper hand, at least once, just... Just once, he does NOT deserve to be the Meg Griffin of the fanfiction world, he deserves a total victory if you must, even if it is one, I mean, to this day it still irks me that that poor guy never seems to get a rest at anything, just constant shit thrown at him from every angle, and all because he actually cares for his job.
Please, give the poor guy a chance of happiness!
Hoplite and Lethe? In this story?
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7321443584/h0ED0098F/
This can only end well.
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Wooh wooh wooh. First all things I do I need to get by Dawnscroll. Second, we need to look at Hoplite here. Maybe, just maybe, deep down he loves the attention he gets from Lethe. I mean a mare is giving special attention to one stallion.
I mean every one treats Meg badly, only Lethe messes with Hoplite. Shes not that abusive.
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I've been following a slice of life ever since it's third chapter, and even though deep down he does seems to like her and viceversa, it still irks me to no end that everything always seems to go wrong for him.
Please, just one time, one time and that's it, I just... I really like the character, and in some aspects identify as well, but I know in the main story he is destined to be nothing more but the butt of every single joke, to be the lovable loser if you must, but right here you, no WE, have the oportunity of watching him get the upper hand at something, to see him succeed, to finally feel like the guy actually did something right, that he can be something else than a poor bastard with no luck whatsoever.
He deserves better, since he just wants the best for his princess, and to do his duty rightfully.
Take the oportunity Foxy Kimchi, the power is in your hands!
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it is funny because I talked to Dawnscroll about this somewhat. I talked about it. He kept it mysterious, saying more will be revealed about in the next chapter.
I dont see him as being the butt of a joke in a sense. In the latest chapter of Slice of Life, Hoplite hinted at some attraction towards Lethe. So the question is, does some deep part of him actually enjoy the attention is he getting from a mare. One that other would like to be in the same position as Hoplite. So is his life bad? A steady job with a pretty mare, one that gives him special attention. Dawnscroll wouldnt tell me if there was anything between the two. But looking at it, is his life bad?
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Constant frustrations, impotence if you must? Yes, that's horrible, believe me, I'm living it right now (venezuelan here).
Besides, I'm not asking to break the dynamic between the two, nor that he "wins" at the expense of Lethe, all I'm asking for is that he gets to kick the ball, to taste success, to be able to make chocolate pudding at 4:00 in the morning with full control of his life, that's it.
These physics/chemistry lines made me "squee", how embarrassing...
But they make me love Luna all the more.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/poorchoice_4883.png
Perfect inclusion of Lethe and Hoplite! Very natural and cute!
Hah! Hoplite and Lethe! Effin' A man! They seriously need to be in more fics.
Poor Celestia, I agree with her about alfalfa. And I guess socks are like pony lingerie then?
A good chapter, fun to read and enjoy.
My new Favorite Guards: Hoplit and Lethe^^
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I've made butterscotch pudding at 3 in the morning. It was epic... although that much pudding for one meal, oof. Lesson learned.
Still have to worry about Hoplight actually "winning" the game for a change. I mean, he gets such a massive wingboner seeing Celestia in garishly colored socks that he falls over unconscious?
If she actually nuzzled him his heart will explode. Seriously. It will literally burst right out of his chest like a bad extra from the movie Alien, screech at everyone present, then skitter across the floor into the nearest air duct...
I only pick on stories I really like. So, take this as a compliment.
Misplaced comma.
Also, you have double spaces literally everywhere. Do you know something I don't?
I can't help but wonder if he is at all in the least bit afraid to be mashed into a pulp?
Brave, brave, brave, brave, Sir Hoplite.
Do you mean: "from one, the princess herself", or "from the princess herself"?
The first is.... well, yeaaaaaaa. But if that is how Hoplite talks, I won't complain.
Also, I hereby formally offer my prowess as an editor in service of your fantiction. Should my services be accepted you can expect me to finagle you for word choice, and generally be overly critical in a comedic manner.
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I think I'm in the middle of what people call 'star-struck'.
Just...gimme a moment...
EDIT: According to Dictionary.com, it's Lee-thee, but...screw them.