The sound I made was a cross between a seizure and foaming at the mouth. My entire face twitched, and I began to spasm and squirm at the thought of those eggs. All those little, itty-bitty eggs...hundreds upon thousands of itty-bitty tarantulas, crawling all over me, swarming Canterlot, all of Equestria wrapped in a vicious web.
"Sister?" A blue hoof waved in front of my face. "Sister?"
I collapsed, helpless as they all clambering onto my body, engulfing me. I screamed a pitiful wail, raising a hoof into the air.
"Sister, what are you doing?"
I looked up at her wearily, my shimmering mane erratic and messy. "Y-You..."
"Yes?" She leaned in. "Speak up?"
"Come closer, my sister," I whispered.
She came closer, her ear at my mouth.
"You devil."
Luna smirked and laughed falsely. "Why would you ever say such a thing, 'Tia? Ha-ha!"
I loomed over her, and she seemed to shrink slightly. "You know exactly why! I know what you're doing!" I roared. "I know everything!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Luna huffed. "If you mean to suggest that you are afraid of a little tarantula..." Her eyes flashed wickedly.
My mouth went dry. I choked, stammering. "M-Me?"
"There's no shame in admitting it."
I had no words. I backed her into a corner, growling, my mane fiery red. I held my breath, the sound of a steam whistle audible, signalling an impending explosion. It never came.
I slumped miserably. "Yes. I admit it. I am afraid of tarantulas."
"Really?"
I looked up at her, my expression matching hers. Shock.
"I thought you didn't like spiders."
"THAT IS THE SAME THING!"
"Ow! Do not scream in my ear!"
"YOU MEAN USING MY OUTDOOR VOICE? WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY YELLING!"
"Sister, that is really loud!"
"OH, I'M SORRY! I'M PRINCESS LUNA, I HAVE NO INDOOR VOICE!"
Luna gasped. "Low blow."
"LOUD NOISES!"
"Sister, on a scale of one to ten, how afraid are you of spiders?"
"ELEVEN!"
"I thought Nightmare Moon was a ten."
"NIGHTMARE MOON OVER SPIDERS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!"
"You can stop screaming. I never realized how deathly afraid you were. I thought everypony tended not to like them."
"Did it ever occur to you why a pony's first instinct is to crush a spider underhoof rather than scoop it up and play fetch?" I hissed.
"Evolutionary instincts and psychology?"
"In my case, I plan on bringing the sun down on Atticus."
Luna poked me. Hard. "You will not harm Atticus." She smiled. "In fact, I have a better idea."
"What's that? Moving them into the forest?"
"Rehabilitation."
"I don't like this."
"You don't have to like this, 'Tia. I promise, this will help."
"I still think you were doing this on purpose."
"Maybe a little."
"What clued you in?"
"I put a toy spider on your pillow and you blew a hole in your bedroom," Luna giggled. "Now Atticus, be very nice and slow." He crawled back and forth on her outstretched leg.
I backed away. "Wait, wait, wait. We need to have a safe word."
"Safe word?"
"For when I'm feeling uncomfortable."
"Then 'safe word' the safe word shall be."
"No, no," I shook my head. "It has to be something we would never say normally."
"Okay. 'Moon."
"No, no. 'Banana'."
"The safe word is 'banana'?"
"Yes, okay."
Luna approached slowly, Atticus on her hoof.
"Banana," I shrieked. "Banana!"
"You didn't even touch him!"
"I felt uncomfortable."
She glowered at me, snatching my hoof in hers. "Don't move. Simply hold Atticus for a few seconds."
My teeth ground together as I looked away, silently screaming as I felt his leg touch my coat. My first instinct was to pull away and zap him, but Luna held me tight.
"You're doing good."
More legs crawled onto my hoof.
"Banana! BANANA!"
"Sister, look, you're holding him!"
"BANANA!"
"No no no, you're doing great!"
I looked at my hoof, and shrieked, seeing only Atticus' black body and red eyes. He didn't move. He simply stared at me, his fangs twitching idly.
"I'm...I'm doing it!"
"Yes, yes you are!" Luna cheered. "Now crawl a bit, Atticus."
"BANANA, BANANA!"
Atticus crawled at a snail's pace along. Each touch of his fuzzy leg made me feel like I was on fire. I was itching all over. I squinted a bit, and on his ugly face, I saw his fangs curve, his eyes lighting up in a smile. I gave a forced smile back.
"Good job!" Atticus crawled back onto Luna's hoof. "See? They aren't so bad."
Sure, I was sweating all over. But I felt...better.
"You're right," I said softly. "He is very...docile."
"Would you like to meet his girlfriend?" Luna asked with a girly squeal.
I gave a weary smile. "Of course."
Out from the depths of the broom closet, a hideous creature twice the size of Atticus emerged, rumbling and hissing.
"Isn't it amazing? The females are giants compared to the males."
