The Vinyl Scratch Tapes

by Corey_

The Vinyl Scratch Tapes Season 2 Part 4

[What follows is a transcript of episode 2F08, one day following the infamous episode where DJ-P0n3 abruptly left the radio station .]

[Sound of a reel-to-reel tape player being played is heard.]

Octavia: [Recorded message.] Hello, listeners. This is Octavia, here with a pre-recorded message, assuming I’ve figured out how to work this thing right. I know you’re probably expecting to hear Vinyl’s voice right now, saying something completely insane before she tells you this is the Vinyl Scratch.

[A sound of a record being scratched is heard.]

Octavia: [Sigh.] Somehow it’s just not the same ... [Cough.] Unfortunately, that isn’t the case right now. Vinyl is feeling a bit ... unwell. If you happened to listen to that other radio show yesterday, you probably have some idea why. I’d like to go into it right now, but I know Vinyl wouldn’t want to talk about it. She’s always been a bit stubborn, heh.

[Pause.]

Octavia: She asked me to do today’s show alone. I asked her what she wanted me to do ... and instead of making a joke like normal, she just said whatever I wanted to do would be fine. And then she just sat there, not saying anything. It took me a while to decide what I wanted to do, but I finally figured it out. I just need some more time to get it together, so today’s episode will be a bit delayed. For now, we’ll just be playing some music.

[Pause.]

Octavia: And to anypony who might be listening ... I know things might seem sad right now, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, things never stay that way. There’s always hope. And if Vinyl were herself right now, I think she’d agree. Trust me. [Smile.] I’ll be seeing you all soon enough ...

[Click.]

[Music starts playing.]

[Crackling sound heard over transmission.]

[Clanking is heard against metal.]

Blueblood: [Exhausted.] Okay then. Either that’s fixed the issue with this console or broken it more. So there’s a fifty-fifty chance I’m simply talking to myself now. Ah well.

[Sound of wrench being thrown to the floor is heard.]

Blueblood: Not too shabby, considering I had to do it all myself. I cannot believe every mechanic I tried to call in hung up on me. Well, all except for the one who had enough etiquette to verbally abuse me before hanging up. [Lowers voice.] Then again ... should I have expected anything different?

[Pause.]

Blueblood: [Takes deep breath.] Well ... nevermind that. I should take auntie Luna’s advice. Have to remember I’m not alone ... somewhat ironic to think about that now considering my co-host hasn’t shown up yet. Not sure why, but no matter. Have to remain productive. If I don’t, I’ll just do something stupid that will make everypony hate me more. Should be easy. After all, it’s not as if I’m consumed by thoughts of revenge and spite every waking moment that I know will end in an inevitable self-destructive spiral into darkness and loneliness. [Chuckles nervously.] Because that would be ridiculous.

[Clears throat.]

Blueblood: Well, anywho, I suppose I should attempt to run this radio show professionally. Hello, listeners ... that is to say, probably just Luna. Hi auntie. Now then ... I don’t have a guest today. Or a co-host. Or any kind of plan. [Pause.] I um ... well, there is this one joke I heard. So a griffin, a mule, and a seamstress walk into a bowling alley ...

[There is a knocking at the door.]

Blueblood: Oh, pardon me a moment.

[Hoofsteps, door opens.]

Derpy: Hello there! Are you Prince Blueblood?

Blueblood: Um ... yes. Why?

Derpy: I have a giant bag of fan mail for you. [Grunts.]

[Drops heavy bag of mail on floor.]

Blueblood: [Shocked.] B-but that’s impossible! I hardly ever get any mail! And I don’t have fans!

Derpy: Well, apparently you do, cause they sent mail! [Giggles.] I’m glad you have mail now. Everypony likes mail! Mail makes every pony happy! Well, except bills ... but if ponies only get bills, I just give them muffins and then they’re happy too!

Blueblood: I don’t ... but ... [Speaks softly.] I don’t know what to say.

Derpy: Well, thank you for choosing Derpy Express. I hope you enjoy your mail.

[Flaps wings, sound of head slamming into ceiling.]

Derpy: OUCH!

[Door is closed. The sound of flapping wings gets quieter as she disappears down the stairs.]

Blueblood: Well ... [Chuckles.] How about that? This was a nice surprise. I can’t remember the time I’ve gotten so much mail. Usually I only get cards from Celestia for my birthday. She was the only one who ever bothered. This is ... wow. [Laughs.] This is such a nice surprise. You know, maybe things are turning around. I mean ... my auntie stood up to Vinyl for me, Trixie is my friend, I finally have some self-respect. Wow. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been in such a good mood. [Cheerfully.] I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment or anything, but nothing can ever go wrong for me from this moment forward.

[Opens bag, tears open letter.]

