• Member Since 1st Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen April 9th

The Minister of Scones


"You can use that cupboard over there labelled 'Good French Things'. It's empty."

The Great Man

Official Ministerial Documents: not for the faint-hearted!

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Ying-Tong-Iddle-I-Po

Did you know?

The Minister likes Silver Spoon based romances a little too much.
He also likes Button Mash stories of the same sort; probably because if someone that weird and antisocial can get a girlfriend, so can he, dash it.
The Minister has been a brony since 2011... he thinks. Sometime like that, anyway.
He's an Englishman, and d*mned proud. Don't you forget it.
He watches too many sit-coms for anyone's own good.
The Minister would like a cloak.
He hates being told what to do.
He loves telling people what to do.
He went to the trouble of designing an OC, but hasn't ever used him.
He has no artistic talent whatsoever. This means he cannot draw his OC. Whom, lest we forget, he hasn't used.
He has got into serious trouble at school for putting up satirical posters.

Thoughts on Poetry

Limericks are hard.
A haiku? Well now, that's just
Counting syllables.

Lt. Col. AD Wintle, MC

"Every night I get down on my knees and thank God for making me an Englishman. It is the greatest honour He could bestow. After all, He might have made me a chimpanzee or a flea, a Frenchman or a German!"

All about me

As I always* say, you can tell a lot about a man from what he wastes his time on. With that in mind, here's a list of the first five things I like which come into my head.
1. Doctor Who
2. Gilbert and Sullivan
3. I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue
4. Terry-Thomas
5. Tunnels and Trolls
That ought to give you the general idea. Now follow me, you anamorphic aardvarks.

P.s. Fancy a chat? PM me. I'll be glad to talk, don't you worry.

*never

Apr
8th
2017

All About Threats · 12:00pm April 8th

I read that scientists, by using magnets, had 'turned off' the threat centres in people's brains, and that this made them 'change their attitudes towards immigrants.' Obviously, the stunning revelation that people don't like immigrants because they feel threatened by them is one that will echo down the ages as a revelation made possible only by scientific brilliance, but given that such experiments are likely to continue, I'd like to make a few predictions.

Turning off the threat centres in people's brains will make them more likely to:-
> cross the road without looking;
> take insufficient care when using knives;
> take dangerous drugs;
> drink to excess;
> use heavy machinery without the correct safety precautions;
> build and use their own flying machines;
> try to pet lions;
> enter an economic union with Greece;
> let people turn parts of their brains off.

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My Little Oneshots

With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

If you give me your attention I will tell you what I am:
I'm a genuine philanthropist, all other kinds are sham!
The slightest slip in spelling and each solecistic scar,
I will point out to their authors, notwithstanding who they are!

Non-English-speaking writers I am anxious to assist,
By pointing out mixed metaphors that they have gone and missed;
But though I try to make myself as useful as I can,
Yet everybody says I am a disagreeable man,
And I can't think why!


Some stories clearly haven't been through editing at all,
And I'm always glad to help by finding plot-holes large and small.
I track down inconsistencies wherever they may be,
And I check to see if characters are acting 'OOC'.

I post millions of comments to persuade them that it's true,
That Such-and-such or Whatsername's become a Mary-Sue,
But to benefit my writer-friends, however much I plan,
Yet everybody says I am a disagreable man,
And I can't think why!

Comments ( 24 )
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I object to your bio!

The French made poutine. Although, I guess that would fall under the category of 'Awesome French Things' wouldn't it?

It was made in Quebec, which is French, so don't even try to argue about it being made by them frenchies.

You seem like a fun boye
Here's my eye

2404552 Don't worry, the French aren't a race, just a sub-caste. I have a hint of Irish ancestry, though it seems to have faded a bit. I do have a grandma from Essex, but she's lived in Nottinghamshire for years.

Edit: I'm not under the misapprehension that Essex is in Ireland. I just mean that that's my only Southern blood.

2404542 Maths was my strength in school, but I've probably lost my touch after a few years of neglecting all but addition and multiplication. (You don't find need to do much else day to day.) Etymology is fascinating, it's always interesting to know what words were derived from, their origins, their evolution etc.

No such thing as too southern mate, well until you hit France at least. (Political correctness disclaimer: That was a joke, do not brand me as a racist.) Most of my family are in Bromley, which borders London and Kent, and the rest are in Dublin. Although saying that, I haven't seen any of them in years, who knows, they may have all moved!

AAIQU

  • Viewing 20 - 24 of 24
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