Deadpool held tight to Chrysalis as he hung from the ceiling by the loop of his intestines, his rant finished-
"What? You skipped my rant? But I had some good-"
-his rant finished as he looked down at-
"No, I'm not letting it go this time-"
Pecking order.
"Meep!"
"Oh hey, you guys are back!" Deadpool said happily, distracted by shiny thoughts. "Wow, I'm ADD."
Down below, a soldier loaded a skeleton into a cart. "Alright, the cart is ready!" the soldier called to another. "Pull that lever to open the gate!"
The other soldier called back, "Okay! I'm pulling this lever right here to open the gate!"
"Which lever?"
"This lever!" The soldier pointed to the lever he'd just pulled.
"That's fine work with that-"
Both soldiers' heads exploded from blasts of plasma.
"That is not good tutorial," Chrysalis grumbled.
"Hey!" another soldier came over to the cart. "This guy's head just exploded!"
"This guy's, too!" another soldier called, approaching the lever. "Do you think they got shot?"
"Nah, this is a tutorial cutscene!" the first called back. "They must have eaten pop rocks with soda or something."
"Or maybe it was a cat!" the second called back.
"That doesn't even make sense!" the first proclaimed.
"We're in a Deadpool game remake involving ponies with an elder god dictating what does and doesn't get funded!"
The first scratched his chin. "Yeah, probably a cat or something. Oh look, legs!"
Groaning, Deadpool started to climb up his own entrails, only for Chrysalis to incinerate the bit of masonry his guts were caught on, causing him to land on the soldier who had thrown his legs into the cart, the soldier's head fitting perfectly into the hole where Deadpool's waist used to be.
"Dude!" Crazy pointed out. "We have another dude inside us! Again!"
"Think it'll be more fun this time around?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, it's a different dude this time."
"Mm-Hmm-mph!" the soldier attempted to shout angrily, pulling out a gun in each hand and firing randomly.
"What is that?" a nearby soldier called out in fear.
"It's a four armed, gun-toting zombie puppeted by a pony!" another shouted back.
"Puppeted?" Deadpool asked in confusion. Glancing up, he saw Chrysalis hovering over him, horn glowing as she manipulated the soldier he was riding so the gunfire was less random. "Sweet!" He pulled out his own guns.
"Kill it!" the first soldier called out. "Kill it!"
After a long time of blasting the soldiers, enough explosives were flung Deadpool's way to incinerate the soldier he was riding, knocking his torso in with his legs. Chrysalis quickly curled up beside him, ducking for cover.
"Did we get 'em?" one of the soldiers asked.
"I don't see them, so we must have!" a second called out.
Cheers echoed, and the soldiers went about their business.
On another plane of existence, Deadpool came to wearing his mask. He found himself sitting in a very domestic setting, in an easy chair with newspaper in hand. Crazy and Stuffy were also nearby, represented by versions of him with a sombrero and a suit, respectively. Chrysalis sat nearby in an adorable green sundress. Cray-Chry was in an adorable jester costume complete with bells, and Stuffalis was wearing an adorable school girl uniform with sweater vest and glasses. Another Chrysalis Deadpool didn't recognize sat nearby. This one was fully adult, was cuddling the Fluffle Puff plushie (that's what Chrysalis had named his failed attempt at making a Pinkie Pie plushie), and wearing a royal green and gold silk kimono and a black crown topped with tiny pink hearts.
Lady Death walked out of the kitchen, wearing a too small black apron instead of her usual all covering robes, carrying a tray of sweets, and being humped from behind by Deadpool's legs, not that she seemed to mind.
"Oh boy!" Deadpool said happily. "MILF and cookies, my favorite!"
Lady Death chuckled. "Do you really want to talk like that in front of Chrysalis?" she asked.
"Can I have some MILF, too?" Chrysalis pleaded.
Deadpool let out a belly laugh. "Yup!"
Lady Death chuckled as she pushed Deadpool's legs into a sitting position and sat on his lap. "While you're enjoying yourself, I'm sure you remember what happens next?" Pulling his torso close, she fed him a delicious cookie.
"Mm-hmm!" Deadpool replied around the cookie. "Clone-Face is digging up mutant corpses to make clones, and that's bad for the life-death balance, so we gotta stop him. Right?"
"You do remember," Lady Death purred, pulling his torso closer and pressing up against him. "And now...there's just one more thing..."
"Yes, my bony bride?"
She pushed his two halves into each other. "Pull yourself together." She then turned to Chrysalis. "Time to wake up, sweetie pie." She gave Chrysalis a light kiss on the cheek.
"You even get sugar from Death when I can't!" Deadpool complained as he sat up whole in the cart. "That just ain't fair."
Grinning, Chrysalis pressed her cheek to Deadpool's lips, and he felt Death's lips against his own.
"Get more?" Crazy requested as Deadpool was left completely stupefied.
An explosive caused the cart to roll down the tracks, only to bounce off the still closed gate. Once it pulled back, Deadpool and Chrysalis leapt out and began to carve their way through the enemies.
After a bit of fun with the keg machine, Deadpool and Chrysalis hopped back into the mine cart. Chrysalis pulled the lever to open the gate with her magic, and an exploding keg sent the cart rolling down the tracks. The ride included Indiana Jones music, rail shooting, and skeletons with outrageous French accents.
"I'd have thought they'd include something different this time around..." Stuffy pointed out.
A massive dragon lowered down, climbing down the tunnel after them. "’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves..." it began to recite in an even more outrageous British accent.
"Different enough for you?" Crazy demanded.
Chrysalis squealed in delight. "I want one!"