"Is anypony out there? Please, my name is Trixie! I need help! I think... I saw a cockatrice. I can't move, I can't see. Please, somepony, anypony.... Help me."
Laid low by circumstances beyond control, trapped in a cruel and unrelenting prison of flesh made stone, can anypony hold out hope to see the day once more? When their life rests in the hooves of one whom they tried to humiliate and belittle, can they trust in them and make it right? When they can only see through the eyes of another pony, when only one other can hear them, can they stay sane? When the only chance for their freedom is a fool's hope made incarnate, the impossible made improbable, can they beat the odds? Trixie is going to find out.
Pride can lay one low. Stubbornness can leave somepony friendless. Anger and Sorrow can turn others away. And yet, they can give strength. And Hope, in the darkest hours.
If you're afraid of Dark tones, or find them distasteful, or can get stabbed easily in the feels, I suggest reading on only with caution. This is not a happy tale.
Incomplete? YES!
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What did she do...
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And Celestia-dammit. Just wow. Good transformation sequence, there.
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At least I've got use for her later. So don't count Trixie out yet.
Wow. Poor Trixie.
This is great so far, I can't wait for more!
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Go on....
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I will, as soon as I get my dose of happy in Scootamom.
1121084 ... do you grasp the implication of that meme?
1124899 No, not really.
1127456 that's condescending wonka. Anything he says which appears positive is actually sarcastic and condescending. That pic you posted implies that the story is boring and/or not worthy of your attention. lol
1128196 Agh. Sorry. I do actually like this story. A lotta potential. Edited the comment, too.
Is based On I have no mouth and i must scream
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yay!
Fantastic, Trixie is one of the most tragic characters in the show. I anticipate this will be quite good. I came here from Scootamom and am expecting great things.
...Dang, man. That be freaking dark. For I have No Mouth and I must Scream is a favorite of mine, and since this seems to be somewhat inspired by it, I'm following for now. Now I need a dose of happy, so I'm off to read the new chapter of Scootamom!
Superb. Anyone who can make an MLP cockatrice sound Lovecraftian has my vote. Please continue, my attention and interest have been captured.
So it this something of an AU from the show. Because in the show Twilight herself was saved from being turned to stone.
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*NMM steeples her hooves* You don't say?
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Wasn't Twilight saved by Fluttershy Making the Cockatrice Her Bitch and Making it let Twilight Go?
Fluttershy has a greater Mind Power than Lovecraftian Horrors. Then again, she can remove A Being's Will just by looking it in its Eys....
Fluttershy IS a Lovercraftian Horror! FEAR HER ADORABLENESS!
A blue mist, eh? Something this tells me that Luna (or more fun, possibly the remnants of NMM?) may soon be on the case.
She couldn't help but feel a nagging sense of dread and the sense that if she couldn't escape the clutches of the Everfree by moonset, she's never leave at all (little typo in there)
Excellent start! You did an amazing job on this. Though there are a couple things you may want to consider for future chapters.
1. Avoid exact measurements. They tend to pull the reader out of the story. It can be distracting if readers start mentally using their hands to measure out a distance in feet.
2. Avoid adjectives giving info we already know. Everyone knows Trixie is blue for example. No need to talk about Trixie dodging yet another monster wanting to sink their teeth in her blue hide. This kind of touches on the topic of redundancy, maybe there are some guides out there for ya.
I so wish i could hug Trixie right now.
Now I half to see how this ends. Good job by the way.
Very nice. It will be interesting to see how Trixie deals with the sensory limitations/deprivation.
...
Constant direct mental communication? Except one of them has already gained partial access to the others faculties, so, slightly more than just 'communication'.
And if that wasn't enough subtle hinting, the corruption of Twi's cutie mark cinches it.
Well, this is going to be interesting.
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I feel like that should have "AWWWW YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH" written on it.
And, so far as ponies being saved from a cockatrice, I'd say Fluttershy is probably pretty unique, as if that needed to be said.
