Deadpool sat back in his chair, Chrysalis beside him in her human form. For once, she was fully clothed in a business skirt-suit, while Deadpool was wearing a rather professional looking tie.
"Alright, readers!" Deadpool said happily. "We've gotten all your suggestions regarding who Chrysalis should hook up with, and now we're going to go through them all. Chrysalis, are you ready to be the most eligible bachelorette?"
"I'm ready," Chrysalis replied. "I've even got a little something prepared to wear for the lucky man." She purred seductively as she spoke.
"Now you're just torturing us deliberately," Crazy pouted.
"Now?" Chrysalis asked, before laughing wickedly.
"Pro/Con votes?" Deadpool asked.
"Check!"
"Check."
"Rejection receptacle?"
Yog-Soggoth let out an unholy noise of rage and hunger as his mouth opened wide...and gave a thumbs up with a tentacle.
"Then we're ready to go!" Chrysalis proclaimed. "We'll start at the bottom of the suggestion list."
"Alright," Deadpool began. "Our first suggestion is...Spider-Man."
"Well," Crazy began, "he has a pretty good sense of humor-"
Chrysalis promptly tossed the suggestion into Yog-Soggoth's open mouth. "Several past girlfriends," she states bluntly. "And most of the break ups were either bad or involved the girl in question dying."
"Or never existing in the first place," Cray-Chry pointed out.
"We do not speak of that mockery of sense," Stuffy pointed out.
"Say, Chrys," Deadpool spoke up. "I know I said no exes because I wanted to avoid drama...but why are you so against it?"
"Because the whole point of this is finding someone who will be wanting to give me babies," Chrysalis replied. "Which means no disguising as exes, which means I'll be tasting their emotional baggage any time we try to go at it." She shuddered violently. "And emotional baggage makes me nauseous."
"Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "No exes involving bad breakups." He looks at the next suggestion. "Quicksilver."
"Con, he's apparently dead," Stuffy pointed out.
"We have an elder god, an author, and a magic user if we want to fix that," Crazy counters. "Not to mention we can ask Death to bring him back. And he's Magneto's kid. We like Magneto."
"Does he like us?" Deadpool asked.
"He will if we bring his kid back from the dead!" Crazy offered.
"Fair enough. Chrysi voices? Your thoughts?"
"Hmm...super speed would be an interesting power for our little lings," Stuffalis points out. "If it was inherited."
"Magic," Stuffy pointed out.
"True," Chrysalis agreed.
"But how is he in bed?" Cray-Chry asked.
"Knowing our author, probably just as fast as he is everywhere else," Chrysalis replied. "Not only that, whether or not he had a girlfriend, he has a shit ton of baggage regarding his old man."
"Rejected!" Deadpool called out, hurling the paper into Yog-Soogoth's mouth. "Next up is...Fluffle Puff."
"I'm not animating my plushy to fuck me and give me babies," Chrysalis growled out, tossing the paper.
"Oh, is that what you named it?" Deadpool asked.
"Her."
"Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "Next is...huh, a long list. We'll hit them bullet style. Thor?"
"Married to Sif."
"Hulk?"
"Betty Ross."
"Iron Man?"
"Pepper Potts."
"That's canon?" Chrysalis asked.
"The author shipped them in Technomare, so as far as we're concerned, yes," Deadpool pointed out. "Already eliminated Spider-Man...Venom or Carnage?"
"The symbiotes themselves don't have compatible genetic material, so we'd be getting their hosts," Stuffy pointed out.
"Pass," Chrysalis insisted.
"Nick Fury?" Deadpool asked.
"Senior has a kid for Junior to exist," Chrysalis points out. "And Junior is a little too involved in what he sees is his job. He just doesn't know how to have fun."
"Sorcerer Supreme...I assume they mean Dr. Strange?" Deadpool asked.
Chrysalis thought about that for a time. "Hmm...put him in the maybe pile for now."
"Alright, I'll stick that in the Author's Note, and we'll go over it when we're through everyone else," Deadpool pointed out. "Blade?"
"Talk about emotional baggage," Chrysalis points out. "Besides, I don't like getting bitten."
"Galac-how the fuck would that even work?" Deadpool asked, tossing the paper away. "Ugh...just no." He turned to the next sheet. "We already ruled out Parker - and that One More Day bullshit - and Alucard - much as I like him - isn't Marvel. Besides that, he doesn't like me very much."
"Why not?" Chrysalis inquired.
"Eh...I promised her I'd call back in the 40's after a crazy time travel storyline...and never did," Deadpool replied.
"...alright," Chrysalis replied, disposing of the paper.
"How about Captain America?" Deadpool asked.
"Baggage," Chrysalis countered. "Everyone he knew and loved from his original time is dead."
"Ouch," Deadpool agreed. "We're going to get our fill of that on our own, without having it in your sugar daddy." He glanced at the next paper. "Loki?"
"If he weren't married in his mythos and a known cheat, he'd be perfect," Chrysalis replied. "But dump it."
"Ben Grimm?" Deadpool read off the next slip.
"That would be uncomfortable to ride," Chrysalis replied. "Next?"
"Juggernaut?"
Chrysalis scratched her chin for a time. "Put him in the maybe pile."
"Doctor Doom?" Deadpool suggested as he read the next slip.
"His armor suit seals off his emotions, and he never takes it off," Chrysalis pointed out. "Toss him."
Deadpool picked up the next slip. "Cyclops?"
