• Published 28th Feb 2014
  • 13,282 Views, 191 Comments

The Vinyl Scratch Tapes - Corey_



DJ-P0n3 and Octavia run a radio show interviewing famous ponies. Hilarity ensues.

  • ...
15
 191
 13,282

The Vinyl Scratch Tapes Part 3

The Vinyl Scratch Tapes

Third Transcript: The Call-In Show

[What follows is a transcript of broadcast 1F22 of the Vinyl Scratch, approximately one week following the Spitfire interview.]

DJ-P0n3: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Nope ... it’s just ROCK! You’re listening to K-COLT and there’s no escape from THE VINYL SCRATCH!

[Record scratch.]

DJ-P0n3: You’re listening to the number one radio show in Equestria! I’m your host, the devious disc diva herself, DJ-P0n3!

Octavia: And I’m Octavia, the sane one.

DJ-P0n3: So, Octy, want to tell the listeners about our date yesterday?

Octavia: Stop calling it a date! It wasn’t a date!

DJ-P0n3: Why? [Mock despair.] You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you?

Octavia: Yes. Very.

DJ-P0n3: [Gasp.] How could you say such a thing?! What happened to the proper lady I used to know?!

Octavia: She met you. That’s what happened.

DJ-P0n3: [Fake crying.] You never look me in the eye anymore!

Octavia: Alright, stop acting silly and tell them if you’re gonna.

DJ-P0n3: [Instantly stops crying.] So listeners! I actually went to Octavia’s concert last night at Blueblood Hall. Since apparently any no-showing stuck-up coward prince can own a theater now.

Octavia: You’re still mad he didn’t show up so you could make fun of him, aren’t you?

DJ-P0n3: Not at all. I can make fun of him whether he shows up or not. It’s just more entertaining to see the look on his face.

Octavia: Heh. You’re horrible sometimes. You know that, right?

DJ-P0n3: [Whispering into the mic.] Octavia doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s smirking right now.

Octavia: [Stifled laugh.] No. I’m not. Don’t listen to her.

DJ-P0n3: Liar. Anyway, Octavia’s band had a concert there the other night.

Octavia: It’s an ensemble, not a band.

DJ-P0n3: Whatever, same thing. For those who don’t know she plays the cello. Usually classical isn’t my thing …

Octavia: Because, you know, it’s actual music and not just noise like you’re used to.

DJ-P0n3: Buuuut Octavia was really good and so was the rest of her band. It was very nice, moving music and all of you should go listen.

Octavia: ...oh. Well, thank you. That’s a very sweet thing to say.

DJ-P0n3: Does that mean we can make out?

Octavia: Oh, shut up.

DJ-P0n3: Okay. Later then.

Octavia: Whatever. So after the concert, we went out to eat.

DJ-P0n3: As a date.

Octavia: It wasn’t a date.

DJ-P0n3: It was a date, and I can prove it to you with sheer logic!

Octavia: [Groan.] Oh, this should be good …

DJ-P0n3: We went to a classy restaurant, right?

Octavia: Of course. As if I’d go anywhere else.

DJ-P0n3: And our table had candles, right?

Octavia: Yes, but what does that--

DJ-P0n3: So it was a candlelit dinner.

Octavia: ... well, so to speak …

DJ-P0n3: You had your hair done ... and you were wearing perfume.

Octavia: I was in public, of course I was. Just because you don’t care about your appearance doesn’t mean--

DJ-P0n3: You asked me if I thought it smelt nice.

Octavia: Well, it was new perfume ... I-I was curious. There’s nothing weird about that.

DJ-P0n3: Uh huh. So it mattered to you what I think?

Octavia: [Pause.] No I--

DJ-P0n3: You wanted to know if I was impressed or not.

Octavia: [Forced laugh.] That’s ... now you’re just grasping at straws.

DJ-P0n3: [Grins.] And that’s not even getting into the stuff you said after a few drinks …

Octavia: What?

DJ-P0n3: About how much you really loved working with me.

Octavia: Okay, no drink is strong enough to make me say that.

DJ-P0n3: And that it was nice that we were getting closer. It was quite adorable, really.

