• Member Since 18th Aug, 2011
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Dubs Rewatcher

Fandom veteran, journalist, sixteen-time EqD published author. I hope you have a lovely day! Come visit my official website at www.williamantonelli.com


It's been a few months since the Battle of the Bands, and Adagio Dazzle is trying her best to become one of the "good guys." Sure, she won't wear any pajamas that aren't ninety percent see-through. And yeah, she can't stop threatening to kick puppies. But still, she's trying!

A week before her first Hearth's Warming, Adagio finds herself facing the most ridiculous task of her life: teaching Pinkie Pie the true meaning of the holiday season. Now, armed with nothing but her wits and a lot of alcohol, Adagio must save Hearth's Warming for the woman she loves doesn't hate as much as everyone else.

Originally written for Obselescence's Secret Santa Jingle-Off as a present for the lovely Majin Syeekoh.
Thanks to Oroboro, Not_A_Hat, Foehn, and Pascoite for prereading and editing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 51 )

I really want to see a sequel where a pissed of Santa tells Adagio she's on the Naughty List forever for corrupting Pinkie's view of him.

An absolutely great Story. Loved every bit.

Poofy-shipping? Oh that must be a mess of feels.

This story is very silly and fabulous. :twilightsmile:

Always interesting to see Pinkie paired with a different siren for once. Loved it.

Adagio fingered her wine glass. “So, Pinkamena—are you a virgin?”

Well, this started well.

‘Friendship Spray.’

For all your bad-guy reformation needs.

alcohol privileges

We have those?

where Sonata and Adagio held down Applejack and Rainbow so Aria could strangle them both to death.

Oh, what a fun time!

Applejack and Rainbow had both decided not to attend, however; they didn’t specify why.

Total mystery.

I’m kidding. Probably.

It is disturbing how much this phrase can be used in relation to my life.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone make Pinkie uncomfortable.”

Will wonders never cease?

“Hmph. You humans and your ‘romance,’”


“So you’re saying Pinkamena’s as smart as a ten-year-old?”

If we were to start a debate on this subject it would quite probably last until the sun explodes, the universe dies, the big bang happens again, and the world is reformed with pastel coloured ponies. Then tentacles.

“I was merely repeating what I’ve heard from you humans,” Adagio said, spitting out the last word like mud.


If Pinkamena says this Santa character is real, then it must be true.

This is literally how religions start.

I’m a sea creature who controls teenagers through pop music.


wide hips.

Oh for…

total enslavement of the human race, or a nice bottle of aged red wine.

Decisions, decisions…

Rarity moaning about greased-up men wearing bow ties.


the abs of some guy named Blueblood


tried to let sleep take her—it refused.

It is literally 10:52pm right now.

written above it in big letters, “SANTA COMES!!!”

The fat man commeth!

World Domination 101.

I think I have a copy of that somewhere.

This was the alcohol speaking.

*kight* Testing, testing, one two three. *kight*

sultry glances she had received from women

Why is everyone gay??? WHY???


The shear number of times I have shared that exact same sentiment is ridiculous.

Do your reindeer really pee rainbows?


Adagio, cute...? Now I've seen everything. :pinkiegasp:

Adagio groaned again. Grumbling, she reached up and began to unbutton her shirt.

“No,” Maud said, eyes going the least bit wider. “Not that. Please.”

Welp... gotta run, or I'll be late to my own funeral. You just killed the s**t outta me, Dubs.


This really is too funny. Thanks!

Daaaaw I loved this one.

Rarity turned up her nose and supped at her tea. “A warning.”

Rarity wouldn't be caught dead using that sort of low-brow language.

Anyway, this reminds me of Justice3442's siren fics. Especially the Christmas one, for obvious reasons. Which is good, because they're really, really hilarious.

With a stilted laugh, Adagio tugged down her skirt and buttoned her top. “Aheh heh... Um. Ho ho ho?”

Maud blinked. “I can see that.”



Maud has the best lines. Just sayin'.

With a stilted laugh, Adagio tugged down her skirt and buttoned her top. “Aheh heh... Um. Ho ho ho?”
Maud blinked. “I can see that.”


My stomach! It hurts! I got a pain in my chest. And I can't breath!

Why did I drink so much water before reading this?!

Sunset: *psst psst* No! Bad Adagio!

Adagio: *hissssssss*



Oh frag, I didn't even get that until you mentioned it! Bwahahahahaha!

Delightfully nuts, I like it. My one quibble is the assumption that the de-magicked Sirens have the strength needed to hold down Applejack and Rainbow Dash for strangling: change that to "tried" to hold them down for strangling and I'd be an entirely happy camper. :pinkiehappy:

Love me some Adagio

It would be cute, if it weren't so... creepy. :applejackconfused:

It was cute and funny, but I do wish there was some exploration of how Adagio developed feelings for Pinkie, what about her appeals more than any of the other elements to the Siren, what's special about the connection they have. It needn't have been exhaustive but even a couple sentences early on would have helped.

