Author's note: Well, seeing as it's no longer April Fools where I am, this chapter is being converted into an Omake (bonus content). Chapter 4 is not written yet because I only posted chapter 3 about 20 hours ago. That is all.
Chapter ??: Omake
"Step 1: Call the Marines." US Army Survival Manual, Page 1
Hey...
Yeah?
Have you ever wondered why we're here?
No.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
Fine. Yes. I mean, are we all really just here on some ridiculous mission creep on the manhunt for UBL, or is there really a plan?
What? … I meant why are we here on this FOB.
Oh...
Where did all that stuff about UBL come from?
Uh...
You want to talk about it?
...Nope
Anyway, we’re on a grid square that has no tactical importance whatsoever. The only reason those insurgents are camped out in those caves over there is so that they can attack our FOB’s supply route, and the only reason we have a base here is to try and stop them.
Yeah. That’s because we’re fighting each other.
No no no. You’re not getting it. What I’m saying is, if we pulled out today, there would be no reason to have a supply route anymore, and the insurgents would gain total control of a useless fucking grid square. Woop de fucking do.
Annnnd that’s why you’re still a Lance.
Go fuck yourself.
The fuck you just say?
Go fuck yourself... *sigh* Corporal.
That’s better.