Tales from the Scootaverse

by Richardson


The Dreaded Cuddlefish

It had been half a week since Celestia and her youngest daughter had returned from Canterlot. The moon was high in the skies, subject to the gaze of the humbly disguised alicorn of the sun as she pondered on how she had failed the nocturnal orb's mistress.

Again.

Cool water tickled her legs, slowly draining the heat from her body as she sat upon her favorite inflatable raft. Her home, her real home far from the bustle of Canterlot bordered the Lower Ponyville Lake. Well, near enough to it, sitting atop a twelve hoof tall bluff, with a small staircase she had hammered into the rock leading down the sheer cliff onto the sandy beach below. They had built a small pier over the years, perfect for jumping into the crisp and cold water to sharpen somepony's mind, even if nopony had ever tied a boat up to it.

And there she was, drifting a few yards from their pier on her little inflatable raft, watching her oldest da- her 'sister' put out her masterpiece out once more for all to see.

Granted, none of the stars were real. It was all a grand illusion, painted against the skies far from Equuis. Without one of the alicorns working to paint the night, the skies would be a featureless grey-blue mist dimly lighting the world, with only a few dots of the outer planets to illuminate the void. Their home system was deep in an enshrouding nebula, hidden away safely from the galaxy. The illusions of the night skies were built from the old star charts she had obtained from the Enkindlers before her failure had gotten them all killed.

Huh. All she was was one great big illusion after another, wasn't she? Her brilliant statesmareship and policy? Most of it didn't even belong to her, but instead was the work of her subordinates. What little she could claim was due to sheer dumb luck.

Hay, she couldn't even refer to Luna right, even if it was a conscious decision. At least through sheer audacity and obscurity the alicorn of the night could get away with addressing her elder companion with the proper honorifics. Nopony spoke Old Equish anymore, so nopony would know. And she couldn't even get started on Scootaloo.

SPLOOOOOOOSH!

Celestia jerked away from her thoughts; triple tying off the illusion spread around her of her orange-furred commoner counterpart and cover for her daughter. She couldn't take the risk of it all unraveling in battle. The sound had to have come from her left, but there were no signs of her stalker other than the massive ripples of it's plunge. She tensed up, pulling her legs out of the water and onto her raft.

Just in time, too, as something just below the surface rubbed against her shin as she ripped it from the water. Her head swiveled about as she inspected the water. Nothing was visible, the early evening moonlight was still weak enough that the water remained as black as the skies..

Whatever it was rose up beneath the rubbery inflated lounging raft, deforming it and pushing it up for a moment before it sank back into the depths once more. Water swirled all around her, a pointed triangular fin rising up from the ink. A shark! A shark in the Ponyville Lake!?

The fin turned away from her, slipping down into the water once more, letting the lake surface grow calm and glassy in the windless evening.

With no wind to stir up waves, and only the gentle bubble and gurgle of water swishing around her float and pier, it was almost silent. The only interruption was the output from the tiny creek on the Apple side of the property line a few dozen yards down the shore. The solar diarch stretched out her hearing, listening for the sound of the shark swimming beneath the surf- oh. Oh dear. Well then, that wasn't what she was expecting.

The fin surfaced at range, turning about to make another run on the diarch. Dutifully, she played her part while snickering under her breath. "Shark! Help me, Help Me!"

She waited for the last possible second, waiting until it was only a few hooves away before snapping out her unshod legs into the water. The waterlogged orange and purple miniature menace was lifted out of the water, her legs still dog-paddling for speed while held in place. The dorsal fin was strapped to her back, and little flipper shoes were tied to each of her legs.

"Well now, look at this! I caught a flying fish, and I didn't even have to use a net!" The alicorn sat up, kissing Scootaloo on the nose with tender love. At least she had gotten just one thing right.

Scootaloo spat out the mouthpiece of the snorkle that was integrated into the fin so she could stick her tongue out, still reflexively dog-paddling. Adopting something between a hurt scowl and a pout, Celestia mock-complained back at her daughter. "Oh my, such a rude fish! Maybe I should mount her on my mantle to keep her from turning all the other fish rude!"

