• Member Since 31st Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 22nd, 2019

chaos2012


Action and darkness. Those are my specialties

T

Trixie has gone through everything in her life.

Fame. Ostracized. Hatred. Suffering. Despair.

Now, she has returned to Ponyville to extract her vengeance on the pony that caused her life to spiral downward. To make that pony feel the same emptiness the she'd been subjected to ever since their last encounter; Twilight Sparkle.

Will Twilight be able to protect her home from a pony who is hell-bent on destruction? A pony who's heart has been so damaged?

co-written by Dainn and TheMyth

----------------------------------------------------------------------
While beginning as an alternate take on the episode magic Duel, the story is not a simple retelling. The entire storyline and key plot points have changed.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 47 )

Hey buddy remember me?

3169011 and the games have started.

3169019 yup, I remember. Been a while

3169044 Listen I'm sorry I've been slow on the chapter but I had other fics and stuff but rest assured I am working on it. So... We cool?:twilightoops::fluttershbad:

3169068 don't bother me. do what you have to do.

besides that... you like the new fic? haha

You! my good man please make moar:flutterrage:

Woah...I like this dark version of the episode. I can't wait to see more evil Trixie, she's great! :trixieshiftright:

I didn't read it.
I just noticed TheMyth helped write it.
#Commentisbest
I'm outta here.

Wowzers, beat her ass, Twili! :twilightangry2:

3169720
You're cheering for the wrong pony
Go Trixie :rainbowdetermined2:

The shopkeeper chuckled at the choice, "Aw, you have a keen eye. The alicorn amulet is one of the most mysterious and powerful of all of the known magical charms."

"I don't think you understand. This amulet is not for sale and no amount of bits will ever change that."

Then why do you have it on display and unprotected, dumbass? :facehoof:

3170295
Because if he was actually smart, then this would have been a very short story.
And that wouldn't be very fun.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me! You're still alive?! Oh to hell with it..."

Great chapter, awesome battle scenes and I'm honestly torn on whom to root for. Twilight wants to save her friends, but at the same time, Trixie's been practically forced down this role. Whenever someone's backed up against a wall, it's flight or fight, and when you can't run no more, all you can do is fight and hope your good at it. Keep goin and stay golden^^

3171054
Would that be a dbz abridged reference?

3171115
Shoutout to episode 37 coming soon!

3171132
I almost choked on my food from laughing when goku was beating up 19.
And when vegeta started whining about how he wanted to be a SS

3171139
What I loved was the fact that Giro was acing so high in mighty, as if his android was wining at the beginning.

3171196

HAHAHAHA
Remember when Frieza came back and he kept glitching?

3171207
Oh man, and the fake blue screen of death?

3171196 SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE F**K IS NAMEK?!

3171222
XD

3171219

I almost died during the intro when he kept repeating GT over and over again!

3171222
Now that we've dealt with chuckles the ass clown, let's tend to the elderly...

jmj

This comment is positive.

Now I can reply to every comment to help add heat and keep the story in the popular stories list like you fellas! lol.

Well, there's only one piece left now

3171955
thanks for the support J

Why is this getting so little love?
It's so beautifully written, and that ending caught me by surprise. I honestly thought Twilight was just going to kill her or something, but that was just perfect.

But the tale of Trixie is not complete.

Do I smell a spinoff...? :moustache:

And this is how magic duel should have been. Cast the kids rating to the wind, this has a better moral and meaning than the original. At least in my opinion.

3177037
Eeyup

I love this story, great job to you and your co-authors.

Apparently Trixie can summon Mecha King Gidorah now.........yep.

This story managed to do what the series didn't give us a dark,tragic back story and made me feel sorry for Trixie.I hope they develop this character in the future.BTW great story.

Wow, and I thought Magic Duel was dark for a MLP episode. You showed a dark side to Trixie's occupation of Ponyville (aka Lulaville) in a way that would give soccer moms conniption fits!:trixieshiftleft:

But it ends on a hopeful note as Twilight defeats Trixie and she is congratulated by her friends. But just then, Celestia and Luna appear and they confront Trixie for all that she's done. Kudos to not making the Mane 6 magically cured from their various injuries like in the typical cartoons.

I loved the twist at the end when Luna stands up for Trixie when the ponies demand she be punished for what she did, reminding them of what she had done to them as Nightmare Moon.

Perhaps you could do a sequel when the Mane 6 and the rest of Ponyville rebuild the damage Trixie caused to Ponyville (not to mention Sweet Apple Acres) and the Princesses and/or Trixie step in to help. Just a suggestion.