Blueblood: Let’s read one of these letters, shall we? [Paper rustling.] Ahem. “Dear Prince Blueblood, I listened to your show yesterday.” Yes, viewership is going up! [Continues reading.] “Your aunt made my favorite celebrity in the whole world, Vinyl Scratch, sad.” [Voice slowly becomes sadder.] “I think it was really mean of your aunt. And it was very mean of you to just let it happen. Vinyl isn’t bad at all, the fact it makes you happy to see her so upset just makes me sad for you. Please stop being so mean. Love, Rumble.”

[Pause.]

Blueblood: Hehe, that’s ... that’s probably just a vocal minority! After all, I can’t expect everypony to understand. It’s ... let’s read the next one.

[Opens letter.]

Blueblood: “Dear Prince, musicians have to stick together. If you think we should feel sorry for you when you made Vinyl and Octavia feel like crap, you have another thing coming. Love, Lyra. P.S. Stop hiding the existence of humans, I know you and Celestia are just covering it up.”

[Crumples letter, tears another one open. His voice becomes slowly more angry and more unhinged.]

Blueblood: “Dear Blueprick...” [Hurls letter aside, tears open another one.] “Where do you get off...” [Tears letter apart, rips next one open.] “Dear Blueblood, you are the biggest hypocrite the world has ever...” [Crumples it up, opens another one. He’s practically snarling.] “The only reason I listened to your show is because Vinyl said she was coming over to beat you up, I was sorely disappointed she didn’t...”

[Opens letter, pulls out a card.]

Blueblood: [Seething with anger.] This one’s just a card that says “Please die in a fire.” Who wrote this?! [Opens card.] “Hugs and kisses. Love, Mom.” [Dark laugh.] Thanks, mother. Really needed that now.

[Rips card up with telekinesis.]

Blueblood: You ... sickening little worms. You just can’t let me have anything, can you? You just can’t! You think I need you to care about me? Well, I don’t! I never needed any of you! You think that DJ is any better than me?! She’s rotten on the inside. Just like me. Just like all of you! [Knocks chair over.] If it’s the last thing I ever do, when I die and go to Tartarus like you all seem to want, I’ll bring you all down with me! I’ll drag you all down, kicking and screaming, so we can suffer together!

[Blueblood hurls chair against the radio console, audio distortion can be heard. Sound of glass being broken, paper being torn, and things being wrecked and broken can be heard.]

[Pause. Blueblood says nothing for a moment, as if taking it all in.]

Blueblood: [Whispering.] Well, you know what? I don’t have to wait. I don’t have to wait at all. I don’t know why I ever held back, why I ever thought things might get better. No more. No. Now ... now I’m not afraid of getting a little dirty!

[Picks up phone.]

Blueblood: Hello, operator? Get me Stallion Stereophonics...

[Crackling sound is heard over transmission.]

[Transmission ends.]

[Music plays for almost an hour and a half. After the end of one song, transmission resumed instead of transitioning to the next song. According to historical testimony, this was more than likely caused by the reel-to-reel tape player used by Octavia falling on the console.]

[A few moments of silence are followed by the sound of hoof steps. The door is kicked open.]

Trixie: [In a great booming voice.] VINYL SCRATCH! YOUR RECKONING IS HERE, AND HER NAME IS TRIXIE! TIME TO-- hey, where is everypony?

[There is no answer. Trixie is alone, aside from the low sound of discs spinning on a turntable.]

Trixie: Hello? Is any pony here? Somepony come out and appreciate my vengeance!

[Silence.]

Trixie: Oh come on! Why is no pony EVER around to see how dramatic Trixie is?!

[Hoofsteps.]

Trixie: Ah well, no matter. Trixie doesn’t need an audience to enact vigilante justice! Nopony makes fun of my friends but me! Now ... what to do ... [Muttering.] I suppose I could start by running up their phone bill or ... something. Hm, maybe I should have thought of a plan instead of spending all my time planning that entrance ...

[In the distance, a door is slammed, followed by hoofsteps ascending stairs. Voices can be heard faintly in the distance.]

Octavia: [In the distance.] Come on, it’s right up here.

DJ-P0n3: [In the distance.] Octy, I really don’t want to be here.

Octavia: [Getting closer.] It’ll only take a second. I just need your help with one little thing ...

Trixie: Eep! Trixie can’t get caught in the act like this! Not without a plan or spectacular entrance to speak of! I have to hide until I figure out what to do ... and how to curb this sudden compulsion I have to talk to myself!

[Door opens. The sound of Trixie’s horn glowing is heard and objects being moved around. She is presumably out of sight as the door opens and DJ-P0n3 and Octavia enter.]

Octavia: There we go. See? That wasn’t so bad.

DJ-P0n3: [Sadly.] Okay, what did you need my help with?

Octavia: Oh ... I just found something lying around here. I was wondering if you could help me figure out what it is.

DJ-P0n3: Octy ... can’t this wait? You have a show to do, after all. Do you even have a guest for today?

Octavia: You could say that, yes.

DJ-P0n3: Octy ... I’m not ...