Octavia: I’m positive you made that part up.

DJ-P0n3: [Chuckles.] Clearly you’re still in denial of your undying love for me!

Octavia: You’re the one who’s in denial here. Can we just drop the subject please?

DJ-P0n3: Okay, fine ... but it was totally a dat-

Octavia: SO! Listeners, if you’d like to see my ensemble and I play, we’re doing shows all this week, including one tomorrow night. From what I understand, tickets are going fast so you’d better hurry if you want to see us!

DJ-P0n3: See? I am rubbing off on you.

Octavia: What are you talking about?

DJ-P0n3: You’re shamelessly promoting yourself. That’s definitely something I’d do.

Octavia: I am-- wait. Wait. Jeez, you’re ... you’re actually right.

DJ-P0n3: Yep.

Octavia: [Deadpan.] Oh god. What have I become?

DJ-P0n3: Well folks! Today’s show is going to be a little different. We don’t have a celebrity guest today, but today is special because you, listeners, can be on the show! I’m sure all you listeners at home have heard of the latest craze: the telephone! Well we happen to have one right here in the studio.

[Drops heavy rotary phone on console.]

DJ-P0n3: Neat, huh?

Octavia: I still don’t see what the big fuss is about it.

DJ-P0n3: You just don’t understand progress. Get with the times, granny.

Octavia: What did you call me?

DJ-P0n3: Anyway, this magical invention will let you talk directly to us from anywhere in the whole world ... provided that you’ve purchased a phone or can mooch one off your friends.

Octavia: This thing has only been around for a week. How did you get one anyway?

DJ-P0n3: We got one for free, thanks to our new sponsors! Speaking of which, this episode is brought to you by the Derpy Express, the most endearing delivery company in Equestria. Derpy Express: making sure your package gets sent in the general direction it’s supposed to go.

Octavia: Since when do you actually care about doing the ads?

DJ-P0n3: Since our sponsors started sending us cool stuff. Look, they sent muffins too!

[DJ-P0n3 munches on muffin.]

DJ-P0n3: So folks, if you’ve ever wanted to chat with us, now’s your chance. Just call and you’ll be on the air with us. Feel free to ask us any question you want, no matter how intimate or embarrassing!

Octavia: You know, you really shouldn’t say that last part so cheerfully …

DJ-P0n3: Just give us a call at ... um ... hang on I have the number written down here somewhere.

[Sound of things being knocked over.]

DJ-P0n3: No ... no …

Octavia: Stop wrecking stuff.

DJ-P0n3: Come on, I’ve got this perfectly under--

[Glass breaking.]

DJ-P0n3: Oops. I’ll uh, I’ll clean that up later. Oh wait, here it is!

[Paper rustling.]

DJ-P0n3: Just give us a call at, let’s see here ... 4. Okay, give us a call at 4 and you’ll be on the show!

Octavia: You couldn’t remember that?!

DJ-P0n3: Well, when am I ever going to have to dial my own number?

[Phone rings.]

DJ-P0n3: Looks like we have our first caller!

[Picks up receiver.]

DJ-P0n3: Hello! You’re on the air with the Vinyl Scratch!

[Caller speaks with a heavy, hissing accent found commonly in Diamond Dogs].

Diamond Dog Caller: Hello, radio DJ pony!

DJ-P0n3: That’s quite a strange voice you got there. You’re a ... pony?

Diamond Dog: Yesssss, sure. We are perfectly normal Earth horse-ponies. We was just wondering ... is your refrigerator running?

[Snickering is heard in background of call].

DJ-P0n3: Sorry, we don’t have a refrigerator in the studio.

Diamond Dog: Well then you-- huh? Um ... [Muttering.] What, what I say now?

Background Dog: Hang up--

Diamond Dog: [Whispering.] But what is joke?

Background Dog: Hang up, stupid!

Diamond Dog: Um ... let us give you call back.

[Hangs up, dial tone.]

DJ-P0n3: Huh ... well, that was different.

Octavia: [Groan.] Yeah, I can really see the usefulness of this invention.

[Phone rings].

DJ-P0n3: Okay, now you answer it.

