//------------------------------// // Celestia Vs. The Great Devourer // Story: Tales from the Scootaverse // by Richardson //------------------------------// I don't normally suggest theme music. But this time? It needs it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She could do this. She was the Morningstar, the Sun! The Great Devourer would not frighten her, and it couldn't do much to tempt her. All she had to do was march up those steps, pass through that door, and make her order! The inspiring thought of being free of influence, free of the fear of getting fat called up the wind at her hooftips! It lifted her mane in the great cyclone of freedom and equality that she held around her form! No temptation, no hesitation, NO MERCY! She was going to- "Hey, lady, is there a reason you're staring at the Sugarcube Corner with a windstorm around you like that?" Sunbeam deflated from her uncompromising high, looking around at the crowd that had gathered to bear witness upon the miniature windstorm she had swept up around herself. Meekly, she cleared her throat and marched forward, intent on claiming her baked goods from within. The front door's bell jingled as she opened the door, signaling the call to battle. The patrons stood up as one, many dragging their tables from the line between the mare on a mission and the counter before her. Breath snorted from her nose as she began to grimly match to the tune of a beat as she began to grimly march. With each step, the pile of bits in her saddlebag jangled as a counterpoint to the tense tune being played on a harmonica by the mare in the corner. (Had to be Appleloosan, with a hat like that.) A familiar set of mocking birds alighted on a windowsill, chirping a three-part wailing tune to match the slow march of battle and the ever-present harmonica. They must have had a Sunbeam sense, from the way they were always there for her showdowns. Sunbeam locked eyes with her terrible foe, glaring into the blue orbs of fire that silently judged her, and waited. The Great Devourer, The Temptress of Sweets, The Unsolvable Mystery! She knew her menace well, and she would not falter this time. Her foe stomped haltingly to the counter, confounded by the bucket that seemed glued to her leg that clonked against the floor with every one of her steps. Lights blinked on in the display cases at the touch of her adversary, daring Sunbeam to devour their damningly delicious decedent temptations. She must not be tempted. She would not be tempted. To look would be as unto a fortress tainted from the inside out by a poisoned well properly positioned by a paranoid prepared opponent. Darn it, she looked. Keep it together, she could do this. She had raised the sun and moon and had run Equestria for a thousand years alone through sheer willpower. She could handle a minor temptati- her nose was pressed flat against the glass desperately trying to sniff through it again. She wasn't going to make it. Her impromptu challenging music built up as she reluctantly peeled herself from the glass; the birds warbling loud enough to send shivers down her spine. Sunbeam gasped as the register bell ding!ed cheerfully, mocking the great struggle of its time. Bits rolled free of her nemesis’s hoof, jangling into the outstretched change drawer, each clink of metal on metal thunderous in the disguised mare's ears. Painfully slowly, her foe slid her torture instrument closed and reached into the display case; selecting the biggest, sugary-est, most delicious looking éclair from within. Sunbeam's anguished whimpers did nothing to stop it as her abominable torturer withdrew the treat, floating it up to her mouth with great relish. Three onlookers flinched away at the criminal temptation, unable to watch as Sunbeam tried to avert her gaze with a burning look of self-loathing. "The horror! The horror! Not the Sunny Delight Triple Chocolate Supreme! How could she!?" The Great Devourer slowly bit down on her weapon, crushing hard sugar glaze with a machine-gun like series of cracks as the poor frosting gave way. Noisily, the temptress chewed upon it, each smack of teeth on golden brown goodness a stab to Sunbeam's willpower. Crystalline sugar crushed and crumbled at the press of lips; the tail-curling aroma of dark chocolate filling tempting the mare as it dribbled down her foe's chin. That fiendish adversary swallowed with a needy gulp, giving Sunbeam the lazy eyes as she challengingly drawled. "Order." "I'll take three Prench Loafs, the Sourdough Pretzel Pack, the sweet'n'cinnamon breakfast rolls..." Don't think about it, don't look! Her will mustn't falter. The aromas of the open display case churned her stomach hungrily, a pain of needfulness growing there. Her poor belly quickly found a hoof pressed against it as she tried to hold her urges in, being rubbed back into silence. She was Celestia of the east; she was the Zenith of Equestrian Justice! She could resist! She could hold out! But why was it so hard? "And I'll... and... and..." The three-bird chorus and the harmonica stallion built their song up to a crescendo of anticipation. Patrons gasped in hope as she held out longer than ever before. Never had anyone resisted the diabolical salespony as long as she had, she was going to make it! Then éclair drifted on an outstretched hoof just below Sunbeam's nose, the nibbled end just barely missing the tip as the aroma burned straight into her brain. Sunbeam could only whimper one last time before snatching the éclair from the pink hoof of the Great Devourer, stuffing it in her mouth in a single bite. With her mouth completely full nopony could tell for certain, but her muffled moan of defeat sounded like "My usual, please." The patrons sighed in disappointment and her musical entourage descended into a mournful reprise of their earlier challenging tones. Sunbeam's stomach rumbled in a mix of self-loathing and unconquerable hunger as she swallowed her mouthful. O', how the mighty had fallen! Reduced to being unable to escape the mere infuriation of her addiction to the Corner's sweets. A sticky hoof reached into her saddle-bag, withdrawing her exactly-counted bag of bits to lay upon the counter for her undefeated foe to collect. "Darn you, Pinkamina Pie." "Aww, now don't be like that! Its okay, Sunny! We all have sweet-toothy problems. You'll beat me someday! Well, maybe." Pinkie reached down behind her counter, grunting as she lifted up the massive pre-prepared box that she had lovingly packed for the Sugarcube Corner's most loyal customer. Adorned with a cheerful assortment of smiley stickers, a little smile bubbled up in Sunbeam's chest, Pinkie's personal hoof in the sales made it hard to stay mad. "Not all of us have a pink menace tempting us, Pinkie. