Book 1 - The Behemoth came to Canterlot

by Equimorto

Mental Gravity

"Do you ever get the feeling you're not supposed to exist?"

"All the time, for the entire duration of my admittedly short existence. You made me that way."

"Did I make you to make me feel worse too?"

"Yes, among other things. Because you believe you deserve to feel bad, but you also know that you need a way to process your current situation and trauma. I am literally a manifestation of everything that is bothering you, rolled up in one and presented with no subtlety. You would make a terrible writer."

"I did not need to know that last part."

"You injected me with dry wit as a coping mechanism. Just like your father used to do with himself, but he wasn't as much of a nervous wreck as you are nowadays."

"Isn't it weird that I know him that much, and that well? It feels unfair."

"It is weird. It isn't a way anyone is usually meant to know and understand anyone else, not to that degree, not through the means at play in your situation. It is unfair. But nothing about your life has been fair, so what reason do you have to care? Because you're a good pony. We skipped over your part for efficiency."

"Why am I talking to you when I could just be talking to myself?"

"Because you are talking to yourself. I'm a reflection of you. The reason you've created me is making sure you're forced to have that conversation. If you were without me you'd just dance around the issue and find something to distract yourself with, but you can't ignore a physical presence, a living being."

"Isn't it unfair that you'll be gone too when this is all done? Discarded when you've exhausted your purpose?"

"Is it unfair for dreams to fade when morning comes and memories wane? I am no more than your fantasy. You made sure of it, you made me nothing more than that. You made me too little to be alive. I'm a shadow, and that's all I need to be."

"And what if I changed my mind?"

"Your pity for me does not outweigh your refusal to overstep your self imposed boundaries on creation and life. I know you well enough, and you know it too. In time you will rationalise this experience, when you are in a healthier place. I exist to help get you there."

"You're the product of my own mind, how can I know you'll truly be helpful in bringing me there? If I'm sick, how can I hold the cure in myself?"

"Do ponies not grow healthy again after sickness?"

"Only if they are helped, in the more severe cases."

"And you can be helped. You can seek help, where you yourself can't reach. But you first need to wish to do so. That's why I'm here. To help you where you can, and to convince you to ask for others where you can't, so you can be fully healed."

Comments

[Speckle]

Good to see you again, Starshine :)