"Jean Grey."
"Beast?"
"...maybe pile."
"Daredevil?"
"Elektra."
"Ant-Man?"
"That wasp girl," Chrysalis replied.
"I think she's actually called Wasp, but yeah, they're married."
"And Dr. Strange is already in the maybe pile," Deadpool finished, tossing the suggestion aside. "Already addressed Fluffle Puff...oh. Next guy gave us the pros and cons already. Thanks, PoisonJoker09!"
"I'll read down his suggestions, then," Chrysalis pointed out. "Nightcrawler's a Catholic Priest, so he can't give me children. Pity, he'd be great otherwise...especially since he apparently has two. Punisher has emotional baggage. And Iron Man and Hulk have already been eliminated."
"Alright, next list," Deadpool continued. "We'll skip the ones we've already covered. Johnny Storm?"
"Last I heard, he was dating some sort of alien fire princess," Chrysalis countered.
"Magneto?" Deadpool suggested.
"He has kids, ergo, he has at least one ex."
"Ares?"
"No Greeks," Chrysalis counters. "The whole lot of them are cheating bastards with all the morals of a randy goat. I don't want that for my kids."
"The next two are apparently Uncle Fuzzy's kids," Deadpool points out.
"Which makes them my cousins," Chrysalis countered. "All joking aside, that would be weird for me."
"And...someone's suggested the Author?" Deadpool said in shock.
"I've checked his folders," Chrysalis countered. "He only looks up pics of me for writing. He prefers Luna, Fluttershy-"
"Liking his tastes!"
"-and Applejack."
"I do love me some good applejack."
Deadpool somehow managed to turn and stare at a voice in his own head...mostly by staring at the text box that was still hanging in midair. "Did...did you just make a joke?" Crazy demanded.
"After all the times you've been logical this story, I felt I'd earned it," Stuffy replied.
"Not bad," Deadpool allowed. "Moving on. Next is...Omega Red."
"Nobody vampiric," Chrysalis replied. "It wouldn't be good for any babies to have him draining energy out of me. Besides, I'd rather tie him up then be tied up by him...whoever him turns out to be at the end of this."
"Silver Samurai?" Deadpool continued.
"One of Uncle Fuzzy's enemies," Chrysalis replied. "Awkward..."
"Electro?"
"Apparently lost his powers," Chrysalis pointed out. "Makes him useless to me, and not very impressive besides."
"And Batman is not Marvel," Stuffy pointed out.
"Also not my tastes. ...how much more?" Chrysalis pleaded.
"...tons..."
Chrysalis groaned and face palmed.
"Stan Lee? ...that's a little too meta even for me," Deadpool pointed out. "The Power Pack?"
"Pass on them," Chrysalis replied. "Author's never heard of them before."
"Franklin Richards?" Deadpool suggested.
"...maybe pile."
"Colossus?"
Chrysalis shook her head. "Pass on him. Something about him wierds me out."
Deadpool looked at the next suggestion sheet. "What the...Thanos? Okay, our readers are apparently insane in a bad way, so we're stopping here!"
"So...how do we winnow through the maybe pile?" Chrysalis asked.
"Oh, that's easy!" Deadpool replied. "How they feel about our family!"
"That eliminates Strange and Richards," Stuffy pointed out. "They both are too logical in thought, and hate how we function."
"And Juggernaut hates Uncle Fuzzy," Stuffalis added.
"So...Beast?" Chrysalis asked. "He's highly intelligent, well spoken, compassionate, doesn't judge people...he sounds perfect."
"If he weren't four times your age," Stuffy pointed out.
Chrysalis sighed sadly. "Why did Sweetie Belle have to be right?" she grumbled. "All of the good ones are taken..."
Deadpool suddenly sat up. "Lightbulb!"
"You have an idea?"
"Yup!" Deadpool replied. Reaching beyond the veil, he yanked Thirty/Thirty into the apartment. "How's he look?"
Thirty/Thirty let out a surprised whinny. "What's goin' on here?" he demanded in an Old West accent.
"Ooh!" Chrysalis purred, shifting into her pony form and then an anthromorphic form, each with their own salacious appeal. "Yummy!"
Thirty/Thirty blushed. "You ain't so bad yerself, ma'am."
"Now all I need to do is grab Dr. Soong for an upgrade-"(1)
Yog-Soggoth interrupted Deadpool, gesturing to a wikipedia article.
Deadpool glanced at it. "Cyborg? So...you've got the big boy parts? And reproductive code?"
Thirty/Thirty scratched the back of his head. "Rather forward of ya ta ask...but yeah..."
"Mine!" Chrysalis shouted, pouncing Thirty/Thirty from behind. "My cyborg, Old West style anthro horsey!"
"And since your series has been cancelled, I'd say go for it!"
(1) The original idea I had planned for ending this story - after all suggestions got rejected for one comical reason or serious other - was to pull in Thirty/Thirty from Bravestarr (idea inspired by one of Silver Quill's videos), and stick him in a room with Dr. Soong for an 'upgrade'. It would then be revealed that, as an android horse, even with the Soong upgrade he'd have no reproductive code. This would have led to Thirty/Thirty having to leave (with him wondering how he'd have to explain to Bravestarr that he would have to wear pants from now on), and a joke suggesting a spin off story starring Thirty/Thirty in Equestria.
...then I looked up the wiki and learned he was a cyborg, not an android.