Octavia: What? No, you answer it!

DJ-P0n3: I answered last time, now it’s your go.

Octavia: I... I don’t feel like it.

DJ-P0n3: Why? [Laughs.] You scared?

Octavia: [Shouting.] Like I’d be afraid of something so dumb!

[Pause. Phone rings again.]

Octavia: Okay, fine! [Click.] Hello?

Caller: [High pitched.] HI!

Octavia: Eep!

[Receiver clatters to the floor, followed by muffled laughter from DJ-P0n3.]

Octavia: Stop laughing! I just ... didn’t expect it to be so loud. I was ... startled that’s all. I--

DJ-P0n3: Ssh, ssh, don’t worry. [Snicker.] Don’t worry. I’m here now. I won’t let the phone hurt you. [Touches Octavia’s shoulder.] Everything is gonna be ooookay.

Octavia: I hate you.

DJ-P0n3: [Grins.] I love you too, honey.

[Octavia sighs. DJ-P0n3 picks up phone.]

DJ-P0n3: Sorry about that, caller. You’re on the air with the Vinyl Scratch!

[Caller sounds like a filly with a southern accent.]

Apple Bloom: Um, hi. I’m sorry if ah scared Miss Octavia. Is she alright?

Octavia: No, sweetie, it’s fine. I’m alright.

DJ-P0n3: Aww, you sound adorable, caller. Did you have a question for us?

Apple Bloom: Well …

[Other fillies speak in the background.]

Sweetie Bell: [Whispering.] Go on, ask.

Scootaloo: [Whispering.] Yeah, before Twilight finds out her phone’s gone.

Apple Bloom: Well, me and ma friends were just wonderin’ ... how did ya’ll get your cutie marks?

DJ-P0n3: Aha, now there’s a good question. You wanna go first Octy?

Octavia: What? Oh um ... no, you go ahead.

DJ-P0n3: No problem! Actually there’s a story in that. It all started after I tried to put on my innocent little concert, only to be cracked down by the establishment!

Octavia: That tends to happen when you steal an accordion from a police chief.

DJ-P0n3: So after that, our school had a dance. As part of my punishment, I was told I couldn’t go. I had to stay in class and write an essay about what I had done wrong. I begged them to reconsider, but my teachers said no. [Sniff.] It was ... very traumatic.

Octavia: You were so guilty though.

DJ-P0n3: I was a victim of circumstance! I wasn’t going to take that punishment lying down. I decided it was time for me to strike against the system. So I flipped my paper over, wrote “STICKIN’ IT TO THE MAN!” on the back and started to look for a way into the dance. Luckily, I knew my way around the ventilation system pretty well …

Octavia: How could you possibly know that?

DJ-P0n3: I um ... had to use it to sneak out of school all the other times I was a victim of circumstance...

Octavia: You were one of those kids who never learned a lesson from anything, weren’t you?

DJ-P0n3: Hey, I learned plenty of lessons. And one of them just happened to be how to sneak out of school. I got much more use out of that than I ever did geometry, let me tell you. Anyway, when I finally crawled into the gym, they just had the gym teacher at a turntable playing slow songs. Stuff with no beat! No rhythm! No soul! Every filly was just standing around, no one was having fun. Clearly it was my civic duty to do something!

Octavia: Why is it that every time you say something is your civic duty, it involves criminal behavior?

DJ-P0n3: So I quickly snuck back to my desk at school, retrieving some of my favorite records …

Octavia: Wait, you kept records at school? Why? It’s not like you’d have anything to play them on.

DJ-P0n3: I loved music, so I took records with me everywhere, even if I couldn’t play them. [Laughs.] You might not be able to believe this but I was a weird kid back then.

Octavia: You’re a weird kid now!

DJ-P0n3: Then I returned to the gym and used my cunning and stealth to disable the downer music. Luckily, the gym teacher thought the turntable was broken and left to find somepony to fix it. Guess he wasn’t smart enough to check if it was unplugged first. Once he left, I plugged it back in and heroically commandeered the turntable for great justice!

Octavia: Nothing about that was even remotely heroic.

