Twilight shut the door as fast as possible and rested her back against it, panting heavily and holding a hoof to her heart. Never once would she have ever imagined something like… that happening in the bath. It didn’t make sense, and she certainly didn’t think of the princesses that way. Celestia’s mane was so frazzled as well as Luna’s. And those clothes they were wearing? It was so…
She didn’t know the word for it. Twilight Sparkle, newest Princess of Equestria and Egghead Extraordinaire (her unofficial title by Rainbow Dash), didn’t know the word for what she was feeling. She groaned as she slid down the door. Her mind returned to the next thing on the list. Just what were the guards doing in there with them?
She didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was giving her a headache as she tried to digest the information. She picked up her towel and decided it’d be easier for her to take a shower that evening.
The next morning…
She awoke with a letter sticking to her face. As one might expect, she smacked her lips lazily and then stretched out for her morning yawn. She pushed some bedhead out of her eyes and then was going to begin reading it, until she looked past what was in front of her and realized the scroll it was on had unraveled itself beyond her bed. She looked at the first paragraph.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
I have sent you this letter to help ease your confusion on the issue of what you momentarily observed in the Royal Bath. It’s a terribly difficult scenario to explain, but I know you’ll eventually come to make sense of it. It was an unannounced thing, but I hope that next time you can come and join us.
As if her morning drowsiness had sprouted legs and walked off, she immediately began to read more.
It all started one very odd evening just three nights ago…
The tea cup levitated towards the celestial princess as she further documented her student’s extensive findings on the magic of friendship. She took a generous sip and placed it back down on the table, not wanting to risk having one drop of it land on the work before her. And in the corner. And piled on top of the chair somewhere where the candle light could no longer reach. And possibly still in an unopened box in another room entirely.
Twilight, in her usual bouts of brilliance, had saved a copy of every single report she had done thus far and had, after the ceremony, reviewed and critiqued her own findings, almost down to the letter. Never had she seen an entire five hundred word paragraph- as an annotation- on why she chose the word “the” as opposed to “an” before. Celestia wouldn’t have expected any less, but she didn’t deny the small part of her that wished Twilight had done much less.
The amount of detail, review, retrospect, and heart she had poured into every essay was staggering and worthy of an award all on its own. What one letter about sharing the work that constituted only a small reminder was transformed into a small book. Every single piece of literature had a table of contents, even a leaflet for “on-the-go” reading. The stories behind the incidents were also bland, simply due to the accurate recollection and multitudinous postulations on a friend’s action at the time.
It wasn’t to say that Celestia hadn’t made good headway since the morning, however. Her friends weren’t nearly as insightful and thus produced minuscule reports. They didn’t tarry on for more than five pages, something she silently thanked whenever she came across it. In Celestia’s own wisdom, she deemed it more efficient to start in reverse when the reports were more infrequent.
Celestia yawned. She lifted the tea cup and made to take in another helping, but was treated only to air and the scent of what no longer remained. Her lips formed a small pout and she examined her clock hanging near an ember-glowing pet phoenix of hers. No, the kitchen staff were asleep by this time and perhaps she should be too. She hadn’t reached the section of it, but she knew Twilight had learned about patience somewhere in her adventures.
Celestia drew the curtains to a close and blindly swung open the double doors to her office at the far end of the room with swift magical execution. She blew out the candle on her desk, set the cup down so she could send it to the dishwashers when they were awake, and walked through the center of the room until she exited. Instead of using her horn, she pushed the doors shut individually.
“Good evening, sister. I’m glad to see you working well into my part of the shift,” the unmistakable voice of Luna echoed in the empty hallway. Celestia turned around and tilted her head slightly at the sight before her. “What’s wrong?”
“Towels, a bottle of conditioner, and the silver rubber duck? I haven’t seen those-“
Luna shifted the white towel on her back so it was lying evenly across again. “Yes, in a while. I had been rummaging through some old chests of mine while looking for a present suitable for Twilight when I came across this piece of history.” In one swift move, she bounced the duck off her rump and used her hind leg to kick it back to her head where she deftly caught it in her mouth, giving it an enjoyable squeak. Both of the sisters grinned. “I had thought I’d visit the bath chamber early tonight and enjoy myself in a soak. One rarely has time to indulge herself in such pleasantries when she rules the night sky.”
Celestia nodded. “Yes, these times have been busy for the both of us, haven’t they?”
Luna’s face drooped slightly and her eyes gave away her concern. “Is something amiss?”
“My free time, I suppose. Twilight has sent me much to do over my own regimen.”
“I was wondering what those crates out front were for…” Luna admitted in a whisper.
“There’s no pony alive who can say she wasn’t thorough with her work,” Celestia said with a genuine smile, “and I can’t say I mind the paperwork lightening a bit too with another princess around.”
“Shame on you, Celestia. I thought she was a princess because of her friendship,” Luna half-heartedly joked.
“Well, I won’t deny her work ethic may have influenced me slightly.” Celestia made a motion with her hoof for Luna to walk along side. They began walking down the spacious corridor down the red carpet in the center, to both muffle their steps and fully enjoy the mosaics illuminated in the moonlight, leaving crisp images on the floor. “Besides, you know I’m joking with you.”
“I still have trouble understanding this new world sarcasm, sister.”
Celestia lightly blushed and stuck her tongue out for a split second. As they walked, Celestia took notice of the progression of events from each window, each one transpiring after the other. Walking backwards through time every day to reach her quarters reminded her of everything they’ve accomplished, and for a reason she could never put a hoof on, it made her feel younger. As if... if she stayed at the start of the hallway, she would stay young in that moment of time forever. And when she returned to work, she’d catch up with history like she was absorbing it all again.
It occurred to her that she hadn’t spent much time with Luna recently and with the way things were going, she may not have much time in the future. She should cherish each moment. One day, she would just be a pony in a mural, jotted down in history for her great deeds. Twilight would eventually outgrow her and get a student of her own. Twilight was strong enough to take on both the sun and the moon, or would be one day, relieving herself and her sister of their work. Princesses that outgrow princesses, each new successor becoming stronger than the last. It was a scary thought for her, but at the same time calming, knowing that her kingdom would be in good hooves.
And as she walked, she warmly grinned at Luna who occasionally bit softly on the duck and giggled with filly-ish delight.
“Luna, would you mind if I joined you tonight?”
The princess of the night almost dropped her toy in surprise. “I haven’t heard you ask that in a long time. Weren’t you heading to sleep?”
“I have an eternity to sleep, but I don’t know how long I’ll have time to spend with my sister.” Celestia nudged Luna in the side. “Besides,” she stated too calmly, “I think I still have some of Oval Bubble’s bubbly bubble mix left.”
This time she did drop the duck. “The bubbliest bubbles on this, or any side, of Equestria!?”
“The most bubbliest bubbles since Bubba Bubble.”
In perfect harmony, they both sang with a leg over each other’s shoulders, “♪Oval Bubble’s bubbles! Pops the dirt right off for a superior shine, oh aren’t these bubbles just super fine?♪”
Luna’s voice suddenly dropped to as low as she could go. “Warning: do not ingest bubbles and keep out of reach of small children. Only apply Oval Bubble’s bubbly bubble mix in small doses as recommended on the bottle. Do not use if you have sensitive skin or eyes. Always wash your horn in regular wash, this is not a substitute. Also buy it in Strawberry and Apple scents, available at your local pharmaceutical store.”
“Do you always remember every part of those commercials?”
“How could you forget?”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “How could I possibly remember?”
The both giggled and Celestia stopped as they reached the end of the hall. “I’ll grab my things and meet you there, ok?”
The unicorn guard was peering just beyond the pillar near the end of the opposite end of the hall. Though their voices were hushed and the distance was a grand as the floors he stood on, the stillness of the silent castle proved to be quiet enough for him to catch just about every word his ears eagerly craved. “Two princesses in the royal bath?” he whispered to himself. “All the guys will love this.”
He snickered to himself, enjoying the perks of his job and some secret relevant information on some perfectly placed peep holes for such an occasion. He pulled a scroll and quill out of his helmet.
