• Published 30th Apr 2013
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Princess Celestia Gets Mugged - BronyWriter



Princess Celestia disguises herself as a younger mare and goes for a walk around Canterlot where she promptly gets mugged. Now on EqD.

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A Royal Ransom

"And so, your highness, that is why we must spend the tax surplus on the new Canterlot hoofball fields! It would draw in additional revenue and increase our city's splendor twenty-fold!"

Princess Celestia sat on her throne during another round of the day court, listening to stuffy nobles arguing once more about who should get what money and what they should do with it. At the moment, the delegate from the noble Striker house in Canterlot was asking her for money to renovate the hoofball fields, despite the fact that the stadium was less than five years old already.

The rival Shores family from Manehattan wasn't exactly happy about that.

"If you use that money for the hoofball stadium, where will we get funds to throw this year’s garden parties and galas?" the Shore family representative retorted. "The stadium is already the finest in the land. We need to impress dignitaries with our social gatherings!"

Celestia opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a snort from the Striker representative. "You hardly need the amount we're talking about to throw your parties. This is one of the most important things that this money could possibly be used for!"

The Shores representative let out his own little humorless, condescending chuckle. "Of course you may think that. You know, if you're stupid."

Celestia's eyes widened at the insult, and she stood up from her throne with her wings flared. "There is no need for such talk in my—"

To her surprise, the nobles actually ignored her. They kept on arguing like schoolfoals to the point where Celestia was pretty sure that it was going to come to blows. The two of them were in each other's faces and practically screaming at the top of their lungs. Celestia growled and resisted the urge to use the Royal Canterlot Voice for the first time since being startled by a prank that Luna had pulled last week.

"If your family wasn't so ridiculous then maybe you'd actually see what the real issues of today are." The Shores representative 'harrumphed' and stuck his nose in the air. "I pity those who are actually so blind that they think that hoofball stadiums are an issue that needs to be addressed."

The representative for the Striker family flared his nostrils and took an aggressive step forward. "Oh yeah? Well why don't you just go take a long walk off a short pier?"

That was it. That was crossing the line for her.

One of Celestia's main rules in her courtroom was that the arguing parties had to treat each other with respect and dignity, not argue like foals. Of course, if they were going to act like foals then they were to be treated as such. Celestia fired up her horn, and her magic glow instantly encased itself around one of the ears of both representatives. She began dragging them out of the courtroom by said appendage.

"If you cannot behave like nobility, then you will be treated like children!" She snapped, sparing no scrap of authority in her voice.

She dragged the whimpering nobles towards the door and tossed them out of her courtroom right in front of the waiting line of ponies that had come to see her next. "Next time the two of you come to the castle for a banquet, neither of you shall receive dessert."

The entire crowd of ponies waiting gasped and the two representatives looked at her in utter shock. Given the Princess' fondness for cake, a rescinding of dessert was no light matter. Everypony present knew it.

Celestia sighed and turned to the waiting line of ponies. "The Solar Court will reconvene in one hour."

With that, Celestia walked back into the throne room and gently closed the door behind her. Once she was certain that she was alone, she sat down on her haunches in the middle of the throne room and began rubbing her temples. In truth, those two were just the latest in a long string of bickering nobles demanding her resources for some egotistical project while mocking the lower-class ponies who requested necessities. Their grating, snobbish voices would have given her a headache if alicorns weren't immune to such things. Still, she could massage away her metaphorical one as long as she liked.

With a sigh, she stood up and trotted out of the throne room, a tad unsure of what to do with her hour now that she thought on it. The petitioners would certainly just stand in line for the hour, so there was no real need to worry about them. They would still be there when she came back. That almost irked the sun goddess. She wished that she could just have one day off. One day where she went and did whatever the feather she wanted to; consequences be damned! She had not had such a day since she was a filly. Even the visits to Twilight and the other Elements were always filled with pomp and circumstance, not to mention a great deal of stress from her student, which meant that she could never truly relax.

