Book 1 - The Behemoth came to Canterlot

by Equimorto

The Sound of Crabs

"I'll go grab the chart."

"Why do you even have a chart?"

"Well I had time to make it and I thought it could be useful for showing new ponies."

"But why?"

"I'm thinking of making another chart. More of a leaflet really. Something to address the fact that hollow bricks tend to resemble teeth when broken into pieces."

"What are you even talking about and what does it have to do with anything?"

"Hollow bricks, deary. You know, those red orange ones they make walls out of. When they break they look like teeth. Like fangs. It's quite remarkable."

"I don't think they do. And I still don't understand what it has to do with anything."

"Well, you should look at them better. Pay more attention next time. If you want I can go grab one and we can smash it on the ground and I can show you, deary. Some might not look like it but that just means you need to break them again. I'm going with deary. You did notice that, right? I'm trying something new."

"Please stop. Can you stop? We have more important things to focus on."

"How can they possibly be more important than the chart when I don't believe they are? Speaking of the chart, let me go fetch the chart. We should get back to something that's actually important. Do you want to talk about nails?"

"Nails?"

"I've been finding a lot of them around. I have them separated by length, then by thickness. I don't have a hammer sadly. I keep the bent ones in their own box. I'm not sure where they come from."

"Where do you even find them?"

"You know. Around."

"No. No I don't know. What are you keeping them for anyway?"

"You never know when you might need something. That's why I keep all that lead around too."

"Lead?"

"I melted it myself. It was fun. The smoke from it was really dark."

"You should not be smelting lead by yourself. That's unhealthy."

"Well so is being around mowing dirt, and it gets up your nose and in your mane and all over your coat and you have to take a shower and you keep sneezing out dirt for hours, but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you eat a pastry filled with custard and it accidentally goes in your nose and you keep blowing custard out of your nose for three days. It's just the way it is."

"That's disgusting."

"Sand is disgusting. When there are cats around at least. I have a cat. Not here. I miss my cat. I should tell my sister to stop eating cat food."

"You have a sister?"

"If you had tortoises, what would you feed them? I should ask my friend, she has a tortoise. She's also an idiot. I should ask someone else. Do you want to go to the beach?"

"There's a beach here?"

"We should go. We should go away now. It's getting closer. Do you hear it too? Can you hear it approaching us?"

Comments

[Speckle]

.........this pone sounds like that one voice in my head that focuses on the small details in life that nobody listens to

[Saix]

Oh man, this guy has gone from slightly strange to somewhat worrisome to insane. I'm not sure if it's PTSD or something malevolent either with that last line.

[Saix]

You know, with the comment about the sister and the cat, the idiot friend with the tortoise, the 'deary' business and the title containing crabs I'm wondering if this guard is yet another version of Rarity. I'm pretty sure there were chapters with these guys set during and before the battle, so it can't be male Rarity if I'm recalling correctly.