"But how could I apply hugs, then?" Scootaloo squirmed in her mother's grasp, reaching forward with her dripping hooves. Her hindlegs kicked the air as her wings buzzed to try and push her into hugging range.

Celestia's laugh giddily rang through the night as she pulled Scootaloo closer for a hug. "Oh dear, my fishie is confused and thinks it's an octopus!"

Scootaloo waited with practiced patience for a moment, squeezing free of her mother's grasp with a twist and a lunge. Falling on her mother's chest, she knocked the wind out of the disguised alicorn, giving her precious moments to act. She crawled out from under Celestia's forehooves until she laid atop her mother's belly. "Wow, you're huge!" Her hoof undelicately poked the soft gut of the solar diarch cheekily.

"Did you just call me fat?"

"But... if you're huge, that means you need HUGE hugs!" Scootaloo pounced forwards, grabbing her mother tightly around the neck before nuzzling and murring into her fur. "Glomp and cuddle!"

"No! Not the dreaded... Cuddlefish! Save yourselves! It's sickeningly sweet venom is already rotting my teeth and expanding my waistline!" Celestia mock-shuddered, taking a deep breath to exaggerate her paunch for Scootaloo's amusement. She clutched her throat, pretending to foam at the mouth in the middle of a sugar-overdose seizure before she limply flopped outwards. She let her limbs float atop the water along with her head, sticking out her tongue as she closed her eyes tight.

Scootaloo giggled again, wondering when her mom had been replaced by Pinkie Pie. She let go of her mom's neck, turning around and shimmying down until she could rest atop the sun demigod's lower ribs and the edge of her taut gut. "Mom, are you going to tell me why you're so mopey lately? You're all 'grumpa-grumpa-grumpa' all the time, which is as uncool as you can get. And you've been out here most of the evening ever since we got back. The last time you were like this was when Twilight discovered 'Want-It; Need-It or made it or something for the first time."

Celestia cracked one eye open, smiling slightly before taunting her foal. "Hhheeeeuuurk! Bleaauugh."

"Alright, have it your way." Scootaloo slid over, pinching up the celestial mare's belly button, carefully holding onto it through the soft and smooth rise and fall of her mother's belly. "Last chance for mercy!"

Celestia picked her head back up from where it was laying on the water, blinking as rivulets ran down from her brow into her eyes. Spotting where Scootaloo had placed her hooves, a chill of fear ran through her feathers and down her spine. "You wouldn't dare! I'll ground you into a year of no ice cream!"

"No! Not the ice- wait. Ice cream, or a happy mom? Hmm... do your worst!" Scootaloo challenged her mother as her lips darted down to the vulnerable belly button. She took a deep breath and blew, knowing the one true weakness of all alicorns.

The rude noises of a mouth blowing air into a soft and squishy belly were drowned out by Celestia's screams of ticklish laughter as she was insidiously tortured. Limbs awkwardly flailed in the air as Scootaloo kept up her relentless assault on her mother's dignity. Finally though, the filly ran out of air, leaving her panting to catch her breath. Celestia took that opportune moment, letting her horn emerge from her disguise so she could apply a seal of golden magic over her daughter's mouth.

Undeterred, Scootaloo scooted up her mother's body, driving her tiny hooves into the leg pits of the solar diarch's forelegs. Celestia's helpless squeaking resumed, the mare nearly blue in the face as her chest heaved under it's filly-sized burden. "Alright, alright! I'll tell you already! No more, mercy! Auuuugh, it hurts to much to- hehe!- laaaauuugh!"

Scootaloo instantly relented, letting Celestia gather her wits and catch her breath. The diarch slowly and deliberately took her breaths deeply, looking upside down as her head floated on the waters of the lake. On the town side of the lake, a good mile and a half away, the tiny constellation of lights glittered in the early evening as Ponyville's nightlife began. Kind of amusing when viewed upside down, actually.

The orange filly wriggled her hooves in place once more, reminding her mom that there was a confession to be made. The diarch let the magic gag fade as she let her illusionary cover hide her horn within the folds of it's magic. "Scootaloo, I'm... I'm- afraid."

"You? Afraid? Is this alternate universe week again? Because if we have to deal with a giant manticore invasion from outer space like that one time again-" Scootaloo looked a little weirded out as she spoke, remembering how she and Spike had- No, don't think of it, it won't drive you crazy.