The door to the royal bath house was hard to miss, even if one wasn’t intentionally looking for it. It was a darker stained Everfree Tree door that they had carved from a massive hollow trunk growing near the bottom of a ravine. It had a peculiar property of letting water climb through the bark and turning itself into miniscule bubbles, releasing a soothing steam. The more water that was added, or the higher the humidity, the faster and thicker the wood would produce the bubbles. Better yet, the vapor that was created didn’t “feel” like natural steam and it didn’t take away the natural air, keeping it easy to breathe. This made it an ideal material for a bathhouse, giving any pony almost instant privacy.
The edges of the door were trimmed with gold and molded into waterfalls trickling down the surface. Its surface was slightly convex, its only flaw.
Of course, this wood was an extreme luxury. The trek to reach the location of this miracle wood was blocked by an almost impregnable force of monsters and insurmountable obstacles. And the tree that made it had long since been dead and none others had been found in the ravine, making it scarce.
So it was completely logical that Celestia had ordered to line the entire royal bath with the exotic wood. No one else knew of it and surely the creatures there, which there were none at the base of the ravine, wouldn’t take note of its absence. And plenty was left for anyone else who happened to stumble upon it.
There was only one other thing of notable interest inside the bath house; the bath itself. Some ponies rumored that the room was enchanted, distorting space around it so it could fit the mammoth-sized tub; others speculate that when they were designing Canterlot Castle, the princesses had to fork over a lump of treasure to the main architect to compensate for their lavish desire.
Regardless of the case and the suspicions, the bath was enormous. Its length was half of a Hoofball field with a matching width. As for how deep it went, that varied on the section of the pool. In one corner it may have water jets and in another it may have readily available scuba gear. And near the back of the room was the excess release gate that kept the water at an appropriate level.
And it was all gold plated except for the walls. The chairs, the tub, the towel racks, even the water valve.
“You still haven’t told me where all of this gold came from, sister,” Luna said as the question pulled at her mind once more. “I admit, I looked through the records of our finances but there’s not a bit missing.” She placed her belongings in the gold plated reclining chair at the north end.
“I paid for this room out of pocket, so to speak,” Celestia humbly replied. “It’s one of the few places I have left to relax.”
Luna nodded. “If you don’t mind me asking, how much did it cost you?”
Celestia looked over her shoulder as she placed down her towel near the edge of the bath. “Cost me? Not much, gold was much easier to obtain back then.”
Luna grinned. “Hey, sis’.”
Celestia turned around only to see her lunar counterpart jump directly above her. Her eyes widened as she knew what was coming next.
“Cannonball!”
Celestia’s spine contracted and tried to defy the sudden shiver of cold water that ran over her backside. She spun around and grimaced as her tail dragged like a paintbrush on the ground. “Must you do th-ack!” She recoiled as a splash, nearly a wave, covered her face and soaking her hair too.
“Yes,” Luna giggled happily as she pushed a smaller wave towards her soaking sister.
“At least let me warm the water first. I can’t begin to understand how you like it so cold.”
Luna levitated her duck into the water and ducked her head under so her eyes were level with it. She watched it bob back and forth aimlessly and pulled it back to her when it strayed too far. Underneath her hooves, she could feel the heaters begin to work. She swam closer to the center unknowingly, getting lost in her own observations.
“Hey, Luna.”
“Yes?”
“Think fast!”
“What does that even mea- oh!” She only needed a fraction of a second to see the bottle that defined her bathing childhood memories flying just past her. Desperately, she shot a line of magic, hoping to ensnare it in levitation, but her sister had thrown it too fast… and she missed.
“You know if Princess Celestia ever discovers you’ve been tunneling behind the walls, she’ll have you exiled…”
“Oh, and drilling holes in the Everfree wood.”
“Just how long have you been doing this anyways?”
“Shh, you idiots, they’ll hear us.”
“Luna’s got a nice butt.”
“Amen to that.”
“Shh!”
“So, what do you think they’re gunna do in there?”
“I see Celestia go in here sometimes. She normally just soaks a while and then leaves. The way she’ll lift those long, slender legs just above the top of the water like a graceful swan, how her hair wraps effortlessly around her body and still shimmers like a glistering grove, her sleek figure just...”
“So, basically we’re in for a show?”
“I wonder if they’ll start washing each other?”
“I like the way you think.”
“Shh! They’re by the chairs!”
“Is Luna about to-“
Sploosh!
“That cannonball was beautiful!”
“Yeah, she has amazing form, the water almost hit the ceiling.”
“Not that you dolt, I got a good shot of her ass and everything.”
“Wait, shot?”
“Shh!”
“Yeah, I brought a camera. Here, come look at it.”
Scuffle, scuffle, scuffle.
“I don’t see anything real- whoa ho ho ho! That’s a good shot!”
“Luna looks so cute with her duck.”
“Shh, Celestia’s near the water pump!”
“Her butt is right next to my face and she doesn’t even know it.”
“Lucky bast-“
“Shh! She’s grabbing something out of her saddlebag.”
There was only one apt word to describe the room: Bubbles. The entire surface area of the water was covered in a thick but easily maneuvered barrier of bubbles. If Luna or Celestia were to stand on the water, their horns would only just be poking out of the top. Which worried her, seeing as her sister was still in that mess. And the explosion was so sudden too. Perhaps her throwing the bottle agitated the mix, causing it to burst like it had. In all fairness, she had expected her sister to catch it. She had not foreseen it smacking against the edge of the tub, causing the thin plastic barrier to snap at the bottom and release nearly half a bottle’s worth. Likely far more.
“Luna? Luna, can you hear me?”
There was faint sound of sloshing in the water. Something was moving in there, even if the bubbles remained perfectly still. Celestia rushed to the side of the edge of the bath and began to swipe at the bubbles. To her horror, she began to remember the peculiar effects of the bubbles as they replaced themselves as they popped. What was worse, if the time they lasted depended on the dosage…
“Luna! Luna! Say something!” Celestia dove in hooves first, entering with a perfect dive. She pushed through, losing herself in the sea of foam.
“Sister, I’m over here!”
“Where, Luna!?”
“Follow my voice! There’s too much soap in my eye, I can’t see where I am! I tried to swim near the edge but I may have gone away from it.”
“Just keep talking, I’ll find you. Hold on.”
Celestia swam onwards and her feet began to lose the ground, meaning she was entering the deeper section of the pool. She backpedaled a bit into shallower water until her hooves could barely touch the floor. “Sister, are you in the deep section?”
“No! This way! The little island beyond it.”
“But I can’t swim past this, you know I don’t do well with deep water.”
“Then fly over it.”
“I can’t, I’m soaked.”
There was a period of silence between them, and Celestia stood there, bobbing her head above the water.
“So, Celestia, let me get this straight. Knowing full well you couldn’t swim in deep waters, you went ahead and jumped into the bath, soaking your wings, when you could have just flown above this and scouted from there?”
Celestia shook her head violently. “I panicked! I didn’t know what happened to you, I couldn’t bear to lose my sister.”
“I never would have guessed the calm, complacent Celestia would have been so… careless.”
“Yes, I had a moment of weakness. I’ll leave the tub and walk around it until my wings dry. Do you think you can find an edge for me?”
“No, I feel fine here now. The soap’s out of my eyes and I feel quite comfortable. I’ll float here until it dies down a bit.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. And then… a wicked idea crossed her mind to bring her sister out of hiding, something that would serve as a bonus for her sister’s mockery. “Yes, I assume you’ll have no problems resting with those floatation devices of yours.”
She could see it now, Luna suddenly blushing and then stammering to find the words to react. As if on cue, “fl-float? Where, what, how do you mean my ‘ flotation devices’?” she said in confounded anger.
“I guess you wouldn’t ever have noticed them, seeing as they’re always behind you.”
“Did you just call my bottom FAT!?” A beacon of blue light shot out from the far end of the pool, reaching the ceiling and inscribing her crescent moon cutie mark into the ceiling. Luna rose out from the pool, wiping a patch of bubbles off of her chin and head. “Coming from the princess who indulges herself in cake far too often?”
“Found you,” Celestia said while winking.
