• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 4th, 2021


*Insert dramatic/military/deep quote here*


(READ ALL OF THIS) You have been given the Human's Guide to Life if Equestria. By some odd series of events you have come to this wonderful land of talking ponies. But a lot of you can't just jump into it without a little knowledge of your new home. Also you haven't been given this book, more like you have been forced to read every last word by Princess Celestia herself. But this is not a normal guide, no. This is a story, a story about you! In this we will cover, love and mating, your new self, settlement and careers, and many more things. So don't panic, because OMG THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

(Please I hold nothing against humanity, or HiE stories, I love each and every one of them. In fact I'm giving them each a big shoutout for inspiring me. This is my second fanfic, and I just did it for the pure enjoyment of writing. It is roughly based off the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I will update occasionally and I will finish it.)

(Rated Teen for: Some sexual references, crude humor, and mild goofiness, and a teeny tiny bit of swearing. And fourth wall breaking. )

And this also a Guide, not a Manual.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 573 )

I read this in Cave Johnson's voice.

It's an interesting idea, but the execution could be better. The writing is plagued by punctuation and grammar errors, and quality suffers as a result.

I do want to see more of this guide, so I will track it!

"The universe. Its big. You won't believe how mind bogglingly big the universe actually is." ... I think I love you :heart:
This is so bucking awesome. I see some inspiration (a lot actually) from "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" (good choice) :rainbowkiss:
Thank you for entertaining me for a few minutes, I'll track this... Oh! And thanks for all the fish :twilightsmile:

203193 ...you weren't the only one.

I read this in CL4P-TP's voice :rainbowlaugh:

This is great, I can't wait for more. 5 and track

*reads "History lession" and falls asleep*

*5 hours later wakes up*
Oh, hey, did I miss something?


Congratulations you have earned a Noak cookie.

*Tosses cookie at screen*

This means that I and the universe don't hate you. So please relax the universe won't go after you... Maybe.

Once I realized that he took inspiration from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I read it in the voice the Movie used for the Guide.


I pretend I'm him when I write this. lol

1 word.... Supertastic


Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...
Oh, yes, it's been forever since I saw it, but it was hilarious.:rainbowlaugh:

203424 SAW!? Mobi, you have disappointed me greatly! You are charged with Why the buck didn't you read the book!? What do you have to say in your defense? :flutterrage:
... But yeah, the movie's great :pinkiehappy:



203459 You've just messed with two slightly insane book-lovers. Now the question is; are you feeling lucky? Kitty!? :twilightangry2:

if only, i were a pony, a rooster would crow, and it would be so
Sorry i suck at rhyming, I have to work on my timing

Hey, I'm a fellow book lover! I just haven't read that book.

Oooohh! What's your favorite series/book?

If you'll excuse me, i'm going to go shove 20 muffins down my throat now. :pinkiecrazy:

'tis all I have to say.

203471 Oh, I'm reading all sorts of stuff. Sci-fy, fantasy, detective novels, comedies and love-stories. :twilightsmile:
Right now I'm reading Storm Front the first book in the The Dresden Files-series. :pinkiehappy: Oddly enough, it was actually a fic on this site that made me start reading it, and I have a hunch that it just might become my favorite series :pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:
But I think "The Hobbit" might be my favorite book right now, as I've read it like 6 times!

hmmm... okay. I have too many favorites to count.:derpytongue2:

203508 Haha, that's the same feeling I have with this site :rainbowlaugh: Seriously if you take a look at my favorites, you'll see what I mean :rainbowlaugh:
Sadly, my book-reading is a bit non-existent right now. I'm reading too many fanfics and then there's my homework piling up. Ugh... :facehoof:
But hey, fics are kinda like books... right? :twilightoops:

203555 You seem kinda out of it today... Where'd your snarkiness go? :fluttershysad: Slow day?

Headache. Slows down my brain processes.

203580 I feel your pain (was that a pun? I believe it was) man :fluttershysad: Oh wait, I don't really, but... You get my point. Hope you get better soon man :pinkiesmile:


I am thrilled to see that I wasn'tthe only one who read this as Cave Johnson's voice. :twilightsheepish: Honestly, I can sense his sarcasm right in this! VERY well written, and gotta love Hitchhikers.

Tracked SON!

Loved it, tracking and a box full of stars.


Don't mind them too much. Every version of the Guide is simultaneously uncanon anyway, since they intentionally contradict themselves and each other. The original radio play would be nearly as unrecognizable to the book readers as the movie is.


I'm am literally crying tears of joy. Its not even right, I expected like 10 people actually read this. I, I dont even... I'm, I cant. I'm speechless.

Cookies for all!

This is Cave Johnson were done here
5 track fave

Nicely done, I loved it however I found this mistake in the first few sentences.

"This guide is given to all creatures who are not native to this terrestrial relm..."
It should be "realm"

Laughed the entire time. Five starred and tracked :rainbowkiss:


Thank you for pointing out this horrible mistake, I will see to it that the writer (me) receives this message you have sent to him. He will be notified as soon as possible. Once again he is not in need of help, and he is not in the second tower of the Canterlot royal Castle.

Thank you.


ME TOO!!! :D well, not at first, but once i got to where he introduced the 3 different types of ponies, i started reading it like claptrap. :twilightsheepish:

The one thing that surprises me is that Noak didn't expect to get plenty of views on this. Nice job man, stars and track = yours :twilightsmile:

Structure and content seem good, but there are lots of spelling and grammatical errors in this.


203724 there is also 2 different authors for them. the first 5 were written by Douglas Adams and the last one was written by eion colfer after Douglas Adams died. There is also a short story called "zaphod plays it safe".

p.s the time travel will probably confused the shit out of you.

Nope. If I can wrap my head around the multiverse, I can understand paradoxes just fine!

203795 the paradoxes aren't the problem, its when it starts to fuck up your memory and you cant remember what happened when.
I got to find the books again so I can reread them....


I'm just going with the basic's. I don't like to go to deep into it. Plus its a lot easier for me if I just write the way I do. If I went deep into this maybe then I can see where your coming from, but as long as the words are spelled right, and I enjoy writing then I'm happy. But thanks for the constuctive criticism though! Plus I'm tring to write this as if the narrator from HGTTG would write this, so the way it speaks is much more different then most other stories. So it does seem a little odd to read. :pinkiehappy:

That was hilarious:rainbowlaugh: 5 stars and tracked:twilightsmile:

Cave Johnson as narrator ftw.
Also can't wait for mating section...:moustache:lol jk.

must read books NOW!:flutterrage: sorry never actually read them or seen the movie:twilightblush: but ive heard alot about it and this is really good so far:eeyup:

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