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—"
oh,boy
LOL
For Celestia:
For this I think Celestia should release some of Luna's embarrassing foal-hood pictures
oh celestia....
DAT ENDING LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!
Yes, the female are two the size, more aggressive and eat their mates. Kinda like my ex-girlfriend. BADUMBUM!
Thank you, thank you! I will be here all this week. Try the veal.
This is a complete win.
Aww, she was making such great progress too.
BANANA.
I have multiple feelings.
Banana!
great chapter
the story is over
I kinda have to agree with Celestia with that one...
GJ! I salute you! Author!
.................
Too hilarious..
Er... Luna.. you are so.... e v i l..
Poor Celestia, Diarch of Equestria, Bearer of Sun.
And her sister is a complete devil for her.
(Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Bearer of Nightmare and Spiders/tarantulas)
Luna must know that the female tarantulas is much bigger than the male one..
I actually own a pet tarantula named Shade and two praying mantises.
Banish me now, Celestia.
Well done, although tis always sad to see a great story end.
Why must they end so soon? They were so young!
1421187
oh, she knew...
BANANABANANABANANA!
Not the female!
I love you.
1421138 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/034/709/win5.jpg
'Tis true. Most female spiders are larger than the males (plus, some of them actually eat the male after (or during!) sex)
Double refrence get
I now have to wonder what would happen if Celestia had to face Nightmare Moon if the latter was turned into a spider.
Poor Celestia.
And then Celestia brought the sun down onto the tarantula, extinguishing all life in the world. THE END
Oh, come on, Celestia. Stop exagerating! The spider isn't that big anywa-
...
...
...
Celestia, my dear, your royal flank is screwed in every sense of the word.
1421334
She might drop the sun to end her sister and all Equestria instead of using Elements of Harmony...
Princess Celestia runs by screaming...
"BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!"
BANANA, BANANA! BANANA, BANANA! BANANA, BANANA!
I was half expecting Luna to ko Celestia, and take her to Twilight's and have Twilight talk her out of dropping the sun and killing everything, but Celestia wakes up to find Twilight doing research on exotic and poisonous spiders. And that is how Pinkie Pie got her cutie mark.
Anchorman reference! yay!
i enjoy banana's....on the moon...
as soon as she said if Celestia would like to meet Atticus's girlfriend i knew she was hosed, cuz in that instance i remembered females are larger.
that poor alicorn is going to go insane.
I would've soiled my self in her position
Thanks to you I now have System of a Down' Vicinity of Obscenity stuck in my head, and what better way of doing that than this.
The Safe word is Banana?
Isn't that like two references in one? Magicka and Bananas (OH you know what I mean)
Banana is the code word for launching spiders to the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN BBBIIIIIIIIAAAAAAATTTTTCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1421514 you weren't the first to notice gen 1 tshirts. Waste money. Live worse. Troll harder. Walmart.
also I was sent one for my b day. I burned it with friendship. Then I gave it to discord. He loves things people hate.
Nope, you can't end it there. You have to have Celestia return the favour to Luna, make her squirm
I'm so happy this got in the back of the feature box, I loved the first chapter. I thought I fav'd this but I didn't then I saw it again. So excited to see Celestia's rehabilitation.
Ciao
1421791
Banana-Terracotta-Pie?
Dear Princess Celestia:
The weirdest thing happened today in Ponyville. Everypony's windows all exploded at the same time!
Ponies who were out-of-doors at the time of the spontaneous shattering have reported curious cravings for Yogurt, Papayas, and other potassium-rich foods. The intensity of the blast pattern seems to be an almost linear compression waveform, forming lazy arcs whose radii would meet in Canterlot.
If some foal has discovered their super special talent in magical arts, and we felt the effects of their awakening here in Ponyville, I would love to come up and speak with them, and share with them some of the lessons you taught me about the magic of studying! Um, that is, if you think it would be good for me to talk to foals. If you don't, I can stop talking to foals here in Ponyville! In fact, I can stop talking entirely!
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Mayor Mare says that she will be seeking damages from whomever caused this, assuming they are an adult, and wanted me to ask you to ask the royal guard to start pursuing inquiries in Canterlot.
To the Mooooooon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIGGX2k36YQ
BANANA!
I remember when i allowed my friend to put his female pet tarantula, Shelob, on my head. she crawled around up there for a few minutes. it tickled.
LOL. I partly agree with the Godess of the sun. They are creepy...i just avoid them most of the tim if i can...tho killing with the sun is overkill...oh well.
Safewords and desensitization therapy:
YOU'RE DOING THEM BOTH WRONG!
(Directed at Luna, not the author.)
Bananananananananana SPIDER!
Badumtish
You never cease to amaze.
Every chapter makes me laugh.
And I completely forgot about the size comparison between males and females. I just thought;
Oh right........ Oh shit!