Realizing she’d been had, Luna blushed even further. If it wasn’t for the wood beginning to work, releasing copious amounts of steam, one could have possibly seen her own head boiling in embarrassed anger. She would have responded with words unfit for a princess if something peculiar hadn’t happened that very moment.
A guardspony clad in golden armor popped out from the wall, landing on the floor and the rest of the room seemed to gasp. As Luna’s eyes darted to the stallion, she caught another eye peeking through the wall and suddenly Luna realized a horrifying truth. They were being watched.
“Never in my life have I been more disappointed in my guards,” Celestia expressed with a queer combination of frustration and sadness, enough to make any pony unsure of her next move. The six guards had been lined up in a line with Luna’s to the left and Celestia’s to the right. “Six of our loyal court being caught in such a heinous act of… of…”
“Peeping, princess?” spoke Flash, the furthest guard to the right.
“Yes. ‘Peeping’.” One could tell from the way she puckered her lips she was ready to spit out a terrible taste in her mouth if it weren’t for her regal composure. But, in front of the five restrained stallions and one… mare, she held herself back. Barely.
“I’m sorry Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. There is no excuse for our actions tonight, though we may have been dishonest in our actions tonight, I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we will take whatever punishment you see fit for us.” The white earth pony, Silver Lining, in the right middle bowed his head.
“I just…” Peeps, the middle pegasus sitting on Celestia’s side, stammered, “I’m sorry. I’ll fix the walls and plug all the holes.”
“I will delete the photos I took of you two; I also request a memory transfer of tonight so I don’t have memories of the photos either,” Flash, the unicorn guard of Celestia’s team, apologized as well.
“That won’t be entirely necessary, Flash,” Celestia stated firmly, “I will take away the photos, mind and film together, but I don’t want you to forget this experience. You will learn nothing from it that way.”
“Of course, Princess.”
“Luna,” Celestia said, giving her sister a sideways glance, “you should talk to your guards at the other side of the room. I should not be the one to determine their punishment as they are under your jurisdiction.”
“Of course, sister. Penumbra, Eclipse, Poe, let’s move.” Luna removed the three magic chains from their bodies and let them stand up. As they turned left to start walking away, Luna yelled, “on the double!”
“Yes sir!”
Princess Luna ran with them, the barrier of bubbles soon completely covered them from view as they turned the corner.
“Peeps,” Celestia said quietly, returning her gaze to her guards, “I have a small confession to make to you.”
Peeps sat on his haunches and looked up. He wasn’t sure of what to think about a Princess confiding something in him, so he didn’t react other than making eye contact.
“I’ve known about your peeping for quite some time now.”
Flash and Silver Lining turned their heads faster than lightening at their fellow fellow and in unison screamed, “What!?”
“Yes,” Celestia continued, “you were never the most subtle of characters, Peeps. While your reconnaissance skills have proven to be exceptional and your wits in your field simply unsurpassable, those all seemed to disappear rapidly when you decided to do this deed.”
“How long… have you known?”
The solar princess looked up and scanned the wall, which was now half ruined from when Luna yanked each of them out, a topic they’d discuss later. She eventually found the gaping hole she was looking for and pointed at it. “When you were only two peep holes in. I found it increasingly odd how whenever I’d take a bath, a faint thumping noise would occur.”
“Dude, Peeps. We were walking up against that wood back there. You were-?”
“Well, at least we found up what Peeps was really up to when he flaked on gambling nights.”
Celestia cleared her throat. “I had always thought it was workers from upstairs, but when I asked a noble about if there were any bath concerns, she failed to mention any knocking sounds occurring at all. When I went to make my own inspection of the room, I eventually noticed some holes in the wall that allowed me to see through the wood, something that shouldn’t have been occurring at all. When I discovered that there was much space behind the wall, enough to fit a guard, it made sense to me.
“Peeps, what do you have to say for yourself?”
“I don’t have any regrets. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and so did these guys. I knew there was a risk, and I was willing to take it.”
Celestia eased up on her frown. “Well, I find that… strangely endearing that a pony would go so far just to look at me. However, that does not change the fact that you two, Flash and Silver, had joined in with those Lunar guards tonight. You can thank your flanks that I’m the more understanding of the two of us. I can only imagine what my sister, my one-thousand year old imprisioned and emotionally distraught sister, is doing to those poor souls. New hires never do get a break.”
As if to confirm her suspicions, sounds of crying echoed through the room. All three of Celestia’s guard flinched at the wails of presumable agony and pain.
“Of course, sister. Penumbra, Eclipse, Poe, let’s move.” Luna removed the three magic chains from their bodies and let them stand up. As they turned left to start walking away, Luna yelled, “on the double!”
“Yes sir!”
They trotted across the slippery gold tile with ease as their lunar commander hovered over them, issuing orders to keep moving on. As they turned the corner, Luna lowered her altitude and then began to run alongside them. “Ok, you three may stop for now,” she ordered when they reached the opposite corner of the tub a minute later.
Almost immediately, her three guards dropped to their knees and started begging for forgiveness.
“We’re sorry! Peeps talked us into it.”
“He said Luna would be there and she might need protection.”
“I just have bad ha-ha-ha-biiiiiiits…”
Luna raised a hoof and in one swoop, smacked the three faces of her employees. “Get a grip on yourselves, Lunar Guards. Stop sniveling like little twerps and own up to your actions. Did you see Celestia’s crew? They took it like real soldiers, with dignity and respect.”
Each after rubbing their face for a moment, sat on their haunches and looked directly at their Princess. “Yes, we’re sorry Princess Luna,” they said in unison.
“That’s more like it. And now, for your punishment. I decree you three to… a group hug.”
“NO! Not a gr- wait.”
“Did she just-“
“I think she did.”
“Shh, let her finish.”
“You don’t know how happy I am to know my own guards were spying on me,” Luna said giddily, giggling as she did. And she couldn’t help but laugh a little harder when they exchanged looks with one another, confused as ever. “Everypony is always looking at Celestia. Everypony always looks up to Celestia. But today I was proven that even after everything, I still have a loyal team.” She pulled them into a spine popping hug.
“Princess, I’m,” Penumbra managed to say under her intense hug, “extremely confused.”
“Right, I imagine you are, Penumbra. And might I say, I’m a little surprised to see you were here. Are you-“
“Yes.”
“Right. Well, let me explain. Earlier today I had been searching through my old trunks and shelves, looking for a gift for our newly inducted Princess, Twilight Sparkle. Celestia had informed me just an hour earlier that she had sent the book to her protégé, giving me no time to prepare. I was in my study room, far from my chambers, so I had to take a mad dash through the hall. And what did I see?
“Not one of my own royal guard. All Solar Security, not one of you three or any of my guard for that matter. And, perhaps I wouldn’t be too bothered by this if I knew you were going to take the night shift and they only the day, but Celestia has guards for the night as well. And it became clear to me that Celestia had given orders, behind my back, that they were only to work nights while I was away on work.”
“The fiend!”
“How horrifying!”
“So that’s why they had bigger paychecks…”
Luna leaned in close and whispered, “So, this is what we’re going to do…”
Luna approached her sister with her two loyal guards behind her, looking pitiful and emotionally distraught. Celestia noted the small bruise on each of their faces, indicating a struggle had happened somewhere along the lines. She returned her own eyes to her guards and motioned for Luna’s accomplices to join them on the floor. “I trust you two had a stern reminder of how guards should behave?”
“Of course, Princess Celestia,” said Poe with a downtrodden look on his face.
“Yes, Luna made sure that we’ll never act like that again.” Eclipse bowed his head in respect to both of them. He eyed the solar guards to his left and watched them exchange unsure glances.
“Well, Luna, it would seem as if our bath has been spoiled for tonight.” Celestia craned her head to take one final look at the bubbles. “I don’t feel comfortable after what has transpired tonight.”
“Nor I, sister. We should retreat this evening and save it for… tomorrow perhaps?”
Celestia smiled. “That sounds wonderful.” She returned to her stoic manner and spoke confidently, “Silver, Peep, Flash, single file.”
“Eclipse, Poe, behind Celestia.”