[DJ-P0n3 sighs.]

DJ-P0n3: I’m not fit to stand behind a mic. I’m no good ...

Octavia: Vinyl, don’t talk like that.

DJ-P0n3: Please, can I just go?

Octavia: [Gently.] Humor me, Vinyl.

DJ-P0n3: Fine ... we aren’t on the air, right?

Octavia: Um ...

[There is a pause. Presumably, Octavia sees the red light on the console, indicating that they are on the air.]

Octavia: [Hesitantly.] N-no, of course not. Let me just make sure.

[Octavia clicks a button on the console. The volume is turned up.]

Octavia: There we go. Now, let me just find that ...

[Sound of papers rustling and items being moved around.]

Octavia: Dear Celestia, your desk is such a mess, Vinyl. I’m surprised there isn’t something alive in there.

DJ-P0n3: [Dejected.] There might be. I dunno.

[Octavia sighs.]

Octavia: [Perks up.] Ah, found it.

[Octavia picks up something from the desk, brings it to Vinyl.]

Octavia: Tell me, Vinyl, what is this?

DJ-P0n3: ... Octy, what are you talking about? You know what this--

Octavia: Just tell me, what is it?

DJ-P0n3: [Sigh.] A picture ...

Octavia: Of what?

DJ-P0n3: Me ... and you. And Spitfire.

Octavia: Do you remember when it was taken?

DJ-P0n3: Of course I do. It was when we had Spitfire on our show.

Octavia: Do you remember when you heard Spitfire and I talking about you?

DJ-P0n3: Yes. So?

Octavia: [Gently.] I ... used to think so little of you. It’s hard for me to imagine now, but it’s true. Spitfire helped me see that there is good in you. And after we got to know each other more ... I realized that, for all your faults ... I have never met a pony more loyal, honest, and caring.

DJ-P0n3: ... really?

Octavia: Really. [Pause.] I know you’re upset because of all that stuff Luna said, but you aren’t a bad pony. You never were.

DJ-P0n3: That’s sweet of you to say ... but she was right. The way I treated Celestia and my other guests ... that wasn’t a very nice thing to do.

Octavia: You were entertaining. No pony takes it personally.

DJ-P0n3: Blueblood did. Luna too ... back then, when I trashed Blueblood, I was so sure I was doing the right thing. Now I just ... [Quietly.] I don’t even know anymore.

Octavia: He did plenty of horrible things to us first.

DJ-P0n3: Only because you knew me. If it wasn’t for me, none of it would have happened.

Octavia: It’s not your fault, Vinyl!

DJ-P0n3: ... I’m not so sure about that anymore. [Sigh.] I know that you’ll be there for me no matter what, Octy. I’m just not sure I deserve it. I’m glad you think I’m a good pony ... but you might be the only one who actually thinks that.

[Pause, followed by Octavia chuckling.]

DJ-P0n3: What’s so funny?

Octavia: I think our guests might make you feel better about that.

DJ-P0n3: Guests? There’s more than one?

Octavia: Heh, there are a few, yes. [Yells.] Alright everypony! Come in!

[Door pops open, followed by numerous hoofsteps, one after another.]

Frédéric: I must say, Vinyl, you know how to keep a captivated audience waiting.

DJ-P0n3: Freddy?

[Hoofsteps as two more ponies enter.]

Beauty Brass: VINYL! WE HEARD YOU WERE UPSET! IS EVERYTHING OKAY?! DO YOU WANT A HUG? I’M GOOD AT HUGGING! JUST ASK HARPO!

Harpo: [Nods, followed by a wink and a satisfied grin.]

Frédéric: Harpo, how is it possible you can make innuendos without even speaking?

DJ-P0n3: You ... you brought your ensemble just to cheer me up?

Octavia: Not just them.

[The sound of wings flapping is heard.]

DJ-P0n3: Spitfire?!

Spitfire: Come on, Vinyl, you didn’t think I’d forget my best friend when she needed me, did you? [Chuckles.] That’s pretty stupid of you.

DJ-P0n3: [Laughs while sounding on the verge of tears.] Yeah ... I guess I should have known better. You’re ... you’re a good friend.

Spitfire: And so are you, Vinyl.

DJ-P0n3: Octy ... I don’t understand ... how did you get everypony to come here like this?

Octavia: Simple. I asked. That’s all I had to do.

DJ-P0n3: What?

Octavia: I told them how upset you were and I asked if they could come to help cheer you up a bit. To show you that the ponies who have been on your show don’t hate you or think you’re horrible. To show you that ... well ... you’re really loved. And they all jumped on it without a second thought.

DJ-P0n3: You all did that ... for me?

Spitfire: Of course. Your show was the most fun I’ve had since we were foals.

Frédéric: Yeah. Not to mention you helped us hold a concert after our show got cancelled. You didn’t have to do that.

Beauty Brass: YEAH! IT WAS SWEET OF YOU!

