• Member Since 4th Dec, 2014
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I'm tryna eat like I'm Binging With Babish | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook


As the Princess of Canterlot, the Mistress of the Sun, and the most beloved ruler of Equestria, it could be assumed that Princess Celestia was the pony who ran Equestria. Few people know that she actually doesn't.

Her assistant, Raven Inkwell, does. And Equestria would be nothing without her.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 516 )

Am I the only one who thinks raven is pretty much miss pauling from TF2? :pinkiecrazy:

seems like a good story so far

inb4 "Moon Shine" was Luna in disguise.

Lun-erm, Moon Shine didn't have to soak Garrus, poor guy :rainbowlaugh:

Well this was unexpected but my interest definitely is tingling. Looking forward to more.

Also for some unknown reason I have a problem imagining Garrus as a griffon. :rainbowhuh:

Her title should be royal foalsitter rather than royal advisor. Putting up with Celestia ( :trollestia: ) really is a full-time job. I wonder what her reaction was when she found out Celestia had a sister (wonder if Luna will be more sane than Celestia in this fic). At least Raven doesn't have to foalsit Twilight too (that's Spike's job :moustache: ).

Looking forward to more.

I'm definitely getting a Miss Pauling vibe from Raven ( a character from TF2). Something about workaholic sassy female protagonists always make a story more interesting. And by Jove my interests are increasing. Can't wait for more. :twilightblush:

So I'm waiting for Garrus to get a proper face injury form a fireball.
"You know, some women find scars attractive. Of course, most of those women are Minotaurs..."

And Moonshine is obviously Luna, no question. Can't wait to see how she reacts to Raven talking shit about her sister. I bet it makes 'flirting with death round 1' look tame.

I do think it's funny how, while Raven is clearly very competent, she's also clearly an unreliable narrator. For example, Luna was nothing but her freaking out and overreacting. I wonder how much Celestia is actually incompetent in this story and how much is Luna being a cynical old bird. And how much is Trollestia messing with her.


If Celestia is actually playing senile just for a few cheap laughs, the day Raven learns about it it will be the day Canterlot will be set on fire.
Considering all the power that mare has potentially in her hooves (Raven is more of a royal chancellor than secretary), pissing her off would be a very bad idea even for the Princesses.

What I'm hoping we hit is 'Raven actually is very good, but Celestia also knows what she's doing much better than Raven will give her credit for. Lessons learned, moving on...' with much humorous consternation in the middle.

Poor advisor... And something tell me that things are going to get worse

one word...

thank you!!! your my hero now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:yay:

First thing that came to mind when I saw the title.

Will read later.

Hmm... This oughta be interesting.

:applejackunsure: Welp. I think any appreciation I might have had for this fic was DOA because I literally re-read Whom the Princesses Would Destroy this morning. The intro made me think it was going to be something similar. Instead, we got something that wasn't even slightly charming, had a single decent Luna gag and, while maybe not character assassination, at least some character bludgeoning of Raven and Celestia.

Perhaps further chapters would turn this into something fun, but the first chapter certainly didn't reel me in.

I do hope we get to find out what Celestia's game is in how she's treating Raven.

Sorry you hated it, irregardless of how I disagree. I do have a question, though, as someone who hasn't read Whom the Princesses Would Destroy and only have the synopsis to go off of.

What exactly are the similarities, and how damning are they?

I really love seeing more of this Raven Inkwell character, especially after seeing her in Fat Stacks...of Books.

This'll be great.

As for everyone saying that Raven gives off a Ms. Pauling vibe, I agree. Remember that when you're burying dead bodies later in this fic to cut them up before dumping them in a grave! 10 minutes with a hacksaw saves you 30 with a shovel.

a glass of water in his face

“Nice hustle

Need a period.

> I read a completely different story and expected this one to be similar, despite there being no mention by the author of any inspiration from outside sources.

You realize that you sound like an ass right now, yes?


I explicitly stated that I thought that they'd be similar, based purely on the description and the fact that I happened to re-read it this morning. There was nothing the author did to specifically evoke the comparison. It was my own misunderstanding.

I heartily recommend reading Whom the Princesses Would Destroy, not just because it's a phenomenally good fic (which it is), but because it has quite the opposite of the extremely unfortunate portrayal of Celestia in this one that left such a foul taste in my mouth.