They formed a single line and began to march towards the door. Celestia spread out her wings and flapped them, letting the steam around them clear slightly. Luna followed her example.
They stopped at the door and exchanged glances with one another one last time. Celestia ordered her guards to exit first and Luna couldn’t help but wear a small grin in the corner of her mouth. Halfway through the door, the solar princess stopped and turned around. “Luna, now that I think of it, didn’t you have three guards?”
Luna held a hoof to her chin. “Now that you mention it, yes. I shall call for her. Penumbra! Now!”
“Now!?” said Celestia, startled.
Before she could gain her wits about her, Poe and Eclipse pushed her out the door along with themselves. Suddenly, the door slammed shut and the sound of heavy tumblers and a barricade echoed through the hallway. Eclipse and Poe stood strong at the door, bending down like guard dogs.
“What is the meaning of this?” Celestia said with a mixture of determination of fury.
“HAHAH! The tub is ours!” Luna laughed from inside.
Someone knocked on the door from the inside and the two Lunar Guards disappeared in a puff of smoke. Celestia and her companions blinked until they finally realized what had just happened.
“I can’t believe that worked!”
“This bathtub is huge, much better than looking at it from the wall.”
“Princess Luna is the best princess.”
“Hey Celestia. I’m going to build a bubble statue of you kneeling to Luna, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
Penumbra was right, Celestia wouldn’t dare destroy her own door made of exotic wood and gold. She didn’t have the heart to tell her guards to take it down either. She had been walked right out of her own pride and joy, by her sister no less. “Luna,” said Celestia as she knocked on the door, “what’s going on?”
“I know what you’ve been up to, Celestia. And now, as punishment, I’m taking the bathtub until you give us what we deserve.” All three of her guards and herself cheered in unison.
“How… how did you figure it out?”
“What do you mean? It was right in front of me. It was pretty obvious what you were doing.”
“Was I really so transparent?” Celestia asked, slightly leaning on the door.
“It was as bright as day.”
Celestia frowned for a moment, Luna knew she hated that simile. “Sister, you know I can’t very well just give it all back.”
“Why not? If you hadn’t taken it in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this position.”
Celestia sighed. “Yes, you’re right, but even I can’t change time. We’ll just have to work something out.”
There was no response from Luna and company, but there was jovial laughter.
“Luna, you’re right, I’ll find a way to pay you back your one thousand years of allowance.” As if the bathroom suddenly was frozen in time, all sounds from the room ceased. There was a minute of intense pause as Celestia eagerly waited for a response. “Luna?” And still there was silence.
She heard something remove itself from the bath as dripping water pummeled the floor. Celestia inched herself away, joining her guards in standing away from the door. Steadily, slow hoofsteps painted the scene’s patience as the four of them waited outside in anticipation of her response.
The locks from the bathroom were lifted. The door opened slowly to her sister with a slightly wet head. “My… what?”
“Your allowance you missed from one thousand years. Mom and Dad ordered me to give it back to you once they had heard the news of your banishment.”
“You mean to tell me… you bought this expensive, over the top, gaudy, golden plated, excessive water pump with my bits!?”
“You said you knew. Why are you acting so upset?”
Luna’s eyes glowed pure white. “I was talking about my guards not working day shifts as well and you giving them orders behind my back!”
“Oh.”
“Oh? OH! OH!? That’s all you have to say for yourself!? OOH!?” Luna lifted off the ground. “OH! Did you hear that, my guards? OH! One thousand years of pay benefits, of programs I could have had benefit for you all like dental, but no. We got a bathtub. A BATHTUB.”
Celestia knew what was about to happen. “Silver, man the door, she’s about to shut herself off in there and destroy my bathtub!”
“Ma’am!” He gave a quick salute and then charged straight forward, knocking Luna backwards just a tad. Penumbra, watching from the bubbles, leaped out, furious her boss had been struck so crudely.
“How dare you lay a hoof on Princess Luna!” The two rolled out into the open hallway and struggled to separate each other as they threatened to pound each other’s’ face into dust.
Amidst the distraction, Celestia and her remaining two soldiers charged in. “You can’t play those games with me anymore, sister. I know all of your tricks.”
“All of them?” Luna laughed, flying backwards towards the mass of bubbles. “You don’t even know half of what I can do.” Her horn emitted several layers of light and Luna spread out her legs as far as she could vertically as if a hidden surge of magic was pushing through each one at a high velocity. It turns out it may have been just that as every bubble in the tub began to glow as well.
Luna was swept up in her own spell and Celestia stood there dumbfounded as the entire mass of foam floated this way and that, morphing and shaping into new things. After about a minute’s worth of waiting, Celestia soon realized what her temporarily insane sister was making.
“Capture the flag?”
“Yes!” Luna roared, “I am willing to forgive the if you can best me at my most favorite game.”
The bathroom door shut once and for all as the gold trim melted into the frame, keeping it perfectly situated.
Celestia gulped. For once, her future looked a little dim with no discernible outcome.
The door shut and the gold trimming melted into the frame. Pushing away Silver’s hoof from punching her stomach, Penumbra leapt at the door and pounded away at it to no avail. “Look at what you did; now we’re locked out. Princess Luna, trapped with those two knuckleheads for guards.” She kept going at it, even if she knew it was no use.
“What I did? No, you jumped at me. Well, at least there’s an even amount of guards in there,” he said calmly as he righted himself, dusting off his coat.
Penumbra turned her head and with a face of disgust, replied, “Must you always be so optimistic?”
He deadpanned, “Silver Lining?”
She rested her forehead against the door. “Right. Well, what do we do now. I don’t want to fight if she won’t see my glory.”
“At least there’s that. I don’t like hitting a lady.”
“Neither do I.” She snickered and turned around completely.
“Very funny.”
“Thanks, I try.”
They both sat on their haunches and stared at one another. “So…”
“So…”
“Actually, I don’t think we’ve met before Ms…”
“Penumbra.”
“Glad to have met you.”
“Likewise I guess.”
“Mind telling me what your talent is? We may have to kill some time before we get back in there.”
“Ok.” She sighed as if delving deep into her mind to recall a distant memory. “I’m Penumbra, and I didn’t always look like this.” She gave a motion referring to her Lunar Guard form. “In fact, it all started on a warm summer day…”
If there was anything to be said for Luna’s sculpting skills, it was archaic. Tall, looming towers made of solidified bubble mass nearly punctured the ceiling and the top of the bath water had been covered with a thin layer as well. There were other small structures like walls and cannons, decorative at best, but it was mostly a flat plane. Celestia looked down and marveled at her many reflections and the churning, warm water underneath her. She had never seen a spell like this. From the looks of the guards poking at it like an unconscious pony, she imagined they didn’t either.
“Well, Celestia, do you agree to the terms?” her sister called from atop her ivory soap tower.
“If I win, I keep the bathroom solely in my name, and if you, you do?”
“Correct. Now then, the rules are quite simple. We both have one tower where our flag is and two assistants. Any method may be used to try and reach the flag, but we cannot fly of our own volition. I have it set that if an enemy is tagged on your side of the field, they are sent back to their tower. I wouldn’t recommend using magic either as you may reverse the spell, popping the bubbles.”
“Are we allowed to go around the tub on the floor?”
Luna remained silent for a moment. “No, there should be plenty of room on the bubble floor.” Hearing no further objections from her sister, she continued, “you have ten minutes to talk to your team. Lunar guards!”
Celestia whistled to Flash and Peeps who trotted to her side. “Ok you two, here’s what we’re going to do…”
“…and that was how I passed the Lunar Guard exam,” Penumbra finished with a bow.
Silver could only give an impressed whistle. “And I thought joining the Solar Guards was difficult. I mean, coercing a small band of dragons to trade gems, having to pass a survival exam, and still have to catch up on your studies?”
She smugly grinned. “Yeah, it is pretty impressive, isn’t it?”
“So what happened then?”
“Well, as it turned out, that was only the entrance exam.”
“At least you passed that.”
“Yeah, but the next follow-“ The sound an explosion interrupted her and they both covered their ears as they instinctually expected a resounding boom. They tried to lay as flat as possible on the floor until the unexpected sploosh of water hitting a wall forced them to realize the sound had come from inside.
