To Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, it is a simple surprise visit to Canterlot. To the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service, it is twenty-four hours of chaos, politics, weaponized dessert, politics, underhooved manipulation of media, politics, and things batrachian and tentacular. Who said bureaucracy isn't exciting?

Spiders. Oh, how I hate spiders. And yet Luna insists on keeping one as a...pet.

Just a little fun story to keep my skills sharp, so don't expect it to last very long!

Twilight Sparkle flagrantly abuses her Come-To-Life spell, and learns a little bit about love in the process. Also, puns.

Now with actual cover art, thanks to the generous SuddenlyFerrets!

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

It took many long years and far more defeats than he'd care to admit, but at last—at long last—victory was finally within the great Ahuizotl's reach. Absolutely nothing, not even that meddlesome Daring Do, would be able to stand in his way any longer. Yet even with his arch nemesis facing her inevitable demise and the ultimate power literally in his grasp, he can't shake the feeling that he's forgotten about something.

One tiny, crucial detail. Something very important. As in, 'could easily ruin his plans if not attended to' important.

...

Eh, maybe he just left the oven on again.

For years, Twilight Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis have been at each other's throats. Both have experienced victory over the other, and both have experienced defeat. Out of all the creatures in Equestria, none despise each other the way the pony Princess and changeling Queen do. They seemed destined to remain locked in battle forever, or at least until one is finally dead at the hooves of the other. The cruel insults, the vicious loathing, and the powerful spells that have passed back and forth between them at each meeting have become the stuff of legend.

Imagine Twilight's surprise when she finds out changelings consider this dating.

And now they're married.

***

Sequel: Pony Courtship Rituals

***

Some beautiful fanart of the end of chapter three was done by Dmann892; you can see it here.

More awesome fanart, this time from chapter one.

Now with a TvTropes page (obligatory TvTropes warning goes here).

If you want a Russian translation, you can find it here.

There is now a reading of the story on Youtube, which starts here.

Equestria stands on the brink of ruin. A necromancer has raised an army of the dead and is poised to plunge the world into darkness. Monsters and brigands roam freely across the land, preying upon the innocent.

Only one hope remains. Armed with swords, spells, snacks, and a bag of dice, five heroes band together to defeat the forces of evil… if their rolls are good enough.

Welcome to gaming night in Ponyville.

Dramatic reading by Goombasa.

Cover image by Elosande used with permission.

Princess Celestia, tired of the constant pressure that ruling a nation puts on her, decides to take a day off and let Luna take her responsibilities for a day, something the younger alicorn is more than happy to do. She disguises herself as a pink maned pegasus pony named Sunny Skies and decides to go walking around Canterlot without any supervision. Unfortunately for her, not all parts of Canterlot are as safe as the palace, and she finds herself at the wrong end of a gang of muggers, who decide to kidnap her for a ransom when they see how much money she has on her.

Luna freaks out.

Celestia thinks it's hilarious.

Find this story and more in a print copy! Just click these words here!

Featured on Equestria Daily 8/15/13

Go here for the French translation!

[img]http://i.imgur.com/CUBPvKI.png[/img]

Edited wonderfully by sqarishoctagon and Cloud Hop

Updated cover art by Dominatore

Princess Cadance, just like everypony else, needs some time of leisure from her many duties. While Shining Armor is taking care of their daughter, Cadance enjoys her lone trips to the nearby Nephrite Forest, where she can be away from all of her burdens and obligations for at least a short while.

She was simply destined to get mugged eventually, wasn’t she? Why not by somepony who takes his job very seriously.

Also available in Mandarin Chinese (translation by keplebletbett) and Spanish (translation by SPANIARD KIWI).

It is recommended you read this story in one of the Dark formats in order to better distinguish the colored text of the 'other voices'.

Hey folks! Name's Deadpool!
I thought that was all of us?
It is. He's just introducing us as a single entity.
Will you two idiots be quiet? I'm trying to talk to the readers! Anyway, I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for this story ever since it was announced, and here it is! And it's going to have everything you'd expect of such a story!
Explosions!
Adorable father-daughter bonding moments.
Total babes!
Awkward hilarity.
Not to mention me, Deadpool, the merc with-
Daddy, who are you talking to?
Oh hey Chryssi! Just telling the readers about-
Are you breaking the fourth wall again? I thought you were going to teach me how to do that today.
That's what I'm doing! Say hi to the readers, Chryssi!
You will all love me and despair as I feed upon your adoration to become an unstoppable god!
That's my girl! Hey, wanna read the story with me?
I brought popcorn and chimichangas.
*sniffle* You're the best thing to ever happen to me, Chryssi!

Hey look! We've got cover art now!
Aww, you were so cute at that age!
And I'm not cute now?
Now you're sexy!
We should thank Sanyo21 for the image.
Then I guess I'll throw up a link! Nnnghha! http://www.fimfiction.net/user/sanyo21
...did you really have to literally throw it?
Yup!
Oh, and for those who don't know yet, this story is part of the PWNY-verse. It's not all about us - even if it should be - but you'll probably enjoy it to-Oh, stop making me a shill already!

Oh, by the way, it's recommended you read this story in Dark or Ultra Dark. Some of the colored text doesn't show up clearly otherwise. Not necessary, but just a suggestion.

After the invention of radio, DJ-P0n3 (aka Vinyl Scratch) holds the first Equestrian talk show with her co-host Octavia. Octavia quickly finds out her superior is very eccentric, leading their broadcast to be constantly derailed, yet somehow remain popular. These episodes were recorded for historical significance and transcribed. These are the Vinyl Scratch Tapes.

[Update 1/25/13]: Fully updated to contain all of season 1 and 2, correcting a vast oversight on the part of the author. Sorry it took so long to update it fully on Fimfiction, guys.