Otherwise, it was fairly well-written crack.

Adagio in love with Pinkie..? Well there's a pairing that'll be interesting to see.

Dubs, I want to make one thing very clear: If I ever have to write another sentence about wine symbolism because of something you've written, I swear to god that I'll cry at you. Or something like that. Idk, I'm not very good at threats.

Anyway, I had a lot to say about this story, so I wrote a review about it in a blog post and even that wasn't enough space for me to say everything I wanted to. It's a good story. People should read it.

I've never really gotten behind the whole "reform the sirens" movement, largely because I think it'd go a lot like this, only without the crack pairing. Still, this was a tremendously enjoyable romp from beginning to end. I love Adagio's ability to make pretty much every member of the Pie family uncomfortable, and any instance of human Maud in a geology club makes me happy. Also, there was this passage:

Pinkie yawned and rubbed an eye. “I know. Adagio is a real sweetie—even if she maybe still wants to destroy the human race.”

Adagio chuckled. “I’m sure that even if she does, she would be happy to spare your life.”

It's like being in a relationship with provocative poofy-haired Cthulhu. "You're cute. I'll eat you last."

Thank you for this. :twilightsmile:

I approve of this interpretation of Adagio so hard (no pun intended).

One slightly nit-picky thing, though is a bit of a pet peeves is the horse word-play isn't really necessary in the Equestria Girl verse.

Other than that, Pinkie was on point and had some great lines and "Friendship spray" was hilarious. I enjoyed the story from start to finish. :pinkiehappy:


Oh my. I'm famous. :rainbowlaugh:


Maud's reaction was mine... PLEASE LORD JESUS NO!:raritydespair:

I can't get over that friendship spray idea. I'd love to hear/read about Sonata's and Aria's reactions to it. Mainly Aria only because I see her as the more grumpy of the siren sisters.

New ship, Pinkdagio, Adinkie, or Pinkie/Adagio! :pinkiesad2::pinkiecrazy: = :heart:

Do your reindeer really pee rainbows?

We don't need the Elements! Friendship piss jars!

Comment posted by Sexay Shie deleted Jan 26th, 2016

It's scary how similar this interpretation of Adagio and I are.

Not very often that I find a RomCom that actually makes me laugh. Have a like, good sir.

I just imagine them falling asleep together and their hair getting incredibly tangled.:rainbowlaugh:

This was fantastic, I love how you handled the characters and Adagio felt really spot on with her mannerisms and the fact she was clearly changing and trying to improve. The other girls felt very mature handling things as well, it really did feel like things had been progressing for some time and we were seeing a long term friendship.

I'd be interested in seeing how the other sirens handle sleepovers as well.

Another commenter referred to Pinkie/Adagio as poof-shipping, and my friend Oroboro said that after reading, all he could imagine was Pinkie and Adagio living together and getting into arguments because the shower kept getting blocked up. :derpytongue2:

I'm glad you liked it!

Ahaha, this was pretty entertaining!

I'm not sure the human characters would use Santa hooves, but eh, Adagio totally makes a great Santa. Thumbs up!

Well that was amazing. . . . Now I really want to see where this would go.

Pinke ships with Adagio, confirmed!:pinkiehappy:
Now, to find a good one with Aria. How would that ship name work?:applejackunsure:

Wow, Adagio and Maud are just oozing sarcasm. I love it! Great story!

You're a lewd one. misses Dazzle!
Anypony get the reference?

I can't say I'm a fan if the subtle shipping here, but I do absolutely love the Adagio. Especially the idea of the Friendship Spray Sunset has. It would be fun to watch the progress of reformation under the watchful eye of Sunset and her spray bottle.

Superb story, genuinely really funny but without the situation being unrealistically over the top. Great job, hoping you write more siren stuff!

“I was merely repeating what I’ve heard from you humans,” Adagio said, spitting out the last word like mud. “If Pinkamena says this Santa character is real, then it must be true. And besides: I’m a sea creature who controls teenagers through pop music. You’re a bunch of half-human half-horse wizards. Who says there can’t be a fat man in a sled speeding around the sky somewhere?”

When you put it like that...

I missed this when it first came out, but now I’m kinda glad I did just so I could read it before Christmas. There's never a wrong time to read Christmas stories, but there is a right time. :ajsmug:

Superbly written, Dubs. It touched me in all the right places.

For some reason I love the idea of sunset spraying adagio with a relabeled spray bottle like a disobedient pet:pinkiehappy:

Look what i found

Happy early christmas i guess.

Got here from Neighrator Pony’s reading! Super cute story!

Adagio manages to be a bitch and a sweetheart at the same time and i love it

Author Interviewer

Utter perfection in story form. The spray bottle was a stroke of comedy genius. :D

personally I thought she made a good point about the possibility Santa might be real considering all the nutty things the girls have seen.