“What was that?” Silver Lining asked in a minor panic.
Penumbra stood up as if nothing was amiss and dusted herself off. “Right, I forgot she was going to do a game of Capture the Flag.”
“What?”
She nodded. “We were supposed to be in there, by the way. But when you charged Princess Luna, I lost myself for a moment and… here we are.”
They stood in the empty hallway, watching as the windows greyed from the early morning sun coming to rise.
“Wait, how is the sun starting to rise if Celestia’s not raising it?” Penumbra said, turning to face Silver Lining for the answer.
“Her fail-safe spell is probably kicking in. Celestia has built in a sort of magical mechanism, something I don’t get myself as an Earth Pony, that activates in the lack of her absence. It has enough power to run for a few days in case of emergencies… or for this occasion, a bath war.” He took off his helmet, revealing his deep purple mane. Penumbra half expected his namesake to be somewhere in that hair, but a precursory glance of his side saw the Cutie Mark of a cloud and figured that’s where it was from.
“Oh. Neat.”
“It is complex, I don’t really understand it myself.”
Penumbra gave a passing glance at the door once more. “I wonder how it’s going in there.”
“I don’t know if we will ever know. We certainly can’t use the peep holes in the wall, we’d be exposed. The only other-“ He paused and his eyes lit up. “There’s still another peep hole in the ceiling! Peeps had told me about it before!”
“Well what are we waiting here for!?” She grabbed him by the leg and raced off, dragging him along the floor.
For my own historical purposes, perhaps something to glaze over when I need something to revisit from my past, I have decided to take the account of the Bathroom War. What I had intended to be a fight- no, a mere ploy, to return my guards to proper employment status turned into an accidentally revealed scheme. It was revealed, to my person, that Celestia, my own sister, had been taking away funds I rightfully deserved from our parents and spending it on a bath.
A bath. Not any bath, but something so grand and extravagant it would make the homeless vomit in disgust. Near everything is plated in gold, a metal so precious never having looked so foul, and this one room has more features than the Royal Courtroom. There’s even a tiny island in the center that has a massage chair. I won’t deny it works wonders, which is why I have covered it up for preservence.
Ahh, how easily I get off track. The bath has been covered by an impregnable floor of bubbles and small structures of my own design litter the top of it in a game of Capture the Flag. It is actually an old, traditional game, though it has gone by many names in its life. We have declared a wager that if I win, I get the bath as my own which is fair in its own right. However, I also gambled with my own rightful possession, decreeing I would forgive all transgressions, financial or otherwise for this place, should Celestia win. I will not allow her the satisfaction of taking away from me and keeping it like a glorified schoolyard bully.
With my two loyal guards, Poe and Eclipse (how I regret they are still rookies. But, this may prove to be a good practice time for war), we shall take victory!
Celestia’s Journal
Start of Day 1
A misunderstanding.
Luna isn’t as sly as she’d like to think she is. Perhaps, being her older sister has given me the insight I need to over-power her emotional distress. I know now, in her tall tower, she is writing a journal as she always has done. I too will keep record, and prove to her my thoughts I have written down to sway her when the fight comes to its climax. Even this paper, to prove my clarity and that this isn’t some cheap trickery.
Speaking of, I wish Luna had let me finished. In her bout of fiery passion, she didn’t give me the chance to speak after my involuntary “Oh.” I too was surprised at that, something so stupid doesn’t normally slip from my lips so easily.
Keeping this bath was supposed to be for Luna’s return when she was safe and sound. Truth be told, the bath wasn’t completely finished, there was one thing missing that prevented me from telling her the complete truth, so I lied at the time and said it was something gained and developed overtime. Once the thing had arrived, I felt compelled to tell her then…
But I figured letting her know the bath was in her name would have made a far better present for her birthday. When this battle is over, whether or I win or lose, I’ll go and flip the secret lever near the water gate.
To think… those special occasion bath bubbles, saved after all these years, going to waste.
Regardless, I have wagered this place, and I intend to fight as if it was real. When all is revealed, her mind, as the young might say, “will explode.”
Silver Lining ripped the poster off the wall. A hole just large enough for a standard male guard, even with his helmet on, to crawl through was revealed. “Just like he said, right here.” He peeked inside and discovered a metal ladder a few feet in. “Wow, he’s been working for a long time on this one, just look how smooth the walls are.” In the inside of the tunnel was a switch. Without thinking, he flicked it and a small series of lights behind the ladder turned on.
“I didn’t come here to admire his handiwork,” she flatly stated. She pushed him to the side and began to crawl in. Her sleeker form gave her no issue in moving through and reaching the ladder, which was also suspiciously roomy, and she ascended with ease. Silver did so as well, but with far less grace as he squirmed like a worm.
“So, Penumbra, I’ve been meaning to ask, why are you spying on Princess Luna?” he grunted as his hoof finally met the ladder he sought.
“I know what you’re asking. No, I’m not. I actually was asked to be her secret keeper. As such, I need to be around her or near her almost all the time. But, I can’t always been seen by her either.” She rubbed tried to rub the back of her head as she accidentally knocked it into the bar above her. “So, Mr. Goody Goody, why were you spying on Celestia?” She looked down to see him just now starting to move up the ladder.
“I… we all have one weird hobby. I have no excuse for myself. I prefer to be an honest stallion, like Peeps. Say what you will about him, he always comes clean when caught. That takes guts.”
She giggled. “Oh come on, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Well, peeping yes, but come on, no one’s that straight. Celestia’s gorgeous! I can’t think of one pony in Equestria who wouldn’t want some of her.”
He gave a soft “hmmmmm.” “How about Princess Luna?”
“Touche. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a bit stuck up here, the tunnel gets a bit tighter. I’ll see if I can’t scrape some away or something so you can get through.”
Silver Lining looked up, avoiding some of the dirt and rubble to watch Penumbra’s bottom wiggle above him as she moved to expand the tunnel. Well, at least there’s this. I don’t mind waiting at all.
Celestia has trained her guards well, they maintain their position well for defense and play against our weaknesses. They are quick to recognize opportunity and even quicker to take it. My only sanction is myself and my guards’ guerrilla tactics. Hiding behind walls, using optical illusions with no magic, and using pure wit, they were clearly great candidates for my team.
I do hate to admit though… I may have encouraged them as well by spoiling a secret or two of theirs should they fail me. My employees always share the most interesting of secrets with me during their initiation. One such guard, Penumbra, admitted that she had affections for me amongst other… odd things. I had to reject her, but I put her down easy. I would like to think we’re close friends, but nothing more than that. As for my two subjects before me, Poe and Eclipse, they have much… oh the tabloids use this term but I feel it’s appropriate, much juicier histories. Poe flinches at the word Raven. It’s quite hilarious, actually.
I’m going to ask Celestia to turn off the water heater. The steam is becoming too thick and the bubbling water underneath is becoming bothersome. Once this is done, the bath bubbles will start to lose their effect and become regular soap over the course of two days, given the amount of liquid entered into the tub from the accident. This sense of urgency should further push us. Knowing us, we could keep this up until eternity ends. But neither us nor our kingdom has that kind of time. I imagine the guards’ wills will expire shortly after the first two days. When it becomes just between the two of us, I imagine the real battle will commence.
Celestia’s Journal
End of Day 1
Hours of wasted time and effort. Her bubbly court is too contrived with too many obstacles, making it a hassle to progress. And whatever my guards make in terms of going across, it is instantly lost by those… admittedly clever guards of hers. I don’t think we’ll be ending this game any time soon. I know that Twilight will be joining me again after greeting and becoming adjusted to the royal duties of princess hood in two days’ time.
General Bulwark once advised me that there was no such thing as an unfair tactic. Either it works, or it does not. Results are key. I may have to take such drastic actions tomorrow if we keep this up. If I can remove Luna’s guards, even just one, we can take ultimate victory.
As I look atop my soap tower, I see her blue mane near the same writing desk as I am doing. I wonder what she’s writing about…
“Ow! What is with all of this metal up here in the ceiling? No way all of this is support,” Penumbra grumbled as she blindly ducked under another bar, moving towards the small hole with light coming through it in the floor.