Harpo: [Nods.]

DJ-P0n3: [Perking up.] Yeah ... yeah, I did do that, didn’t I?

Octavia: Vinyl ... the truth is ... you’re the pony I’m closest to. You were there for me when nopony else was. You helped my band--

DJ-P0n3: Ensemble.

Octavia: Whatever. You helped us ... you gave Blueblood a piece of your mind the second you found out what happened. You’ve been there for me this whole time. Did you really think I wouldn’t return the favor?

DJ-P0n3: I ... I don’t even know what to say. I ... thank you, Octy. [Pause.] But still, that doesn’t mean Luna wasn’t right. I mean ... what I did to Celestia ... that was awful. She ... probably doesn’t think much of me right now.

Octavia: I thought you might think that. [Shouting.] Come in, Your Highness!

DJ-P0n3: WHAT?!

[A door creak is heard, followed by the beating of heavy wings as Princess Celestia glided in.]

Celestia: Hello, Vinyl. It’s been a long time.

DJ-P0n3: [Stammering.] Celestia! I can explain! I’m sorry about everything! There’s no need to feed me to Cerberus!

Celestia: [Chuckles.] Please, Vinyl. You have no reason to fear me.

DJ-P0n3: Well ... I wouldn’t say fear. I am a bit apprehensive considering I did kind of make fun of you on the air after you had, you know, allowed me to have a radio show in the first place. And accused you of banishing your sister to the moon because you couldn’t think of anything else. And wrote a rock opera where you were an immortal serpent god Princess Luna fought and banished to Tartarus. And made fun of your nephew and assassinated his character to the point where Discord has a higher approval rating than him.  Anddddd your sister kind of hates me. So yeah. Just a teeny bit nervous.

Celestia: Vinyl, you should know I’m not petty. I try to be very understanding when it comes to my subjects. [Pause.] Immortal ... serpent god?

DJ-P0n3: [Nervous laugh.] I might have exaggerated some details.

Celestia: Well anyway, your friend Octavia asked if I could speak with you. [Chuckles.] You have a true friend there, Vinyl.

DJ-P0n3: Yeah ... yeah, I know.

Celestia: Well ... after hearing what happened, I wanted to assure you I hold no malice towards you. In fact ... well, I thought you had some pretty good points.

DJ-P0n3: B-But Luna said it made you feel guilty and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. She said it was her fault!

Celestia: [Sigh.] Yes, Luna has been a bit hard on herself. As have I. Trust me, Vinyl, you were not the cause of my guilt. I know logically I did what had to be done. But sometimes I would look up at the moon and wonder, maybe if I were able do it all over again ...

[Celestia pauses.]

Celestia: Well, best not to dwell on it. The point is ... I don’t blame you, Vinyl.

DJ-P0n3: Your sister seems to.

Celestia: Ah yes, I had heard just as much on my nephew’s show. Luna and I had quite a long discussion about that. [Calls in a sing-song voice.] Lunaaa~

[Door opens, there are hoofsteps as Princess Luna walks in.]

DJ-P0n3: Okay, seriously, did you all just take the same train here or something? Is anypony else going to show up I should know about?

[In the background, Trixie sneezes quietly.]

Spitfire: ... did anypony just hear something just now?

Frédéric: Sorry. I was paying more attention to the two immortal god-princesses standing in front of us. Vinyl certainly does having a way of making life anything but ordinary, doesn’t she?

Spitfire: Trust me, you’ll get used to it.

Octavia: Oh. Um ... Princess Luna. I didn’t know you’d be coming.

Celestia: I just thought Luna might have something to say after I explained my thoughts on the matter. [Clears throat.] Don’t you have anything to say, Luna?

Luna: [Grumbles.]

Celestia: Luna ...

Luna: [Sigh.] Very well. We ... [Cough.] I mean ... I apologize if I overreacted in regards to my sister. My sister explained the situation in more detail. I was not aware of the concept of ... what did thou call’st it, sister?

Celestia: Political satire.

Luna: Yes, I was unaware of this political satyr thou payest tribute to. She assures me no malice was intended.

DJ-P0n3: Thanks. That ... actually means a lot.

Luna: [Irritated.] However! We shall not apologize for defending our nephew. We still do not think we were wrong.

DJ-P0n3: [Pause.] Yeah. Maybe ... maybe you were right ...

Octavia: Vinyl ...

DJ-P0n3: Well ... I dunno, it’s just I’ve been doing some thinking. You know ... maybe we aren’t so different after all.

Octavia: You never locked somepony in a bathroom.

DJ-P0n3: Well no. [Pause.] Not that I can remember, anyway.

Spitfire: You did lock us in a closet together once.

DJ-P0n3: Yes, but that was for science.

Luna: I do not condone what he did. But we hath all done things we regret. [Quietly.] Some ... more than others.

DJ-P0n3: Yeah, I can agree with you there.