DJ-P0n3: So I flooded the entire gym with the sounds of rock-and-roll! Everypony suddenly got in the mood and started dancing! They were so happy, everypony went from not having fun to having the time of their lives, all because of me! That’s when I realized the tremendous power of music and rock! It wasn’t just about having something nice to dance to; it was about speaking to your very soul! Hearing something that can make you feel like lightning is running through your veins and a wildfire is spreading in your heart! A sound that can shake the heavens and make the entire air electric! That’s what I felt every time I heard music and I wanted everypony to feel the same! All they needed was somepony to guide them, to show them the power of ROCK! AND IN THAT MOMENT I KNEW I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD DO IT! WHEREVER THERE WAS ROCK, YOU WOULD LOOK WHO WAS TOWERING OVER THE SPEAKERS, WHO WAS AT THE TURNTABLE, AND YOU WOULD KNOW IT WAS VINYL SCRATCH! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Long pause.]

Apple Bloom: ... and uh ... and then ya got your cutie mark?

DJ-P0n3: What? Oh yeah. Then that happened. And uh ... then I was put in detention for about a month and a half.

Scootaloo: Wow! That was a cool story.

Octavia: Um ... little fillies? I just want to tell you not to imitate anything Vinyl said. She’s not exactly a role model. She’s more like ... the perfect bad example.

DJ-P0n3: Okay, well, why don’t you give them a better example? How’d you get yours?

Octavia: Oh well ... it wasn’t exactly as fun as your story. I’m sure no one wants to hear it.

Sweetie Bell: No, tell us.

Octavia: Well. [Clears throat.] When I was a filly, I lived in Manehatten. I came from a very good family, but I didn’t exactly fit in. You wouldn’t know it now, but I used to be rather shy. Lots of ponies used to pick on me. I started taking music classes and I really liked the cello. [Laughs.] Actually, the only reason I picked that instrument at first was so I’d have something really heavy I could swing at the bullies. So I practiced really hard and then one day we had a concert at school. I had a solo and everything. I was so excited about it.

DJ-P0n3: Ah, I see. So you killed and got your cutie mark right? And then everypony respected you?

Octavia: [Nervous laugh.] Um, not exactly. When I got to my solo, I actually got really nervous and I ... I ended up hitting a few wrong notes. [Pause.] Well, more like a lot of wrong notes. [Pause.] I’m ... almost positive I hit the right note at least once.

DJ-P0n3: ...oh.

Octavia: It was so bad some ponies in the audience started laughing ... and a few parents too. I started crying. [Speaks glumly.] Everypony in band got really mad at me. They said I ruined the concert, teased me in band class. I ended up getting picked on even more than I did before. I got so depressed I didn’t want to play anything ever again. All I wanted to do was make music that ponies would enjoy. Kinda like you, Vinyl. I guess.

DJ-P0n3: Um. Yeah, I guess. That ... wow.

Octavia: Oh! Don’t worry. This story has a happy ending. Eventually I got so determined to prove how good I was, I practiced the cello more and more. I must have practiced more than any other pony in band class. Then I finally begged my music teacher for another solo in the next concert. She agreed, despite everypony saying I’d just mess up. So finally, when it was my turn, I played despite how nervous I was. I gave a beautiful solo that ended with everypony clapping. And that’s how I finally got my cutie mark.

Apple Bloom: Whoa.

Octavia: It was a lot of hard work, but in the end, everything was worth it. [Laugh.] Sorry if my story wasn’t as cool as Vinyl’s.

DJ-P0n3: [Pause.] No. It wasn’t as cool as mine... it was way cooler.

Octavia: ... thanks Vinyl.

Apple Bloom: Well, um, thanks for answerin’ our quest-

[A mare is heard in the background.]

Twilight: So that’s where my phone went!

Scootaloo: Uh oh.

Apple Bloom: [Talking fast.] Uh oh! Gottagokaythanksbye!

[Slams phone down, dial tone.]

DJ-P0n3: Huh. Well, that was fun. Cute kids.

Octavia: ... yeah ...

DJ-P0n3: [Softer voice.] Hey, you alright?