“I’m a bit confused too, but at least Peeps left a path for us with the rope on the floor.”
Another metal clang echoed in the hollow space. “Yeah, but a rope doesn’t tell you if there’s a bar at head level in front of you! Sometimes I wish I was a unicorn just so I could have a light whenever I need one.” She deftly stepped over a bar. “Ok, I think we’re al-“ Clang! “-most there. I swear my head’s going to have a huge bump over it, won’t it?”
Trying to be a gentlestallion, he said,“Should I take the lead for a while?”
“There’s not enough room for us to step over each other, and no way I’m letting you let go of this rope to go around me. We may be opposite guard teams, but there’s no way I can explain a missing guard in the ceiling.”
He shrugged, but she didn’t see it.
“Wow, it’s really spacious around the hole,” she whispered as they neared the location. “Enough for a few ponies.”
“Good, so we’ll both have enough room to look through it then.”
“If one of us needs to leave, we can shuffle around each other. I wonder if Peeps thought of this?” She bent down and began to continue spying. “Hey, you’ll want to check this out.”
“What is i- oh. A perfect aerial view of a Capture the Flag court made of… bubbles?” He coughed and laughed nearly simultaneously.
Penumbra’s stomach suddenly growled. “Uh, speaking of one of us being able to leave, think you could go to the Cafeteria and pick us up some breakfast? I got so caught up in this, I forgot we haven’t eaten in a while.”
His stomach gave a light response to the question at hoof. “You’re right, I hadn’t either. Fine, but you’re grabbing lunch.”
“Deal.”
He rolled his eyes, realizing he’d have to work through the tight tunnel once more, this time going backwards. And he hadn’t the slightest idea how he was going to carry food up there. He’d need something slim like… a sandwich.
I had meant to make these entries far more frequent, establishing my rule over the court as time proceeded. Unfortunately, my time and sleep has been sorely divided by Celestia’s own increasingly savage tactics. Yelling in the night, maniacal laughter? I don’t know how but she has manufactured bubble cannon balls from parts of the obstacles and successfully created an unknown combustible element that can fire these from the previously inoperable cannons. What’s worse, these game changers are effectively clearing my side of the field and turning it into a flat terrain.
Ingeniously, her guards were using the brubble (bubble rubble) as more ammo, swiftly moving across my side and grabbing them before my team can make use of them. During the mid-day, as thankfully these cannon bubble balls couldn’t reach the tower, we started to devise a plan. We first had to discover why and how Celestia could reverse engineer the spell to have it keep the same properties of the never-popping bubbles but reform it to a new shape without altering the magic. The answer was frighteningly simple once I had figured it out when my assistant, Poe, pointed out the shape of the cannon balls.
Then we copied the spell and have fortified the tower stairs so that when any of her guards dare try to reach it when we make our move, they will fail and be sent back to the start. If we planned it just right, using easy to avoid traps first that will inevitably slow them down and then a trap they can’t disengage at the end when we’re making our escape, we would win.
There was only one small problem. Celestia had made a surprise attack on the tower. They completely abandoned their side of the field and approached from every angle. We didn’t know what to do. But… Poe, who was not Eclipse or I, decided to make a brave sacrifice. He grabbed a hooffull of brubble and flung it at an enemy guard. I fear the worst, as he may have had sensitive eyes. He rolled on the floor in pain which, for some unexplained reason, gave way beneath him and he fell into the cold water. Realizing this, Poe too jumped in to rescue him.
But it became worse than that. The soap had been mixing with the water for days now and Poe apparently had an allergic reaction to something in the water. I don’t wish to tarry on with this journal, so I will summarize it and say I will be giving him medical leave for a few days until that rash goes down. My Lunar Guards are supposed to be blue, not red. We both lost one troop, leaving it to just two on each team.
I wonder if the steam is doing something to me in this room, I keep thinking I hear whispering from somewhere. No, it must be Celestia. She must have a trick stowed away in her crown. Well, if she were still wearing it; no pony wears jewelry into a bathtub.
Celestia’s journal
End of Day 2
Today was one step forward, another step backwards. During the night, I hadn’t slept a wink as an intriguing idea took root in my mind and no matter how much effort I expended, it continued to grow. Something in my ageless thoughts had remembered a fascinating lesson on pressure. More specifically, a bubble and how the pressure outside was the same as the pressure inside. In one of my vacations, I cannot remember the exact occasion, I had seen a traveling performer who made shapes with these bubbles. It took many of them, but eventually he could craft trees, structures, ponies, and even famous art pieces. He was truly a master of his craft. For reasons he wouldn’t reveal, he named himself Oval.
I asked him if he could spare me a lesson. When he asked me why, as one might when approached by a princess, I gave him the honest truth: I needed a new pastime. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best of hobbies, but I had a tendency to be able to perfect the basics of any trade within a week. Besides raising the sun, I never did much else in the field of hobbies due to my duties so mastering the basics was enough for me.
I say this because I had recalled this lesson and realized if I could change the shape of the bubble without changing the pressure, I could craft it into shapes I could use to my advantage and advance the war far quicker than it was going. The first of many attempts failed miserably and it occurred that I would have to make many subtle changes over time. It took over two hours, but I eventually turned a bubble into a cube. It was remarkable, actually.
But cubes would do me no good, so I continued to work at it. I focused on morphing cubes into pyramids and after another mind-numbing thirty minutes of pure focus, I achieved that goal on my second attempt. For the record, I sneezed the first time.
I vertically slimmed the pyramids and then used their shape to create cannonballs. Luna’s magic aided me in helping them not to pop and keep their new shape. But I came to another problem. How would I get my cannon to fire? I returned to my old friend, pressure. I borrowed some bubbles from a tower window, expanding it ever so slightly so Luna would not have noticed, and my mind recalled the stallion blowing bubbles inside of bubbles. So that’s what I decided to do, put bubbles after bubble into a bubble. These popped easily, so easily that if I faltered in keeping a magic veil around it for a split second, the thin veil of soap would release radically. This further wasted another hour of my time, tediously forcing masses of pressurized air. I tested my theory and placed the cannonball on one end of the desk and the pressurized ammo on the other end. I released my influence and the ball, along with a few other things, bounced like rubber against everything. The bubble lamp, which didn’t even work I might add, flew out the window.
I borrowed bubbles from another window, as to not increase the gap in the one I had borrowed from previously, and created another round. This time, I stuck it to the cannonball. I half expected it to not work, but the two shapes clung to each other perfectly. The ball did droop slightly to my expectations, but that wouldn’t matter much once it was loaded into the cannon. Out of all my accomplishments, my most proud one would have to have been not waking up my sister during the entire process. I know for a fact my screams of frustration awoke my guards on more than one occasion, I suppose she was just too exhausted.
Flash approached me after my successful attempts to create feasible bubble weapons and questioned why I simply didn’t make the bubble bigger and into the cannonball I had holding before him. Though Luna’s bubbles do not pop under normal conditions, they are incredibly thin. Even if I could expand them, they wouldn’t last long enough if thrown or launched to make it to the target as they’d either shrink or pop, either of which was useless.
Dawn arrived. I fired the cannon and leveled part of the field, awaking my sister with a rude surprise. I don’t quite recall what happened after that, I began to nod off and eventually my guards insisted that I take a few hours rest. Take to the afternoon and my guards informed me that they were huddled in their tower and they had an idea: a full on assault from up the stairs, outside climbing of the tower, and I to carry as much brubble (bubble rubble as Flash had named it) back to base. Seeing as failure merely meant a restart in their position, I gave it the green light.
I wish I had reconsidered.
Peeps received a blow from the bubble lamp to his eyes, which had apparently flung itself far into the land of Luna’s domain. He was climbing the tower and fell into the cold, soapy water underneath. I only found out now that, despite his name, he had sensitive eyes to soap products. The guard who had defended his tower dived after him, much to my own surprise, and managed to get him to shore. But apparently he had sensitive skin. He dived in blue, but came out red.
Luna and I, from a distance, silently agreed to teleport them to the infirmary. I had made progress, but in doing so lost a brave guard. Now with a third of my resources missing, I fear this game will be dragged out even longer.
