//------------------------------// // Special Brownies // Story: Nothing Without Me // by chillbook1 //------------------------------// Garrus yawned, scratching a claw through his feathers as he pulled himself out of his “bed”. The Solar Guard had been kind enough to supply Garrus with a bed when he had arrived in Canterlot, and Garrus was very grateful for the gesture. Unfortunately, the first few nights Garrus spent on it were the most uncomfortable 72 hours of his life. Somehow, the cotton of the linens felt like barbed wire against his body, and the mattress was far too dense for his liking. As such, he had made a sort of nest out of straw, hay, and old sweatshirts on top of the guard-issued cot. It wasn't pretty, but it was functional. This was a fairly accurate way to describe Garrus’ apartment in its entirety. It was small, with his bedroom, living room, and kitchen all existing in about the same area, and it lacked much more than his basic necessities. Though it was small, basic, and very obviously a temporary home, Garrus knew he'd miss it when he had to return to his real home. He hadn’t been in Equestria for an excessively long time, only around six months, but he had really fallen in love with the pony kingdom. The sense of unity and friendship, the warmth, the general camaraderie was something that just didn’t exist in Griffonstone, and Garrus had no idea how much he had been missing it in his life until he had made the airship ride across the pond. A knock at the door stole Garrus away from his musings. It was way too earlier for visitors, so that left only the mail, though that was strange in its own right. Garrus didn’t often receive packages, on account of not knowing many people in Equestria. The only time he received mail of this nature was when he was importing his food from home, but he wasn’t due another shipment of mice for a week or so. That left only one possibility, a possibility that made Garrus smile widely and rush for the door. He pulled it open to find a blue-clad delivery pony, holding a clipboard in his hooves and carrying a box on his back. “Package for Garrus Oak,” said the delivery pony. “That’s me.” “Well, just sign here.” The delivery pony handed Garrus the clipboard and a pen, which Garrus used to sign his name on the dotted line at the bottom of the order sheet. The delivery pony took his things back and passed Garrus his package. “Here you are, bud. Have a nice day!” “Thanks, you too,” said Garrus, feeling his beak water in anticipation. He shut his door and carried his box to his kitchen counter (making mental note to pick up the soda bottles he knocked over in doing so), and he immediately tore into the cardboard. Sitting inside the box were three plastic containers, filled to burst with various griffon treats. Cookies filled one, while another was devoted to brownies and blondies. The last one was divided in three using cardboard, each section holding a different flavor of popcorn. On top of the containers was a note, which, more so than the treats, brought a smile to Garrus’ face. “Dear Gary.” Garrus read aloud, using his free claw to pop open a container and grab a brownie. He took a big bite, just about melting at the rich, chocolatey, slightly earthy sweet. “It’s been way too long since my last letter to you, work has been absolutely crazy. But the radio silence is my bad, so accept these treats as an apology.” Garrus chuckled, continuing to stuff his beak as he read through the note. “Mom and Dad miss you, even though they pretend that they’re fine. It’s been ages since they last heard from you, and I get it—you’re busy living the pony experience—but that’s not enough for them. So, basically, write to Mom! You should be ashamed of yourself, neglecting your mother like that! Ugh, I sound like Dad… “In any case, Gary, I’m living the life. I’m getting even better in the kitchen (implausible, I know, but I swear it’s true). I’ve been busy, busy, busy, but I’ve been thinking about going on a little vacation. It’ll be a big dent in my bank account, and probably won’t be anywhere near as cool as you make it out to be, but I’m gonna make my way up to Equestria soon. It’ll be just like old times! You, me, a couple of drinks, maybe that Raven chick you keep writing me about (don’t worry, I didn’t tell Mom about your little pony crush). It’ll be great. “Anyway, Gary, I know you’re doing something great with your life, and I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye, but I love ya, guy. I respect what you’re doing, and I can’t wait to see how you make Griffonstone a more prosperous kingdom than it ever had been before! So, enjoy those treats (in moderation), and learn everything you can about Equestria, bring some of that shining prosperity over here. Til next time, Garrett.” Garrus was very grateful for the care package, doubly so for the note. It had been simply too long since he spoke to his brother, or any of his family, really. He’d need to be better about that in the future. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much time or brain-activity to think about that at the moment. Currently, he was trying to decipher the meaning of the phrase “enjoy them in moderation”. Garrus looked into the box again, this time noticing a second note that he hadn’t seen before. Garrus grabbed it up and immediately went pale in the face. “Careful, bro, these CEs are stronger than you probably remember. Maybe take them a few at a time.” Garrus looked down, at the mostly-empty container of brownies, and felt as if he was about to throw up. “Oh, shit.” Raven murmured quietly to herself as she made her way down the dim corridors of Canterlot Castle to the throne room, wondering what would be on her plate today. The photoshoot was firmly behind her, so, knowing Celestia, there’d be a whole other debacle that would distract them from the upcoming fundraiser. She slipped into game mode, wanting nothing more than to stay on course. Raven let out a yelp as two claws grabbed her and dragged her into the shadows. She panicked, flailing her hooves wildly to escape her captor’s grasp. It was only when she took a moment to look at her assailant that she realized that she was perfectly safe. Then, she went from fearing for her life to intensely annoyed. “What the hell, Gary?” she demanded, clutching her chest. “You just about gave me a heart attack!” “Rave, I need your help. Like, really frigging badly.” Garrus spoke in a hushed whisper, as if afraid of being overheard. “I’ve really done it this time.” “What happened? Why are you even here? Your shift doesn’t start for another hour.” “Okay, okay, so, my brother is a chef back home, and he sent me a package of brownies and stuff, and I was hungry, so I ate like the whole box!” “Is that supposed to be shocking?” “Shut up, I’m not finished. So, I ate the whole box, and then I see a note that’s telling me to be careful, cause they’re CEs!” “Uh… They’re what?” Raven could tell that Garrus was seriously freaking out, but she couldn’t do much to help him without knowing what in Celestia’s name he was worried about. “CEs! Catnip edibles!” hissed Garrus. “The brownies were loaded with catnip!” Raven stared at her friend blankly for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he was serious. When she was absolutely certain that he was not joking, she descended into raucous laughter. “It's not funny!” “That's where you're wrong, bud. This is hilarious!” cackled Raven. “Oh, man, good luck. Try not to eat up the whole cafeteria!” Garrus paused, his annoyance breaking way into confusion. What in the world was Raven even talking about? “Uh… What?” Garrus tilted his head in confusion. “Why would I eat the whole cafeteria?” “Munchies?” “What do you think catnip is, Rave?” “I dunno. Isn’t it like magic grass?” asked Raven. “Sleepy, hungry, easily humored?” Garrus felt his palm meet his forehead firmly. He didn’t have time for this! “No! It’s not just something you take a puff of and go back to work! It’s like… Well, potency-wise, the closest pony equivalent is probably…” Garrus had to think for a bit. Catnip was a rather unique substance, the effects of which Garrus could scarcely compare to anything with 100% accuracy. “Probably Pixie Sugar.” “Yikes. What does it do?” “Well, I’ve got maybe twenty more minutes before this stuff kicks in, and then I’m just gonna shut off. My brain, just—” Garrus snapped his claws and adopted a blank, gaped-beak expression. “—Just like that! Man, I can’t work like this, and if I get caught high…” “Shut up, featherhead. You panicking won’t get us any nearer a solution.” Raven inhaled deeply, chewing on her lip in thought. After a moment, she stomped her hoof decisively, giving a nod. “Okay. I’ve got an emergency sick day that I’ve been sitting on, I might as well use it now. I’ll tell Celestia that something came up, then I’ll run down to the barracks and request a guard escort me on my errands, because I’ve been harassed lately.” Raven sighed. “Who’s your CO?” “Falchion.” “Son of a bitch, you just had to have a hard-ass… I’ll have to whip something together, but… This is gonna work.” Raven poked Garrus firmly in the chest, quite literally ruffling his feathers. “You owe me, birdbrain.” “Sure, duh, whatever