//------------------------------// // Winner // Story: Enter Nurse Luna! // by Foxy Kimchi //------------------------------// Ink Well, a small, grey unicorn mare and assistant secretary to Princess Celestia, stood right next to the throne. She looked at the staff and the guards in the quiet throne room, gulping as she adjusted her collar. “Everypony please!” she shouted while waving her hoof. The other ponies in the room looked up at the mare. “We have been given a task!” she exclaimed. “Yeah!” the crowd joined together. “We are in dire times, my fellow ponies. Our nation... our princesses are in need!” The crowd was silent. “We are the proud ponies of The Equestrian Civil Service!” “And The Royal Guard!” a pegasus guard shouted near the base of the throne. “Yes, and The Royal Guard,” Ink Well exclaimed, albeit quieter. “Anyway, we must rise to the occasion!” “Yeah!” “We are proud!” “Yeah!” “We are strong!” “And we don’t need any princesses!” “Yeah!” “Wait,” a pony in the back shouted. “But I like Princess Celestia and Luna.” “Hey, yeah, I like them too.” “They’re nice to me.” “Yep, same here.” “I like them.” “Me too.” “Me three.” “Shut up, Brick!” “What?” “Stop!” Ink Well shouted. “Can’t a pony give a once in a lifetime motivational speech?” “Sorry…” “Like I was saying,” the small secretary continued, “this is our time to shine!” “Yeah!” “To show that we can rise to the occasion!” “Yeah!” “To show that we are not just useless paper weights!” “Yeah!” “Let them in!” The guard flanking the entrance to the throne room slowly opened the large, oaken doors. There was a rumbling at first before a large mob of ponies charged into the throne room, most of them holding newspaper in their hooves, shouting. “Where are the princesses?” “Who is going to run the country?” “Who will control the sun and the moon?” A foal standing on her mother’s back waved his hooves, shouting, “Who is going to protect my dreams?” “I want free bits!” “Yeah!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “Dammit, Brick! You’re not one of them!” “So?” “Brick, by Luna’s holy ass, I am going to kick yours!” Ink Well’s eyes widened as she let out a whimper. Lethe bounced on her hooves, her helmet near her hooves. She started to bob her head, her mane swishing back and forth as she hummed an imaginary beat. Hoplite rolled his eyes before letting out a large sigh. He adjusted his spear next to him. If he was going to defend the princesses, he should probably be more threatening, especially after the little incident with Blueblood. The guard did feel bad for what he did. The prince was just trying to see his family after all. But then again, his partner was a crazy bat mare that must have literally come out of Tartarus. Why she was a guard, he had no idea. At least he had hammered out that dent in his helmet. Lethe continued, her tail flicking back and forth as she hummed louder. Hoplite flared his nostrils as he stood fast, his eyes focusing on the wall in front of him. He was a guard. It was his duty to be professional at all times. His honor and pride were on the line. Lethe continued, moving her head and rocking her hips with more emphasis. Hoplite didn’t budge. Lethe is being Lethe, he thought. Just ignore her. Have pride in your job. Lethe jumped on her hind hooves, standing upright. Her wings flared out as she ruffled her mane with her forehooves, the metal armor clanking as she shook to and fro. The day guard’s eye twitched. Focus… This isn’t the first time she has pulled this kind of crap. His left eye drifted downwards towards her tail. No! he inwardly shouted at himself as he stared back at the wall. She is just trying to mess with you. It’s Lethe. Don’t play her dumb, little game. Hoplite glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Lethe still dancing to imaginary music. His gaze drifted towards her tail and hips still swishing back and forth. Look at the wall, look at the wall… the completely boring and unattractive wall… “See something you like?” Hoplite blinked and shook his head. His gaze slowly moved up Lethe’s back to see her head turned, a smirk on her face. “What?” Hoplite asked as he stared back at the wall. “You know what I mean. Seems like you can’t keep your eyes off something,” Lethe replied, her fangs showing. “No,” Hoplite said, dripping sweat from his brow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Mmm hmm,” Lethe answered as she got back on all four hooves, her grin larger. “Sure.” Hoplite turned his head away, his facing turning slightly red. “I did not.” Lethe rolled her eyes as she played with her helmet near her hooves. “Just admit it, stop being a wuss.” “I have no idea what you are talking about,” Hoplite said. “I think you were staring.” “I was not!” “So you weren’t looking?” “Why would I?” Hoplite exclaimed as he lifted his head, closing his eyes in the standard Canterlot Elite tradition. There was a slight sniff. Hoplite slowly