Hey, now. I appreciate you coming to my defense, but let's play nice, eh?

I know, I know, that comment just left a bad taste in my mouth.

My b.

Yeah, I gathered that, but you didn't answer my question. I wanted specifics, to avoid confusing folks like you in the future.

And I don't know exactly what you mean about Celestia. She's barely been on screen. Kinda early to draw a negative opinion, if you ask me. Mind you, you're entitled to be annoyed and upset if you like. I can't force you to read my bullshit, and I wouldn't even if I somehow could.

Cheers, mate

Wonder what Miss Probably Luna is doing in the bar.

Celestia seems a bit... overly stupid, to be honest. I get that you're going for the whole "equestria would crash and burn if Raven took one sick day" thing, but Celestia's been ruling for a lot longer than Raven's been alive, so I doubt that she's made it this far with her advisors making all the decisions. One of them would have snapped at one point and Equestria wouldn't exist if this were true.

Still, it's a funny premise and I like Raven, so I'm looking forward to more of this.

Catering for a royal party is an important party of the national budget? How small is Equestria, anyway? :twilightoops:

I'm not saying that you had a bad point, I'm just saying that your wording wasn't the best.

Though now that I think about it, I should've put THIS in my last comment.

I'm sure that this is some form of irony.

I'm sorry, my b.

Oh oh oh. Bet I know who starts a new job at the castle tomorrow :trollestia:

Huh, I was expecting this to be part of the Quill & Blade AUverse, just from the similarity in names, but I think this Raven is more interesting. If more than a little full of herself.

History class on a good day.

I'm not familiar with that. What's the name of the story?


And where do Dotted Line and the Civil Service fit in? I imagine he has to buy Raven dinner to get her cooperation on things.

Dotted Line? Civil Service? I'm confused...

Ah, I see... Maybe someday that'll come up.

8263889 It's a whole series by a couple of authors, includes stories "Crystal's Wishes," "Memories of a Royal Guard," "Trials of a Royal Guard," among others. I just thought it was amusing that Celestia's assistant is also named Raven, but is a completely different personality.

It's not a coincidence. That's just actually her name.

I saw Crystal's Wishes once upon a time and have been meaning to read it for a while. Maybe one day soon...

The premise is pretty much a failure. Your character at best is a few decades and Celestia been around for over a thousand years. It immediately fails because it ignore character and the obvious plot holes for the sake of an overplayed joke.

You're never too old to be a fucking idiot. And, I don't know if you've ever actually sat down and thought about how Celestia runs her kingdom, but she does some rather incompetent things. Finally, if you think the premise is a failure, you're obviously not understanding what this story is. This isn't about Celestia being a moron. This is about Raven Inkwell's day-to-day. This is about the pony behind the scenes that is key to keeping the machine of Equestria running smoothly.

And, not to be "that guy", but I'm not sure a guy with nothing but Naruto crossovers on their profile should be policing bad premises.

EDIT: It has come to my attention that the beginning of my comment could be misinterpreted. The "fucking idiot" I was referring to was Celestia, not you. Furthermore, I apologize for my testy response. It was uncalled for, and I shouldn't have responded like that. Forgive me.


You're never too old to be a fucking idiot.

I'll drink to that!

And some are never too old to not be able to take criticism. I'll grant you, poorly constructed criticism, but the point stands still if that if your first response.

That aside. Having read through the initial chapter, I'm at a bit of a loss on where to stand. Writing isn't bad, to be sure. Premise is interesting. Not sure if I'm a fan of the caricatures, though. I'd need to read further development before I can actually rate this story positively or negatively. Putting it on follow for now for future updates.

On a side note, I like the inclusion of other races as part of the effective "Honor Guard" for the allied kingdoms.

You're not wrong. I have been having trouble lately with criticism, especially if I just don't get it. That comment just rubbed me wrong, for one reason or another.

I don't take it back, but I agree I probably should keep a cooler head.

8264350 As much as I hate flame, the guy has a point. Who helped run the country if Celestia is a "fucing idiot"?

Is it a long line of advisors? Or is it like a sacrificial lamb thing, once per generation, the torch is passed on. Or perhaps Equestria was a lot worse until Raven came into the picture. Which is it, or is it a different matter entirely?

Somehow I just tought of Pepper Potts the secretary of Iron Man

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