“What in the world was that? Was that cannon fire made out of bubbles?”
“Yes, and from Celestia’s side too. I doubt Luna will have much fo a chance against something like that. I didn’t even know they allowed artillery in Capture the Flag.”
BOOM!
“They don’t, but Celestia and Luna were both given a cannon it seems. As to how she is making it work with bubbles, I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“I guess I’ll need to figure that out for myself, Luna could use information like that.”
“I don’t see how you plan to do that. A, we can’t go in there while the door is sealed and B, there’s no way I’m getting caught again with the likes of you.”
“So you’re going to stop me?”
“Yes. Or, I’ll try. At least my figure blocks the tunnel a bit.”
“You really think you can outrun a pegasus?”
“In this kind of conditions where you can’t see with the added hurdle of metal hanging all around you? Yes, I do. Plus, I have the rope and I won’t let you find the way back anyways.”
“I’ll just-“ BOOM. BOOM. “-punch through this hole then.”
“And get caught in the crossfire? The ceiling isn’t that high from the bathtub surface, you wouldn’t have enough time to open your wings and fly unless you punched a hole so wide you could fit your entire body through with wings expanded to slow your descent. That would be incredibly noticeable.”
“Well, yeah, I guess… What if I want to get noticed?”
“Then I’ll get noticed too and you’ll have to fight me, the pony who sides with Princess Celestia who has the cannon fire while your team has nothing. Sorry, Ms. Secret Keeper Peeper.”
“I hate to say it, but you’re right.”
“Well, at least you can admit it.”
“You really are too optimistic, you know that?”
“Yes. I do.”
Some time passes…
Penumbra stares at the hole diligently for some time, occasionally talking to herself as if making mental notes. Silver Lining is leisurely looking at the battle, remarking at well executed maneuvers by Flash and his superior, Peeps. Aside from the occasional stretch break to avoid cramps in their necks, the duo don’t do much else until lunch time.
“I think it’s your turn to grab some food.”
“Can you get me that sandwich you got me the other day? That was actually one of the best things I’ve ever tasted.”
“Really? It’s my favorite sandwich.”
“Huh. Don’t you start thinking that means we have something in common, Silver.”
“He he, whatever you say.”
“Stop trying to flirt with me or I’ll kick you.”
“Oh come on, we’re in this dark room, alone, watching a game of ca-“ Fwam! “ahhhhhhly goddesses. Dang it, Penumbra, why’d you kick me?”
“I said I would.”
“That hurt!”
“Stop whining Mr. Solar Guard, Equestria’s greatest line of defense.”
“You know that we’re both rookies. How you became a secret keeper was completely by luck.”
“If I say I’m sorry, will that make you happy?”
“…yes.”
“Ok, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“Apology accepted. Thank goodness it was only in the leg, at least that shows you care enough not to-“ FWAM! “hit… there…”
Thunk.
“Silver? Hey, Silver?”
“Mmmmm…”
“Ahh crap, guess that means I need to get lunch then. Where’d he put that rope?”
“MY EYES! THEY BURN!”
“Whoa, what’s going on down-oh my Luna! Bubbles straight to the face! Oh man, that’ gotta- oh whoa. He fell into the water! That stuff has to be cold as ice in there and soapy like no other. Is… Poe? Poe! Adda kid, way to step up and save h-“
“Ah! AH! What’s wrong with the water!? My skin it feels like- AHHHHHHH!”
“Penumbra, wh-what is it, what’s wr- OH crap! What’s wrong with him! Why is he, oh ponyfeathers! He’s swelling like a pumpkin!”
“Eww, I can’t see that. Eww, eww, eww, eww, oh eww!”
“Well look away if you can’t stand it.”
“But just look at it! I just… oh I don’t think I can eat anymore.”
“Well stop looking, it’s just a rash.”
“More like-“
“Just a rash. I think he’ll be- oh even his face looks like a pumpkin.”
“Ok, fine, I’ll get lunch so I can just look away from this horror show for a bit. Eww, eww, eww, eww… I didn’t sign up for that. I hope Luna doesn’t visit me in my dreams about this.”
Scuffle. Scuffle. Scuffle. Clang!
“OW! Metal bars, I swear I’ll melt you into oblivion.”
Scuffle. Scuffle. Scuffle.
Scuffle. Bop.
“Ok, I’ll be back in half an hour, I want a full report when I return.”
Natural fatigue has taken over both of our guards. In training, we had tested them to see how long they could go without food and water if they were ever caught in a wilderness for survival. They did very well in this game of Capture the Flag, lasting an upwards of three days. I foresee a possible promotion of these rookies once the peeping jurisdiction is properly taken care of. It pains me to have to punish my guards after so much work for me, but they still must receive a demerit on their record. I don’t know if Celestia plans to publicly announce this, but I shall keep this incident hushed for their sake.
Now that they’ve been teleported out, Celestia and I are alone. We can end this.
And I plan to.
Celestia’s Journal
Day 3
Flash succumbed to his necessities and simply couldn’t fight any longer, much like Luna’s guard. Oh brave souls, even if you were peeping I don’t think it fair to punish you after this work you’ve put in. I will consult with Luna to drop the charges completely.
But, now we are alone. I fear the worst, Luna will transform temporarily into her Nightmare Moon form. Even though I had thought the Elements of Harmony had vanquished that evil from her body, it seems she has learned how to channel that greater power of her own will over these last few years. I can’t deny my own jealousy that she is the more powerful of us two. Do I have a power greater than my own that I have not yet realized?
I, in truth, don’t wish to find out anytime soon. Speaking of soon, I know how to end this.
From her tower, Celestia could appraise just how much destruction her cannon had caused. Her field was still lush with walls, hills, even bubble trees; Luna’s was nearly flat and uninteresting with the only piece sticking out like a sore was the untouched tower on the far end of the field. She could see Luna staring back at her, but she couldn’t make out what emotion she might be expressing. She raised her hoof to her mouth, getting ready to yell, but something else caught her attention.
An odd scent infiltrated her nose when she raised her hoof too close. Something was wrong. She sniffed it and discovered that it wasn’t dirty, but too clean. Her hooves had been touching the cleansing soap for so long that they actually began to become odorous and foul, like a soft spring breeze carrying the delightful essence of blooming flowers turning into a gale that shoved its scent into her nostrils.
Celestia turned around and looked at the flag standing in the center of the room. In contrast to everything else, it was an actual flag. It was triangular in design and had her cutie mark sewn into the center. The background of which were her hair colors. It too, smelled.
“Celestia!”
Upon hearing her sister’s voice, she snapped out of her observational manner and returned her attention to her sibling. “Yes, Luna?” To her surprise, she needn’t scream as the silence of the room allowed her to talk and still be heard. It was as if they were right next to one another.
“How many Alicorns does it take to win at Capture the Flag?”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Tell me, Luna.”
“Two. One to win and the other to weep like a miserable foal when she’s lost.”
“Luna, you shouldn’t talk about yourself in such ways.” She giggled as tiny specs of red appeared on her sister’s cheeks.
“I- what, you!”
“No no, Luna, a princess shouldn’t stutter.” She pretended to hold something in her hoof, holding it upright as one might when offering it to another. She stuck her chin up and said, “one must act with dignity and poise.”
“Why don’t you come up here and say that to my face. Oh no, you can’t, your mouth and bottom are so big they need their own city-states!”
She gasped in shock. She placed her two front legs on the windowsill and yelled, “Well your ego needs an entire country!”
“How can you even hear me with those color extensions hanging over your ears all the time?”
Luna immediately began to regret that decision. Celestia’s hair, normally constantly flowing and carried by an invisible breeze, began to flick around wildly like an unkempt flame. “You dare question my hair?” The colors began to intensify, glowing lighter and undoubtedly brighter. She began to look like a flame as even her fur was slowly changing to a luminescent orange.
“You dare question my hair!? Now you’ve crossed the line! This is over!”
Luna was unsure of what happened after that moment. She blinked and missed it all. Somehow, in a matter of a fraction of a second, her sister had teleported herself to the ground and loaded herself into the cannon. She desperately attempted to conjure a protective shield, but Celestia had already launched herself. She looked like a meteorite and moved with as much fury and speed as one as well.
