//------------------------------// // Do you want to be my brother? Well, too bad! You are! // Story: The Merc With the Moth // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// Deadpool returned home later that day, his job not having taken anywhere near as long as anticipated. That, and when he was finished he hopped to the start of the chapter to make it home sooner. "Chrysi, I'm hoo-oome!" he called as he opened the door. "Daddy!" Chrysalis called happily, buzzing through the air to land in his arms, hugging him tight. "You're back early," Wolverine Uncle Fuzzy said as he lounged back in a spare chair. "Did a rush job, with a hop skip jump to get home in time to put Chrysalis to bed," he replied. "She's never gone to bed without a goodnight kiss, and I didn't want her sleep to be troubled." He turned back to the nymph in his arms. "So did you have fun with Mr. not-sure-what-to call-him-now?" he asked, gesturing at Wolverine Uncle Fuzzy. "Uncle Fuzzy is the bestest!" Chrysalis crowed happily. Deadpool laughed uproariously. "Uncle Fuzzy, I love it! I'ma call you that from now on!" He then went back through the chapter and 'corrected' the name scheme. Uncle Fuzzy groaned. "I'm never going to escape that name now, am I?" "Not in this story, bub!" the mad merc proclaimed happily. Uncle Fuzzy rolled his eyes. "Pizza's going to be here soon. Hungry?" "I'm so hungry, I could eat the delivery boy!" Deadpool proclaimed. "Or girl, but that'd be a different sort of eating!" "Eat her fish taco?" Chrysalis asked curiously. "I didn't teach her that!" Uncle Fuzzy said quickly. "Did your Mama teach you that?" Deadpool demanded. Chrysalis nodded eagerly. "Geeze, and I was counting on her to be the responsible parent!" "Who is her Mom?" Uncle Fuzzy asked curiously. "Death." Uncle Fuzzy merely blinked. "Should have known." There was a knock on the door. "I'll get it." Jumping to his feet, he collected the pizzas and paid the delivery boy. "So what did you get?" Deadpool asked Chrysalis. She threw her hooves in the air excitedly. "Cheese and garlic and anchovies and honey and people bits!" Deadpool gasped. "I didn't know the local pizzeria served people bits! I've been gypped for years!" "They don't," Uncle Fuzzy pointed out as he took a tray of meat chunks out of the oven. "I'm adding them for her." Opening up the smallest pizza box, he scattered the meat chunks over the pizza contained therein amongst the glistening anchovies. "Where'd you get the people bits?" Deadpool asked curiously as he opened one of the other boxes. "And how'd you know my favorite variety?" "The freezer, and I asked for one of your usuals," Uncle Fuzzy replied, opening the third box to reveal his pizza. "Also, the little lady's picked out a movie for during dinner." Turning to the DVD player, Deadpool spied the movie box. "Nightmare Before Christmas? I love that movie! How'd you know, Chrysi?" "I pick it cause he's bony like Mama!" Chrysalis proclaimed happily, pointing to Jack Skelington on the cover. "This is going to be so much fun!" Deadpool said eagerly. "I get to show you a special trick I do for one of the songs!" The trio sat eating their pizzas and watching the movie, Chrysalis in her Daddy's lap in one chair, with Uncle Fuzzy in the other. As Jack's Lament began, Deadpool began singing along. He had a good singing voice, surprisingly enough, and pitched it to harmonize well with Jack's, neither overpowering it nor being lost in it. "And since I am dead," he sang, "I can-" Reaching up, he popped his head off his neck. "-take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations!" Unnoticed to him, Chrysalis had mirrored his actions, though she wasn't singing. "No animal or man-" He popped his head back on, but something felt wrong. He glanced down at Chrysi, only to see his own legs. Glancing up, he and Chrysi both let out a scream just as Jack said 'scream'. "Did I forget to mention she started super healing today?" Uncle Fuzzy asked dryly as they quickly switched heads back. "I get to be Piccolo tomorrow!" Deadpool proclaimed happily. Chrysalis clapped happily. "So...how come you enjoy this movie so much?" Uncle Fuzzy asked. "I wouldn't think it'd have enough excitement and explosions for you." Deadpool shrugged. "I dunno. I guess...I just identify with Jack, for some reason." As Uncle Fuzzy became lost in thought, Chrysalis sat back to watch the movie happily. Eventually, the movie came to a close, with all three singing along with the "What's This?" reprisal. As the movie ended, Chrysalis looked up at Deadpool hopefully. "Can we steal Christmas?" she asked eagerly. "Oh dear god," Uncle Fuzzy whispered under his breath. For he knew those words would give Deadpool an idea...a wonderfully awful idea. "This year," Deadpool proclaimed, "Christmas will be...ours!" Uncle Fuzzy groaned as Chrysalis cheered. Then she began singing. "Kidnap the Sandy Claws Take bites off his face! Steal all of the presents and The dawn we will race! Deadpool applauded her song happily as Uncle Fuzzy took a swig of beer. After a time, Chrysalis played herself out and flopped over onto the floor, snoring gently. Deadpool gently carried her back into the bedroom, tucking her in and kissing her goodnight. Uncle Fuzzy watched curiously. "You know, I never would have thought you'd make a good parent if I hadn't seen it myself." Deadpool chuckled. "I know what you mean, bro. I didn't think I'd be a good parent either until Cable convinced me otherwise." Uncle Fuzzy chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose you would-bro?" "Well, if you're her Uncle, you have to be either my brother or her Mom's," Deadpool explained. "Who'd you rather have as a sibling? Me or Lady Death?" When he didn't respond right away, Deadpool prompted, "Well?" "I'm thinking," Uncle Fuzzy replied. "Ooh...we just got burned!" "And by Logan...James...Wolverine no less." "His name is Uncle Fuzzy!" "Being burned by Uncle Fuzzy doesn't have anywhere near the weight as a statement." Uncle Fuzzy stretched. "I just know you're going to start training her tomorrow. Okay if I crash on your sofa so I can be here for that...bro?" Though it wasn't visible, Deadpool grinned widely. "Sure thing...bro."