Rearing back, she flailed her now entirely inanimate legs at the creature to kill it. And she found to her horror that her rear legs had frozen in place entirely, trapping her in that unstable position as the cockatrice escape her attempt at retribution.
Trixie hd few options left as the creeping stone continued to slowly claim her,
Two errors that I saw here. For proper conjugation, it should be "as the cockatrice escaped her attempt at retribution."
Also, "Trixie had few options..." simply has a letter cut out. Something spellcheck should have been able to catch, actually.
Anyways, I WOULD say I'm in suspense, but I'm moving right along to the next chapter anyways! See you there!
Aaaaand still in suspense. Of course. Well played, sir, well played.
Though at least Trixie's not stuck completely alone anymore. That much is better/is relieving.
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Ah, well, that explains it. Since Trixie's episode is long before Twilight was turned to stone and back, that part didn't bother me so much, but rather the fact that Twilight somehow already knew Zecora when she shouldn't meet her until 3 episodes later. Considering that Scootamom is AU, I somehow didn't connect in my head that AU meant that those events could happen in a different order. I think I may have actually been used to AUs being MORE different, from the few I've read. Whatever, done being slow now.
"or that everything since she had found that wretched poster advertising that mockery of her mother had been a dream."
Well, that has me hooked.
Oh, and edits - "Almost like how her mother's tickled her"
Her mother's what? (Trixie feeling Twilight's purple glow - or you may need to use control f to find it."
"Be careful with such a jest; for a such words the universe does not rest."
Not entirely sure about what should be done with this one. The sentence structure doesn't make sense, though. You COULD simply delete the a, if you think that would make the sentence clear enough, or you COULD put something like "such words will not cause the universe to rest." Though that might make your meaning either more or less clear.
Twilight using magic and being powerful? Hay yeah! I'm really enjoying this so far. I noticed a few spelling errors, but this is really well written, so it's not a big deal. I like how you describe Trixie's plight, it really feels like she's scared and desperate. Are those things she's seeing hallucinations, or something important? Nightmare Moon perhaps?
Poor Trixie... I hope she's going to be okay.
Somepony needs to kick that damn Cockatrice.
Awesome!
Creepy dream, there. Also very in-character for Twilight.
Touching. Very in character for Twilight and I wonder how much of that was her subconscious analyzing Trixies predicament and giving her conscious mind the clues it needed.
The concept of this story is horrific. You've written it really well, which just makes it better/worse.
Next chapter please!
I like the premise of this story and cannot wait to read more!
Reading this for the title reference, let's see if it's as tragic.
A monument to her sins... Nice.
Quit whining Trixie, Twilight's been completely petrified before! Anything anypony can do, you can do better! ...Right?
Oooh damn, hinting at background info! I wonder what this means...
1264086
"Such words the universe shall put to the test?"
1402423
Ah, good one.
"Her beautiful, graceful, beloved teached"
Should be teachER, I think. I correct because I care.
she had just ran from.
*run
1233330 Lovecraftian? Still far from calling it anything like that I'm afraid.
You know, drive by 'error correcting' doesn't fix the problem, as you take such a short shot that the author can't actually figure out what you're talking about.
1446825 You should be able to just do a ctrl+F and find the segment. Or flower+F on a mac. It's the second sentence of the Interlude. Sorry for confuse.
Reference to "I have no mouth, and I must Scream" Awesome book, by the way.
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At least somepony gets the reference. Thankfully for Trixie, not an exact one.
I find it weird you misspelled it thrice after getting it right the first time.
: Fantastic. The illusionist is now an illusion. I suppose this is the universe's idea of a joke?
: ...
some sad music for this sad fic
Well....I saw Trixie and sad....sooooooooo.....I'm going to enjoy this
i saw that title and i was like "ERMAGERD IVE PLAYED THAT GAME!!!! MUST READ"
This looks interesting. I deeply consider reading this as I go to start reading it.