In one moment, Celestia had blown through her tower wall and knocked Luna over onto her back. Celestia pinned down her sister onto the floor with the flag next to her. It had Luna’s mark of the crescent moon with a black background and purple splotches in the corners. Celestia, slightly tinged from the force of her own magic and hair, turned her head towards Luna and the flag constantly.
Luna looked into her eyes and Celestia met her gaze. She bent down her head, which was now at this point on fire and…
…and whispered into her ear, “No one messes with my hair.” Celestia jumped off of her and four thin laser thin lines of magic shot from her horn and into the floor. They moved through the floor and created a circle around the downed princess, sending her falling down her tower. Celestia swiped the flag with her mouth and barged through another wall in the tower instead of leaving through the entrance she had made.
Luna snapped out of her panic and screamed a dramatic, “No!” as she jumped out of her wrecked base and flew after her as fast as a shooting star. When Luna tried to grab her tail, her own hooves went through it as if it didn’t even exist, much like her hair when she had become Nightmare Moon, solidifying only when she demanded it to.
Celestia crossed the line of the field with no effort and dived towards the ground, planting Luna’s flag into the bubbly floor. She turned to face her sister who landed close to her, panting and tears running down her eyes. “Sister, what have you done?”
“I h-“
She couldn’t finish her thought. At that moment, when the flag was planted, the bubbles all shimmered brightly. Then, one popped, then another, and another, until they were popping everywhere. The floor disappeared in a matter of moments, sending both of them into the soapy water below. Thankfully, they kept their eyes closed.
They pushed towards the surface and gasped for air. Celestia appeared normal and her hair in their correct colors. Luna slapped her across the face. “What were you thinking!? You let your emotions get you carried away, you know what happens to us when that happens! What if you had turned into a nightmare? Don’t scare me…” she sniffled and the tears ran from her eyes like tiny waterfalls.
Celestia’s letters rose up from the water as well with the ink completely rubbed out.
“Were those… letters?”
Celestia rubbed her cheek and nodded. “Yes, they were. But it doesn’t matter now.”
Luna’s own paper rose from the water as well. She suddenly realized they had both been carrying them during that episode, possibly going to share them. But instead, emotions rose too high and now they were lost forever. But deep inside, she didn’t care. She and Celestia had narrowly escaped having to banish one of them for a thousand years again and avoided the churning emotions deep down inside of them.
They hugged each other in the water around the soggy papers and stayed there for some time, enjoying each other’s embrace.
“I’m sorry, we shouldn’t keep getting caught up in these situations.”
“I’m sorry too. I love you, Celestia. Keep the bath, I don’t care, just as long as we don’t have to part.”
Celestia stared at her sister weeping into her shoulder. She ran a hoof through her hair and calmly whispered, “You too, Luna.”
…and whispered into her ear, “there’s something I need you to read.” She gently lifted herself off of her sister and stepped aside. From under her wing, Celestia pulled out a series of three letters, rolled nicely into a scroll. “There’s something you need to know about this room and I think now’s the best time to tell you."
Luna cautiously rose from her previously pinned state and righted herself. Her sister’s flaming hair made it difficult to see directly in front of her, but with a hoof over her eyes, she managed to levitate the letters to her.
As her eyes scanned the paper, Celestia could tell that she wasn’t expecting the news in the slightest. As she smiled at Luna’s revelation, her flames died down and her natural hair color restored itself. She groaned as the excess of magic left her body and oddly left a dry taste in her mouth. Maybe she had been secretly channeling that energy of wanting to end the fight over the days, she wasn’t sure. But it had given her the results she needed.
“Celestia… this was going to be mine?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have spent all your funds on something and not return it to you in some proper form.” Luna opened her mouth, but Celestia raised a hoof, signaling to let her finish. “If you’ll remember, Luna, currency in Equestria was changing every few hundred years. If I simply returned the money to you, most of it would have been worthless save for the past three centuries. Buying gold was the best way to ensure your value wasn’t lost over time. If anything, it would increase.”
“So… you invested my money for me? Sister, I don’t know what to say, I-“
“Happy early birthday, Luna.”
Tears welled in Luna’s eyes as they embraced each other in a sisterly hug. There was a soft nuzzle as well, and in that soft nuzzle, Celestia whispered, “now go win this game so the tub is rightfully yours.”
Luna parted from the hug and nodded gleefully. She leapt out of the opening Celestia had made and soared through the steamy room to her sister’s tower where she found the flag wrapped in a bubbly bow. She had planned this from the start, Luna realized.
Luna pulled the mighty flag from the tower’s base and returned to the center field, where she happily placed the flag in the dead center.
Both of the sister’s ears twitched. A bubble popped. Another bubble popped. Bubbles started to pop everywhere. Before she even knew it, Luna landed into the bathwater underneath, thankfully keeping her eyes closed. She swam to the sideline where Celestia was happily waiting to give her a hoof. She pulled Luna out and levitated to her the towel.
Both sisters were standing near the edge of the pool as they dried off from their most recent adventure. Luna was scrubbing down her backside as if doing a little dance.
“Oh!” Celestia said louder than she intended. Luna stopped and met her sister’s eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I almost forgot something.” The solar princess walked down further along the edge of the room and clicked her hoof against the unbroken sections of the wall, as if she were looking for something. As it would turn out, she was, as one click was deeper than the others. She smirked as she pressed into the wall, which caused the wood to flip over and reveal a lever. Without wasting much time, she motioned to her sister to walk over to her. “Pull this lever, please.”
“Very well, but I don’t see-“ her hooves pressed down on it and two slots in the ceiling opened up. Luna only barely had enough time to look up to see a curtain drape over her eyes and cover her in darkness. Suddenly, something began to pull at her hair and… comb it. I was combing it in such an odd fashion as a blow drier pelted her hair and tail with wave after wave of heat. She tried to reject it by raising a hoof, but then she felt something going over her hooves and body like a thin covering. It wasn’t the traditional metal forged by the masters, but loose hanging threads.
And before she knew it, it was over and the curtains lifted. “Celestia, what was th-“
“Yes, I did.” Celestia winked. “Push the lever down further.”
Eagerly, Luna pushed it down further. The ticking of machinery began to go off as the entire bathroom floor shifted underneath them. Gigantic panels began to cover the surface of the bath. The entire bath.
One by one, they all connected. And when they did, a series of sparks ran through the top of them and then they all lit up, shifting colors every few seconds.
“A disco floor!?”
“Push the lever down further.”
“What could you possibly have do-“ the ceiling gave way as she pushed her hooves down, releasing a myriad of spotlights with an innumerous different amount of gel coverings. But what was the most amazing was the enormous Disco Ball that came down. About half of the lights focused on the floor and the other half on the ball. The moment it began to rotate, all the lights came on and the bath really came to life.
And, unexpectedly, two guards came down with it. Silver Lining had little luck as he was left to face plant into the, thankfully, shatter proof panels. Penumbra was a little luckier as her wings slowed her descent into a light drop and she hit the ground with no more than a “umph”. “I, uhh, I can explain.”
Luna instead gave her a sly wink and moved the lever up two marks. Two more curtains dropped on both of the guards. Penumbra came out with an afro just as voluminous as Celestia’s and Silver Lining came out looking like a Rubik’s cube. “I don’t need an explanation for this,” he said as he rubbed his nose. “Let’s boogie down!”
…and that about concludes what you saw in there. You have an absolutely fascinating sense of timing, Twilight, opening the door when I was holding Luna close as we gazed into each other’s eyes. I assure you, no such activity was taking place between us.
We hope to see you at Luna’s birthday disco bash in the next coming weeks. Bring your friends, Twilight. I haven’t told Luna yet, but you can go inside of the disco ball for a private party. It’s spacious enough for thirty ponies, so don’t be shy.
~Get jiggy with it
Groovelestia. (I know you might be confused about that name, I am infact Princess Celestia.)
Twilight put down the scroll and breathed a heavy sigh. “I don’t know if I’m prepared for this...”