Celestia shook her head sadly as she pushed her way into the royal kitchens. Some cake would help her out for sure. It almost always did. She smiled when she saw Kneaded Dough, her head pastry chef, hard at work rolling out the dough necessary for some pie to be served at an upcoming dinner party that, as usual, she would prefer not to attend.

Kneaded Dough looked up from his pie crust when Celestia walked in, flashed her a smile, and tilted his head as a sort of bow. "Good afternoon, Princess. What brings you down from the Solar Court?"

"Irritation." Celestia sighed and looked at the floor. "You know how those stuffy nobles can be. I postponed the court for an hour to give myself time to relax before I need to go face the timberwolves again. They can be occasionally difficult."

"Occasionally?" Kneaded Dough snorted. "Princess Celestia, if I may be so blunt, they only serve themselves and not the ponies. Every moment awake goes to improving their wonderfully privileged lives."

"I have often had similar thoughts." Celestia tilted her head in a sort of shrug. "Though not all of them are so bad."

"True." Kneaded Dough clicked his tongue and grabbed a rolling pin. "But philanthropists like Fancypants are few and far between." The pastry chef shook his head. "It's the common-folk who make Equestria great, not the nobility."

Celestia couldn't have missed the sarcasm in that last word if she tried, but she was rather inclined to agree nonetheless. Still, she had come down here to get away from that. She did not want to discuss it more. "Am I correct in assuming that you have some cake that I could partake in? I think it would serve me well."

Her heart sank as Kneaded Dough grimaced and shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Princess. Your sister took the last of it not ten minutes ago."

Celestia raised her eyebrow and cocked her head. "Luna is awake? I did not know."

"I'm not totally sure why either." Kneaded Dough shrugged and began sprinkling flour on the counter. "It's not my place to question what she does."

Celestia nodded and turned her head towards the servant's exit of the kitchen. It was the most direct route to the dining room from where she was. "I suppose neither of us should, but it would be fitting if I conversed with her. She must have a reason to be up and about."

Celestia said her goodbyes to Kneaded Dough and exited through the servant's exit. In a few short moments she found herself opening the door to the dining hall, where she saw her sister sitting at the table with her back to her. "Ah, have you arrived to replenish my supply of cider?" Luna ignited her horn and levitated her goblet. "My cup is not yet drained, but you may do so if you wish to."

Celestia silently giggled at her sister's ignorance of whom she addressed. She walked right behind her and leaned in next to her ear. "It would benefit you to look before you speak, Lulu."

Luna jumped out of her chair so fast that she almost hit the ceiling. She stumbled around as she tried to disconnect herself from the fallen chair, something that triggered laughter from her sister. "Tia! I was unaware that you used the servant's entrance to this hall!"

Celestia smirked and used her magic to right the chair that Luna had fallen out of. "It was the quickest way here once I heard from Kneaded Dough that you were awake and eating cake." Celestia smile faded when she spotted a half-eaten slice of vanilla raspberry cake on the table. "May I ask why?"

Luna shrugged as the two sisters took seats at the table. "It is something I have wished for a while, sister. I have not truly had a day where I see what is going on during such times." Luna picked up her fork and motioned to one of the castle windows. "I thought that I might explore Canterlot to see the goings on of our subjects. I thought to maybe even visit Twilight Sparkle and her friends in Ponyville for a casual visit."

"If you do then I wish you luck on making the visit as casual as you hope." Celestia sighed as she remembered her last "casual visit" to Ponyville. "It pains me that a surprise visit is the best way to achieve such an endeavor."

Luna snorted and took a bite of cake. "Yes, I have heard that they prefer to make a spectacle of all of your visits. I assume that you do not waste your breath trying to halt their efforts?"

"It would only confuse them," Celestia grumbled. She rested her forelegs on the table and laid her head on them. "I envy you and your trip, sister. The day court has been particularly taxing today."