Honestly this was a very good story! I would like to see what sleepover with Aria and Sonata individually would be like

Adagio fingered her wine glass. “So, Pinkamena—are you a virgin?”

I sure wasn't expecting to see this story start like this. 😧

“Oh, no reason,” Adagio said, adjusting her lingerie top. She smirked as the straps slid down her arms and inched a bit closer to Pinkie, who went stiff. Trailing a finger along Pinkie’s thigh, she said, “Just thinking of ways I could make this slumber party a bit more interesting... ach!” Adagio flinched away as Sunset spritzed her with a water bottle marked ‘Friendship Spray.’

Lol, friendship spray. 😂

“But I am trying!” Adagio said, placing a hand over her heart and fluttering her eyelashes. “Two months ago, I would have waited until you were all asleep, then snuck into the basement and started a gas leak. Now look at me; I’ve been here for three hours, and I’ve only threatened to slit Fluttershy’s throat once!”

I don't see much process for you adagio, especially with the mention of wanting to slit Fluttershy's throat.

But that was three weeks ago, and since then, a new rule had been established: one siren per sleepover. Tonight was Adagio’s turn, and aside from her refusal to wear any pajamas that weren’t ninety percent see-through, things were going swimmingly. Applejack and Rainbow had both decided not to attend, however; they didn’t specify why.

Yeah, ngl a good idea to not cause a repeat of you ask me.
Also not all pajamas are see through.

Adagio shrugged. “I suppose. Not as fun as kicking puppies, though.” Fluttershy gasped again, and Adagio muttered, “Oh, calm yourself, Wallflower. I’m kidding. Probably.”

I feel the same as fluttershy right now since if I were there I'd so want to hurt adagio since I care a lot about animals like fluttershy does.

Across the room, Sunset snickered. “Wow,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone make Pinkie uncomfortable.”


Adagio sneered. “Oh, please. Do you really think that I, Adagio, Mistress of the Melody, Queen of the Sirens, would ever fall in love with a mere human? Especially one as obnoxious as Pinkamena?”

Sometimes people feel love for someone when they don't or least expect it.

“So you’re saying Pinkamena’s as smart as a ten-year-old?” Adagio asked with a smirk. Pinkie’s entire body drooped.

Now look at what you've done adagio. :ajbemused:

Adagio chewed on the cap of her pen and stared at the blank sheet in front of her. Scratching out a quick “Dear Santa,” she tried to think of what she wanted most for Christmas: total enslavement of the human race, or a nice bottle of aged red wine. She decided on the latter.

Wine is better than the first one.

A warm buzz coursed through Adagio’s brain: the result of drinking five straight glasses of red wine without eating any pizza. Not that Adagio regretted her decision; pizza was greasy, fattening, and not at all fit for a siren of her stature. Usually Adagio would be asleep by now, enjoying dreams of locking Celestia away in a cage and feeding her nothing but vegan tofu cake for the rest of her immortal life.

That's a thing? Vegan tofu cake?

Of course, hypothermia was a small price to pay if it meant looking as sexy as she did. Thank heavens she had left Pinkie's house in a rush; five more minutes and the mall would have closed, leaving her out of luck. Now walking through the yard, she wore neither street clothes nor her lingerie. Instead, Adagio sported a replica Santa Hooves outfit, purchased on sale from a costume store.

So that's what she went and got, now all I'm wondering is what she has planned. :rainbowderp:

Well, it wasn’t exactly a Santa outfit—more like a “Santa” outfit. While Adagio had the right dangly hat and perfect bushy beard, she had taken some liberties with the rest of the costume. Her shirt was unbuttoned almost the whole way down, barely concealing her breasts. As for her skirt... from most angles, it may as well have not existed, it covered her assets so poorly.

Ok, now it makes sense why this story has half naked santa in it. :twilightoops:

“Half-naked,” Adagio said, tugging down her skirt a bit.

Should of worn the whole costume instead of half of it.

“The soda companies and the toy stores all got it wrong,” Adagio said. She puffed out her chest and cast Pinkie a heady stare. “I am one-hundred-percent female, my dear.” She paused, then stroked her beard. “And before you ask, this is real. Women can have beards. It’s a thing. Look it up.”

Your doing really bad at this adagio. 😒

As the others laughed, Pinkie Pie sped by on a pair of roller skates and laid a steaming plate of pancakes in front of Adagio. The topmost cake wore a smiley face, with two pats of butter for the eyes and a string of chocolate chips for the mouth.

I'm not even gonna wonder why she's wearing roller skates. 🙄

“Yeah, I know you don’t believe in her, but this is true!” Pinkie said. “She really did visit, just so she could talk to me. She had a big beard, and a jolly laugh, and the sexiest bod I’ve ever seen!”

Ok, that last part I did not see coming. 😨

For a moment, Adagio just sat, petrified. Then, heart booming, she went back to eating. A part of her begged to make some comment about how disgusting human kisses were—but it was a bit hard to speak with that big goofy smile on her face.

You'll get used to them eventually. 😏

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