Octavia: What? Oh yeah, sorry. I don’t usually think about the past a whole lot. Drudged up a lot of memories, I guess.

DJ-P0n3: Hey now, don’t get in a sad mood or anything. What’s past is past, right?

Octavia: I guess ...

DJ-P0n3: [Pause.] Wait! [Rustles through stuff.] Here, have a muffin!

Octavia: O ... k. [Takes muffin.] Um ... why?

DJ-P0n3: No one can be sad if they have a muffin. That’s a scientific fact.

[There is a long pause, presumably consisting of Octavia giving DJ-P0n3 a blank stare.]

Octavia: Heh, I guess that helps a little.

DJ-P0n3: See! Told you. Science! Anyway, we’re gonna take a quick break. In the meantime, enjoy some of the latest hits!

[INTERMISSION]

[After several songs, the show resumes. Apparently DJ-P0n3 and Octavia have learned from past mistakes, as this time they seem aware that broadcast has resumed.]

[Paper rustling, followed by quiet laughter.]

Octavia: This ... this is officially the worst idea ever.

DJ-P0n3: Welcome back, listeners! Sorry about that. Octavia and I were just having a discussion over the break. I was proposing a musical project we could work on together. Octavia seems to have doubts about it ...

Octavia: Why don’t you let the audience decide?

DJ-P0n3: I was writing a rock opera that I was hoping Octavia would collaborate with me on. I mean, she plays cello, her involvement could definitely class it up a bit ...

Octavia: I don’t think I’m suited for that type of project.

DJ-P0n3: Oh, come on, Octy. [Giggles.] We could make such sweet music together.

Octavia: Remind me. Why haven’t I filed a restraining order against you yet?

DJ-P0n3: Anyway, listeners, let me explain the plot ...

Octavia: In a very fast-and-loose definition of the word “plot.”

DJ-P0n3: I just had Octy read over some of it. It’s the story of Princess Luna and Celestia creating the world. I went to great effort to make sure it was historically accurate.

Octavia: It has robots taking over the world!

DJ-P0n3: Okay, so maybe I took a few liberties ...

Octavia: Well, let’s see. According to what you have written here, Princess Celestia apparently starts a nuclear war-

DJ-P0n3: Yes.

Octavia: Creates a dystopian future where she rules over robot ponies--

DJ-P0n3: Uh huh.

Octavia: And Princess Luna, who for some reason has the ability to shoot lasers, comes down from space on a, quote, “chariot of fire and vengeance and more fire”--

DJ-P0n3: Yep.

Octavia: And proceeds to throw the entire moon at Celestia, which explodes on impact for some reason. And then Celestia turns into a dragon.

DJ-P0n3: Serpent. It’s a serpent, not a dragon.

Octavia: Whatever! Look, I will admit this is ... creative ... but you just can’t have an opera where nonsensical things happen for no reason!

DJ-P0n3: Clearly you’ve never heard a rock opera before.

Octavia: [Sigh.] Why don’t we get back to the call-ins now?

DJ-P0n3: Alright listeners! We’ve still got some time left, so anyone out there, feel free to give us a call.

[Phone rings. Click.]

DJ-P0n3: Hello?

Diamond Dog: Hi there. Perfectly normal Earth pony-thing again. So we was wondering if you had Prince Albert in--

[DJ-P0n3 hangs up the phone.]

DJ-P0n3: Okay, so, anyone else out there, feel free to give us a call!

[Phone rings again. DJ-P0n3 answers.]

DJ-P0n3: Hi there, you are on the air with the Vinyl Scratch!

[Caller is an older, disinterested sounding mare.]

Caller: Hello, I’m with the Blueblood Theater. Is Octavia Ann there?

DJ-P0n3: Um, yes she’s right here.

Caller: May I speak to in private?

Octavia: Oh. Um ... sure.

[Octavia takes receiver. The phone is taken away from the console, magic no longer broadcasting it on the air. Octavia’s voice is low, but can still be heard in the background, on the phone.]