Celestia: I must admit, our nephew has much he must learn. He is obviously slightly ... troubled.

Frédéric: If by that you mean he’s completely bonkers, then yes.

Luna: [Irritated.] I would remind you that is my nephew thou refereth to. He is a Prince.

Frédéric: He’s also a loony. He held our friend for ransom on stage. And he didn’t even have the decency to be competent at it. Sorry to say it, but our dear prince is a few strings short of a lute.

Luna: [Confused.] I ... fail to see the significance of this lute thou speakest of. The Prince is no minstrel.

Celestia: It’s a metaphor, Luna.

Luna: Minotaur?

Celestia: No, that’s ... [Chuckle.] We’ll just go over that later. The point is ... as much as our nephew has done, he is still my nephew. He has much to learn, and I cannot learn his lesson for him. There is good in everypony and I hope that, one day, he shall change for the better.

Octavia: You really believe he will?

Celestia: I have to, Octavia. He is family, after all.

DJ-P0n3: Who knows? Maybe he would have changed ... if it wasn’t for me egging him on.

Octavia: Vinyl, why do you keep beating yourself up like this?

DJ-P0n3: Because ... I used to be so sure of myself. I always thought I knew the right thing to do. But now? I don’t know. I don’t know if my instincts are right, if I’m really all for, you know, “truth, justice, and rock and roll,” or if I’m just a jerk? I don’t ... [Sigh.] I don’t know if I trust myself.

[Octavia says nothing for a moment, then puts her hoof on DJ-P0n3’s shoulder.]

Octavia: [Gently.] Maybe you don’t trust yourself right now, but I do.

DJ-P0n3: Octy--

Octavia: No, listen. The whole reason I did all this ... I didn’t just do it to cheer you up. I wanted to show you how much I believe in you, just like I know you believe in me. That’s why I worked so hard to bring this all together. Maybe you’ve made some mistakes, but that doesn’t make you horrible. I know you have a good heart and that you learn from your mistakes. And I have all the confidence in the world that you’ll always find a way to do what’s right in the end.

DJ-P0n3: I ... I’m really touched, Octy. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve somepony like you.

Octavia: [Chuckle.] And you think I’m the one who’s sappy.

[DJ-P0n3 laughs.]

Octavia: [Smiles.] See? It’s working. I made you laugh.

DJ-P0n3: [Pauses.] The radio console ... it’s not off, is it?

Octavia: ... no.

DJ-P0n3: We’re on the air right now, aren’t we?

Octavia: [Nervous.] Yeah.

DJ-P0n3: So ... you said all that stuff in front of everypony in Equestria.

Octavia: Pretty much.

[DJ-P0n3 blinks, then chuckles.]

DJ-P0n3: [Softly.] You ... did that for me?

Octavia: Of course.

DJ-P0n3: Thank you, Octy. That was so evil of you ... and I’m glad you did it.

Octavia: Clearly I’ve been hanging around you too long.

[DJ-P0n3 laughs.]

DJ-P0n3: Thank you so much. I’m ... I’m just sorry I made you go through all this trouble.

Octavia: You put together a concert just for me in one day once, and you think I went to too much trouble.

DJ-P0n3: Heh ... yeah. Yeah ... but the reason why I did that isn’t because I’m nice or anything.

Octavia: Vinyl, stop saying that about--

DJ-P0n3: No ... I just mean ... [Quietly.] You just always bring out the best in me. I’m ... [Lightly chuckles.] I’m not really sure what I’d be ... without you.

[Pause.]

Octavia: That’s ... I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure how I’d be without you either.

DJ-P0n3: [Giggles.] You’d probably be a lot better off.

Octavia: [Flatly.] No.

DJ-P0n3: I’m just joking, Octy.

Octavia: I know. But ... I wouldn’t be better off. I just need you to know that. We’ve ... always been a duet, you know.

[Pause.]

DJ-P0n3: Yeah. Yeah, I guess we have.

Beauty Brass: D’AWWW! THAT’S SO ADORABLE. HARPO, ISN’T THAT ADORABLE?

[Pause.]

Harpo: [Deadpan.] Aw.

Frédéric: I’m moved by your show of emotion, Harpo. You’re a real bleeding heart.

Harpo: Yes.

Spitfire: ... you all are a colorful bunch, aren’t you?

Frédéric: I know. We should take up vaudeville.

Octavia: So ... Vinyl, are you okay now?

DJ-P0n3: I think I will be. I’m still not sure what to do, but I think I’ll be okay.

Octavia: Well, I’m just glad you’re feeling better. At least now you know you have true friends who--

[Sound of tin smashing against a floor is heard, as if somepony burst out of their hiding place.]

Trixie: OH COME ON, ARE YOU STILL GOING ON LIKE THIS?! SERIOUSLY?! Is that what it’s always like around you all? All this ... sugary sweet, lovey-dovey, self-congratulatory horseapples?! [Gags.] Trixie feels like she’s just going to puke listening to you all!

