• Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 20th, 2013

Morty


T

February Write-Off Third Place Winner! It's just a normal day in Ponyville when Pinkie's Pinkie sense alerts her to an impending Mary Sue fanfiction. Things take a horrifying turn for the worst when Ponyville is invaded by not only not only one of the obnoxious characters but two! Now the very fabric of reality is in danger as the two OC ponies fight for dominance and only Pinkie can save the integrity of the fourth wall. We're doomed.

(Had to be shortened to from 10.3k to fit the contest parameters. If this becomes popular enough I might post the full version after the contest. Is actually only about 9.6k words on my computer so I'm not sure why it's so much higher here.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 111 )

Woah, this was so cool! Very clever. I especially loved the conclusion, it's fantastic!

...My bits. Take all of them. :rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy:

This is probably one of the best things I have read. And that includes books! I dont think I have ever read a Fic and be permanenetly smiling all the way through. just BRILLIANT!:pinkiehappy:

Crazy funny and laughing the whole time. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Now that that's over I would like to thank you for justifying the reason I avoid 99% of fics.
And I think I actually got dumber after reading Crasherdude's and AJ's lines so thanks for that. :derpytongue2:
But seriously it's a fantastically hilarious story. So here's a mustache as thanks. :moustache:

Well I love deadpool love the 4th wall breaks great fanfic

This is easily the most amazing fanfic I have ever read. Of all time. For any fandom. Loved it!

:pinkiehappy::heart::pinkiehappy::heart::pinkiehappy::heart::pinkiehappy::heart::pinkiehappy::heart::derpytongue2:
this is the contents of my brain after reading this

MnM

I want this to be an actual episode.

Holy Faust this was awesome:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: in the best way possible

Amazing story, you definitely deserved a place in the top 3.

Also, 'fanfics actually happening but then everything is reset, only Pinkie remembers' is my new headcanon.

Listen to the Kamen Rider OOO OST in the background as you read this: It's amazing.
An OC story with a Ska OST is tops.

This was one of the most met@ ponyfics I've read. And funniest, too! :pinkiehappy:

BRILLIANT! This is the stuff I have only dreamed of in my sleep! I mean in all seriousness, 4th wall breaking has always been my favorite from of story telling simply because it lets the reader to allow themselves to be immersed in the story. LOVED IT!:pinkiehappy:
My favorite story yet.

Wow thanks so much guys. Even if it didn't win (The winner was another comedy and they described my fic as the funniest one :rainbowhuh:) I am so thrilled to have nabbed third. You know that fifty bits is going towards pony stuff :raritywink: But honestly, the thing that means the most is all the great things you guys have had to say about this or any of my other stories. I realize that this sounds incredibly dramatic and praise fishingesque (adjectivized)...[verbized] but I was actually considering giving up on my novel before this competetion. This small victory plus all the support you guys give me have given me a much needed second wind. :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart: Thanks to everypony who voted and commented and thumbed (up)

This was totally freaking rad.


The rise of Crasherdude was sublimely inspired.

@Mr_Darkboy2010 :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

:raritystarry: I Love it! This is so the new thumbnail

Picture y u no update!?

295580 It updated for me. Maybe it's your cache or something? I've never quite figured out which cached stuff does update when you reload the page and which stuff doesn't, but that's my best guess.

Yep it's working for me too now :twilightsmile:

Oh god, my sides! They've busted!

Oh yes, if OCs can change personalities, they can probably do much worse if the author (who has 100% control of the universe) wants them to... Makes a lot more sense now. Is that why they can't meet?

296541 They can't meet because they simultaneous personality changes will conflict and cause everypony to go stark raving mad. Plus the universe will explode. Have a nice day :D

There are no words perfect enough to describe how awesome this was.:rainbowlaugh:

296828 So... no crossovers? :rainbowlaugh:

Alright. I know what kept you out of first place. Your style is nothing more than atrocious and your grammar is fundamentally lacking. The bit with the fourth wall breakage and the author (you) appearing limited the enjoyment.
However...
You clearly have a grasp on your story and you are consistent throughout. The delivery at the end was weak, but everything else was great. You have a knack for comedy. Hone your skills and you'll be an amazing writer.

2/5. Despite the lacking quality, I more than enjoyed this. Fav'd.
(If you'd like, I can go further in my review and point out individual flaws. While it wouldn't make a difference now, it'd help in future fics.)

EDIT: Okay, so I don't know what kept you out of first place. Not exactly, anyway. Still, though, at least consider what I said. This remains one of my favorite fics ever.

After finishing this, I shed a single tear for the awesomeness. :rainbowderp:

Anyone else feel bad for making fanfics now?
I mean, I love fucking around with Pinkie's psyche. But I never thought I could be hurting her... in real life.
*a single tear falls down Emerald Flight's face*

I recognize some of the references, but what fic had Deadpool in it? I'd like to check it out.

sooo, is this just a one off? or will we be seeing more of pinkies adventures in fan fiction?
I ask because the title: subtitle setup seems to suggest that, and also I just want more of this.:pinkiehappy:

Aw, if this had come up as an option for me to vote on, it definitely would have had my vote. Oh well.