you need, any time, any place!” Garrus was all but on his knees, begging. “Just please, help me! If I get caught by the other guards, or castle staff, they’ll cart me right back to Griffonstone! I don’t wanna leave yet, Rave, I like it here a lot, not to mention my career will be over! I really, really, really need your—” “Gary. Time is short,” said Raven firmly. “Get a grip on yourself. Now, do you wanna whine or do you wanna save your own ass?” “Definitely save my own ass.” “Good. Now shut up and head to your barracks. I’ll meet you there, okay?” “But what if it kicks in? I won’t—” “Gary! We’ve been friends for quite some time now, but I’m going to ask you to do something that I’ve never asked of you before,” said Raven. Garrus gulped nervously, holding on to everything Raven had to say. “I’m going to ask you to trust me. And I don’t just throw around trust blindly. The word ‘trust’ means something to me. I wouldn’t ask for it if I didn’t intend to deliver on it. So, stallion up, get your panties unbunched, and trust me.” Garrus gazed at his friend for a moment, a bit awestruck. Raven was a pony, through and through, but she definitely reminded him of some griffons he knew. Even when she was trying to be kind and helpful and compassionate, she had a hard exterior, a no-nonsense, all-business aura to her. It was one of the things Garrus respected most about her. “Alright, Rave,” sighed Garrus finally. “I trust you.” “Good. Let’s get down to business.” And, at that, they broke, with Raven immediately heading for the throne room. She never looked back at Garrus, her focus completely devoted to the task at hoof. It was a quick jog from where Garrus had abducted her to the throne room. Raven checked her watch, confirming that she was a bit late, which was perfect for her purposes. She ruffled her hair, giving herself a slightly wild, crazed look, and she intentionally tilted her glasses crookedly. She reached into her saddlebag for her compact and checked herself. Sufficiently satisfied with her slightly frazzled appearance, Raven pushed open the throne room doors and briskly walked in. “Ah, Ms. Inkwell. Are we ready to begin?” said Celestia, smiling kindly at her assistant. Raven didn't speak as she crossed the long, skinny room and bowed before the throne. “Hm? Is everything okay, Ms. Inkwell?” “Apologies, your majesty, but I must leave early,” said Raven frantically. “There's been a family emergency that I must see to at once.” “Family emergency? Heavens, I hope everything is alright. What happened?” Ugh. Damn her and her genuine concern for my family! “I just received a letter from my cousin, Hawkwood… his wife had an accident. It looks bleak,” said Raven. She genuinely hated having to lie to Celestia, or lie in general. It made her feel all slimy and greasy. “We were always especially close, more like brother and sister, and I'm all he really has left these days. He's depending on me to—” “Raven, please,” said Celestia, raising her hoof to silence her advisor. “I understand your position, my dear. Worry not, I can manage without you for a day. Family takes priority. Go to your cousin, come back when you can.” “Thank you, your grace. I am eternally grateful for your understanding.” Raven rose from her now and began heading for the door. “I will return to your side as soon as possible.” Celestia gave a warm, understanding smile as Raven left the room. Raven pushed open the door and stepped out, shaking her head as she did. If anypony else had asked her to risk her job by lying to Celestia, she'd tell them to take a long walk off of a short pier. And, while she’d do anything she could to help Garrus, this particular favor would be one that Raven would make sure she was paid back for. She shook these thoughts from her brain for the time being. For now, she had to have a chat with the captain of the Solar Guard. “No,” said Captain Falchion simply. “Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do.” “As do I, Falchion, which is why I've come to you in the first place.” Raven didn't like Falchion, an old, crotchety unicorn who Raven swore must have been working for the guard since its inception. Though his age was approximately one million, he was still a strong, sturdy stallion. His ash-grey face was marred with old cuts and slashes, scars from his service to the country. Though it wasn't required of him, due to his rank, he still wore his silvery mane to regulation: short and neat. As was the case whenever Raven saw him in the barracks, Falchion was wearing his golden armor and was periodically shouting at his troops as they trained