//------------------------------// // Now it's my turn to dodge! // Story: The Merc With the Moth // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// "Alright then," Deadpool said as he pulled himself back together. "Plainly you know how to dodge pretty well. So now it's time for the combat portion of the training!" Chrysalis gasped happily. "You're gonna teach me how to shoot energy blasts?" she squealed. "Uh, no," Deadpool replied sadly. "I don't know how to do that...yet." He raised his clenched fist to the sky. "But someday I will...and then I will be best Piccolo!" "You...do realize Namekians don't have genitalia, right?" Stuffy asked. "That's how we'll be better!" Crazy pointed out. "Cause we'll be the Piccolo that everyone can use for their crazy fanfictions as the father of their crazily overpowered half-Namekian self insert OCs." "You realize most of those involve Piccolo somehow mating with Goku, right?" "Oh mighty Shenron! We wish Goku was a girl!" "Best...Dragonball wish...ever!" Deadpool whispered happily. Chrysalis giggled happily. "So whatcha teach me, then?" she asked, deliberately exaggerating her adorableness as it made Deadpool's love taste sweeter. Grinning widely, Deadpool pulled out his guns. "Now I'm going to teach you to shoot live targets!" "So we're going to play paint ball with her?" Uncle Fuzzy asked. "Close," Deadpool replied, aiming at Uncle Fuzzy. "Remove the T." He then opened fire. Chrysalis watched in fascination as Uncle Fuzzy took a full salvo of bullets from a pair of automatic machine guns. When the weapons fire halted, Uncle Fuzzy coughed for a bit, and the bullets popped out of his body as he healed. "A bit more warning next time," he grumbled. "Aw! He spoiled the reference!" Crazy pouted. "Obviously, he got it before being shot," Stuffy pointed out. Deadpool then handed the machine guns to Chrysalis. "First, you need to learn how to reload them. Start with taking the magazines out like so..." Deadpool then spent the next 20 minutes explaining to Chrysalis how each part of the guns worked, what they were called, and other important gun safety lessons such as "point the barrel at the targets, not your own face...unless you're making a reference joke." Chrysalis absorbed these lessons as best she could. "Do I get to shoot at you both now?" she whined. "Yes!" Deadpool proclaimed. He started a timer. "You have...five minutes to land 100 hits on each of us! When you can manage that, you pass this course!" "Those guns hold only fifty bullets each," Uncle Fuzzy pointed out. "You're saying she has to hit us both with a full magazine of both guns in five minutes?" "I could pull it off!" Deadpool proclaimed. "And so will she!" He then leapt away. Groaning, Uncle Fuzzy followed. Chrysalis took the first minute to examine the guns more fully with her magic before grinning widely. Racing after Uncle Fuzzy, she tagged him with her hoof, leaving a spot of magic on the small of his back. She then pointed her machine guns straight up and fired. Uncle Fuzzy continued to do his best to dodge, but somehow the bullets homed in on the tagged spot on his back, making them impossible to dodge. "She's got homing bullets!" Crazy gasped in amazement. "She's placed one charge of her magic on Uncle Fuzzy and an opposite charge on the barrels of her guns," Stuffy explained. "The bullets pick up the charge as they pass through it, and are then magnetically drawn to the target on Uncle Fuzzy's back!" "Like that Kaname Hagiri guy from Yu Yu Hakusho!" Deadpool proclaimed excitedly. "Our inner Otaku is showing," Stuffy pointed out. "Said the brony." "Well, she's still going to have to touch me first!" Deadpool proclaimed before beginning to bounce around like a crazed monkey hyped up on smack...which was indistinguishable from his normal behavior. Chrysalis grinned widely. She watched him for a time as the seconds ticked by while she reloaded her guns. As Deadpool came down on a lamppost, it suddenly glowed green and wrapped around him like a snake. "What the-" he cried out before he was slammed into the ground. Chrysalis then leapt onto his back and unloaded the entirety of both magazines into his backside just before the timer hit zero. "...ow..." Deadpool whimpered as Chrysalis hopped off. "Did I do good, Daddy?" she asked eagerly. "How'd you do that thing with the lamppost?" he asked. "What thing with the lamppost?" Stuffy asked. "All we saw was you missing your footing for some reason and being really shocked when you landed face first on the ground." Deadpool blinked, turning to stare at the perfectly normal lamppost behind him. "How did you...?" Chrysalis giggled. "In-ter-net!" she said happily. "Illusion magic corre...spawn-dunce course?" Uncle Fuzzy burst into laughter. "She picked up some of the Prof's tricks when she bit chunks out of his psychic aura," he pointed out. "She put the illusion so strongly in your mind it fooled your physical senses." "But not that of the voices in my head," Deadpool pointed out. "Was that intentional or a flaw in the spell?" "They don't have senses," Chrysalis pointed out. "They reading." "What's that mean?" Crazy asked in confusion. "I think she means our awareness of the world around Deadpool is based entirely in his fourth wall breaking powers." "That's awesome!" "Alright then!" Deadpool proclaimed happily. "Time for live fire! Uncle Fuzzy, get your guns!" "I don't have any guns," he pointed out. "Then get some of my spares! We're going Pain Balling!" Chrysalis squealed happily, waving her guns around as Uncle Fuzzy fetched the spares.