Luna cocked her head and pushed away the empty plate in front of her. She reached out and gently touched her sister's shoulder. "Well then, it would please me if you took a day off in my stead. I can handle matters in the day court for one day. It would be good experience for me in my own court, would it not?"

Celestia's raised her head, and she elevated an eyebrow. "I'm not sure I could ask you to do that. You woke up to have a day off. Far be it from me to take that from you."

"Nonsense, Tia," Luna replied with a wave of her hoof. "It would do you well, and make me glad if you found the time to relax for a change. Equestria shall not fall should you choose to take a personal day." A smirk crossed Luna's face. "If you were a member of a corporation, you would have saved up well over three thousand of them, given the span of your service to Equestria. I used up all of mine on the moon."

Celestia sat up and began to shake her head. "Lulu, I can't ask—"

"If you are unwilling to take a personal day, I can always make sure that there is a woeful cake deficit whenever you require some." Luna crossed her forelegs. "Life will continue for one day without you. Go enjoy yourself, Tia."

For the first time that day, a genuine smile crossed Celestia's face. "Well, if you insist. I would like that very much."

Luna returned Celestia's smile and patted her on the shoulder. "Then enjoy the day that you have brought about, sister. You have earned it."

* * * *

Being the Princess of the Sun and the sole monarch of Equestria for a thousand years, Celestia had a very specific image that she upheld when in the public eye. It did her little ponies good, and gave them courage when they saw her as a regal, unshakable rock that could protect them from anything. She was seen as everlasting just by her aura. It would have confused her ponies to see her giddily bouncing around her room like a schoolfilly on her first day of school while throwing a few items into a rarely used saddlebag.

Having said all of that, the princess' smile would likely have been infectious to any who saw it, no matter what their mood. It was rare that Celestia exhibited childlike glee, but she found it relaxing and refreshing once in a while. She rued that she could not have days like this more often, but Equestria came first. Still, if Luna was willing to grant her this opportunity, who was she to refuse her?

Celestia finished packing her saddlebag with her exceptionally well supplied coin purse and used her magic to secure the final strap on her back. Excellent. The supplies were ready. Now for the disguise. She couldn't very well go out looking like herself. She'd never get a peaceful moment.

Once more, Celestia fired up her horn and a wave of pure magical energy washed over her. Her pure white coat dulled ever so slightly so that it had a grayer tinge to it, as opposed to the nearly blinding white she was known for. Her tall, imposing body shrunk to the point where she was barely taller than her student. As the glow passed over her cutie mark, it faded away to be replaced by a less ornate version. The most startling change, however, was her mane. Instead of the flowing technicolor waves, it seemed to recede back into her head. The color became more solid as it did, leaving her with shoulder-length pink hair.

Princess Celestia smiled and turned to a nearby mirror. The disguise was perfect, as usual. She had not had the chance to use it in over fifty years, which meant that nopony who saw her would recognize it. She giggled to herself, and with one more burst of magic, her horn seemed to fade away until the pony that was once the Princess of the Sun was nothing more than a slightly tall pegasus pony. She took a deep breath and nodded. This would be a wonderful day.

* * * *

Princess Celestia trotted out of her castle. She let the warm feeling wash over her, warming her body in a way that it usually didn't when she was in her normal form. With a flutter of her wings, she left the castle behind her, entering the city proper.

However, she came across a singular problem: she didn't know what to do with her day. As she had considered before, Twilight, and Ponyville in general, seemed out of the question, and she didn't want to waste her day by spending most of it traveling. No, she would have to stay in Canterlot if she was to maximize her free time.

As she thought on it more, she realized that she had not been to Doughnut Joe's in nearly a year. That stallion made the best darned crullers she had ever had the pleasure of tasting. Even the best pastry chefs in her castle hadn't quite gotten the recipe right. As such, she was only able to have the pastry once in a great while. Now that she was free to do as she wished for the day, that was the best place to start.

With a new spring in her step, Celestia bounced in the direction of the doughnut shop. Visions of crullers danced in her royal brain, and her mouth watered at the thought of the tasty delights yet to come.

