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Dubs Rewatcher


Hey friends, Dubs here! I'm a tired college student, an EqD Pre-reader, a Formidable Feather, and a sixteen-time EqD published author. I hope you have a lovely day—be kind to strangers!


T
Source

Twilight is assassinated. Repeatedly. If only anypony knew what the word "immortal" meant...


Now available in Spanish!

Originally written for the Writeoff Association's February contest, "The Twilight Zone."
Thanks to Not_A_Hat, Masked Ferret, Floydien, Chryssi, and ChappedPenguinLips for prereading.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 224 )
batran #1 · May 15th · · 7 ·

I think invincible is a better term, because being immortal means you can't die by any normal circumstances but that's probably the video games and movies talking, but whatever.

Great, the new additions really improves the first draft. I'm also glad you got rid of Flurry Heart.

Immortals would still feel the terrible agony of poison, they would just have to wait it out.

This was the most hilarious fanfic I've ever read! I screenshotted about five different lines because they were so funny I had to save them!

:rainbowlaugh: That ending! Id love to see more

Tfw you try to read this with a dark theme but the text is a custom color that keeps it dark on a dark background.

Well I think Cadance likes those musical numbers. Twilight just needs to slip Chrysalis into the Crystal Kingdom and let her eat to her hearts content.

8165561
Ah, sorry about that. The Better GDocs Importer imports literally everything from Google Docs—including the text color. I'll fix it now.

EDIT: And fixed! Feel free to read in whatever theme you like now.

A nice story. Just two questions: why does a popcorn salespony want Twilight Sparkle dead? And was Cadance being serious, or it was just a prank?
Also:

“Blueblood, I’m immortal.”

“Yes, I know you’re immoral. I’ve seen your mane."

Another moment of silence.

Twilight threw Blueblood out the window.

Most justified defenestration I've ever heard of.

8165583 Thanks, that is greatly appreciated.

Professor Plum
Story Approver

Hmm. Amusing concept, good execution, some very funny moments, but I feel the ending is... lacklustre. Bit of a let-down compared with the rest of the fic, for me.

This seems to be about what I would expect immortal rulers to do to each other to pass the time.

Alright, this was great. Got a few good laughs and giggles out of me.

"Uh, Cadence?"

"Oh! Sorry, food in the Crystal Empire has a lot of contaminants. You develop a taste for them after a while."

In any case, good to see this on Fimfiction. The expansions really add to the experience, especially the little "Wait, what?" asides.

Fluttershy seems awwwefully familiar with hits and assassination attempts. :trixieshiftright:

WTF CADENCE AND BLUEBLOOD
JUST HIRE A GPHITMAN
OR IS IT HITMARE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
WHATEVER

8165751
Fluttershy, ex-assassin. There's a drabble idea for you.

Yes, Cadence totally seems like the pony who'll treat you to tea, except your tea has been laced with arsenic.

Then again, she's an alicorn, too, so she know exactly what she's getting into.

that coverart is legitamitly funny

Arzoo #22 · May 15th · · ·

Hilarious concept, but it kind of didn't do enough with it I felt. Blueblood being the culprit was predictable but the confrontation was still amusing.

The thing with Fluttershy was great. Just that one line that goes ignored by the narrative yet raises such funny questions.

in the case of cadence i half expect 'asassination attempts' are just there way of pranking each other.

Ok why do I feel the need to write silly over the top sequels if the immortals trying to one up each other with killing stuff I mean sure cant die might as well as troll each other with murder btw please do that

Round 2... It could be a good sequel.

I'm sure arsenic is just a tasty spice that only immortals can enjoy. It's like those delicious silica packets and antifreeze that everyone tells me not to eat or drink. But I know what's going on! They just want to keep all of it for themselves! If antifreeze wasn't meant to be consumed, then why else would they make it look like Kool-Aid!?

The story was simple and predictable, but managed to be funny without overstaying its welcome.

Twilight threw Blueblood out the window.

0:41

“Please?” Scootaloo asked, standing on Twilight’s neck. “Like, please please? I swear, I’ll let you ride my scooter. I’ll let you ride it twice, even!”

Lobbying Is Magic!

8165545 Depends on the kind of immortality and the poison Cyanide would just taste bitter and strongly of almonds if they could just metabolize it. Might get a minor stomach ache.

“Blueblood, I’m immortal.”

“Yes, I know you’re immoral. I’ve seen your mane."

Another moment of silence.

Twilight threw Blueblood out the window.

:twilightoops: "I think it's time for a vacation to Sunset Shimmers place. Stat."

8165497 there are a few kinds of immortality. Biological immortality or semi immortality (no "cut off switch" in the body that makes you start to degrade after a certain age, or stay young forever) the former is what lobsters have, retroactive immortality (resurrect after death or get reincarnated) regeneration immortality (heal faster then you can be hurt) this is what wolverine from Xmen has, reliant immortality (anchoring yourself using an object that, if destroyed, would render you mortal again) think horcrux's in Harry Potter, like what Tom Riddle uses, absolute immortality (immune to any form of damage to mind body or soul, cannot be removed, will exist until the end of eternity) this seems to be what is used in this. Mind you there are dozens of other types, but these are the big ones. Everything else is just a combination of these.

And now you know just a little bit more about immortality!

i like the letters and the multiple attempts added to this version.

repeating the arsenic joke at the end doesn't work quite right. at least it made sense for Flurry Heart to do that, since she's a dumb babby anyway

8166289
I originally had it as cyanide, but Hat told me it thought it was funnier if it was arsenic, to call back to Celestia's line.

8166197 Oh, thank the Gods, someone explained it before I had to... less wordy then I would have, at that.

Chimp #38 · May 16th · · ·

What a delightful story! :rainbowlaugh:

Wow. Just wow. Seriously Cadence? What are we to do with you???

“Immortal. It means I can’t die,” Twilight explained.
“Not even if you eat broccoli?”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
That was priceless!
:scootangel:

“That wasn’t my fault!” Spike said, stomping his foot. “He tried to sniff my butt!”
“And you tried to hump Rarity’s leg.”

I'm dead.

I love it~

Georg #43 · May 16th · · ·

“She’s just another ineffective, mainstream capitalist neoliberal figurehead,” Sweetie said.

Small Squeaky Horse has good point. Is good socialist. Will eat ration of potatoes tonight.

3,333 chapter words. 3,334 story words. I smell mutiny...

Operation: Defenestration is successful!

It's a good thing that the only person who could do anything permanent to Princess Twilight is the one who delegated the authority to her in the first place!

8166696
It actually has 1/3rd of 10,000 words, but the displays can't handle fractions.

8165585
The Cadance thing at the end was almost certainly a prank. Unlike Blueblood, Cadance is smart enough to know what immortal means.
Alternatively, somepony tried to poison her with arsenic, and she discovered that she liked the taste; now she's taking the opportunity to share her new favorite condiment with two of the three other ponies who can actually eat it. She doesn't get to enjoy it often, after that mix-up at the dinner table…

Clearly normal spices aren't enough for the Princess of Love. :pinkiecrazy:

I loved this story, please write a sequel with Cadence and Twilight using assignations attempts as pranks.

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