• Member Since 4th Dec, 2014
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chillbook1


One day, you will all come to my funeral just to make sure that I stay dead, but today is not that day | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook

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With Canterlot High's annual Summer Dance Party just around the corner, Diamond Tiara is in dire need of a date. Fortunately, she already has one. Unfortunately, nobody thought it prudent to inform Diamond of that fact.

Edited by ChappedPenguinLips

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

I've never really been much for the DiamondBloom ship but this was cute and rather humorous. Well done Darling.

Ok, this was a cute little fiction. Defiantly putting this in my library

Not bad. Kind of funny. I would take out the "y'all"s when Bloom is talking to Diamond one on one, especially that last one:

“Well? Y’all are here, ain’t ya?

Even if it was being used as a singular instead of plural (which "y'all" technically is: "y'all" is for groups and means "you all"), it is so awkward to read and say. It should still be "you're" and should be spelled as such even though it would likely be pronounced "yer."

8456452
In my experience with the southern dialect, you can get away with saying pretty much anything with enough confidence and southern charm.

Your suggestions have been noted. Thanks for reading.

8456452 8456481

From someone raised in the south, and having lived with someone with a strong southern accent, I can honestly say that it has always annoyed me when people have Applejack say "y'all" when talking to a single person. I can't even remember her doing that in the show, I swear it's just the fans who think that's how the word works.

8456684
I currently live in North Carolina and have friends/family from Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, and a guy from Texas. I've definitely heard "y'all" used to one person, and it baffled me at first. I did the research, and it turns out that it's one of those things where you don't think about what it really means, it's just a thing you say.

But, in fairness, I am originally from New York, so I might just be a dumbass city boy.

8456703
As someone who's lived in the South his whole life, I've heard (and used) y'all as both singular and plural. There ain't a 'right' way to use it, if ya ask me.

8456684
Applejack has used it a few times during the first few seasons to refer to a single person. It's not really right as I've never heard anyone use it like that, but it's still consistent with the show anyway.

More of this

Please write more of this

What are you talking about? This story isn't lacking at all! It's amazing! :pinkiehappy: You should enter it into the contest! :twilightsmile:

8457052
I don't know if I can really explain why this is lacking. It feels like... It feels like the plot exists simply so I have a story to write about, if that makes any sense. The "story" has no real story.

There is a specific type of story that I refer to as a "Joke Machine". It's when a story's plot serves only to bring you to the punchline, when the punchline should be bringing you through the plot. A similar phenomenon is occurring here. To quote ChappedPenguinLips (my editor):

Being honest, on a second read.
It's rushed.
There's not a ton of build up, not a ton of support, it's very simple, kind of like checking off boxes in a story, versus telling one as much.
It feels like a Lite™ version of a story, if that makes sense?
You have all the working parts for a story, but it feels underdone.

I 100% agreed with him, Chappy is very rarely wrong about these sorts of things, so I wrote a story that I think is much better suited for the contest called Diamond's Diary. Yes, that is a shameless plug. No, I don't feel bad.

Anyway, glad you got some enjoyment outta this thing.

8457073
Well, I'll have to check out that story sometime (I still think this story is great, though :ajsmug:).

Yeah the buildup is fantastic and there were many great moments along the way, but the end was lacking. It doesn't need much, though--just some kind of punch or twist at the end. Not Twist though, that'd just be cruel.

8457073
Yeah, I agree with him on the build up aspect. I think it's missing an act before this, where DT is obliviously trying to get a date. Perhaps an opening scene that makes it clear to the reader that AB thinks she's dating DT, but DT has no clue. And ultimately, DT's actions tick DT off, and then you get the Silver helping DT realize what's going on and the trip to Sweet Apple Acres.

That's also the sort of story I was expecting to get from the description, with its talk of DT being in dire need of a date and nobody having informed her that she already one. Instead, the story pretty much opens up with Spoon informing her. And so we miss her clueless shenanigans and increasing frustration and perplexity at her failure to score a date.

Mind you, this story is still fun and enjoyable, with lots of cute scenes, but the structure stops it from being more than that. But hey, nothing wrong with a cute little one-shot, especially if you've also got the time and will to write a deeper, more impacting story.

8457073
What that sounds like to me is this being a combo of fan fiction and a short story. I'd say the story is a character study of Diamond Tiara, using the 'joke machine' (first i've seen that term, is interesting) as a fun way to plot it and give it a satisfying payoff.

Having read your "Dear Diary" first, it felt like this was taking a scene mentioned in passing from it and exploring it in more detail. Quite enjoyed it!

This was super cute.

Nice use of a Phineas and Ferb song.

8484372
Thank you! You're the first person to catch it

Just about the funiest thing ever, this

Also, how oblivious can you be? :unsuresweetie: :rainbowlaugh:

can I see what happenes at the dance cause I know its going to be a good one

8603086
I intended to make this that first of a larger continuity. I wanted to touch on Scootaloo and Sweetie, Fluttershy, RD, the Dazzlings, and a bunch of others, all getting ready for this dance. I haven't ruled it out, but it'll be a bit of a ways away. Keep an eye out for that.

8603141
If you're going to continue with this continuity and the stories that will come out like this, know that you've already earned yourself a reader ready for your stories!

if in these stories you put the SciSet and PieNata then you earn a very happy reader!

Something surprisingly similar happened to me in middle school. We'd gone out for three months by the time I realized we were dating.

Diamond strolled through the orchard, approaching the Apple family homestead from behind.

I have two good things to put here, but I can't decide on which to put...

Also! I once read a story that was like this, called Twilight Learns a Secret. This story was as good as that story, but for some reason, it has less likes. WHY DOES IT HAVE LESS LIKES!? It should have, at the very least, 635 likes! What, is the fandom dying? Or do people just not like this ship as much as TwiDash? I mean, I get the second reason, seeing as how Twilight Sparkle is the only canonical pony that could ever possibly put up with Rainbow Dash, but still!

8457073
Now, what you've gotta do, is combine this story with Diamond's Diary. Time jumps are jarring, and they take people out of the narrative. Well, they are, if they aren't done properly. I read Diamond's Diary, and I was invested in it, to be fair, but the time jump was still jarring. Maybe its because I like stories to be Event A followed by Event B followed by Event C, and not Event A followed by Event B followed by Event E.

Ahh yes another to add to the favorites....

Oh and here take this mustache :moustache:

You know what take 3 :moustache::moustache::moustache:

This is adorable.

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