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to get fat before I can quit." Sunbeam pressed her side up against the counter, letting Pinkie slide the box atop her back. If she was fat, nopony would look up to her, or worse! Equestria could start thinking that overeating was acceptable, and they'd all end up as cavity-filled and hyper as Pinkie Pie. And that was not an option. She'd beat the Great Devourer! Next week... Pinkie hummed along with the tune from the harmonica as she picked up the resurgence of confidence from her beleaguered customer. Putting on a silly bushy mustache, she bowed to Sunbeam, bucketed hoof clopping awkwardly against the floor as she did. "Until we meet again, M'lady! I am certain that next week shall be the week." Oh for the love of- Not that silly husky accent again. "Until next week, Pinkie. What are you going to do, wear a cookie-hat?" Pinkie tapped her bucketed hoof against her chin in thought, the bubbles of imagination almost popping out of her head as her eyes darted across them absently. She perked up as one in particular struck her, mad in concept and positively hilarious to consider. "Not a bad idea! Oooh! OooH! And baguette fencing! Next week will be awesome! Say hi to Princess Celestia for me!" "What!?" "Well, you know.... you're her secretar-i-whatsit, and she's the Princess who everypony is all 'Bow to her! Bow we say!' and she's all 'Nuuuu! No bowing! Normal pony! Normal Pony!', so she has to go hide someplace where she can work in peace, and Ponyville is all peaceful especially your place, so she slums in your place, eating your sweets and doing her princessy homework, and then you've got to come back and order again and you're all 'nuuu! I don't wanna!' and I'm all 'yes! You wanna!' and then Celestia's on your couch, eating your donuts and all 'no! Don't let anypony see me getting all fat off of donuts! I'mma horrible pony!' and she comfort eats, and then she gets all sugar-drunk and hugs you, and just needs a reminder that everypony in Ponyville won't think any less of her and that the Elements just wanna be her friend! It'd be a real help if you let her know, okay Miss Sunbeam?" Pinkie inexplicably managed to somehow blurt out her rambling thoughts in a single go, breathless and fired off like a firecracker on the evening after the Summer Sun Festival. Everypony in the store confusedly tried to piece together Pinkie's rant quietly. Some even tried to count words to make sense of the nearly hypersonic babble, hooves dancing in midair as they followed along in their heads. Sunbeam leaned back from the still panting pink menace, mane blown ever so lightly back from the force of Pinkie's words. Her foe couldn't know, could she? Oh no... of course she knew! The Pinkie sense would tell her! Sunbeam looked around once more, her mind filling in paranoid and menacing glares where there were none to be found. The thought of her other life, her real life closing in and suffocating her one refuge spooked her. She turned, galloping for the door as her would-be band picked up the pace once more, orchestrating her run as she pushed past the early evening crowds. Confused murmurs broke out as she ran, ponies wondering what could have upset her so. "... Well okay then! See you next week, Sunny!" Pinkie waved absentmindedly, trailing off as she realized no answer would come from the establishment's most loyal customer. "OW! Itchy Scalp, twitchy right hoof, grumbly-churny stomach? Something-daughter-coming to order donuts?" ---------------------------------- The front door slammed with god-like force as the house's owner skidded to a halt in the foyer. Held in her magic, Celestia's box of baked goods and sweets hung accusingly before her where they had nearly been splattered upon the floor when they skidded from her back. "Mom? Are you acting like Twilight again?" Scootaloo's voice echoed from upstairs shortly before she and Luna poked their heads between the bars of the upstairs railing. "Yes! Wait- I mean, NO! Absolutely not! Everything is fine, go back to your girl talk, you two! I've just got to put the groceries up." Celestia glared at the box, and then at her family as they snickered at her flusteredness. Bad enough that the Great Devourer knew her secrets; she didn't need her family egging her on. Luna sniffed the air as the familiar aroma of chocolate and frosting and everything else nice wafted up to her nose. "Tia, still unable to break the habit?" Celestia tried to say something to deny Luna, to confirm that her iron will was uncompromised. But it would have been a lie. She sighed at last, nodding her head. "Yes." "Hmm. Pinkamina is far too much of a tempter for you. Perhaps we should go instead, next week." Luna teleported down to Celestia, unconsciously licking her lips at the thought of the delicious baked goodies. The elder mare leaned the box away from its would-be admirer, reminding Luna that she couldn't have it quite yet. "Luna, don't! She's like a... I don't know, Pinkthulu or something! Nopony has ever escaped her unfed! She knows your greatest weakness before you even step into the shop for the first time, and knows how to apply it to make you buy everything! The more you resist, the more you buy!" Scootaloo buzzed her wings in warning, waving a hoof over the edge to punctuate her point. "Nopony goes to Sugarcube Corner and returns the same shape as they were. Nopony." "Please, Tia. What's the worst that could happen?"