As she walked towards the doughnut shop, she noticed there was a pony who seemed rather out of place walking behind her. In a contrast to the rather fine clothing that the Canterlot elite wore, this pony was wearing what seemed to be tattered rags thrown together. This pony had clearly fallen on hard times and seemed as if he had not eaten in quite a while. He looked pathetic enough that Celestia briefly considered buying this pony something from the doughnut shop, just as a kindness to him.

As she walked, the pony quickened his trot, and once he was close enough, he called out to her in a voice that was as weak as his looks would indicate. "Please, good madam, I need your help."

Celestia turned around, eyes widened at the pony's voice. Clearly, he had fallen on harder times than she expected at first glance. "Of course! I will help in any way that I can."

The pony's shoulders visibly relaxed, and he exhaled deeply. "Oh, thank you for your kindness. My daughter was in an accident a few blocks from here! She was playing with my son and she tripped on a pothole. I think she broke her leg!"

"Take me to her at once!" Celestia flared out her wings as if to take flight to find the poor child. "I will help however I can!"

The pony grabbed Celestia's hoof in one of his own and began pulling her in the opposite direction. "Thank you! She's this way!"

The crullers forgotten, Celestia followed the pony for a few blocks. Each second that passed caused the stallion to fidget more visibly, and Celestia even thought she heard him sob once or twice. A broken leg was no small injury, and the child was surely in a lot of pain.

The stallion stopped in front of an alleyway and pointed down it. "She's this way! Hurry!"

Celestia nodded and followed the pony down the alley. As she walked down, she was surprised to see that the alley was rather short and there... didn't seem to be anypony down it. She frowned at the stallion. "Are you sure that this is the correct alleyway?"

The stallion chuckled. "Yes, I'm quite sure."

Celestia's eyes widened. The pony's voice held none of the initial weakness. It instead had far more malice behind it. She gasped when it hit her. She had been tricked. It was a revelation that she had discovered far too late.

Suddenly, she felt a magical glow encase both her and her saddlebags, preventing her escape and allowing whatever thugs had snuck up behind her to look through her saddlebags at will.

"Nice one," a mare behind her giggled. "It's wonderful how gullible these kind ponies are."

"Yeah," said the voice of a second mare. "They really... really..." The mare gasped when she pulled Celestia's rather considerable coin purse out of her saddlebag. "Colts, I think we have a noble on our hooves."

Celestia opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the voice of a second stallion. "Lady, I think you're coming with us."

Celestia turned around and saw two mares and an additional stallion, all unicorns, grinning wildly behind her. One of the stallions had his horn ignited, and Celestia figured that he was the one trapping her wings. She raised an eyebrow at them. "And why do you think that?"

"A noble like yourself would fetch a fine ransom, don't you think?" The mare tapped her hoof on the ground and giggled. "Oh yes, your coin purse is going to be foal's play."

Celestia opened her mouth to retort that she could crush them all in an instant, but a thought crossed her mind. A wonderfully mischievous thought. She had been looking for excitement; a break from the monotony of her life. Being kidnapped by muggers certainly counted, and it would be absolutely hilarious to see Luna's reaction to the situation. It wasn't as if these muggers could hurt her anyway. She could still escape if she felt that the situation got out of hoof, not that she suspected it would.

She twisted her face into her best impression of a frightened pony and backed away. "No, please don't!" She held her hoof out to forestall their advances. "I-I'll get you as much money as you like!"

The ponies in front of her just laughed at her. "Oh, I know you will," said the second mare. "But I'm afraid that you'll be temporarily disposed while you get us your money."

Before Celestia could respond again, she felt something akin to being struck with a pillow in the back of the head. Oh, right. They're trying to knock me out.

With that knowledge, she dramatically rolled her eyes back and collapsed onto the ground. The ponies above her laughed at her once more. She barely managed to hold back a laugh of her own as she felt herself being lifted onto the backs of one of the stallions.

This will be interesting.

Author's Note:

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