opened an eye. Both eyes widened as he watched Lethe fall to her haunches, sniffing loudly. “Wha—?” The bat pony looked up, her slitted eyes wide and her ears flattened. “You don’t… you don’t think I am pretty?” “W-what?” “Admit it,” Lethe sobbed, “you don’t think I am pretty.” Hoplite gulped. Do not look into her eyes. Do not look into those big, sad eyes. You know she is playing with you! Lethe sniffed, her eyes getting wider. To make it even worse, she tucked her forehooves under her chin. TURN YOUR HEAD AWAY! Hoplite screamed at himself. He desperately tried, with all his might, to turn away. But the poor guard was helpless to the bat mare’s puppy dog eyes. “Lethe,” he said with a gulp, “I didn’t say that…” “Yes, you did,” she whined. “You think I am ugly.” “No, Lethe, you're not.” “Yes, I am!” “Lethe, no, you’re not. Honest.” Again, Lethe sniffed loudly. “S-so, you think I am pretty?” she said, her voice quivering. Her eyes were practically shining. This is a trap. You know it is. Don’t give in to those eyes. You know she is going to mess with you. Don’t do it, don’t do it. He gulped, “Y-yes.” “R-really?” Lethe asked as she wiped her face with her hooves. You screwed yourself. “Y-yes.” “Oh, thank you,” Lethe exclaimed as she wrapped her hooves around Hoplite’s neck. Hoplite gulped, his blush returning as he felt Lethe’s soft fur and mane. “I understand now,” Lethe said with a smile. “If you weren’t looking but you think I am pretty, it can only mean one thing!” “What?” “You must be one of those colt cuddlers! It all makes sense now!” “WHAT?” Hoplite gasped, his eye twitching. “Don’t worry, Hoplite,” Lethe said as she pulled her head back. She patted his helmet with her hoof. “It doesn’t change how I see you.” Hoplite’s face twisted, his left eye twitching more. “Don’t worry, pal, I am sure I can find a cute guy for you.” “Lethe!” Lethe fell on her back, laughing loudly, her hooves flailing in the air. “T-the look on your face! Priceless!” “Dammit, Lethe!” “You’re so easy!” “I am not the one who just comes up with plans to mess with other ponies!” “Moi?” Lethe asked as she got up. “This is my fault?” “Of course it is!” “How?” “Setting all this up!” Lethe rolled her eyes. “Hey, not my fault I remembered a wicked beat I heard from a party while back. I was just standing there, minding my own business.” “Your business?” “Not my fault guarding ole sun butt here is boring.” “How can you say that about Princess Celestia?” “She has a sun on her butt, simple. Luna has a moon on hers, so I call her moon butt.” “You say that to Princess Luna’s face?” “Of course not. I am not stupid. I say it in my head.” “You’re horrible.” “Like I was saying, I was minding my own business here, passing the time with some nice beats. Had a little fun. Not my fault I had an audience now, isn’t it?” Hoplite took a step back, his face turning red yet again. “I—” “You’re easy, you know that?” Lethe replied with a smirk. “Easy to read, easy to play. Easy.” Hoplite squinted his eyes. “I am not.” “Are too.” “I. Am. Not.” Lethe’s ears perked, her slitted eyes having a glint. “Is that so?” Hoplite’s nostrils flared. “You only win because we play your games.” “Oh?” A smile formed on Lethe’s lips. “Yes,” Hoplite replied, his eye twitching. “Well,” Lethe replied, her smile becoming large. “Seems this little pony here had not learned his lesson the first time.” Hoplite glared at his partner. “Alright,” Lethe said, taking a step towards the day guard. “I’ll play. You in?” “Yes,” he replied, his eyes cold as steel. “This time, I pick the game.” “Fine then. Seems I need to spank you again.” No, Hoplite thought. This is your time, on your own terms. You know she is dangerous, but she is not unbeatable. She is not perfect. I know I am faster than her, but then she has her tricks. You know she will cheat like always. Think… Hoplite stared at the night guard. “If you pick the game, I pick the rewards.” “What?” “You heard me. It’s only fair.” Hoplite worked his jaw. “What do you want then?” His eyes widened as Lethe shoved her face right into his. There was a crazed look in her wide eyes, the grin on her face showing off her fangs. “Loser has to do anything the other wants for twenty-four hours.” She leaned in her head, her muzzle barely touching his ear. “Anything,” she whispered. “What?” Hoplite exclaimed as he took a step back. “What?” “You heard me. Big talk requires big stakes. You in?” “I can’t accept that!” “Aww, chicken?” “I am not!” “Then do it!” “Fine!” Hoplite exclaimed as he stomped his hoof. “But no physical altercations, nothing that is illegal, nothing that can cost either of our jobs, and nothing that is long lasting or permanent.” It was Lethe’s turn to take a step back, her eyes splaying. “What?” “You heard me. Those are the rules.” “That’s no fun!” “I don’t care. Those are the conditions.” Lethe pouted. “Or are you chicken?” Hoplite replied with a smirk. “Fine!” Lethe said, the