"Yes." Celestia sighed, her mane spread out on the water all around her head. "Afraid. I guess I always have been." Celestia closed her eyes as she spoke, looking inwards to all her past sins.

"Afraid of what? Nightmare Moon? Discord? What could scare you?"

"Failure." The word was an epithet on Celestia's lips.

Scootaloo looked around, counting off on her hooves as she bit her lip in thought. "Mom, how have you failed? I've been thinking about it, and that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Luna. Starswirl. Our homelands. The seaponies..."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes, her hoof thumping against her mother's chest to pop the diarch's head up so she could look her dam in the eye. "Mom! Stop it! Most of that you could never have stopped, and you SAVED Luna. And you made me! That's the awesomest thing you've ever done." Scootaloo fluffed herself up as much as she could manage, looking less awesome and more like an overgrown chick.

"Scootaloo, Twilight saved Luna. Not me."

"Same diff, Mom!" Scootaloo waved a hoof. "Seriously, you were training her for that, she was your plan, YOU saved Luna, even if you had to use somepony to do it."

Celestia closed her eyes, huffing deeply in shame. "She almost didn't pull it off. And even though she did, I- I turned her into a neurotic wreck focused on pleasing me, and I never even saw it until recently." Celestia found a hoof cupped beneath her chin, drawing her face back to her daughter's own. "Scootaloo, look at her whenever somepony mentions me. She flinches, and-"

"Mom! Everypony's problems are NOT your own!" Scootaloo wondered if it would be easier just to tip the raft over and let the cold water snap her mom out of her blame spiral. "Cadance says Twilight was like that BEFORE she became your student! Not every problem is caused by your sitting around mom, and you can't fix everything! I mean, it's great that you want to, but let other ponies take the blame for their success and failures sometimes, too!"

"Like when I'm over at Rarity's house at the same time Sweetie Belle is, and she starts cooking 'dinner'." Scootaloo stuck her tongue out in disgust as she gagged on the memory. "Nopony blames me for not catching Sweetie."

"Scootaloo, you know what? You're right." Celestia smiled somewhat sadly, leaning up all the way so she could nuzzle her foal on the nose. "I did at least get you right, you smart little filly."

"VindiCAAAATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Scootaloo shouted to the heavens, rearing up on her hind legs and playing an air guitar in triumph.

"But, you're the only thing I've gotten right."

"Oh, COME ON!"

"Scootaloo, I work on you instead of helping Equestria. Luna... I let her become a warrior only barely older than you. I let the nobles get too strong, I-"

"Did a pretty awesome job, despite your mistakes. Equestria? Awesome. Me and Luna? Awesome. Twilight? Crazy Awesome. Slightly more crazy than awesome, actually. Cadance? Awesome. House? Cozy Awesome."

Celestia smiled, glad that her foal could remain so enthusiastic. "Funny, I thought getting sentimental and pep-talk-ey was the first sign of Mushy Syndrome." The solar diarch poked her daughter in her orange and slightly pudgy belly, laughing as Scootaloo tried to stop it from jiggling by sucking it in and laying down on it. "Oh no! It's worse than I thought! The Mushy Syndrome has almost completely claimed her!"

"Hey, stop that! I'm not mush- uhoh!" Scootaloo fell over, reaching her hooves towards the skies as she let the rest of her body go limp. "I'm mushing, ~muuuushing! Oh, what a world!" Scootaloo waved her hooves dramatically in the air as she slowly brought them closer to her body while whispering ever quieter. "Somepony help me! I'm mushing! Mushing away into Rarity!"

Celestia smiled, having a brilliant idea to turn the tables on her youngest and silliest. "Oh dear! It seems my catch of the day has stopped being cool and has gotten mushy and soggy from being in the water for too long! We've got to turn it back into a cool fish!" Celestia snatched Scootaloo up in her forehooves, yanking the giddily screaming filly into the air. From her awkward launch, she flipped over, flapping mightily towards their house.

"Mom, you had better not hang me up to dry!" Scootaloo's shout echoed over the water into the night."Mom, wait a minute! No, Mom, No-no- WHOOOOAAAH, that's COLD!"