Oh my god. You are FULL OF WIN.

This was so cleverly written, I can't even find WORDS.

Write more, please. You're one of the few writers on my watch list.

That was fuckin' funny. :rainbowlaugh:

That reminds me of the "Round Robin" story from Daigakusai no Ranma. Very well done!

297175 I always thought that events in books and such were actually happening SOMEWHERE.

Genius, pure comic genius...aaaand there's not a whole lot more I can think of to say..

The grammatical mistakes (more like overlooks) were certainly overshadowed by the hilarious concept and completely quotable dialogue. Very, very funny. I was giggling the whole time.

The bit at the end was funny, but I think pulling in Deadpool might alienate some readers, and it definitely slipped into the realm of ridiculous. But pulling out the keys and bringing in the author was kind of clever, and I've always been a fan of meta. Fav'd.

298544 actually, I wasn't planning on a sequel originally, but I have been toying around with the idea. So to answer your question-- maybe.

303597 I only meant to point out that I was not the type of person who could be fundamentally lacking in grammar. And I agree with everything you say about Deadpool.

img.ponibooru.org/_images/a3a8a5139d9c0abff8bda525a8acdb86/117999%20-%20deadpool%20pinkie_pie%20shrugpony.png

This was great!! Loved the ending. Congrats for 3rd place!!

This was of the most bizarre, hilarious and impossible fics I have read so far. :rainbowlaugh:
Nearly all the time I felt like:
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQvumTLx5P88JzU9omEz6cUviriIpyLGeeYDNyV0Gt9BBDwukwbC49vYAAh
But it was all worth it. And that ending. Typing '@' instead of 'a' was a nice touch. But how did you manage to write the epilogue with a broken screen? :rainbowlaugh:
Congratulations on a magnificent story.

297125
Cheesedeluxe? I don't remember him as a judge. Did I forget it . . . no, I don't see him on the panel. Huh.
You really shouldn't speak with authority when you have none. You don't know what made this story third place, you only have guesses, and you do not know what would have propelled it to first.

In the end, it was not the style (I personally loved it, word choice made the narrator sound like Pinkie Pie and suited the nature of the fic), not the grammar mistakes (all the stories had them and they were not counted much against the story itself), not the ending completely shattering the forth wall (again, I found Pinkie stealing the "a" key and the author having to write the epilogue with out it to be one of my highlights), or even Dead Pool (whose inclusion was handled very poorly and is the single biggest flaw I can point to).

The story won third because it appealed to a niche audience by its very choice of subject matter. This is a story for people who are avid readers of MLP fanfiction, enjoy Pinkie Pie's antics, have a bit of a zany sense of humor, and have encountered a number of bad OCs in their time The fact it won 3rd is a testament to how funny it was, despite the fact it was crated for such a niche audience. It is easily the best comedy of the competition, if rated by pure laughs, yet even if all the flaws were fixed, I don't think the subject would have allowed a placement higher than 3rd.

Serious kudos to you, Morty (delicious kudo bars filled with chocolate), the bottom line is you are really funny and have real talent. The fact you propelled such an obscure and odd idea to as high as you did is proof that you're really skilled at comedy in this format, and even parody. If the story is right, perhaps something that mimics an episode in format, I could without a doubt see you placing first in a competition.

303597
A minor nitpick, but Dead Pool wouldn't have been a Deus Ex Machina device since he really didn't do anything. Anyone could have tossed Pinkie to the cracks on the screen. As is, Dead Pool was an addition with no point or build up, and with minimal impact on the story, leaving the reader to scratch their head on why he was there at all, double so for readers familiar with MLP and not comics in general. I at least had the benefit of knowing Dead Pool was a crazy guy who also broke the forth wall. Walks through dimensions too, I guess, according to this fic.

I read that you had more ideas for him, Morty, but you had an artistic vision or some such you wanted to keep. Next time, try to compromise. Perhaps if you had the time and word count, you'd have him added in seamlessly, but in the words of William Faulkner, "kill your darlings." Your story will be better if you cut what you really liked for the sake of improving the thing as a whole.

323810
I can at least imagine what kept him out of first place.

Or, if you don't care for that answer: I have my opinion, and you have yours. Does either opinion matter?

324240
Umm, no. Not when you're stating them as fact. Let me tl;dr it for you.
"Alright. I know what kept you out of first place."
:facehoof: No, you don't. And I don't want the author thinking you do.

324581
*looks at panel*

Ain't I a tard.

In any case, I'm merely offering my stance on it. I, for one, thought the fic had pretty broad appeal, but whatever.

297175
Nope. It's not canon.

...okay, you got me. I felt guilty reading this.

324631
Ahh! As a reader, your experience is perfectly valid! :pinkiesmile:

324706
*ducks*
I get it. I'm dumb. I apologize. I'd still like to think my criticism has some validity to it, though.

324723
Pwnt.
He just ripped you. :raritywink:
I have no wit. :derpytongue2:

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