3177037

I agree

This was an awesome story!
Its about time Trixie's side was told. And you did it wonderfully.

God dammit... why couldn't this have been cannon... Great chapter and story overall, keep goin and say golden^^

So, this just happened. I APPROVE.

This review is proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.

Grammar: 6.5/10 (Mostly alright, but there are quite a few instances of things like misplaced commas, incorrect dialogue punctuation, random capitals and missing capitals)

Pros:
1) This is a great rendition of the episode Magic Duel. I believe the lessons of kindness and forgiveness are well-learned, in the end.
2) While not a crossover, I definitely got a huge Dragon Ball Z feel from the writing and events (as evidenced by my previous comment). Nice to see that written in without it being blatantly ripped off.
3) The story has taken a dark turn, but never felt too dark, even when the agonies of Spike, Rainbow and Rarity were written.

Cons:
1) The scattered grammatical errors frequently leaped out at me from the pages as I read.
2) Zecora's dialogue just felt so... forced. It didn't seem to flow well with her character at all, like you rhymed for the sake of rhyme.
3)There's a might too much 'Lavender Unicorn Syndrome' in this story, somehow transforming into 'Magenta Unicorn Syndrome' at the end.

Notes:
Magic Duel is one of my most favourite episodes of MLP and I'm pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this AU telling of it. The dark tones fit the story so well; in fact, this is closer to how I'd hoped the real thing had gone.
I've gotta say though, Trixie seemed really violent initially. I thought she wasn't supposed to be maliciously inclined until after she attached the amulet. Still, the AU tag kinda allows that, but it still didn't quite read right. One thing I did like though, was how you described the pain that characters like Rarity, Rainbow and Spike felt upon having the whips and spells cast upon them. I was actually thinking to myself during the episode how Spike must have felt being used as a basketball.
I'm sorry, but one does not simply write a good Zecora by merely making her rhyme. It just felt too forced whenever you did it, like one line had five syllables while the next had over a dozen. "But as long as it rhymed, that's all that matters, right?" No, sorry, doesn't work like that. It never really felt like it was her speaking to me, I'm afraid.
What I greatly enjoyed, perhaps the most about this fic, were the not-so-subtle DBZ mannerisms and action sequences. Being an avid fan of the series, I got an immense DBZ vibe from Twi's second duel with Trixie. It was really quite grand, even if you did have to make Twilight massively OP to pull it off.
In short, I did enjoy this alternate take on Magic Duel, and award you a personal score of 7.5/10. This could have been as high as a 9, but your grammar needs some serious fixes.

I hope you enjoy your review! I await your appraisal of my story, Keeper of the Crystal Heart.

3508209 glad you enjoyed it

Zecora is quite hard to do haha.

This is definetely a completely different turn, wanting to show how much pain Trixie really was in and showing how she was trying to expel her frustration.

And I will hopefully have your review soon. Due to some personal stuff outside in life, I had to put another review on hold as well. Hopefully will have yours done by the end of the week

I couldn't help but think:

Breaking News!!!
Princess Luna has taken a new student, one Trixie Lulamoon, after Trixie's failed attempt to destroy Ponyville! The Princess justified her actions, saying "Everypony deserves a second chance!"

Everypony who has nothing to lose: Then let's commit crimes!!!

Mmm-mm-m-mmm!

I'm lovin' it!

You had a good story going here... until chapter three. In all honesty I have nothing against this type of ending but its kind of annoying to see endings like this over and over again, the type thats cliche like this where the 'good guy' always win(if you can call that a win) and those involved get off win nothing but a slap on the wrist. I was hoping for some originality where something like the reason Trixie lost is because Luna or Celestia got involved or Trixie won and the effects it has on equestria or shoot, even have her win/lose but those involved have a epiphany on her actions wheather good or bad(like creating a support group for ponies in her situation by comparing the orgins to why some of the villians went bad in the first palce! It would do WONDERS for preventing another 'gone crazy from mistreatment' scenerio that threatens the land like Nightmare Moon did.) Like I said, I got nothing against this ending since ive seen it so many times but I am saying it could of been a bit better then what it was... other then that I loved this story :twilightsmile:

Damn I love it but Trixie hitting a pony she has surrendered that's low.

Wow that was an amazing fight!

“Ha … it’s amazing how pathetic you look right now. It’d be pretty funny if it weren’t so sad.

can you do a sequel please?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!