Octavia: Hello? ... yes, this is she ... uh huh ... yeah ... [There’s a brief pause, after which Octavia sounds slightly alarmed.] What? But why? ... Yes but-- oh wait, he did. [Pause, followed by Octavia sounding more dejected.] He said that, did he? ... oh. Well, I see ... no, no, I understand ... thanks.

[Phone is gently clicked on the receiver. Phone is thrown back on the console. The sound of Octavia scooting back in her chair is heard.]

DJ-P0n3: Okay, sorry about the interruption there, folks! So, what was that about Octy?

[Octavia says nothing, a quiet sniff is heard over the air.]

DJ-P0n3: Hey wait. Are ... are you crying?

Octavia: [Voice cracking.] No, of course I’m not. Don’t be ... don’t be ridiculous. [Voice cracks more.] I’m fine ...

[Long pause.]

DJ-P0n3: Octavia, what happened?

Octavia: It’s nothing. It’s stupid.

DJ-P0n3: Tell me.

Octavia: ... my show was canceled. All of our shows at the theater were canceled.

DJ-P0n3: What? Why?

Octavia: They said due to lack of interest.

DJ-P0n3: Lack of-- oh, lack of interest, my flank! The concert was packed last night!

Octavia: [Deep breath.] Well, she mentioned something else. Apparently the Prince saw my show last night. She said that he ... well, that he thought it wasn’t very good.

DJ-P0n3: ...what?

Octavia: “Mediocre” was the word she used.

DJ-P0n3: So he canceled the show?

Octavia: [Voice cracking again.] Well, she didn’t exactly say that but yeah ... looks that way.

[Long pause.]

DJ-P0n3: [Seemingly calm.] ... huh. Well ... would you excuse me for just one second, sweetie?

Octavia: [Gives humorless chuckle while still clearly crying.] I told you not to call me that...

[DJ-P0n3 picks up phone, takes it away from the console. Even though the other side of the phone cannot be heard, DJ-P0n3 speaks loud enough for the mic to pick her up clearly.]

DJ-P0n3: Hello, operator? Yes, could you connect me to Prince Blueblood.

Octavia: Vinyl, don’t--

DJ-P0n3: Just a second, Octy. [Turns back to phone.] Yes, I would like to speak to him ... [Gives a very dark laugh.] Oh yes, he’s expecting this call ... yes, I’ll hold.

[Brief pause.]

DJ-P0n3: [Overly cheerful.] Hi there, Mr. Blueblood ... oh sorry, Prince Blueblood, of course. [Chuckles.] Of course. My name is Vinyl Scratch ... yep, the DJ ... [Hearty laugh.] Yes, that’s right, the crazy one ... no, no, this isn’t about that interview you canceled, not at all. Just wanted a little talk. A little chat, you know.

[Another pause.]

DJ-P0n3: [Disturbingly cheerful] How am I? Well, haha, that’s the funny part. I’m ... I’m really quite mad ... yes, at you ... well, I’ll tell you! [Sits back down at console.] You see, I hear you didn’t much care for my friend’s concert last night and had it cancelled ... no no, I’m quite certain it’s not a misunderstanding ... noooo, I think we should talk about this now! [Laughs.] See, it’s like this...

Octavia: Vinyl...

DJ-P0n3: [No longer laughing, her voice becomes bitter.] Look, Princy, it’s like this. I don’t know what kind of ivory tower upbringing you had, but clearly if you were listening to my friend’s show and you found it, um, “mediocre,” then you don’t understand taste well. Maybe you’ve just never listened to music played by somepony who wasn’t manufactured in whatever snob factory you get most of the musicians who play at your second-rate theater. Apparently you don’t know what it sounds like when somepony actually puts they’re whole heart and soul into their music, or you just don’t understand that I was at yesterday show and know that Octavia’s band killed. Standing ovation and everything. Maybe you have a difference of opinion and that’s fine. [Chuckle.] Everypony has a right to their own opinion. And since you so graciously gave my friend your opinion, I shall return the favor by expressing my opinion of you.

[Inaudible stammering is heard on the other end of the phone.]