Octavia: ... did you just jump out of our trash can?

Trixie: Nevermind that!

Beauty Brass: SOMEPONY SOUNDS GRUMPY TODAY.

Trixie: [Sarcastic.] Thank you. Very astute, Whoever-You-Are. Getting back to opinions that actually matter ... Trixie had actually--

Spitfire: Wait, who’s Trixie?

Trixie: What? Me! I’m Trixie!

Spitfire: Oh. Why don’t you just say “I” then?

Trixie: Because shut up! All you need to know is my name is Trixie! And you better not pronounce my name without a “Great and Powerful” in front of it! UGH! You are all so annoying! Now then, Vinyl. Trixie had actually come here to give you a piece of her mind! But you know what? Trixie isn’t even going to bother!

DJ-P0n3: [Calmly.] Why?

Trixie: [Quiet seething anger.] I’ll tell you why. Because it just won’t matter. You know what listening to all this ... drivel has taught Trixie?! You think it’s some lesson about love and friendship and all that hippie crap?! No. It’s that you’re all hypocrites. Trixie’s learned that you can do practically anything and everypony will break their backs to make you feel better. But when it comes to Blueblood, was there any second chance? Did anypony ever take his side? No. Because thanks to you, he’ll always be the villain and you’ll always be the hero, at least as far as the herded cattle that listens to your show is concerned. But it’s okay, because he’s “just a jerk,” right? But Vinyl-- [Sarcastic.] “Oh no! She’s so full of herself, but inside she’s a delicate flower! She hires known criminals as security guards to beat up aristocrats and insults ponies on the air all the time, but I’m sure she has good intentions. SOMEONE GET HER A FRUIT BASKET!”

[Trixie blows a raspberry.]

Trixie: Please. Sure, you may have felt bad about yourself for like, what, about twelve hours, but Blueblood is practically a basket case.

Frédéric: Well, glad to see somepony agrees with my assessment--

Trixie: Shut up! [Turns to Vinyl.] You think you can have your minion put this show together, give everypony a warm and fuzzy feeling, and that suddenly makes everything okay? It doesn’t. Nothing’s different. Nothing’s changed, and neither have you. Everypony still hates Blueblood, and even though everypony despises him, it doesn’t hold a candle to how much he seems to hate himself. And that’s supposed to be okay. Because he’s the bad guy. [Scoff.] So much for the “magic of friendship.” So you know what? Forget this. Trixie’s out of here. [Hoofsteps.] Makes Trixie sick.

[It is quiet as Trixie walks out. Door opens, then slams.]

[Long pause.]

Spitfire: Well ... she seemed ... interesting.

Octavia: [Sigh.] Just forget what she said. It’s not even worth thinking about. Right, Vinyl?

[Pause.]

Octavia: Vinyl? [Worried.] Please don’t tell me that’s upset you again.

DJ-P0n3: [Calm.] Hm? Oh ... oh don’t worry. I’m fine. Um ... Octy?

Octavia: Yeah?

DJ-P0n3: Could you close out the show for us solo again? There’s something I think I have to go do now.

Octavia: But--

DJ-P0n3: [Chuckles.] Don’t worry, Octy. I know what I’m doing.

Octavia: Are you sure?

DJ-P0n3: Sure as I am about any of the stupid stuff I do. [Laughs.] I’ll be fine. But before I go ...

[DJ-P0n3 clears throat.]

DJ-P0n3: I just wanted to thank you all. You all came just for me ... even you, Luna. Even though I know you don’t like me very much, you still apologized for at least some of the things you said.

Luna: Our sister said thou art a good pony. [Hesitating.] Perhaps ... perhaps she was not wrong.

DJ-P0n3: But ... I just wanted to thank you all for being here. I’m not just saying that for the show or anything but really ... from the bottom of my heart ... thank you.

Spitfire: Wow, Vinyl, I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be modest about something.

DJ-P0n3: Heh, has to be a first time for everything.

Frédéric: It’s always an honor to be here.

Beauty Brass: WE’RE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU, VINYL.

DJ-P0n3: Yeah. I know.

Celestia: I’m glad I could be of assistance as well. It’s always a pleasure to be on the show ... despite what some ponies may think.

DJ-P0n3: But most of all ... Octy?

Octavia: Yeah?

DJ-P0n3: No pony has ever done anything like this for me before. I just wanted to--

Octavia: Vinyl ... just give me a hug, stupid.

DJ-P0n3: [Laughs.] Hey! You can’t just go and turn my own words around on me like that.

Octavia: I think I just did.

[They hug.]

DJ-P0n3: Well ... I’m off. I’ll be back in a little bit.

[Door opens, and closes.]

Octavia: Well, listeners, I think that about wraps it up for today. I’m glad everything was able to get back on track. Tune in tomorrow for ... something. I’m not quite sure. With Vinyl, it’s always unpredictable ... but then, I don’t think I’d have it any other way. See you all next time, everypony. This is Octavia, signing off for ... the VINYL SCRATCH!