around him. Some were doing push-ups, others crunches, while others still were doing laps around the expansive barrack. Garrus was among those jogging, his eyes showing a terror that was difficult to replicate. Raven needed Garrus out of here, but Falchion simply wasn’t budging. Suffice it to say, Raven didn't much care for him at all. “Falchion, I need one of your men,” said Raven again. “This creep has been following me for days, and I don't feel safe.” “I don’t see how that is even remotely my problem,” said Falchion, the nasty old man. “I am running the Solar Guard, Inkwell. The most elite military in the world. The first line of defense of the prosperous kingdom of Equestria! These are trained soldiers, guardians, and warriors, not your damn bouncers!” Raven had to refrain from saying what she felt, because she had no desire to spend the weekend in Canterlot Dungeon for harassing a guard. Furthermore, every second she wasted here was a second she risked her ruse being discovered by Celestia. She needed to get this thing resolved quickly. “I’ll explain how this is your problem, Captain,” said Raven, wanting to vomit upon using the man’s proper title in an attempt to stroke his ego. “Let me break things down for you. Princess Celestia delegates a series of tasks to me, with the expectation that I fulfill said tasks. I cannot fulfill these tasks if I’m busy fearing for my life. Then, when the princess doesn’t have her important documents and is in a flurry to make a meeting tomorrow on time, I can only blame you.” “Respectfully, Inkwell, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take me for a fool,” said Falchion. “Don't bullshit a bullshitter. I know as well as you do that, if Celestia didn't have the information she needed, the pony she's meeting with would happily supply her with a copy. So, try a new one.” “Captain Falchion, I need a bodyguard! Please, I'm running behind as it is!” Raven noticed Garrus near the corner of the room, coughing and hacking, just a bit of foamy spit dripping from the corner of his beak. “Falchion, please!” “The answer, Inkwell, is no. The answer will always be no. I suggest you invest in some pepper spray, because I'm not pimping any of my men out for some goddamn Rent-a-Cop program!” “What appears to be the problem?” Even though Raven knew that she was a friend, Luna’s sudden voice terrified her. The Princess of the Night had, at some point, drifted into the room like a calm night’s breeze. Cold. Quiet. Intimidating. “Y-your majesty!” said Falchion, standing up straight and saluting. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” “We sensed conflict during our daily rounds before retiring to Our quarters,” said Luna. She didn’t yet acknowledge either of her bar companions, not even the drooling, sputtering, hissing Garrus. “We hope that everything is going well?” “Actually, your grace, I was attempting to borrow a bodyguard from Captain Falchion, but he says he has no men to spare,” said Raven. She gave Luna a begging, pleading glance, but the Moon Goddess gave no response. Her expression was like stone, cold and smooth and utterly unwavering. “By Our count, Captain, you have plenty of men to spare. You, Griffon, you will protect the Royal Adviser on her business,” ordered Luna. “That is all. Ms. Inkwell, with me.” Raven went to follow, stopping when she realized that Garrus hadn’t moved. She cleared her throat to get Luna’s attention, who, without turning around, grabbed Garrus by the beak with her magic and dragged him out of the barracks with them. Luna ushered the two in front of her and shut the barrack doors with a flourish of magic. “Thanks for the assist,” said Raven. “Falchion is always giving me a hard time.” “Yeah, from what I can tell, the stick in his ass has a stick in its ass,” agreed Luna. “His great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was a guard, too. He never let me out of the castle when I was supposed to be studying.” She let out a frustrated puff of air. “Asshole. Anyway, what are you losers up to? Playing hooky?” “Uh… Sort of. Gary ate some—” “Whatever, meet me at the bar, I need to put my Moon Shine on,” said Luna dismissively. “First round of shots are on me.” “Okay, a few things. First of all, it’s eight in the morning,” said Raven. “Five o’clock somewhere, am I right or am I right?” “Second, aren’t you even a little interested as to why Garrus is currently silent, staring blankly, and foaming at the beak?” “Frankly? No. This is how I met him,” said Luna with a shrug. “I thought that was just a thing he did sometimes. Is something wrong with him?” “Apparently, he