glint from her eyes gone. “I can find something for you anyways. Confident?” “Damn right,” he replied. Lethe tilted her head, a cocky grin on face. “What will it be?” Think, you know you are physically stronger than her, he thought. “Hoof wrestling.” “Hoof wrestling?” Lethe asked, raising an eyebrow. “High stakes and you want to do that?” “Yes.” “Fine,” Lethe replied as she rolled her eyes. Hoplite took off his helmet, putting it and his spear next to the wall. He laid down on his underside, holding his hoof out. “Ready to lose?” Lethe asked as she mimicked Hoplite, grasping his hoof. Her tail flicked behind her as she stared at her opponent with hungry eyes. “Ready?” Lethe nodded. “Call it.” “3… 2… 1… Go!” Both ponies flexed their hooves, grunting as they put all their weight into their forehooves. Each guard glared at each other, clenching their teeth. It looked even at first, but slowly, the day guard was making progress. You can do it, man, he thought to himself, a smile forming on his strained face. You lifted all those weights in the gym for this exact moment. Hoplite continued, watching his opponent's strained face. He started to sweat, trying to making more progress, but he couldn’t push any farther. A lump formed in his throat as his hoof started to shake. “Getting tired?” Lethe replied, her nostrils flaring. “N-no,” he hissed through gritted teeth. Sweat dripped down his face as his body twitched, trying to add leverage to his struggle. His muscles felt like they were burning as he exerted his strength, but Lethe’s hoof refused to budge any further. “Seems like you let your hoof get a lot of exercise. S-should worked on cardio there, can’t just lift. G-got to balance your regime.” Hoplite grunted as he felt his hoof start to cramp. However, his opponent was slowly gaining ground. He stared at his hoof, slowly moving away from his goal. This is bad, this is bad, this is REALLY bad. His ears flicked when he heard panting. Slowly, he looked up. He wish he didn't. He really wished he didn’t as he let out a whimper. Lethe was glaring at him, her eyes boring into him as he felt terror and despair, similar to how a cat would to a struggling mouse. A vicious grin adorned her face, her fangs somehow even larger than usual. He could have sworn he saw venom literally drip from her fangs. Hoplite was staring at the face of Tartarus, and it was horrifying. Lethe brought her face closer, her nostril flaring. Hoplite whimpered louder, his hoof shaking even more. Lethe twisted her her head slightly, her malicious smile even wider. “Getting tired?” Hoplite shook his head. The bat mare started to chuckle, her voice guttural and demonic. Hoplite bit his lower lip, his whole body shaking. He didn’t know if it was because he was tired or the fear that was consuming him. Lethe pushed her hoof farther, an inch away from victory. Her laugh became louder as she licked her fangs. “Your. Ass. Is. Mine!” Hoplite whimpered louder. This is it, he thought to himself. A cruel fate awaited him, and again, it was his fault. He got caught in Lethe’s games. His vision was getting blurry as the sweat dripped into his eyes. Hoplite blinked then his eyes widened. Not in fear, but in surprise. He looked across at Lethe. Gone was the demonic face. Instead, Lethe’s face was scrunched up. Her pupils slowly dilated, slowly moving to the left. He followed her eyes. There, hanging right next to Lethe’s face, was a positively tiny spider. The pressure on his hoof had disappeared. He found his opening, his one chance to not be humiliated yet again by Lethe. With everything he had left, he slammed Lethe’s hoof into the ground. There it was, Lethe’s hoof on the ground, and his hoof on top. I did it… He looked up at Lethe. In that moment, he saw something more surprising than Lethe’s demon face. No, it was something he never thought he would see her display. Fear. “S-spider.” “What?” “SPIDER!” Lethe shouted as she jumped. “What?” Hoplite repeated, blinking. “Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!” Lehte shrieked as she leapt forward, tackling Hoplite. The two guards fell down to the floor in a heap. Hoplite gasped as he felt Lethe wrap her hooves around his neck. Partly because of her soft fur brushing against his own. Partly because of her death grip cutting off his air supply. “L-lethe,” Hoplite gurgled, “can’t breathe.” “Kill it!” Lethe hissed as she let go of her death grip, hiding behind Hoplite. She pointed a hoof at the small arachnid. “Kill it with fire!” Meanwhile, Hoplite gasped for air, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He looked behind him, seeing Lethe, the most ruthless ponies he knew, cowering. He turned back to the spider. “T-this is a joke, right?” “Kill it, you dumbass!” Lethe hissed as she tried to jump up, only to cower behind Hoplite again. “You’re kidding.” “KIll it now!” “It is a spider…” “Exactly, that’s why you have to kill it