DJ-P0n3: Now, now, you shouldn’t interrupt other ponies when they’re talking. But I can understand that urge. I do love to talk. [Grim chuckle.] Now my opinion is that, I think, you cancelled my friends show because of what I have said on this show before about you. [Anger rising in her voice.] Namely, that I believe you are a bland, unintelligent, cowardly, prissy, stuck-up, laughable excuse for a stallion with a silver spoon shoved so, SO very far up his flank that you cannot possibly relate to anypony, anywhere, ever. Now, I have said that, not Octavia. It is fair for you to hate me. After all, that’s my job. I make fun of ponies. It’s entertaining. I mean, even Celestia understand that. She still lets me say what I like, even though she could easily ball me up and throw me into a black hole if she felt like it. Mistakes she’s made aside, that’s a classy move. She’s a class mare. You, however, are not classy. You are ... [Pause.] Well, the words I think of can’t really be said over the air. After all, fillies listen to us. Lots of ponies listen to us.

[DJ-P0n3 raises her voice so it can be heard even clearer over the air.]

DJ-P0n3: Lots of listeners who now, thanks to me, are now completely aware that you, Prince Blueblood, are the sole reason why Octavia is not having any more shows at your theater. My listeners like Octavia, Mr. Blueblood. They don’t like you. Nopony likes you. Heck, I have to wonder if Celestia even likes you. Or if your own mother does. Assuming, you know, you actually have a mother and didn’t just slither out of a pile of filth one day. But anyway! I have to go now. I just wanted to inform you that I’m sure my fans will have a very, very happy response to you depriving them of the chance to see my co-host play.

[Thinks for a moment.]

DJ-P0n3: Actually, now that I think of it, that won’t be the case. Because you know what? I’ve got the bits, I’ve got the resources, I can put on my own concert! And we’ll do it right outside your theater, for free, whether you like it or not! ... no, sir, I don’t really care if you threaten to arrest me or not. I’ll go straight to Celestia if it comes to that. Say whatever you like, I don’t answer to you or anyone. Now, Prince, I think I have thoroughly wasted enough of my time listening to you. You should be glad that you canceled our interview because, quite frankly, if I see you face-to-face, you will be picking your teeth up from the floor. Good day, sir!

[DJ-P0n3 slams phone down, then picks up phone and hurls it through window. Sound of broken glass is heard in the background.]

[DJ-P0n3 sits back in her chair. Octavia is silent, almost certainly in shock over what just happened. There is a long silence.]

DJ-P0n3: [Takes a very deep breath.] Well, then, I think that about wraps up today’s show.

Octavia: ... wow.

DJ-P0n3: Do you ... feel any better?

Octavia: I ... [Laughs.] Yes, I do feel a little better. You didn’t have to do that, you know?

DJ-P0n3: No, actually, I’m pretty sure I did ...

Octavia: ...you really thought my show was that good?

DJ-P0n3: Octy ... do you even have to ask?

Octavia: No, I guess I don’t. Vinyl?

DJ-P0n3: Yeah?

[Octavia hugs Vinyl.]

Octavia: I’m glad I met you. You’re very sweet. [Nuzzles against Vinyl’s neck.] Even if you are completely crazy.

DJ-P0n3: Um. Yes, well. Thank you. Um …

Octavia: Wait are ... you’re blushing? Seriously?

DJ-P0n3: No! [Coughs, makes voice sound deeper.] No, course not. I-I’m too cool for that.

Octavia: Heh, sure you are, Vinyl. Sure you are.

DJ-P0n3: Well listeners, that’s our show for today. Assuming I’m not thrown in jail or sent to the moon, we’ll be back tomorrow for a live broadcast from our concert.

Octavia: Wait, what? You ... you were serious about that?

DJ-P0n3: Of course I am! When am I ever not serious?

Octavia: Um, like 100% of the time.

DJ-P0n3: Yeah, well, I’m serious about this!

Octavia: Well listen I’m ... I appreciate the gesture, Vinyl, but you can’t just set up a concert in the middle of Canterlot in one day, without a permit, without any kind of permission!

DJ-P0n3: Oh? Just watch me, Octy. Just watch me.

[Beat.]

DJ-P0n3: Also ... I think I’ll have to go buy a new phone too...

[End of tape.]

[To be concluded ...]