ate about a pound of catnip and is about to start tripping,” said Raven. “I need to get him to my place and wait out the high.” “I see. What’s your address?” “3609 Quiller Street. Apartment 34B. Can you help me out?” Luna rolled her eyes, but lit up her horn with cerulean light nonetheless. The wrapped her magical aura around Raven and Garrus, focusing intently on the apartment that Raven had described. “I take it Celestia knows nothing of this?” asked Luna. Raven shook her head firmly. “Alright, your secret is safe with me. Just don’t make a habit of this, okay?” “Thanks, Luna.” “Shut up and get him sober. See you at the bar,” said Luna. The light collapsed in on the two, causing them to vanish with a pop. Raven clutched her head, the sudden teleport a bit disorienting. She shook herself steady, then crossed her living room to the kitchen. Raven’s apartment was the polar opposite of Garrus’. Her home was a bit on the large side, pristine to an almost sterile degree, and totally tidy. There wasn’t a single thing out of place in the entire apartment. While it was surely an efficient way to live, it lacked the homesy, lived-in feel that Garrus’ apartment had in spades. Raven didn’t have much time in life to care about such things, though. She had much more important things on her mind. Currently, the main thing on her busy, busy mind was getting to her liquor cabinet and fixing herself a whiskey on the rocks. “Make yourself at home, Gary,” sighed Raven. “You take your whiskey neat, right?” She looked up from her glass to find herself talking to nopony. Garrus was nowhere to be found. “Gary? Garrus! Where did you—” Raven stopped because she had found her lost friend. Unfortunately, she the first bit of him that she found was his tongue, which, for reasons best known by the Goddess and Garrus himself, he had decided to run up the side of Raven’s face. “Marshmallow,” said Garrus simply. He licked her again, which snapped her out of her stupor. Raven gripped her glass tightly, her eye twitching dangerously. “Garrus, I understand that you’re not in your right mind,” said Raven, trying to keep her temper in check. “So I’m going to factor that into my response. That said, if you lick me again, I swear to the Goddess above, I will—” Raven shuddered as she felt Garrus’ tongue slide up her cheek a third time. “Marshmallow,” he said again. The glass in Raven’s hoof shattered, sending glass and liquor in all directions. “Kill you,” Raven finished. Her hoof trembled, and she looked down to see five large shards of glass protruding from her hoof, with blood gushing from the wounds. “Hm. Well. Shit.” “I am so, so, so sorry,” groaned Garrus, clutching his head. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I’m sorry I made you stick your neck out for me and I’m sorry I licked—” “Garrus. This phrase gets thrown around a lot, but nopony has ever meant it more than I do right in this moment,” said Raven, grabbing her flagon with her bandaged hoof. “Don’t mention it. Ever. To anypony.” “So, what did she taste like?” asked Luna with a smirk. “You know, for research purposes.” Garrus turned to Raven, who was currently seething at the day’s events. “Am I allowed to answer that?” “Depends on your answer,” said Raven. “Like rage and whiskey?” “Good kitty.” Raven sighed, letting her head fall onto the bar table. Playing hooky and running off to hang out with Garrus when she should’ve been working sounded like a good time, on paper. In practice, however, it was far more stressful than a day at the castle. “Why’d you freak out so badly, anyway?” asked Garrus. “I mean, yeah, it’s gross, but…” “I don’t like being touched,” she said plainly. “I didn’t let my first coltfriend hold my hoof until six months into the relationship.” “You held onto a colt for six months?” snorted Luna dubiously. “You know what, Moon Shine? I’m really not in the mood.” “Fine, then. Just pout.” “As much as I’d like to sit here and relive the absolute shit-show that was today, I need to get going,” sighed Raven. She stood up and tossed a few bits onto the table. “I’ve got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.” “The fundraiser, right?” said Garrus. Raven nodded. “Well, good luck. I’ll see if I can’t weasel my way into working the event, so you’ve got some backup if you need it.” “I appreciate it. Well, Moon, Gary, take it easy.” Raven yawned tiredly, then headed for the bar’s exit. It was getting late, and she’d need to be up even earlier than usual come morning. Canterlot fundraisers were rarely simple affairs, and Raven had no reason to believe that this one would be any different.