now!” Hoplite stared back at her, his eyebrow raised. “Now, Hoplite!” Lethe growled as she pushed the guard. Hoplite rolled his eyes as he got up. He picked up the spider, looking back at Lethe. “Seriously?” Lethe nodded vigorously. Again, rolling his eyes, he placed his hoof next to the wall, watching it scurry up and hiding in a crack. “You were supposed to kill it!” “It is just a tinyspider, Lethe.” “I don’t care.” “Well it is gone now. Nothing we can do about it.” “It is your fault! Should’ve killed it when you had the chance!” Hoplite’s ears perked, a smile forming on his face. “What?” Lethe asked. His smile grew larger. “What?” Lethe asked again. Hoplite brought his face closer, his smile increasing with the levels of his smugness. “What?!” Lethe asked, her frustration growing. Hoplite’s levels of smugness was reaching critical mass. Hoplite brought his head closer. Lethe’s eye was twitching, a smug storm was reaking off the day guard. “So,” Hoplite whispered, “big bad Lethe is scared of spiders…” Lethe inhaled sharply, her face scrunching. “W-what?” “Afraid of spiders it seems.” “I-I am not!” Lethe exclaimed, her face turning red. Hoplite’s grin only grew wider, threatening to run off his face. He couldn’t help it. He was in a position that was alien to him since being stuck with Lethe: winning. The stars had aligned. He learned Lethe was not unbeatable. She had a weakness. “Seems you were cowering behind me…” Her face scrunched even more, the blush growing worse. “I WAS NOT!” Celestia, this feels great! he thought to himself. He couldn’t help but puff his chest out, a giddy feeling taking over his body. Oh Luna, she is flustered and mad! I-I… Holy crap, she is baring her fangs! His eyes closed, just enjoying the feeling. Wow, she is really cute like that. Lethe huffed, stomping her hoof “I. Am. Not. Scared. Of—!” “You lost.” “Wha?” “You lost the bet. I won.” “N-no,” Lethe stammered. “T-that is impossible.” “My hoof was on top. I won.” Lethe fell to her haunches, her eyes widening. “N-no, this cannot be.” “Nope, this is reality.” “I-it doesn’t count! There was outside influence!” “Nope, that wasn’t part of the agreement.” Lethe stomped her forehooves. “No!” “Now, Lethe, don’t be a sore loser. A bet is a bet.” “No! I can’t lose to you!” “Well ya did.” “There was a spider!” “Not my fault.” “But!” “Deal is a deal, Lethe, live with it.” Lethe groaned as she buried her head in her hooves. “I can’t believe it!” she wailed. “I have to be this loser’s bitch for a day.” “Well, maybe you can’t win everything, Lethe.” The bat mare just let out a groan. “And I know exactly what I am going to do first!” Lethe only let out another groan. Ink Well rubbed the side of her head. It was a given that she was going to get stupid requests, and she did. From theories of one of many Nightmare Moon cults injuring Celestia, rumors of red and black alicorns suddenly appearing, or hairless ape-like aliens abducting them, she heard it all, endured it all, and dealt with all. But surely, this brown unicorn wearing what appeared to be a lab coat in front of her was one of the dumbest. “Please?” “No.” “Please?” “No.” “But—” “NO! I will not have Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Bringer of Order, Conqueror of the Northern Lands, Thane of the Griffon Kingdoms, Her Name Who We Speak in Reverence, Champion of the 104th Cake Eating Contest, Singer of Daylight, Guardian of Tartarus, Regent of the Sun, and First of Her Name degrade herself and spit in a blasted tube!” “It is not a tube. It is a saliva collection kit.” “NO!” “It has a detailed protocol!” “Sweet Luna, how many times can I say no?” “But it has been recommended by the Equestrian Board of Medicine and is commonly used in healthcare facilities and labs worldwide!” Ink Well yanked her mane with both hooves. “Back Breaker!” In an instant, a massive, grey earth pony appeared by her side. He casted a long shadow, enveloping the small unicorn in front of him. Back Breaker needed no armor, for his pecs of steel, barreled chest, chiseled chin, and flowing mane were more than enough. It was rumored that he was often called up to Celestia and Luna's chambers to show their appreciation for his fine work. Yes, Back Breaker lived up to his name in more ways the one. He flexed. Nearby, three maids swooned as they fell off their hooves. “Yes, ma’am?” Ink Well just shook her head in her hooves. The secretary's tolerance of stupidity was reached long ago. “Please escort him out of here.” “Yes, ma’am,” he replied as he grabbed the unicorn’s tail. “Time to go, citizen. I’ll take good care of you.” The brown unicorn whimpered. “Come on now,” Back Breaker commanded. “No!” the brown unicorn cried out as he was dragged on his belly across the immaculate tile floor. “B-but the science!” “I don’t care!” Ink Well shrieked. “Science!” “No!” “Why, Twilight Sparkle, why!” the unicorn cried out as he was dragged out of the throne room.