[Scratches record.]

Octavia: [Muttering.] Have to admit, that is pretty fun to do. [Raises voice.] Bye everypony!

[Clicks button. Voices start to fade out.]

Octavia: [Whispering in a low voice.] I suppose we have some time to kill for a bit here ... any ideas?

Spitfire: ... anypony have a deck of cards?

Celestia: I do.

Spitfire: Poker?

Frédéric: I’m in.

Octavia: Me too.

Beauty Brass: ME THREE.

Harpo: [Nods.]

Luna: “Poke-ar?” Can somepony teach us that?

Celestia: Just show me all your cards and I’ll tell you if you win.

Luna: Wouldst that be cheating?

Celestia: [Innocently.] Noooo, of course not. [Giggles.] I must warn you all, when I play, I play for souls.

[Long pause, everypony has a look of sheer horror.]

Celestia: [Chuckles.] I’m kidding!

Octavia: [Nervously.] Oh. Heh, of course. W-we all knew that. Hehe ... let’s deal.

[Voices fade out completely.]

[Crackling sound heard over transmission.]

[Door creaks open.]

Trixie: [Yelling.] Princey? Hey, are you here? Sorry Trixie’s a little late. She was ... attending to some business.

Blueblood: [Quietly.] Ah yes, Trixie. Please, come in.

[Hoofsteps.]

Trixie: Whoa, this place is a mess. Why is their broken glass and paper everywhere?

Blueblood: I ... had a little trouble with the garbage. [Chuckles.] But that’s not important right now. Trixie ... I have big news!

Trixie: Oh ... [Clears throat.] Um ... you okay? You kinda have that whole ... “crazy look in your eyes” thing going for you right now.

Blueblood: [Cheery.] I’m great! Just perfect! You know why? Because it’s over. Forever. They lose. They all lose. I win. [Bursts out laughing.] I finally win! No more Vinyl Scratch! No more Octavia! No more sleepless nights! I’m so happy I could cry! It’s ... I didn’t think it would ever come, but now that it has ... it’s just so funny! It’s so funny, isn’t it?!

[Cackles some more.]

Trixie: Uh ... huh. Why don’t you take a step back and explain that to Trixie in a way that doesn’t make you seem like a mental patient?

Blueblood: Haha ... very well. I’ll consider this practice for when I reveal the intricacies of my plan to Miss Vinyl Scratch herself! [Chuckles.] It all came to me in an instant. All my plans ... it was all insignificant to this! My one shining moment! [Clears throat.] You may recall that the DJ’s co-host, Octavia, recently signed her and her mediocre quartet to a record label called Stallion Stereophonics.

Trixie: Trixie ... doesn’t recall that.

Blueblood: Huh. I’m certain they mentioned it on their show before. You’ve never listened to them before?

Trixie: Question: does their show have Trixie on it?

Blueblood: Um ... no.

Trixie: Then it clearly wasn’t worth listening to. [Muttering.] Bunch of mushy garbage.

Blueblood: Huh?

Trixie: Nevermind. So what does that have to do with anything? They have a record deal? So what?

Blueblood: That means they’re under contract with Stallion Stereophonics. They have copyright of any songs they record, can control where they tour, essentially meddle in all of that quartet’s creative affairs. Which wouldn’t be a problem, since that company has a reputation for treating artists fairly ... that is, until now.

Trixie: What?

Blueblood: As of about an hour ago, thanks to several extremely generous payments made to certain key members of that company’s staff, I am now the owner and CEO of Stallion Stereophonics! That means Octavia and her quartet work for me! You know what that means? I can do whatever I want to them now! If I decided they all had to play kazoos now, I could do that! If I decided their new album must be a polka, I could do that too! I could make their next tour play exclusively in the Everfree Forest, manticores get in free! I can make every horrible, despicably uncreative idea I have a reality and there’s NOTHING they can do about it, because I’ll never in a million years let them out of their contract! Even if they fight me in court, by the time they’re out of it, I’ll have damaged their careers so much they won’t be able to get work playing elevator music in a nursing home!

Trixie: [Shocked.] What? But ... but that doesn’t make any sense! Why attack them? What does any of this have to do with Vinyl?

Blueblood: No, no, you see. That’s the best part. [Cackles like a mad pony.] That’s the best, best part! It doesn’t. I don’t attack her. Not directly. But that’s the beauty of it. She’ll just have to watch. I want her to watch all the hope and promise in her best friend’s eyes twinkle out as I crush her dreams into a fine powder and toss in the wind. I want her to beg me to do something to stop this. I want her to offer K-COLT on a silver platter. I want her to promise me all the world ... and I want to look down and say “Not good enough.”

Trixie: [Genuinely appalled.] Princey ... are you insane?! This ... this isn’t like you. Trixie doesn’t like that DJ either, but don’t you think this is a bit far? Trixie knows you better than anypony. You’re not like this. You’re not THIS bad.

Blueblood: [Dark chuckle.] Everypony thinks I am. Why should I bother arguing with them? Might as well go for broke.

Trixie: This is only going to make everypony hate you even more! You do realize that, right? You’re not THAT stupid, are you? NOPONY is going to like you after this.

[Pause. Blueblood is no longer laughing.]

Blueblood: Nopony ever liked me to start with. I’m tired of caring.

Trixie: [Furious.] I just spent this whole day defending you! To Vinyl! To everypony! And you do this?!

Blueblood: You ... you did?

Trixie: Yeah! Now Trixie wonders if that was the right thing to do after all. [Screaming.] For Celestia’s sake, do you think any of this is actually going to make you happy?!

[Blueblood doesn’t answer. There is a knock at the door.]

DJ-P0n3: [Behind the door.] Hello? Is anypony there?

Trixie: [Whispering.] Go ahead ... if that’s the kind of pony you really want to be.

[Pause. There are hoofsteps as Blueblood walks over and opens the door.]

Blueblood: [Visibly shaken.] Miss Vinyl Scratch. I’m ... I’m glad you’re here.

DJ-P0n3: Really? [Chuckles.] That’s a relief. I’d have thought you’d rather push me down the stairs, than see me.

Trixie: [Bitterly sarcastic.] Yes, because that’d just be horrible. He’d never do that. Right, Princey?

Blueblood: Y-yes. I ... [Clears throat.] What are you even doing here, Miss Vinyl Scratch? Are you here to make fun of me again?

DJ-P0n3: Well ...

Blueblood: [Angry.] Are you here to take away the last drops of dignity I have? Go ahead, you can do it. It doesn’t matter anymore.

DJ-P0n3: Well, I appreciate the invitation, but that’s not--

Blueblood: Because you know what? I have something to tell you. All those times you laughed at me, you’ll see who’s laughing now! Because guess what? I am now the--

DJ-P0n3: I want to be on your show.

Blueblood: --wait. What?

DJ-P0n3: Your radio show. You know, the one you’ve got on now.

Blueblood: [Confused.] Yes, yes I am aware. I um ... this is ... [Whispering.] I don’t understand.

Trixie: Yeah, Trixie’s a little confused too. Did she miss something?

DJ-P0n3: Well ... Trixie, I think you were right. Well, at least a little bit.

Trixie: [Bitterly.] Wait a few minutes, you might think differently.

DJ-P0n3: What?

Trixie: Nothing.

Blueblood: But ... but, this doesn’t make any sense. Why would you ... why in the world do you want to be a guest on my show?

DJ-P0n3: [Sigh.] Look, Princey ... can I call you Princey?

Blueblood: No.

DJ-P0n3: Princey ... I’ll level with you. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what Luna said. I wondered if I actually was the good pony I kept telling myself I was. And ... well, maybe I’m not horrible or mean but ... I think I may have made some mistakes. Let’s be real here ... you acted like a total jerk. But I wasn’t exactly a knight in shining armor either. Maybe we’re not as different as we think. It’s easy just to hate you, but ... [Laugh.] Is that really what the rest of our lives are going to be like? Us trying to hurt each other? Dragging everypony we ever cared about into this? Is that really worth it? Just for a grudge?

Blueblood: [Softly.] I ... I don’t know.

DJ-P0n3: The fact is ... we need to act like adults. You have a show, I want to be a guest on it. It’s on your home turf. You want to make fun of me, you can go ahead and do it. You can insult me, have me at your mercy, and, hey, maybe we can have a little fun. Maybe even move on a little. It’s worth a shot at least. But it’s your decision.

[Pause.]

DJ-P0n3: Heh, I’m sorry, I interrupted you a bit ago. What were you going to say?

Trixie: Yeah, Prince ... what were you going to say?

Blueblood: I ... [Long pause.] Is ... tomorrow fine for you?

DJ-P0n3: Sounds good! Welp, see you all tomorrow. I’m gonna go back and have some fun with some friends. Gotta enjoy the little things, right?

Blueblood: [Shaken.] Yeah. Sure.

DJ-P0n3: Well see you. [Hoofsteps.] Also ... you should really get a cleaner in here. The floor here looks really bad. It’s starting to look like my desk at work.

[Door opens, closes.]

Trixie: Well ...

[Blueblood sits down. He says nothing.]

Trixie: You okay?

Blueblood: [Stunned.] All this time ... all this time I wanted to find a way to get revenge and when I finally do ... [Sigh.] It’s almost funny, isn’t it?

Trixie: Prince ...

Blueblood: ... I have some thinking to do. I’ll see you tomorrow. I think it’ll be an interesting show ...

[Crackling sound heard over transmission.]

[End transmission.]

[To Be Concluded...]